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Discussion Starter #1
It would have been nice if someone gave me sound advice about what not to say to women, most importantly what not to say to your girlfriend, who you will end up marrying. So lets talk and compile of lists that can advise other men and women two weren't as lucky as me on what not to say to the special person in your life that you are in a relationship with. Whether it'd be your spouse, your girlfriend or boyfriend. It would help a lot of people, who especially have the same frame of mind where open and honest communication is the key. Well clearly it isn't always needed and has landed me on some serious ignore lists and the inevitable evil eye. ^_^

Here is my list:

1. Don't mention to your wife "Are you wearing that today/tonight?" Or "Isn't that a bit much?" Which results in hearing 'What? What's wrong with what I am wearing?' And a neverending panic attack, and being 30 minutes late due to several outfit changes. My bad.

2. "Let's go to the gym together. Why did you cancel your membership again?" See, I don't mean to sound crass or rude but that's the way some take it. So I hear "Im fat? Is that what you're trying to say?" "No. You aren't fat. But you look a little bloated. I am sure it is just water retention and exercise helps this." I get the silent treatment for about an hour or so.

3. "You look so beautiful today." This means that she must have looked haggard the last few days.

4. This one is tricky. Sometimes I get away with it, other times I unwillingly enter a death match. "She looks hot/good looking/beautiful." Or recently "She was lovely." I get "What? She was lovely? Why are you looking at her anyway?" Or "I look at other women and think 'Hm. She is pretty.' But those women are just like pieces of nice art. Nice to look at but that's all there is to it. I have all I need at home." Don't tell women that you genuinely like this at all. Some of them don't care but some of them really do and it seems to hurt their feelings.

5. This is something I learned to just keep to myself with quite a few women. "Don't be too sensitive. I didn't mean it/I was just kidding." It allows them to go into overdrive. It's like telling someone that is enraged to "calm down/relax." The feelings they were currently experiencing in that time will only exacerbate.

- What is your list if you could think of a top 5.
- Do you believe in honest and open communication with your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend?
- Are there some things you should keep to yourself?

1,858 Posts
Sometimes I have visions of killing you in your sleep.

Not from personal experience, but that's not something you should say to or think about anyone. XD

What you said above, as things not to say, I think are fine to say. The imagined response sounds like someone who is insecure and takes things too personally. Your intention is never wrong. I agree that if you tell someone to relax when they're not, it doesn't turn out too well.

I do like honest and open communication, but I wonder if it'd be too much for me to take. It's tricky.

I don't want to hear how attractive someone else is in bulk. Sure, you find her attractive but don't go into details. I can say how someone else is attractive too, but I don't think I'd feel comfortable if the topic was expanded on. Devoting your time on someone else when I'm right there. But, don't do it behind my back either. Looking at other women, wanting other women. :/

I don't think I'd like it if you have dreams about someone else, or that you tell me about it.

Remember that time when so and so happened, well I was really feeling.. When a situation was different than you imagined because they were keeping something in and failed to tell you. Well, it's good it comes out eventually.

I really think you should change. Accept them as they are. If they want to change and improve something, it's up to them and support them, but don't ask them to be too different.

There might be some things I keep to myself, but nothing I should keep to myself. I value honesty. It bothers me if someone will keep something from me because they think it will hurt me. I can take it. If not, I deal.
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