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What are some signs that a female ENFP is romantically interested in you?

12K views 75 replies 26 participants last post by  MaysInfectious 
#1 · (Edited)
Hello, ENFPs!

I'm just curious. Above all personality types, you ladies are the hardest to figure out. How do you normally act when in the presence of a guy that you have a crush on/romantically interested in? Assuming you don't know how he feels about you, are you more inclined to make advancements when he's nearby or do you typically act more reserved and quiet? Seemingly, male ENFPs are more prone to go after the girl they have a crush on, whereas I think female ENFPs are more reserved. Am I right or is my perception way off base?

It is said that ENFPs are naturally "flirty", which is why I'm having a hard time figuring you ladies out.

Cheers in advance! :cool:
 
#2 ·
Hard to read ?? lol I always feel like I'm an open book when it comes to seduction, and sometimes I wish I was more "mysterious" and challenging. Usually yes, I go after the guy I like, which doesn't mean I'm 100% confident... but curiosity pushes me to do that. Also, the fear of missing out, having regrets, not exploring the possibilities !
However, even though I take initiatives, my way of flirting isn't really obvious and many could think I'm just being friendly (except if the guy in question has a really high EQ and takes on subtle clues). I'm not straightforward, I prefer to keep things uncertain so my Ne can be "fed" with things to decipher and all.
 
#4 ·
Accurate.
 
#6 ·
I'm pretty open about my feelings-- but I'll be REALLY REALLY honest, sometimes they change much like my interests. I'll be SUPER into someone then something happens and I'm suddenly not as interested-- and you kinda have to spark my interest again. And if you can do this over and over for a period of time, you'll have me hooked!

I know it's really annoying sometimes as we can be super flirty/fun/have a good time with just about anyone. I tend to compliment my guy friends and try to boost their self-confidence too-- which to some can come off as I'm interested but I'm not romantically-- I just see so much wonderful things in people! But with someone I like, I'm get all mushy inside and sometimes a bit nervous!

Also it infinitely helps if I'm around the person I like often, because I sometimes have this out-of-sight out-of-mind type thing going on. So if you ask me to hang out ALL the time, and I agree and I even go out of my way to do things for you/see you, then yeah I like you! Also, if you make a move, I shall reciprocate. With us, you can just ask! :)
 
#7 ·
I kind of feel like I gave you a really roundabout answer so I wanted to list a few things here:
1. We have a lot of friends/activities/things going on, so if we often invite you to come with and make you a part of our life, then there's a really good chance we like you more than just friends. Since we're pretty intuitive about the way people feel, we tend to draw boundaries with people we know that like us but we don't like them back.
2. We will be really good about responding to you/getting back to you/being reliable even though we naturally are doing a billion things and may not be the best at it.
3. We will almost ALWAYS agree to your invitations or rearrange our schedules to make it work if we can. Because duh, if we like you, we're trying to see you!!!
4. Eye contact-- I don't know any ENFPs shy about eye contact.
5. We will be really receptive to your touching/making a move.
 
#9 · (Edited)
She'll either do two things. Smack you upside the head with her Ne thoughts one night in a rambling mentions that she likes you OR if she doesn't know you very well and you're not yet friends she might become painfully shy. It depends if she knows you (like best friends) or if you're just an acquaintance. I become very awkward and shy around a male I've been noticing, especially if he starts to notice me back. It seems to be different though when I'm close friends with them.

When I'm in a relationship because I never cheat and I'm pretty devout is the time I lose my shyness and just can blurt out to the acquaintance male that hey did you know... {insert year} that I had a small crush on you? It's because I'm no longer interested in dating them that I can relay that information. Kind of like ha, this is what I was thinking and now I'm no longer shy of that information.

A nice demonstration of what I mentioned above. Actions I can say or do once I'm good friends with someone. This has to be a bonded friendship. This is when I know my weird brain won't make them run for the hills. I can pretty much eat, fart, burp, blabber, pee in front of you while blabbering, friendship. I have a way of not discriminating between my male friends and female friends so all are treated equally. Most importantly this is the side I can cry and become angry with a person. I don't do this with strangers.







