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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Okay, now I know that everyone's life is unique, everyone is unique and everyone's path is unique. So, forget that thing.

Even if everyone's goals should be unique, but still, there's always some better approach to life (which is unknown to us) and we wish we knew it earlier.
Here, I am asking about what are the most fulfilling goals (in general / for INFJs)
I don't want to miss on anything. I don't wanna go just by my intuition or my feeling. I would rather take a planned approach to it. I have already lost 5 years of my life due to unplanned thinking (fell into traps of wrong ways of living life).

A planned approach is always better. Rather than learning from mistakes, why not learn about life, build our plan on it and then make mistakes.

So, what are some of the best goals to have, which are most satisfying and which you can't ever regret spending time on?

Edit- (in case you are wondering, why am I asking this simple question -- the reason is that I don't think my goals are logical enough to pursue. Purely heart based goals.)
 

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The most fulfilling goal for an INFJ would probably be to be a teacher. Now when I say teacher, I mean teaching the way to learn something that they're an expert in to people who are just starting off or wish to reach a higher level, so most likely private lessons would be ideal. Ni is brilliant when it comes to understanding the process of becoming familiar very quick with something that is unfamiliar, Fe assesses what the preference for each student will be and so can tailor a good approach per student. Ti needs its time to absorb and handle logical structures, but once they're established they are very useful in creating a definite method of teaching.

Some things that I notice about my goals are that:
  • They're arranged in a structure from most important and long term to the least
  • My most iportant goals are the most permanent aspect of my life, they're unreachable, yet every step towards them is meaningful and showcases definite results and progress(this might be due to dom Te and Ni)
  • My least important results nearly never occupy my mind too much, they're more of a break from the bigger goals and yet are aimed towards satisfying needs.

The last point might be very relevant to you, if you see needs as the most important thing, yet I would advise to find goals that are much greater than you or bigger than you'll ever be able to reach yourself, and that is because of two main things:
  • As an INFJ you're naturally introverted, with the extraverted feeling playing the role of the 'responsible needs satisfyer', all coming from a very personal and rather negative perspective, since you fear letting people down, you don't want your social ties to break, etc. etc... This leads to setting the more mundane oals of need satisfaction above a higher goal, not to mention that Ni isn't really a judging function and Ti can often get stuck in a loop. This will naturally create a schism between what you ideally want and what you have since the hierarchy that you set isn't working towards creating harmony between those two factors.
  • Finding a goal that is shared by many and showcases definite positive results(as in objective positive results for all parties) will allow you to develop Fe in a much more positive direction and give you lasting social ties that are based on your most important goals. The real catch here is to find a goal that creates harmony between your first two functions.

The last point of advice I'll give is to put(above your defined most important goals)the aspect in you that pays attention and learns. Because you'll see that as you set out on the road to reach your long term goals, they'll seem to shift as you learn something new. At the beginning this might seem startling, but as you progress, the direction in which you have to go will become more and more defined. This is sometimes the process that needs to happen before you even know what your long term goals are, since a lot of people wake up in the middle of their lives and realize that they've been lead down a specific stream without even being aware of it. So they start to thrash in the water, reaching to different sides, trying to grasp at something solid, while the thing that's most permanent is the mountain in the distance, which you know in your heart has in it the treasure that you seek. This moment of clarity is the thing you should look for, ime. Once you have that in sight, you know how to et out of the stream and tread on land step by step towards your goal. Now you might need to enter a forest where you won't be able to see it clearly, so before you jump in there try to walk through the open fields, where the goal is clearly visible.

This last point is imo the most important aspect of my life, and the road I'm most glad and appreciative of having chosen. I know that some people will rather jump into the stream again and float along, but to me that's no true living, it's just existing.
 

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So, what are some of the best goals to have, which are most satisfying and which you can't ever regret spending time on?

Edit- (in case you are wondering, why am I asking this simple question -- the reason is that I don't think my goals are logical enough to pursue. Purely heart based goals.)
You seem particularly confused here. Those most satisfying of goals are the ones that speak the most purely to your heart, not your logic. Logic is too cold and impersonal to grant any personal satisfaction beyond "I was correct" or "I solved the problem." Emotional fulfillment is dealing with the heart's currency (or the soul if you believe in the spiritual side of things).
If I listen to my logic, it tells me the practical way to succeed and make a lot of money in this world would be to go back into college for years and work on getting a high paying job in some field that the world puts economic value in, like banking, but I know that isn't my purpose. It isn't what my heart would find fulfilling. Honestly I can't imagine living doing anything other than following my dream as I see it in my mind, that just won't do, even if it means to suffer for going down the less "logical" path.

