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I admit that sounds a lot like the start of some kind of psychology joke! But it's not. I have noticed male INFJs "feel" different to me and I can't quite put my finger on why. Anybody else experience this? If so, please tell me...how are they different? In what ways? What are your experiences?
 

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I admit that sounds a lot like the start of some kind of psychology joke! But it's not. I have noticed male INFJs "feel" different to me and I can't quite put my finger on why. Anybody else experience this? If so, please tell me...how are they different? In what ways? What are your experiences?
Maybe they're uncomfortable feeling so INFJ-ish, while you don't.
 

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I think, in general, when a man shows emotion, it is pretty much treated like a joke. I think because of this, men who fall on the feeling spectrum have either learned to present themselves in a more non-feeling way, or they neglect their feelings a lot. That's one distinction I can think off the top of my head, though this might be far off of the type of explanation that you're looking for.

For the sake of more precise insight, what kind of differences are ya talking about?
 

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I've never met a male INFJ but i'd imagine that they'd probably feel less comfortable expressing their INFJ-ness. Society would probably consider INFJ traits as being more socially acceptable for women, mainly because of the Introversion and Feeling combination i guess. However, hopefully an INFJ male will post on this thread and prove me wrong. It would be great to see that they actually own their awesomeness! :)
 

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I've never met a male INFJ in person (male INFJs are the rarest of the rare besides female ENTJs), but I've noticed on this forum that male INFJs come off as a good deal less diplomatic than female INFJs.
 

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A male INFJ would be judged for things a female INFJ would be praised for. And vice versa. But like Halcyon said that goes beyond type.

But for instance I have had to cultivate many testosterone-powered qualities that I wouldn't have if it was a different world.
 

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If we are talking about sex (not gender and if we are excluding intersex people), then one usually (but I suppose not always as things happen) has male genitalia with XY chromosomes while the other usually has female genitalia with XX sex chromosomes.

Other than that, I would say that there is probably a difference in experiences seeing how each sex is assigned a gender role and those roles come with expectations and judgements which can shape behavior and one's world view.

That all said, we are all individuals with our own experiences and our own filters for examining those experiences, so I doubt no two INFJs are going to be perfectly the same. That said, if you noticed a huge difference, it could be a cultural thing, OR maybe the male INFJs you know have a different enneagram than you (remember that MBTI is more about how one processes information, not what one's fears, motivations, and world views are)
 

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I suspect a male coworker a possible INFJ. We are good friends, hit it off as soon as I met him in the office.

He's much older therefore in peace with being single (he's married once and had dated many women). His emotion was just below the surface level (mine was above). He's passionate about doing quality work, about the values he holds dear, and about ppl he adores. He's reserved with ppl he doesn't like or doesn't know well. He's quick judge of characters and is pretty much right on the money. He doesn't share much of what he's thinking except with trusted friends.

I can describe me the same way, too.

When we were in the same office (about 10 years ago), my thinking function was not balanced with my feeling function therefore he seemed to be more logical in his thought process than mine. Now I'd say we are about the same in how we balance emotion with logic.


This is the assessment on old INFJs. The young ones (before age of 55) are still evolving therefore there may be more differences between males and females. Decrease in hormones when ppl get older makes gender distinction less and less noticeable (in temperament and in physical appearance).
 

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Remember that thread that discussed something about some INFJs giving off a cooler vibe and others warmer?

There's warm and cool types in both genders, but the males more often seem to be on the cooler side and females on the warmer. At least that's what I noticed here?
 

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A male INFJ is less 'bitch-y' and a female INFJ is more scheming?
 

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Ah, this is going to take so much generalization...

Aside from biological differences (psychological effects of hormones, etc.), differences can rise from various societal gender expectations. Typically in Western culture and many other cultures in the world, males are expected to be strong, insensitive, and competent. Thus, when growing up, males who are naturally more sensitive and caring are going against the normative flow of society, more frequently alienated by their peers. Sensitivity, rich emotions, caring nature is generally more associated with NF temperament, and indeed, NF males "swim upstream (countercurrently)" in terms of societal gender expectations.

Facing this problem, NF males have following choices:

1) To accept the expectations and try assimilating into the mainstream male ideal, often trying to tone down F and raise T. In the case of INFJs; less Fe and more Ti (Appearing more introverted, more INTP-like; more balanced in terms of F and T).

