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Discussion Starter #1
and why were they meaningful?

Also:
Is it more meaningful to you when people compliment who you are vs. what you do?

Is there a difference in value when they pay the compliment directly to you, or when they tell someone else and it gets back to you?

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OR do you flat out hate compliments, believe that the idea of complimenting anyone is insincere, and/or wish to banish me and my post to an Extroverted Feeling forum?? (Because that last option would be fuuuunnn!)
 

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"I am so impressed by your skills. I hope you continue your education and career path in this field. You will be an asset to the field."

I have been told many things that made me feel very good but this note I got from my instructor last term beats out most of it. I am constantly wracked by self-doubt and poor self-efficacy that feedback like this is keeping me from giving up and accepting my "destiny" as a minimum-wage fry cook or something. Claiming I am an asset also makes it less about me in my head, and more about who I would be hurting by not completing my degree: the people I will help in the future.

Is it more meaningful to you when people compliment who you are vs. what you do?
Perhaps I'll be in the minority but I'd say more meaningful when they compliment what I do. I was smothered by compliments on the former growing up. Blame my mom, I guess. I don't get many compliments on the latter because historically I suck at accomplishing things. So when I do get complimented on it.. you get the picture.

Is there a difference in value when they pay the compliment directly to you, or when they tell someone else and it gets back to you?
Marginally, because of the self-doubt/trust issues and my own inability to be honest with people, it's easier for me to convince myself they're just being polite in the former situation.
 

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What are the most meaningful compliments?

"You are so warm, like a little thermal."
"You are witty."
"You have a sense of humor."
--compliments from my entj ex.

and why were they meaningful?
Make me realize that being warm, caring and possessing empathy is good traits for this IQ dominating world.

They are meaningful to me cuz no one says that before - I'm in a very competence-required environment and usually I got praised by what I've done.

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Hate compliments. It slows my roll. I have to stop what I'm doing, turn around and listen, register the compliment, decide how to react and then react. I know some people love external validation. (((Tell me I'm good!!! I can't figure it out for myself!!!) Honestly... I can't stand it. Just a preference and need of mine. I apologize, ahead of time, if that rubs the wrong way, on some.

Some secretaries said I was the nicest. I think someone said something to me at PerCafe once and I replied "Wow you just made my day" -- can't remember what they said tho. Father thinks I write well, but his major in college was engineering, so really, he might not have an idea of proper English. Um.. a psychic once told me I'm really good at psychological warfare and I would make a.... really good investigator. AH YES!!! I just remembered one from college!!! A professor stopped me outside and told me I "see things that others do not".

Thanks here at PerCafe, are cool, if I don't have to turn around and see the person. See 3rd quote in signature. It's sarcastic. :)
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Perhaps I'll be in the minority but I'd say more meaningful when they compliment what I do. I was smothered by compliments on the former growing up. Blame my mom, I guess.
I'm the same way!! With the mom and everything! :laughing:
 

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ButIHaveNoFear said:
What are the most meaningful compliments people have given you? And why were they meaningful?
Uhh....UHHHH....

I don't know if it's the difficulty in remembering a compliment that really touched me and stayed in memory, or if I just don't remember a category of "the best" compliments very well at all. They're all appreciated. There's also the thing of remembering a nice little feeling when I don't expect it, or like a inner smug happiness like "oh you noticed" whenever someone comments on something I've been actively working on.

Met an ENFJ coworker for first time after hours along with some other coworker friends and we had some drinks and foodstuffs and whatnot, got to talking and things got deep really fast. Something like "I've never met someone so intelligent or deep like you, like nobody knows or ever talks about this kind of stuff" ...and then he recalled meeting someone kinda similar to me, some Ukrainian guy. UKRAINIAN! Yeah, it's true, I was more fascinated with the idea of being compared to a Ukrainian guy than the compliment itself. :tongue:

But also, the way he SAID IT. ENFJ superpower. Immediately made me think of the whole INFP/ENFJ wombo combo thingy thingthing. Makes sense how the types complement each other. We actually disagreed on a ton of things, but in subtle ways it seemed. Maybe it was how we went back and forth while ISFJ/INTJ just sat and listened LOL. Fun stuff.

Is it more meaningful to you when people compliment who you are vs. what you do?
EZPZ. What I do. Especially if I somehow do it really well and it's something I've invested tons of effort into, it's nice to get compliments then. It's like "YOU NOTICEEEEEED MEEE!" Those are the best.