I'm not opposed to logic of course, logic is a good servant (but a terrible master).
If you think your heart based goals are lacking logic, then wrap some logistics around them. Make a plan and give your heart a foundation to stand on. I did that with my primary goals. Though I don't hold too rigidly to such planning because I like to have some room to move around and fine tune things over time. I just have a basic outline of progression divided into a number of "life stages" that build upon eachother like a pyramid and which tell me what to achieve within them and how I may get there.
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
My most iportant goals are the most permanent aspect of my life, they're unreachable, yet every step towards them is meaningful and showcases definite results and progress(this might be due to dom Te and Ni)
Are these goals linked to your career?
My least important results nearly never occupy my mind too much, they're more of a break from the bigger goals and yet are aimed towards satisfying needs.
Are these goals linked to your personal needs example:- 1. Working on appearance, 2. Working on Personality, 3. Working on communication, etc..
The last point might be very relevant to you, if you see needs as the most important thing, yet I would advise to find goals that are much greater than you or bigger than you'll ever be able to reach yourself, and that is because of two main things:
As an INFJ you're naturally introverted, with the extraverted feeling playing the role of the 'responsible needs satisfyer', all coming from a very personal and rather negative perspective, since you fear letting people down, you don't want your social ties to break, etc. etc... This leads to setting the more mundane oals of need satisfaction above a higher goal, not to mention that Ni isn't really a judging function and Ti can often get stuck in a loop. This will naturally create a schism between what you ideally want and what you have since the hierarchy that you set isn't working towards creating harmony between those two factors.
That is an amazing idea. Wow its a wonderful trick.
Finding a goal that is shared by many and showcases definite positive results(as in objective positive results for all parties) will allow you to develop Fe in a much more positive direction and give you lasting social ties that are based on your most important goals. The real catch here is to find a goal that creates harmony between your first two functions.
I am actually confused on this one. Whenever it comes to my home environment, doing "Fe" is torture for me. I had Fe goals for my home environment, and it ended badly. This has shaped me into what I am today. I had goal to be "perfect" as my family wants me to be. I did it. But it made me robotic and soulless. Whereas when "Fe" is done on other people, then its wow, then it is like new life. So, Fe in home is a torture and Fe outside home is new life. So, I guess it depends on the people in front of you.
The last point of advice I'll give is to put(above your defined most important goals)the aspect in you that pays attention and learns. Because you'll see that as you set out on the road to reach your long term goals, they'll seem to shift as you learn something new.
Awesome point! :D
At the beginning this might seem startling, but as you progress, the direction in which you have to go will become more and more defined. This is sometimes the process that needs to happen before you even know what your long term goals are, since a lot of people wake up in the middle of their lives and realize that they've been lead down a specific stream without even being aware of it. So they start to thrash in the water, reaching to different sides, trying to grasp at something solid, while the thing that's most permanent is the mountain in the distance, which you know in your heart has in it the treasure that you seek. This moment of clarity is the thing you should look for, ime. Once you have that in sight, you know how to et out of the stream and tread on land step by step towards your goal. Now you might need to enter a forest where you won't be able to see it clearly, so before you jump in there try to walk through the open fields, where the goal is clearly visible.
I fortunately, finally, have this clarity. Had to analyse a lot. But I was still unable to accept it because these are purely my heart's desires and definitely not logical goals to pursue.
1. Be my best beautiful self. (Okay, lot of people do this. But for me, it seems that it is the only thing that gives my true happiness. I neglected working on my appearance my whole life because it didn't seem the right thing / the logical thing to do. Afterall its a shallow goal and one should not depend on such a shallow thing for worth/goal. Plus, it seemed like a stupid thing. But, honestly, this is the only thing that gives me true happiness.)
2. Wanting a forever romance. What would be more perfect than a forever romance? Nothing in life is more precious than that. Again it seems an impossible and impractical dream. Because everyone says that romance doesn't last forever. I believe it can! This would require studying about relationship dynamics, psychology of male and female brains, listening to experiences of other people, and being authentic ofcourse. Now the activities that are linked in achieving this aim, seem stupid.
3. This had been my deepest desire that I had worked my whole life. Its "Wanting connection with as many number of people as possible". I have completely altered my mindset and my personality just to be able to make connections. I achieved it but then I was not me anymore. Till the time I realized this, I was already in a mess. And its not reversible. Now I have true connections which are limited in number, around 15-20. But these are true connections and they are all good, but I can't share my really sensitive stuff with them. (That fakeness hasn't really left me). Its only with my PerC friends that I can share everything. Got 5-6 true connections here too on PerC. I enjoy PerC.

