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Hello ENTPS!

I'm new to the forum, and had a question for you guys. I'm raising an ENTP little boy who's teacher thinks he is highly gifted. EXHAUSTING!!! He cannot sit still and always needs constant interaction/attention. He gets in trouble in school constantly for playing around, not doing his work, and talking too much. His dad and I are both introverts who have strong beliefs in discipline and obedience. Fortunately I am an INFP and tend to be very understanding, and his dad is a very understanding person as well, so we try not to be too hard on our son. But boy would life be easier if he would just do what he is told without constantly trying to negotiate his wants.

I love my ENTP to death and want to raise him to be a confident, happy person. Can you guys give me examples of things your parents did right and wrong while they were raising you? Can you offer any advice that will help me to teach my son to be disciplined without me making him miserable? I've tried everything and he just keeps dancing to his own drummer.

As an example of one of my frustrations..... we have been doing the same routine every morning since he's been in school (he is 7 and in the 2nd grade). But somehow he conveniently forgets to wash his face EVERY morning! I'll say "Honey, did you wash your face?" to which he responds "OOOH! I forgot!!!! AWWWW man!!" and then will just sit there! He has to wait for me to say "Ok well go wash your face." If I don't say it, he won't go.

He also is so laid back when it comes to getting dressed on time. He knows the morning routine but would rather find a toy to play with than put on his clothes and get to the bus stop on time. His teachers have been complaining about his irresponsibility and its driving my husband and I nuts as well. So this Monday, at my wits end, I decided to send him off to the bus stop whether he's ready or not. I ALWAYS bail him out by getting him dressed at the last minute when he doesn't listen to my constant commands to put on his shoes, belt, etc. he'll put on his clothes after I tell him to. But won't put on his shocks, shoes, belt, etc until I tell him to do so. I'm so over repeating myself every morning about the same ol' things that he already knows to do. I know he's still very little. But he's super intelligent and I know that he knows what to do every morning. So this morning he managed to get his shirt, jeans and socks on. When it was time to leave I yelled "time to go!!" lol. I'm cracking up now because the scene was hilarious...i'm sorry I know I shouldn't be laughing at my kid. lol. But he FREAKED out by getting mad and stomping his feet. He tried to put on his shoes and I said "sorry kid! I warned you several times. You should have taken my advice and listened to me." And I sent him out the door.....shoes and notebook in hand and bookbag struggling to stay on his shoulder. He was crying....and my heart broke into a million pieces.:unsure: All I wanted to do was run to him, apologize and help him put his shoes on. But I stood my ground, because if I didn't, I figured how else am I supposed to teach him if I don't allow him to suffer consequences? I apologize if this offends any of you guys. I promise my heart was in the right place! I'm a first-time mom and I'm trying to learn how to do this thing right. He's my only one.

Sorry about the long post, but any of your comments about how to raise an ENTP would be helpful. But i'm seeking your opinions because you guys should know best what makes you happy and what totally ticks you off. I just want to raise a happy, confident little boy. :laughing:

So back to my original question......what did your parents do that made you really happy/worked for you and what mistakes did they make that really affected you? I know that I'm only human and will make mistakes, but I would like to minimize them as much as I can because I love my little man to death and just want the best for him. Thanks guys!:happy:
 

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Hmmm. This sounds kind of like me -- a little negotiator! Hah!

It's safe to exercise some measure of discipline. For me, anyway, it didn't take much more than a stern talking-to or a raised voice to make me behave. (Spanking? Never needed.) He can surely handle it. Does that make it any easier to see his tears now and again? No, but know that it's for the best. He'll be fine. It'll probably help if you explain why what he's been doing is bad -- give him something to think about and internalize. Make it more relatable and not just, "Oh, mommy is angry...."

When he is doing something right, or when he's found a stroke of inspiration of some sort, be complimentary, supportive, and voice your certainty that he's so smart, capable, etc. Be honest and don't baby him, of course, but this confidence in him will go a long way. Be the voice of confidence you want him to have internally.

Note that I'm simply trying to speak from what my parents seem to have done, because I like to think I turned out pretty nicely.
 

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As far as discipline, I was only willing to comply if there was logical reason to. "Do this because I told you so" did NOT fly, even if I knew I would be punished. I think this is pretty common with ENTP kids.

To overcome this, you either need to give a solid basis for a chore/task or offer a positive incentive to do it. Explain why it is important for him to be on time for the bus or to wash his face.

Also, it sounds like the routine isn't working out (and ENTPs don't usually like routine, anyway.) Maybe try doing things in a different order or something. Could it be that he's tired in the morning and that's why he needs so much assistance to focus?

To more directly answer the question, though, I really liked when my parents let me do my own thing and make my own choices. On special occasions, instead of buying me toys, they would give me twenty dollars and let me spend it however I wanted at Toys R Us. I resisted routines at home so my mother would let me do things in the order I wanted. I would say this helped me develop self-discipline, as much earlier than other kids I was preparing my own meals, doing my own laundry, etc. Not out of necessity, but because I wanted to.

The regular "discipline" thing though... I'm still not so good with that. But I think I turned out okay.
 