Someone telling someone else about me and it gets back to me... that like never happens LOL. At least the whole getting back to me part. That would be cool as fuark.

There are times when people give me compliments on things I know I suck at. And it feels like either they are giving me a sincere compliment, even though I suck, which means they could suck at whatever even worse than me (that sounds bad but meh, my brain is a ding-dong), or it means that they are giving me an compliment, oblivious to what really would be considered worth a compliment or some kind of unweighted compliment like "wut, I opened a door by turning the doorknob? I mean, sure I guess that impressive?" kind of situation. But it doesn't happen that often so I usually enjoy them anyway.
 

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I'm usually very generous giving compliments, but don't really react when someone else gives me one. But I think I weigh its genuineness with the person's character. There are people, even if they are generous with their compliments, who are true to their words.

I was just telling a friend yesterday that I used to be extremely shy, and the reason I could break out of that was due to a person's compliment. I think I needed some sort of assurance that I was a decent human being. This man told me I didn't need to be shy, because I was a pleasant person to be around. It was a very casual compliment, but it was very convincing. Maybe I wanted to be convinced. But either way, it worked.
 

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Stylish
Pretty
Smart

lol.
They're meaningful because I did not expect them from the people who said them. I did not realize for example, I even appeared stylish at all though I like fashion.
I normally do not receive compliments. People tend to say things about me and then other people see it (and believe, I guess--and it snowballs). That is how I usually get a compliment.

These were also overheard (eavesdropped) than said to me directly, which makes them more special to me.
The 'pretty' one was a surprise. I got that one in a sneaky way.
 

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Similar to others, it depends on the person giving the compliment . I can't say that these are the most meaningful but i cant seem to forget these :

"i keep your letters" -- coming from someone i know who is very neat and not sentimental (an intj). So if he keeps my letters, it means a lot to me.

"You're a natural storyteller" - I couldn't recall anyone tell me this but this person and I've always wanted to inspire others by my stories, so this meant a lot to me


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Sitting around the campfire one of my friends told me that my gift is that I am complementary, meaning that I have the ability and inclination to participate in a group situation in a way that fits, that fills some gap, that makes somebody else feel included. I think it's a way to use Ne for something positive.

A person I worked with once wrote something similar in my performance evaluation.
 

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I think it was last year there was a small lady who had been waiting outside my apartment complex for a long time, I think she was a guest and needed to go in to use the elevator to get to her car... Well it was kind of late at night and I was the one to show up and open the door, there wasn't anyone else around I mean... and she told me I was an angel and it seemed like she really meant it, like clearly she'd had to wait around a long time. That meant a lot to me I guess because it made me feel useful, and last year was really hard for me. Plus my ex was always talking about his ex and calling her an angel, so for a while after we broke up I wished someone would call me that lol.

There was a guy when I was younger, I guess it kind of sucks because of what end up happening between us but he will probably always feel like the love of my life... When he really genuinely liked me he would give me a lot of compliments. Some of them stuck out to me... Like once he liked a song because it had my name in it. And another time he called me brilliant after I wrote down a bunch of stuff about why I have the interests I do... a lot of things.

One time my friend told me, "I'm starting to think there is very little you do not love" and I've always loved that heh. Don't know why really.

I like when people compliment my hair color because I have never colored my hair but it's not a very common color at all and it's always made me feel kind of like an alien.

When I was a teenager I was really in love with this guy who probably mostly felt sorry for me and found me annoying but he could be really nice to me... He knew I'm a touchy feely type and sometimes he'd give me compliments when he hugged me like "You look so pretty" or "Your hair always smells so good" lol. Now I'm remembering how obsessed with him I was, I feel sorry for him now.

I remember once I went to lunch with my sister when we were in our early twenties and she told me I was sweet... That meant a lot to me because I know she's always been pretty skeptical about me, and I could feel her guard coming down a bit that day, it was nice.

Once my dad told me "the lights come on" when I talk about politics and that made me feel really nice because I mostly feel pretty stupid with stuff like that. I like being told I'm smart in general, I usually feel pretty dim.

Once I sang in public and I was told my voice was "wistful and beautiful," I think it meant so much to me because that was the first time I sang in public just how I do naturally and without trying to sound...more powerful, or deeper or operatic than I really can. I'll always remember that one, I think of it a lot. Also my childhood friend once let me sing one of my songs for her and she told me she was in tears, it felt like she really appreciated my song, that meant a lot to me. I really want people to like the music I make more than anything I think lol, that means a lot to me.