So, I am exactly clear on what I want. But then is it even logical to pursue? Should I pursue these above 3 goals? What's your opinion?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
You seem particularly confused here. Those most satisfying of goals are the ones that speak the most purely to your heart, not your logic. Logic is too cold and impersonal to grant any personal satisfaction beyond "I was correct" or "I solved the problem." Emotional fulfillment is dealing with the heart's currency (or the soul if you believe in the spiritual side of things).
If I listen to my logic, it tells me the practical way to succeed and make a lot of money in this world would be to go back into college for years and work on getting a high paying job in some field that the world puts economic value in, like banking, but I know that isn't my purpose. It isn't what my heart would find fulfilling. Honestly I can't imagine living doing anything other than following my dream as I see it in my mind, that just won't do, even if it means to suffer for going down the less "logical" path.

I'm not opposed to logic of course, logic is a good servant (but a terrible master).
If you think your heart based goals are lacking logic, then wrap some logistics around them. Make a plan and give your heart a foundation to stand on. I did that with my primary goals. Though I don't hold too rigidly to such planning because I like to have some room to move around and fine tune things over time. I just have a basic outline of progression divided into a number of "life stages" that build upon eachother like a pyramid and which tell me what to achieve within them and how I may get there.
See, what I mean here by logic is:- Anything that we don't regret later. Time flies. And then we wish that we should have done this or chased that goal, or been there, or done that.

I don't want to waste years of my life. If I have to dedicate lot of years of my life for something, it has to be something that is worth the journey. Just following own heart and intuition does not work (That's what I feel).
Because, people pursue wrong aims and then they regret.
Something like "smart move". What can be the best "smart move".

Its very easy to answer the problem of goals by theory. But practically, heart and intuition don't lead you in the right direction.
Heart and intuition lead us to direction of our needs. And those needs aren't necessarily right ones.
If someone needs a lot of attention, and then he follows his heart to be a musician so that he can be popular. He follows his heart, but it was all to fulfill his need of being popular.

I hope that you get it?
 