My reaction to a crush I hardly know. I may be in the general area talking with a close friend at a party but fully focused on every word the crush will say. In the long term, I doubt my crushes ever know I had a crush until I let them know about it years later.



 
#10 ·
Haha, if I like a person, you'll find me being very chatty and jokey, talking loudly and trying to find common ground with said person.

If I *really* like a person, you'll find me running off, being awkward, probably tripping over something and avoiding conversation incase I make a fool of myself... My Ne and Fi become a tumbling mess and I want to say so many things, that I end up saying nothing at all. I feel so many things, that I'm not able to express any of them.

I would probably only be able to talk to that person in a normal manner when I'm drunk. And then I would be very smiley and friendly indeed.
 
#11 ·
Use your INFJ seductive powers and let us know what happens... a lot of us are fully invested in watching the two types figure it out— I get totally interested and swooney about this pairing and I demand someone write a ENFP-INFJ romance novel that takes place during the Civil War right now! Maybe I can work on this.
Also I want to know what it is like inside of these marriages! !!!! !!! !!!!
 
#12 ·
Lol! It's like a soap opera, isn't it? Like a lot of INFJs, I'm a writer by trade. I'm actually due to finish writing my second novel by Summer. However, an ENFP/INFJ historical romance set in Civil War times sounds interesting indeed. Maybe I'll have to give that some thought . . . :eek:h:

I am surprised just how great the chemistry is between these two types, whether platonic or romance.
 
#13 ·
@ShadowedWords please send the name of your 1st novel to me in a pm if you are willing. Also the Holocost works for me or any interesting dramatic bit of history. Let me know! Lol.
 
#15 ·
haha I first registered here because I had a crush on a INFP and I wanted to figure out his feelings. Finger crossed with an ENFP it should be much easier!
I guess a general rule is always she acts a bit differently in front of you :)
 
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#17 ·
@hugh315 I’m up for Goodreads, although I haven’t posted there much...
 
#18 ·
Just take us at face value! @Surreal Snake was both hilarious and accurate in his response lol.

-Sure we're flirty, but there's a difference. There is shallow flirting and there is the smitten flirting. You will catch on to the difference pretty quickly, being the sharp INFJ that you are. ;)

-We literally won't let go of you. We want to do everything with you, spend every minute with you, know your values, thoughts, how you feel about this and that.

-We worry over you, fret over you, want to be there to give you comfort and support. We want to be the backbone you can lean back on. We want to be there through good and bad times for you.

-Adventuring! Intellectually curious. Constantly eager to hold stimulating conversations with you.

-Sexy times! We fantasize about what it's like to be in bed with you. We want to do sensual things and please you. And yes. I'm this straightforward and if he were comfortable, I would say all this to him. (sigh)
 
#19 ·
Initially I’ll approach you if you haven’t approached me....Every time I see you.😁
I’ll start reaching out to you via text or social media. This is to include in whatever thought I have in the moment. Sharing experiences, thoughts etc is my way of building connections or bonds with you. I want to know you more if I am interested. I tend to go against the dating advice to play hard to get and take it slow. If I like you, I want to go in full force to see if it works. My attitude is that if it’s a good fit, we will click right away and go from there and can then slow down to a lazy pace. I don’t want to waste time and energy taking it slow to only find out 4 months down the road that we don’t “click”. I say it’s better to know right away. Remember, ENFP works off intuition, gut feelings and patterns. If we “feel it” that’s good enough for us to jump in.
 