One time I told my friend on our blog site, something along the lines of being glad she had made it through something hard, and she told me that of all people I would know because I've been through so much... That meant a lot to me.

Yeah it's true I like compliments, I'll probably think of more after I post this. lol Feeling awful today
 

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and why were they meaningful?

Also:
Is it more meaningful to you when people compliment who you are vs. what you do?

Is there a difference in value when they pay the compliment directly to you, or when they tell someone else and it gets back to you?

-----

OR do you flat out hate compliments, believe that the idea of complimenting anyone is insincere, and/or wish to banish me and my post to an Extroverted Feeling forum?? (Because that last option would be fuuuunnn!)
I like compliments. Not sidestep the question, but, who I am and what I do have a lot of overlap for me so they can both be equally meaningful. It's most meaningful when the compliment is being made outside of a role I play to someone, since compliments that are role-dependent feel more like the person is trying to make themselves feel good or something.

favorite compliments have been:

"I'm a better person because of you" or any variation, because it validates my efforts to be loving and makes me feel like my impression is lasting.

and, from a colleague: that I deeply affect others, that they feel seen in depth by me, and that I provide warmth and safety...because...those are things I want to be true about me (which I feel often is not the case, specifically about warmth/safety). It kind of feeds my ego since I like to imagine I do see people on an intuitive level. Often the feedback I get on my presence is that I'm ~sooo quieeeet~ so this was really nice to hear.

When I was 6 I got a giant splinter in my finger and while my friend's mom was pulling it out with tweezers she told me I was sooo tough for not crying, and that HER daughter would surely cry; my self esteem was lifted to the clouds (because I was tougher than my friend, and being rewarded as a girl for not showing emotion!).

The question about compliments-behind-the-back reminds me of Michael Scott in the Office saying "I would never say this to Pam's face...but she's a wonderful person and terrific artist." Lol.
 

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"You are unique, don't change!"

"Your sense of humor is unique"

"I know you were not the thief"
(I slept on a friend's house with another friend, this second friend stole some money from my other friend (the home's owner), the home's owner didn't even acuse me because he trust on me, that felt good because my values where validated). In fact the other guy accepted the crime days later.

"You website is one the best I've seen in years" (from someone who is an expert, I was in doubt about myself and my skills which made me realise that many times in life I feel that I don't deserve success, my skill isn't enough, listening this words from someone who is an expert changed my way to think about myself)

Greetings,
 

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That I am my own person: a willful individual who isn't out to please others.

This may sound like an odd compliment. I'm certainly not indifferent to the wellbeing of others, and in fact I've had plenty of compliments on how caring I am... but I'm pretty sure that's not what he meant anyway. I was quite pleased to hear it, because I have my insecurities and in the past I've been accommodating to the point of sacrificing my own integrity because of a fear that I needed to change in order to be accepted, so hearing that people actually perceive me as being willful was good news.

For the record, this was one of the answers I got from asking random people to give me a compliment, as a social experiment. I highly recommend it: not only are you likely to get some very surprising answers, but the process itself is awkward, hilarious, embarassing, and yet ultimately contributing to a stronger bond with those you ask... at least, the ones who don't flat out refuse to answer and afterwards avoid you at all costs XD
 

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That I am my own person: a willful individual who isn't out to please others.

This may sound like an odd compliment. I'm certainly not indifferent to the wellbeing of others, and in fact I've had plenty of compliments on how caring I am... but I'm pretty sure that's not what he meant anyway. I was quite pleased to hear it, because I have my insecurities and in the past I've been accommodating to the point of sacrificing my own integrity because of a fear that I needed to change in order to be accepted, so hearing that people actually perceive me as being willful was good news.

For the record, this was one of the answers I got from asking random people to give me a compliment, as a social experiment. I highly recommend it: not only are you likely to get some very surprising answers, but the process itself is awkward, hilarious, embarassing, and yet ultimately contributing to a stronger bond with those you ask... at least, the ones who don't flat out refuse to answer and afterwards avoid you at all costs XD
That's something I want to - be more 'selfish' , less sensitive and more focused on my self growth. Sometimes I really want to be able to change my personality from time to time - say, being an ENTJ at workplace and INFP in my personal life. That would be perfect.