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Are these goals linked to your career?
I don't consider a career a thing of value, I consider it mostly covering your own ass, oops, I mean 'needs'. I did try to adapt my road to achieving my long term goals into a path where I'll have a long standing career(as my father wished and still does) that will help me achieve it, but I've found myself getting further and further away from my inner vision due to the nature of this corporate dominated world where everything existing is dependent on money, including human dignity, compassion, helpfulness and time.
I hate everything that usury-based money brings, and I will do whatever it takes to reduce the need for it, because it drives our world to literal hell. More than that, it's the thing responsibe for driving my vision/dream/goal further and further away, yet thankfully I'm not the only one who's taking the effort to show a better way
1. Working on appearance, 2. Working on Personality, 3. Working on communication, etc..
As these merely concern myself, I'd work on these goals as far as they'd help me achieve my aim, which is far less to do with me. I was much more concerned with these during my teenage years, or even up until I've found my SO several years after college graduation. So it'd make sense for you to invest some time in these matters if you're looking for a lifelong romance. The latter one is not arbitrary, let alone unrealistic - I think it's absolutely necessary for INFJs, and very possible to achieve. In fact, I have. All starting with finding a partner with a common goal who also wants to have a forever romance. She's ESFP. I knew she was the one from the first moment and I haven't taken the foot off the gas until we were together. She's my first and only, and I'm hers.
I am actually confused on this one. Whenever it comes to my home environment, doing "Fe" is torture for me. I had Fe goals for my home environment, and it ended badly. This has shaped me into what I am today. I had goal to be "perfect" as my family wants me to be. I did it. But it made me robotic and soulless. Whereas when "Fe" is done on other people, then its wow, then it is like new life. So, Fe in home is a torture and Fe outside home is new life. So, I guess it depends on the people in front of you.
That's why I've communicated what I did - when I say "common goal" or "common purpose" I mean sharing the same wants and values, the same target or mission, with everybody that is defined by everyone involved as part of the group. In a modern family this is never the case, no one will suddenly pick up the same goal you're having unless they want to help you with it. What I mean by "goal that is bigger than yourself" is way different from what you have in mind - it's more akin to "the fellowship of the ring" from LOTR, they're all set out on one mission. Hoever, if we take this example further, you'd see a kinship of the members of the fellowship with others that are likeminded because they all want the same thing - this is what I mean by having a common goal, so you donn't per se need to have a defined group. This mode is far easier for NFJs to operate on than for SFJs, as Ni allows you to distinguish qualities in people you don't know that are in line with the common purpose.
I fortunately, finally, have this clarity. Had to analyse a lot. But I was still unable to accept it because these are purely my heart's desires and definitely not logical goals to pursue.
The life of an Ni dom is rarely a simple one, as Jung liked to say. Most people in the world are Si users, about 75% of them. I'm sure you were trying to adapt your way of doing things to the mindset of others, as is only fair for an Fe aux to do, otherwise you'd feel sad and alone, but the key here is to approach Fe from the right angle, to develop your use of it so it would be a source of strength and good judgment. This is explained further on this excellent page:
https://www.personalitypage.com/html/INFJ_per.html
Also, you were gifted with strong Ni! It's for a reason. Don't waste it away by neglecting its communication to you. When paired up well with Fe it can lead you exactly where you're meant to go. Not to mention that there are likeminded people out there(Ni users, this includes SPs) who can relate to you better than any Si user can(imo).
So, I am exactly clear on what I want. But then is it even logical to pursue? Should I pursue these above 3 goals? What's your opinion?
That's a lot of friends! And yes, these are all great goals, but they're all a means to an end, objectively speaking. What's the end? If there is none, perhaps putting yourself in a supporting role for your future partner would be the most ideal. The main issue here is distinguishing the right partner with the right goal.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
She's ESFP. I knew she was the one from the first moment and I haven't taken the foot off the gas until we were together. She's my first and only, and I'm hers.
:love::love:♥♥
My mom is also an esfp.
That's why I've communicated what I did - when I say "common goal" or "common purpose" I mean sharing the same wants and values, the same target or mission, with everybody that is defined by everyone involved as part of the group. In a modern family this is never the case, no one will suddenly pick up the same goal you're having unless they want to help you with it. What I mean by "goal that is bigger than yourself" is way different from what you have in mind - it's more akin to "the fellowship of the ring" from LOTR, they're all set out on one mission. Hoever, if we take this example further, you'd see a kinship of the members of the fellowship with others that are likeminded because they all want the same thing - this is what I mean by having a common goal, so you donn't per se need to have a defined group. This mode is far easier for NFJs to operate on than for SFJs, as Ni allows you to distinguish qualities in people you don't know that are in line with the common purpose.
That's a great idea! Thanks for putting your time to explain it. I get a clearer picture now, for my life. It seems so stupid that things were really that simple. I only needed to choose right people for me. I couldn't understand even this simplest thing.
The life of an Ni dom is rarely a simple one, as Jung liked to say. Most people in the world are Si users, about 75% of them. I'm sure you were trying to adapt your way of doing things to the mindset of others, as is only fair for an Fe aux to do, otherwise you'd feel sad and alone, but the key here is to approach Fe from the right angle, to develop your use of it so it would be a source of strength and good judgment. This is explained further on this excellent page:
https://www.personalitypage.com/html/INFJ_per.html
Also, you were gifted with strong Ni! It's for a reason. Don't waste it away by neglecting its communication to you. When paired up well with Fe it can lead you exactly where you're meant to go. Not to mention that there are likeminded people out there(Ni users, this includes SPs) who can relate to you better than any Si user can(imo).
Again, a great idea.
Don't waste it away by neglecting its communication to you.
You are correct! I am thankful that you caught it that I was doing it.
That's a lot of friends! And yes, these are all great goals, but they're all a means to an end, objectively speaking. What's the end? If there is none, perhaps putting yourself in a supporting role for your future partner would be the most ideal. The main issue here is distinguishing the right partner with the right goal.
Goal number 1 is a daily mood uplifter.
Goal number 2 is a dream
Goal number 3 was a desire that decided most of my life. (I went along the direction of my desire without even considering consequences and the right thing for me. That was a mistake)

I think, the only end that I work towards each second is "maintaining an image".