#23 · (Edited)
Damn @Alassea I always agree with you.
I've also noticed this pattern, even though it depends on the individuals (one of my ENFJ friends is the most open-minded person ever). I think for ENFPs there aren't many things worse than wrong assumptions and quick decisions based on nothing. Especially when it concerns us ! I don't know about you, but I'm a social chameleon, and I can't stand when people stick to only ONE side of me that they've seen, and come to wrong conclusions about me, without knowing me at all. I can be taken for a lunatic, a child-like woman, a boring intellectual who engages in debates, an assertive feminist, an absent-minded girl who forgets everything, a tomboy cracking jokes and drinking beers, a wild adventurer, an introverted bookworm... but damn, circumstances & contexts matter and things are never only one-sided ! Even SJs seem more patient and open. They use Ne after all.
 
#24 ·
We sort of can't speak like normal people anymore around you. And we won't kill you if you attempt something. I'm a grey-ace ENFP, I do kill people for getting into my personal space.
 
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#25 ·
When I am in love, which - for me - is a serious state of emotional upheaval, I try to show this person my best and funniest side. I want them to feel like they can be comfortable with me and every moment spent together just has to be enjoyable for the both of us. The problem is that with this, I put too much emphasis on how it SHOULD be that I start to seem unusually clumsy in my advances.
I'm pretty skilled when it comes to spot other people's intentions but as soon as I am in love this ability just becomes a blurry mess. This is why sometimes I may be overly shy or I may start to imitate a poor version of my usual confidence in social situations - which may lead to me talking/laughing a bit too loud, fixating on weird details in conversations that I find extremely funny or simply starting to bond more intensely with other people in the group to calm myself down and reassure myself.

So yeah - I don't know about the other ENFP girls but approaching someone I like just like that (And by approaching right now I mean making the first move) - would seem easier on paper than it actually is.

PS. @0rgans Getting drunk has also been my go-to solution way too often :D ... I wonder if there are more ENFPs that would confirm this alcoholic tendency?
 
#27 ·
I can't say that it's the same for other ENFPs, but for me, I'm usually very open with everyone.
So people tend to think that I'm maybe trying to flirt with them, when it's actually not the case.

I just want them to feel like they are appreciated for what they are and that I'm interested in what they say. Hence my bubbly character.
I just tend to find something I like in almost everyone. And even if it wasn't the case, people won't notice that I actually don't like them, because I'd rather talk to them friendly than hurt them. Sometimes, I feel so hypocritical, but I just can't help it.

So when I'm actually truly romantically interested in a guy, I would suddenly become more reserved and calm.
Instinctively, I will try to protect myself, so he doesn't know that I actually like him. I'll be more conscious when he's around, and if I can't avoid him, then I'll try to be as normal as possible. Maybe is it because I'm too afraid of being rejected.
 
#29 ·
On edge, start to act like unhealthy Istj or completely crazy when you are around. trying to impress you to the fault.

Maybe start talking to you and flirt you. But if we are really into you we have tendency to look at you from afar because we are so freaking abashed. And if you approached, it will be like OH GOSH WHAT AM I GOING T'DO!!!!!!!! vibe
 
#30 ·
Hmm.. that's an interesting observation. I suppose there is some truth to it. But I think it has more to do with where and how the ENFP was socially raised/grew up rather than the gender of the ENFP alone. Having said that, social norms in most cultures dictate that the guy take the role of 'pursuer' whereas the girl be the 'pursuit'. And while ENFPs are usually rather individualistic like the rest of the NFs, I wouldn't say we are completely immune to consciously/subconsciously following norms. But that's very human. And it could also be a choice that seems more comfortable to the said person - and I think there is nothing wrong with that either.

I can come off as shy and reserved when around/gazing at a cute stranger from a distance. But I know other female ENFPs that are the complete opposite of me. And I also know male ENFPs that become shy and reserved when their crush is in the room. But they call it being 'self-conscious' because they don't want to freak their person of interest out. Same difference, if you ask me (rolls eyes). But I do feel that as I have gotten older, I'm more confident about expressing myself which has changed how I interact with someone I like. This is something I find to be true about other ENFP friends of similar disposition to me as well.

