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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm interested in starting a relationship with an INFP friend.

She'a a girl, I'm a guy, (INTJ maybe). We both study the same career. Do you think that things works?

She has a big-warm family and well stability of money, and I'm a bit concerned because I'm not (so much unstable family, issues. money is less, but it's OK) so My strategy will be to talk her about my family from the beginning (we are already good friends).
 

· Plague Doctor
INTJ, 5w4, Ni-T type
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As mentioned above, honesty and authenticity.

Also, if you are a T, it might also help to know that she won't want you to "fix" her emotions. Her emotions are how she makes sense of the world and processes things. When she's emoting, it's not as important to try to make her feel differently as it is to just validate that, whether you agree with the reason or not, that she has a strong emotional reaction to something and then, thinking of it as a process, help her evaluate her feelings. For example, "when were other times you felt this way?" or "What do you think is the best way to respond to this?" Of course, if she enlists your help to try to figure something out, then it's different.

As for the difference of financial status, if it were me (I can't speak for her), it wouldn't be an issue at all. I wouldn't even think about it as an issue.
 

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Don't worry... INFP's main criteria : honesty!!!
If she is really an INFP..She won't judge you because of your background, understands the ups and downs of life very well...also INFPs are spiritually aware...
If things go well and you are exclusive, trust me..She will go that extra miles to make things better for you. Just remember, she will give up everything for someone who genuinely wishes or has done the same for her...and actions are more important than words.
Accept her sensitivity(over-sensitivity)..., moodiness...and spoil her with your loyalty!! Always stand for her... If she errs...be gentle with her... And yes! INFPs like humour!! Rich humour is attractive!

You said you are good friends...which seems fine, but good or best? INFPs might talk and talk well with everyone but are you sure you share a deep emotional bond?! What do you feel!?
It's difficult to find it out though..as She must be sweet with everyone...that's in her nature....but if she frequently calls you for help or tries to keep you smiling.. notices every detail about you, compliments you often...chances are there is already a soft corner for you :)
Just never cheat or lie to her and have patience with her.......
You are hers till eternity...yes... INFP takes relationships seriously!

I wish you all the best !! Go ahead! Do let us know the progress... :):)
 

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As everyone else has said, honesty is the most important thing! If you're honest from the beginning, she will appreciate you more than you'll ever know. She might not show it very well because INFPs are not the most vocal about things like that but she will feel it.

Another thing is to be open to changing yourself. You can't just be honest about the things you're struggling with. You have to also be willing to grow and let her help you in her own way. She won't be forceful like some personalities but she'll try to help you. Let her. I don't know how long you've known each other but I'm sure she knows more about you and how you think than you realize.

So, advice: Talk to her about the things you're struggling with and ask for her advice on what to do.
 

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She'a a girl, I'm a guy, (INTJ maybe). We both study the same career. Do you think that things works?
Absolutely. It probably helps that yall study the same thing!

She has a big-warm family and well stability of money, and I'm a bit concerned because I'm not (so much unstable family, issues. money is less, but it's OK) so My strategy will be to talk her about my family from the beginning (we are already good friends).
Honestly the money thing wouldn't make a bit of difference to me. Good strategy, talking about your family will let her know that you've established a higher level of trust. Even if they seem like insignificant stories xP

What are ways to make an INFP happy?
I depends on the dynamics of your friend/relationship and what sort of things you're both into. Generally:
-Share stuff that interests you with her (articles, hobbies, random things you like reading/researching about, politics, etc). Let her rant to you about what she's into, ask encouraging questions.
-*Compliment her intellect specifically when possible, this means a lot coming from an INTJ.* Don't make it lavish or she might take it as mockery.
-I find that INFPs like receiving tiny gifts that let them know you were thinking about them. For example, taking her a coffee when she's studying.
-Be you.
 

· MOTM Dec 2011
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To add to the great answers above, honesty for me is about emotional honesty, particularly an honesty with yourself and how you feel and how that affects what you do. I don't have paranoia about people lying to me like a "player type ". I don't like being around people who are unaware of their own motivations, though, and who may end up projecting onto others a lot because of it.

I like to feel appreciated for being an individual and to feel accepted with my warts'n'all.

Other things which draw me to people is when they show personal interest me, and this can be factual info but it's even better when they want to know my thoughts, feelings, dreams, tastes, etc. I definitely like intellectual topics. Someone who can mentally stimulate me and touch me emotionally is important.

I like some banter and ability to be silly. I don't like it when people are uptight. That needs to be balanced with respect and moral integrity of course.
 

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Let me see. In my case i am usually attracted to NTs probably because it compliments my personality.

No 2 INFPs are exactly the same but if she's like me, you being an NT (INTJ) is already a plus. Make sure though that you aren't arrogant. INFPS hate arrogance above all. Be humble and be true with your feelings even though it's not your strong suit.

Be the pursuer. INFPS overthink a lot so even if she likes you, she will not make a move for fear of rejection. If she hints that you're not interested then she will try to force herself to detach from you. Make sure you make her feel special but not intrusive. INFPS appreciate small gestures from the heart. Be a gentleman (open doors for her, ask her about her day, etc).

INFPs love helping people. If you need any help on something don't be afraid of asking for her help. I assure you she will gladly do so. But dont be forceful. If she cant due to her schedule, be understanding.

I don't know if this is just me but i will be very happy if we can help each othee grow healthy (all aspects), but doing it in a gentle way. As NT you may come off as demanding or pushy sometimes, so try not to be that way. You can suggest or advice in a gentle way. If you don't see results immediately dont be disheartened. Sometimes infps need more time processing advice because we see so many options in our heads sometimes, and we don't want to close our options.


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I forgot to add, most INFPS language of love is words of affirmation. That's also my number 1 LOL. So if there's something beautiful about her or what she's done, compliment her. Validate her. It helps that you point out what she's done right than always telling what she should have NOT done. Dont say bullshit things though just to say something good. INFPs can see right through it.

About the money thing, i assure you that it's the least of INFPs priorities. We are not motivated by money or fame or glory, we want someone who we can connect with, who we can be ourselves with, who are deep and most of all who understands us without judging us or the things we do.


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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I had already noticed that it is not okay to fix her emotions. I will put my effort in validate her feelings instead of fix her emotions. As an INTJ, is a mistake that I usually commit. This comment was really helpfull. Thank you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Wow! Well, honesty is my main criteria too. We spend time together from time to time, only us. Having so many hobbies in common, same career, quite same tastes, and having good times together. We are just good friends, but she made me learn really important things to me. That's why I will be there for her.

You're ISTJ as my elder brother. You gave me good news. Thanks.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I realize it's really important to be yourself (tell the truth of your emotions and thinkings), and verbalize your appreciation to her, especially accepting her in both ways: emotionally and physically.
 

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Honesty. Loyalty. Be genuine. Give her space if she needs it. Listen to how she feels and acknowledge it even if it doesn't make sense to you, just let her know how she feels is validated.

and in my case:
Chicken Nuggets is #1 on my happiness meter
told bf to get me a nugget bouquet for Valentines day
 

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Make them unhappy for a long time and then give them glimpses of relief from that unhappiness.
Most of the time this doesn't work. Infps can be very patient to people dear to them but once they decided that's it then it's hard to reconnect them back. They'll close down their walls and it will take so much time and effort to make them feel comfortable (and happy) with you again. Also this is a form of manipulation and infps are very insightful and sensitive to any form of manipulation. They may end up hating you.


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