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Try to explain why such and such needs to be done...although some ENTPs are just incorrigible. I was the ultimate nightmare for my parents, ESFJ mom + ESTP dad, from as far back as I can remember, I resisted anything I felt was unnecessary or stupid with all my strength, to my last breath. My parents would take everything from me to get me to do my homework, clean my room, etc. But it just consolidated my resolve to resist, and, to this day, my mother will tell you I was the most ill-behaved, stubborn bastard child of all time. And she has 6 kids. She was a wonderful, nurturing mother, and her 5 other SJ children turned out fine. But my childhood was spent without video games, TV, or anything fun, in my room for literally months on end, always in punishment for something like not apologizing for fighting Timmy Johnson.

Although I won awards by the boatload and showed some decency to other human beings, so she no doubt saw those as encouraging signs.

Hope this reflection helps. He might go through periods where has a lot of friends, then no friends, then gets them all back, lots of phases, etc.
 

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Balance is the best word I can think of.

I'm not going to tell you whether to beat, yell, scream, or pamper your child because restricting yourself to one mode is, to me, the worst way to raise a child. Every day is different and so will the things that happen in that time frame. You must always consider everything that happens on a individual case by case basis.

I've had the "bad" days where my parents have controlled my life, invaded my privacy, and never explained anything. DESPITE what I had to go through, these experiences help shape who I am today. Just because "bad" things have happened to me today, doesn't mean I will turn out to be a "bad" child. If you're into deep philosophy, I believe the fallacy lies in that parents raise their children with expectations such as I want my child to be this certain way not heading towards that direction.

I'm sorry but your last sentence or question is a fallacy because the good and the bad BOTH help shape us as human beings. If you block out the "bad" then you're not really living a full life. In essence, that would be looking at the world a specific way. Also, we all have our share of "good" and "bad" experiences which is why no two ENTPs or two other types are identical and it is BOTH the "good" and "bad" help shape a human being.

BALANCE
Hope this helps.
 

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hispeace, I don't think it matters much what you do. He'll turn out the way he will turn out. How much of what you want to achieve with him is your agenda? Trying to be a perfect parent is a thankless task!
Schools value ISxJ kids. They struggle with highly intuitive ones, I think. But you can't change your child's basic nature. Better to try to work with it, to inspire or interest rather than punish a kid into action. Unfortunately this will continue to be a struggle; I'm still working on it with my 12 year old son and his approach to homework....

I agree with what you did about consequences. If the choices he is making are wearing you down then you have to do that to change things. He has to be able to know how to fit into society, even if he actually doesn't quite fit in, naturally.
He's still going to love you when he gets home.

But remember he is only 7, no kid should be expected to be perfectly behaved at that age. And boys tend to develop their ability to concentrate later than girls.

Be careful about the typing unless you are sure. I think I might go for ENFP on your description, and he will hurt more if you criticise him if so.

I'm aware that much of the above is self-contradictory. Welcome to parenting.....
 

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In any case, seven is indeed quite young to be deciding on a child's type. Even up through age ten it can be difficult to tell just yet.
 

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i would say give them a lot of freedom to learn things. you do have to instill good behavior in them but as far as figuring out the world it's best to sit back and let them do it on their own (with your supervision of course). be prepared for tons of questions and i recomend that you direct them to resources where they can find the answer themselves.

oh and buy an erector set!
 
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I learned a lot sometimes when I eventually listened to what my parents told me, but to this day, the best way I learn is from bumping my head. I need to learn from mistakes since I'm to stubborn to believe other people when they tell me I should or shouldn't do something. This is mostly a good thing though.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Balance is the best word I can think of.

I'm not going to tell you whether to beat, yell, scream, or pamper your child because restricting yourself to one mode is, to me, the worst way to raise a child. Every day is different and so will the things that happen in that time frame. You must always consider everything that happens on a individual case by case basis.

I've had the "bad" days where my parents have controlled my life, invaded my privacy, and never explained anything. DESPITE what I had to go through, these experiences help shape who I am today. Just because "bad" things have happened to me today, doesn't mean I will turn out to be a "bad" child. If you're into deep philosophy, I believe the fallacy lies in that parents raise their children with expectations such as I want my child to be this certain way not heading towards that direction.

I'm sorry but your last sentence or question is a fallacy because the good and the bad BOTH help shape us as human beings. If you block out the "bad" then you're not really living a full life. In essence, that would be looking at the world a specific way. Also, we all have our share of "good" and "bad" experiences which is why no two ENTPs or two other types are identical and it is BOTH the "good" and "bad" help shape a human being.

BALANCE
Hope this helps.
Thank you for your honest and direct post. Very helpful! All of you guys rock! I'm loving your replies. Please keep them coming.
 

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Don't refer to him as gifted. Don't think of him as gifted. Don't let on that you expect anything more from him than any other kid. The ENTP ego feeds itself quite well. No external encouragement is usually needed.

Share his curiosity with him. Show that you are interested in whatever he's doing. Not that you are interested just in his role in it. Show that you are actually interested in the thing he is interested in. Look at it together.

Don't tolerate surliness, superiority, or arrogance. Drive him to appreciate the good in everyone, even those who just don't understand.

Keep him scheduled. Get him in that habit. It will become vital for him as he grows. ENTP's can't keep schedules for shit, usually. We need all sorts of artificial hacks to make it to the bus on time. Just not our thing.

Point out to him--constantly--that routines make a lot of sense. A routine becomes a habit and things that are habitual are easy. Once he has indulged his teeth-cleaning and laundry-gathering habits, he is closer to being free to move on and do fun stuff he wants to do.

Also, he will learn to manipulate the hell out of you if you let him. He's probably already halfway there.

Good luck!
 
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