Actually I was stuck for 5 years. Before that, i was only interested in learning, studying and researching. Due to 'not being able to think', I couldn't study and hence I lost touch and I am not that passionate about studies as I had been before. Probably, I may become in the future because I am naturally drawn to it.
 

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My mom is also an esfp.
Cool! My mom is an INFJ, and I can tell you one thing for certain - your thirst for knowledge will never end, since INFJs are students for life. There's always a new facet to learn from, but it all adds up to portray a rather complete picture from what I've seen, just a lot to figure out at first.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 · (Edited)
Cool! My mom is an INFJ, and I can tell you one thing for certain - your thirst for knowledge will never end, since INFJs are students for life. There's always a new facet to learn from, but it all adds up to portray a rather complete picture from what I've seen, just a lot to figure out at first.
I don't know that why am I getting this feeling that --- only when this thrust will end, then the "real living" is going to start.
That's why I drift between goals, because honestly I am tired now of working, gaining knowledge, and only improving myself, rather than living.

Edit:- I got another idea by this. Thanks again!
And this time I got a superb idea that won't let me fail ever.
 

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See, what I mean here by logic is:- Anything that we don't regret later. Time flies. And then we wish that we should have done this or chased that goal, or been there, or done that.

I don't want to waste years of my life. If I have to dedicate lot of years of my life for something, it has to be something that is worth the journey. Just following own heart and intuition does not work (That's what I feel).
Because, people pursue wrong aims and then they regret.
Something like "smart move". What can be the best "smart move".

Its very easy to answer the problem of goals by theory. But practically, heart and intuition don't lead you in the right direction.
Heart and intuition lead us to direction of our needs. And those needs aren't necessarily right ones.
If someone needs a lot of attention, and then he follows his heart to be a musician so that he can be popular. He follows his heart, but it was all to fulfill his need of being popular.

I hope that you get it?
I do understand. Well, I think I do anyway.

Your predicament reminds me of the movie Mr Nobody.
The main theme of that movie is the fear of making the "wrong" decision, that to take the "wrong" path will kill the potential that could've been had in the opposite path(s) one could've taken. That is the consequence of making a choice. Refusing to actively choose is also a choice itself though, life will seem to make decisions for you even if you won't.
One does not have the luxury in life of knowing what some supposed "smart" or "right" path is, because of this all paths can lead to regret if you look back and think about what you could've done differently. More so especially if you refuse to listen to your heart and intuition. People tend to regret that the most when they look back at their life.

The top 5 regrets of those on their death beds are
  • "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."
  • "I wish I hadn't worked so hard."
  • "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings."
  • "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."
  • "I wish that I had let myself be happier."
People who do not follow their heart are the most regretful when it's all over.
So if you fear the feeling of looking back with regret, follow your heart. That to me would be the "smart move" given the predicament.
In my view, time is never wasted if you at least enjoyed the journey or gained something out of it. What makes you better off for having gone through it. I see no reason to regret such a journey.

What makes needs or desires necessarily right or wrong exactly though?
If a musician's core drive is to get popularity, then becoming a musician will get you that if you're skilled enough to garner recognition.
But I'd argue wanting to be popular is not the true desire of that person, but the deeper urge for acceptance and personal significance. That is a truth of humans, we want to be accepted and feel we and our work matters. I don't see anything wrong about the musician for wanting that. I'm sure they also became a musician because they love music, there are other ways they've could chosen to gain popularity but they chose something that takes a lot of work. People often have more than one motive for why they do things.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I would advise to find goals that are much greater than you or bigger than you'll ever be able to reach yourself
This idea is 100% effective. I never knew that its so easier to make my mind peaceful. I needed a very big distraction from everyday mess.
 

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For me it is to allways love and take care of my child no matter what, forever.
 
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