The one that impacted me the most, still to this day, was my old INTJ friend blew up my phone for two weeks straight telling me over and over that I was the most intelligent person he had known to date. Considering that he had lots of friends and had 2-3 bffs that had been in INTJ's life for a decade, at first I thought INTJ was exaggerating and crazy, and in typical INFP fashion I didn't believe the compliment (I never spoke my disbelief, I would just smile politely and keep my thoughts to myself). But INTJ kept saying it over and over, on the phone, and to my face, and eventually I had to believe it. I'm still shaken to this day, cause I rarely -if ever- get compliments about my mind or personality, only my looks. When it comes to mind & personality people complain, not compliment.
Is it more meaningful to you when people compliment who you are vs. what you do?
Who I am.
Obvsly they go hand in hand sometimes (not always). At work all is fair (war) and what I do has nothing to do with who I am, whereas in my personal life what I do is an extension of who I am. So at work compliments mean absolutely nothing cause it's based on actions that have nothing to do with me. I do enjoy getting positive feedback at work though, because I like having clarity about how to please my boss, it gives me direction. So my bosses usually tell me "Great job! that thing you did was a great idea" I don't process it as a compliment, just as a detached direction, so I know to do more of it.
Is there a difference in value when they pay the compliment directly to you, or when they tell someone else and it gets back to you?
Yes.
When told directly to me, my automatic thoughts are that the person is doing one of these options:
1. Lying in order to get something from me.
2. Idealising me, and I'm waiting for them to eventually realize that they actually dislike me, it's just a matter of time til they find out who "I truly am". Impostor syndrome, basically.
3. Just being polite; musn't be taken seriously cause I bet they tell this to everyone they encounter.
When they tell a third party, I can't come up with motives they might have for doing that. So I believe it a lot more.
OR do you flat out hate compliments, believe that the idea of complimenting anyone is insincere
No hate, and no love either, just neutral. My ears perk up, pay attention and immediately start analysing the compliment, cause it has to make sense. I can't just accept a compliment, it has to make sense by:
1. Carry evidence with it, like I need illustrations/examples of why what's being said has weight/truth
2. Fit my Si archive of past experiences
3. Fit my Fi opinion of myself
and a bunch of other processes.
I can't just accept a compliment, it's impossible. And I've tried and tried, but just can't. I must filter it through a bunch of tests, and I only accept it if it makes sense, aka passes all the filters and I can't find arguments/evidence against it.
Now, when a compliment has passed all the tests and I am forced to accept it, it affects me for about 5 minutes. After that, my brain discards it as no-longer-true. Why? Cause I believe that people's emotions and opinions change constantly. So just cause they think XYZ about me right now, it doesn't mean that 10 minutes later they will continue to believe it. I believe they will see me do or say something stupid and their opinion of me will change.