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I usually don't like compliments and just brush them off because I usually don't consider the things I am complimented on as important. For example, sometimes people say I am good at my job and are impressed with the job I do. I don't really care about that because I don't really do it for them at all and I sort of don't like attention drawn to me in that way.

However, two stand out in my mind that I was actually very touched to hear. Both came from people that I am pretty close to. One was that someone thought I was the most creative person they knew and was always coming up with truly novel things. The second was that the complimenter loved my sense of humor. No one gets my sense of humor and most people don't recognize the things I say as funny.
 

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I'm terrible at receiving compliments... Much rather have someone swear at me.

But, my 2 favourite comps...

1. Every word out of your mouth makes me laugh.

2. The back of your head is a perfect shape.

Number 2 made me laugh. She was being serious... All I could think was... You're hot... if you face the other way.
 

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The one that impacted me the most, still to this day, was my old INTJ friend blew up my phone for two weeks straight telling me over and over that I was the most intelligent person he had known to date. Considering that he had lots of friends and had 2-3 bffs that had been in INTJ's life for a decade, at first I thought INTJ was exaggerating and crazy, and in typical INFP fashion I didn't believe the compliment (I never spoke my disbelief, I would just smile politely and keep my thoughts to myself). But INTJ kept saying it over and over, on the phone, and to my face, and eventually I had to believe it. I'm still shaken to this day, cause I rarely -if ever- get compliments about my mind or personality, only my looks. When it comes to mind & personality people complain, not compliment.

Is it more meaningful to you when people compliment who you are vs. what you do?

Who I am.
Obvsly they go hand in hand sometimes (not always). At work all is fair (war) and what I do has nothing to do with who I am, whereas in my personal life what I do is an extension of who I am. So at work compliments mean absolutely nothing cause it's based on actions that have nothing to do with me. I do enjoy getting positive feedback at work though, because I like having clarity about how to please my boss, it gives me direction. So my bosses usually tell me "Great job! that thing you did was a great idea" I don't process it as a compliment, just as a detached direction, so I know to do more of it.

Is there a difference in value when they pay the compliment directly to you, or when they tell someone else and it gets back to you?

Yes.
When told directly to me, my automatic thoughts are that the person is doing one of these options:

1. Lying in order to get something from me.
2. Idealising me, and I'm waiting for them to eventually realize that they actually dislike me, it's just a matter of time til they find out who "I truly am". Impostor syndrome, basically.
3. Just being polite; musn't be taken seriously cause I bet they tell this to everyone they encounter.

When they tell a third party, I can't come up with motives they might have for doing that. So I believe it a lot more.

OR do you flat out hate compliments, believe that the idea of complimenting anyone is insincere

No hate, and no love either, just neutral. My ears perk up, pay attention and immediately start analysing the compliment, cause it has to make sense. I can't just accept a compliment, it has to make sense by:
1. Carry evidence with it, like I need illustrations/examples of why what's being said has weight/truth
2. Fit my Si archive of past experiences
3. Fit my Fi opinion of myself
and a bunch of other processes.

I can't just accept a compliment, it's impossible. And I've tried and tried, but just can't. I must filter it through a bunch of tests, and I only accept it if it makes sense, aka passes all the filters and I can't find arguments/evidence against it.

Now, when a compliment has passed all the tests and I am forced to accept it, it affects me for about 5 minutes. After that, my brain discards it as no-longer-true. Why? Cause I believe that people's emotions and opinions change constantly. So just cause they think XYZ about me right now, it doesn't mean that 10 minutes later they will continue to believe it. I believe they will see me do or say something stupid and their opinion of me will change.
 

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You're like a superhero that wipes out other's tears
- my ex girlfriend. She might be a crazy SJW now and I definitely regret even having a relationship with her, but it's still one of my favorite compliments.

Also, anything by my best friend. Her words mean a lot.
 

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I especially like when people compliment my theories and opinions.

I think I feel that way because I don't get to share my ideas very often, much less get praised for them. And my opinions can often be close to my heart, so I feel a surge in self-esteem for a while.

I find that compliments sort of "intimidate" me.. I feel like I will do or say something wrong and the person will take the compliment back. I try to enjoy the feeling while I can but it seems to bounce back off of me after a while. I guess I'm also afraid that it will go to my head.

I prefer to hear the compliment from the person because compliments never get back to me from other people anymore. I don't know enough people anymore. I only really talk to my family and two other people.
 
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