But putting all that aside, a major deciding factor of how we behave is the level of interest or curiosity rather that we have for a crush. Sometimes we feel this intuitive 'zing/zap' from the get go. And then you'll find us eagerly making the initiative, becoming the chattiest with you in the room and in general trying to dissect your brain while sharing ours in the most friendliest manner possible. :D General courtship behaviour often include but are not exclusive to sparkly eyes, wide grin and witty banter. I acknowledge that this has given us the notorious trademark for being 'naturally flirty'. But what can I say? When I do consciously trying being flirty, it's garbage. But maybe that's just me. So I've just learnt to accept that it's best if I not try. And just be myself.

In general, it seems that the more curious we are, the more proactive we become in getting to know someone. And YOU will KNOW that we are really into you. I think to actually disclose how we feel about someone, we got to be friends with them first. Even if we felt an initial spark. At least this is true for me. The initial spark may accelerate the process but to actually fall in love or take the relationship to the next level requires moving past our wall of vulnerability. But I think that holds true for relationships irrespective of the personality types involved. We just each have our own unique ways of going about it and expressing ourselves. I think I speak for most ENFPs when I say becoming friends is highly important because it allows us to explore our curiosity about the said person and allow them to get to know us too just the same. And such a friendship (not always) but often does become the bridge across our wall of vulnerability. It takes time and energy. But if you willing to give it a shot, it can become a meaningful experience whether or not it amounts to a relationship. I mean why not right? If you really like this person that is.

My best advice is establish a friendship first. You don't have to do much out of the extraordinary. You're an INFJ after all. We normally spot one (especially a male heterosexual INFJ) from miles away. They ARE rather rare and rather interesting if I do say so myself. She's probably flabbergasted that she even found you in the first place that she is at a loss for words. That could also just be me romanticising everything. Only way to find out is to get the conversation rolling. An example of a good conversation starter topic is psychology, you could even talk about MBTI, socionics etc. Most ENFPs are fairly curious about everything. So it's not difficult to start conversation with us. Plus you INFJs are good with words and rather cheeky yourselves. At least based on my experience. But fret not, that works to your advantage. At least with us. XD

Have fun and good luck!
 
#32 · (Edited)
After reading some of these comments I'm fairly sure the girl in question I like is a ENFP. But to clarify, I don't think we're compatible at all, I'm a relatively unhealthy INTP-A and she is a physically healthy woman that's 3 years my elder (29), she does have some oddly unhealthy character traits that I know of though, but are easily explainable.

She's the receptionist at my office (first problem), I have to see her almost everyday or atleast talk to her when she transfers calls to me. For this reason alone, in my mind, our relationship is not what I think it is and will never be anything more than what it currently is. As a INTP, a have no aptitude to approach her, yet I still reach out to her in odd ways, She's extremely well tempered on the surface and polite as her job would negate, but I see every little emotional problem she's dealing with whenever I look at her or hear her voice. I make it my attention to make dark flirtatious jokes with her and she usually plays with my stupid games for as long as I bother her, but to me it seems like she quickly ends our conversation as quickly as they start, most of the time i do understand it's because she has to be on call and doesn't have time. However we've been working together for over 4 years now, so we a relatively well acquainted, but she still seems very reserved and does not care to socialize more than necessary. We've yet to hang out outside of work, even though we know a lot about eachother and share some interests. She's extremely charismatic but tends to be reserved when it comes to allowing people into her immediate "personal zone". Her emotional outreach seems have no bound and her curiosity level is what intrigues me the most, I realize she doesn't understand how annoying yet exciting it is for me that she gives me attention for the amount of time that she does, but she's horribly inconsistent with when she decides to show her curiosity and adventurous side.