2) To reject the expectations altogether, and moreover, actively defy the said impositions, amplifying the F. In the case of INFJs; more Fe and less Ti (Appearing slightly more like an ENFJ; but almost a hybrid of ENFJ+ENTJ; more aggressive than the average INFJ).


The two cases have different feedback cycles to keep the process going:

1) Assimilating to the imposed ideal
-> more approval from peers
-> motivated to assimilate more (repeat)

2) Defying the expectations
-> subtle rejection from peers
-> accumulative bitterness
-> motivated to defy more (repeat)


Case (1) is just INFJs with more balanced Ti; so for me and probably for most people, case (2) would be much more interesting because this particular type of male INFJ will behave in a way that is off-putting to other INFJs.

This type (2) of INFJ displays all the signs of an INFJ interfacing the world: Imaginative and possessing a rich inner vision (Ni), emotive and value-driven approach, communication, and interface (Fe), internally calculative and/or qualitatively philosophical structures (Ti). However, prolonged societal rejection skews the core motivation of these functions, which results in behaviors that are less holistic and more self-motivated. Keep in mind that prolonged rejection from society leads to shaky self-esteem and social identity, and to subconsciously compensate one's self-worth, this person will increasingly defy the society as a whole, then shifting the focus to oneself. Now that the motivation has narrowed significantly to oneself, all of this persons cognitive functions will manifest atypically (but still in the shape of INFJ mold; Ni-Fe-Ti-Se).

Notably, prolonged rejection leads to built-up bitterness, which in turn, typically has options to manifest in either (a) more external aggression or (b) more internal self-diminishing. In case (a) where this person's ego simply will not accept the rejection, Fe is inevitably reinforced to be more aggressive (preservation of one's ego > society; and so goes the internal self-justification that society's rejection itself is wrong in the first place), thus exhibiting atypical and peculiar manifestation of Fe, which seem like an aggressive and dictatorial ENTJ. In case (b) where this person's ego is let diminished (society > one's ego; conceding to society's rejection, thus admitting self-flaw), his/her self-esteem will inevitably decrease and this person will appear more passive like an INFP (broken spirit & self-pity). (Observation: for INFJs, case (a) is more likely than (b); IXXJ-types have much hard time letting go of their egos.)

This whole phenomenon is equally true for female INTJs who are expected to be more "warm, caring, and sensitive." They either concede and assimilate (more developed Fi) or they choose to reject the whole notion of expectations, growing more externally aggressive (showing a hybrid of bitter ENFJ+ENTJ vibe). Sometimes when they seemingly act like that ENFJ+ENTJ hybrid, it makes me scratch my head; at that particular moment, it's hard to believe that they are also INTJs because they assert and do things I would never do.
 

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I tried to think of any specific trait that an INFJ male would be more prone to over an INFJ female, and there isn't anything I can pinpoint, aside from traditional social mores.

The only thing that comes close might be that most males are traditionally expected to take command of the ship and take a leadership role in steering it.
I, on the other hand, couldn't care less.
I'm always looking at the future (to a certain extant), but I've not ever been a climber of the social ladder, I don't like attention drawn to myself, and, as far as the boat goes, I'd rather let the wind take it wherever, rather than command it on a specific course.

Women over the last two generations are now in a lot more leadership roles, so even the idea above may be a moot point.

The only other contrast I can draw as an INFJ male, is that I still haven't grown up in the least (I will still ring the doorbell and run away; and I will still put stickers on people's backs). :laughing:
 

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My male INFJ friend seemed self-conscious about his INFJ-ness, deeming those traits "girly." When I knew him, he was also really into things like hunting and cars, typically accepted as masculine by society. I don't think he was as into those things as he seemed. He often felt threatened by ST personality guys, which was really a shame because he ended up cutting people off.

That's not so much a difference in personality between male and female as it is just a difference in confidence though.
 

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We have to deal with a lot of shit, from our peers, for being the way we are; most especially in childhood, and that tends to leave marks on a person. I think girls are more welcoming of difference than boys are, and this is what often happens in childhood. Now of course there will be plenty of exceptions but I think this is generally the big difference, it takes more effort on the part of INFJ males to maintaining self-confidence.
 

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That would explain the diplomacy issue.
I see what you mean. I wouldn't call it a "diplomacy issue" per se, as I see diplomacy as a more pragmatic and dispassionate thing. I would call it "reluctance to empathize." I like to think I am typically diplomatic and prudent. I also would like to think that I am rather conservative and guarded with dispensing my empathy.

I keep Fe in a box and only let it out when it's safe.
 
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