I think things got the most weird with us around valentine's when we were talking quite a bit about random stuff and things started to get a bit heated in conversation about romantics. A major caveat here, she was in a long term relationship for most of time we'd been working together and we rarely socialized, certainly at this level, but I had figured out in a round about way before she had confessed to me that they had broken up. Needless to say, she confessed to me on valentine's during our messaging that she was single as we were randomly talking about romanticism crap but also forwardly stated she "didn't want to talk about that", "that" being her breakup. Well this was late into the night and at this point I didn't know how to proceed, ultimately the conversation had stopped dead purely because she is by far the most unresponsive person when it comes to getting back to people if it's not urgent, however the way it was phrased led me to believe she did want to talk about it, but I some how had to work for the information or talk about something more interesting. I deeply wanted to prod deeper given my personality traits, but ultimately I had let it pass altogether while also making myself extremely resentful towards her. Long story short I ended up showing my displeasures in some very unusual ways the following weeks that killed whatever momentum we were getting at. For the most part I didn't like the idea of trying to get involved with some that just got out of a serious relationship, but I didn't know where her mindset was, I felt that it was weird she was opening up to me at that time certainly before confessing she was single. She doesn't seem like the person that wants to rush into things and makes clearly defined plans, so didn't know if she was just indulging me or keeping herself mentally busy.

Fast forward, during the last couple of months, her persona has started to change a bit, She's become slightly more aggravated and argumentative and she no longer seems interested in talking as much, yet she's still very courteous and curious at times, her emotional range throughout the week shifts heavily from happy to aggravated. I don't know what it is but I know it's not because of me. Which also leads me to believe she doesn't care about me anywhere near as much as I care for her.

So my loose question is, with this horrible information. Is it possible that this behavior change, has anything to do with her sexual restlessness? From what I can tell, she hasn't seemed to have found a new love interest nor does she seem like the type to "self pleasure" that much or at all. I sometimes abruptly joke around with her about porn or sex stuff, but I can clearly tell she is not well versed or comfortable with such topics. I know she's not a prude, but I'm wandering if I should push the envelope again with her. She seems to have some level of trust and comfort with me. I just can't read her that well.

...sorry for the errors, didn't proof read this at 2am.
 
#34 ·
@MaysInfectious. An intriguing story. My sister and daughter are INTP. There are a few people here married to INTPs... and for some it is a great pairing. The Ne-Ne bond is good. Some of us are very attracted to Ti. I told my daughter this morning that she has to understand that I want to read her mind like a book and that basically what I am as a ENFP is a “mind and heart explorer”. She found it cute but also said “My thoughts are private, okay?” And I said “Not too much, okay? I want to understand any possible thinking under the sun.” Except I’m not too interested in mechanical stuff. Anyway, if someone was kidding around with me about porn and stuff, I don’t think I’d think it had anything to do with me. In other words, she might have no idea that you like her or think you have any intention of doing something about it. She might think “He likes me but he must have decided we aren’t for each other or something”. If she does think that then she will think you are just trying to get a rise out of her for no reason by talking about porn/sex. You have to ask her out to get her attention this way, in my opinion. You’d have to let her know that you have feelings for her or see a possibility of feelings for her by asking her out. We ENFPs need to detect emotion in our closest relationships. She would likely want to feel needed. Also we love love love talking about our emotions and likes and dislikes except when they feel too raw and are in danger of not being understood. Now, when her breakup happened, she wanted you to know she was hurting. She would also very much like to know that someone cared and understood that she was hurting. If she had very close people who she knew cared enough about her, believe me she was seeking them out for comfort. You want to be someone she seeks out for comfort. Comfort meaning acceptance of feelings and understanding or showing you care through trying to understand. Ask her out and try to find questions to ask her that show that you are interested in her emotional well-being. You might want that for the 2nd date if you don’t feel comfortable with it the first date. Ask her how she is now with it (I’m talking about when you are on the date with her) and let her know that you care about how she is. From what you have said there is nothing to fake— you truly are interested in how she is. Let it show if you can, but what WILL be already natural is the exchange of ideas. My sister and I love talking about all the stuff we think and are interested in.
Mainly, the more you educate yourself on our type (try enneagram too. It might be something to share— most ENFPs are going to be interested in personality test stiuff and you could introduce it casually— like a link “Check this out! What type are you?” —-the easier things will go.
I expect to see you around and please ask us as many questions as you feel like. 🙂
 
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