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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Had an interesting back and forth with some people and curious to see what you guys would choose! (ONLY INFP)


What bothers you more:
a.) A pushy person acting without consideration
b.)a person who keeps telling you how to do things (efficiently)?




For me it's without a doubt, a. I would find them both annoying, but the first one would actually piss me off pretty bad right away.
 

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Does not compute... They are the same person... Brain shutting down...

No, but really, if someone is TELLING me what to do, that comes across to me as a pushy person acting without consideration. But if someone sees a more efficient way to do things, and considers the potential cost to me to switch gears, and nevertheless decides it's worthwhile to SUGGEST... Well, actually I would find that quite helpful :)

So I guess A bothers me more than input about efficiency, but telling me what to do bothers me more than A?
 

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Oh no can't choose. Seriously. Both. I'd go into a murderous rage in both situations.

Do. Not. Tell. Me. What. To. Do. or How. to do it.

Unless I ask, obvsly.
 

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Both of those things would bother me. However I wouldn't mind the latter if I actually found their advice regarding efficiency useful.
 

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A would bother me more. Aggressive pushiness and inconsideration of others are never things that I appreciate.

Efficiency can be a useful tool, but I don't see it as being one of the ultimate goals. It is usually something good but not always. Someone providing advice regarding efficiency may:
  • make me thankful especially if a new situation/task that helps the overall situation
  • irritate me initially if it's something I have done for quite some time and have come to develop "my way" of handling things
  • provide grounds for discussing the merits of efficiency against other values that may be competing with efficiency in some way, such as mechanizing a process and displacing people from doing work and earning an income (yes, I can be a Luddite)
  • elicit arguments or opposition from me if the efficiency actually causes something else or the whole to become less efficient (decreasing local entropy increases universal entropy), is a working lie or smokescreen for a hidden agenda, and that sort of thing
  • be grounds for me to offer my observations and experiences of another way that is just as efficient or possibly more efficient
Efficiency to me ties into Te, so it's not completely separate from my stack. Pushiness and inconsideration are value infringements. They are wrong (morally faulty) approaches to interacting with people.
 

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To me they would probably be equal. The reason is that I would probably start arguing with them and show how a) is unreasonable and b) is fastidious to an inefficient level.... and if it all fails they'll know that it doesn't work arguing with me anyway.
 

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a.) A pushy person acting without consideration
b.)a person who keeps telling you how to do things (efficiently)?

I choose A - a pushy person acting without consideration. My choice is based upon what I find the most mentally draining. I sometimes find unique cases of admirable ExTJs. I don't mind being "pushed" by them because I know that if we get along, we have the same values and perspective of life. These type of ExTJs often ends up as my close friends. I know that when they push me, it is because they want to help me. Of course, this is not in every case, and I have rarely ever found anyone in this world I have related to, regardless of type and personality. My choice could, in the end, feel pulled between both of the options because I in general dislike, almost hate, when someone tells me what to do or tries to control me. I hate when people push me. I just want to be left alone. However, considering my relationship to ExTJs, I choose A as what bothers me more.
 

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They are both pretty imposing and threatening behaviours, but assuming it applied on me "B" would be the line that was crossed. With "A" i can somewhat empathise on the fact this person way not be aware of the inconsiderate gestures on me and 'let it slide' to a degree, but i think if this person behaved this way onto another it would bother me much more than "B".
 

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A would definitely bother me the most. I sometimes find it really annoying when people act without awareness.
 

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At first thought I picked A since at least that person is trying to help. However, in practical experience I've tolerated a people who are simply pushy and in a hurry, and even slightly insulting, a whole lot better than someone who keeps repetitively explaining how to do something. In one the first instance, they're more controlling in the sense of getting their way or trying to get something done faster than it needs to be. In the second, it's the person assuming you don't what you're doing or can't figure it out without help
 

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Ignoring that this venn diagram has a center of both in it (feeling nerdy today, sorry) I think that a) would tick me off more often, but b) could potentially piss me off the most. B) depends on how I feel on the subject. I suck at playing the guitar; if I ever tried to pick it up again, I would be all for somebody correcting me. Now if somebody corrected my teaching, especially something about teaching philosophy, I'd be pissed off.

A) I'm almost desensitized to. I learned at a young age that people will never be as considerate as I wish they'd be.
 

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B doesn't bother me at all. I suppose I may get a bit agitated if they overload me in a short time, but other than that I don't care. Perhaps I'm not bothered because, hey, they're helping me learn to do the thing better.

As for A, yes, it's a complete bother. In fact, I've been dealing with a person like A lately. She's oblivious on how inconsiderate and insensitive she can come off, but despite that it's slowly driving me nuts. I'm more bothered by inconsideration over being told what to do. At least with B, I'm getting something out of it.
 

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If I think about it logically I guess "A" should be worse than "B" because at least with B you might learn something. However, I think I get more upset over someone telling me how to do something. This might be because I get a lot of people thinking I'm a lot younger than I am and therefore tend to talk to me in a condescending way and don't take me seriously, even if I know what I'm doing. At least with A they aren't trying to tip-toe around me and I think expect me to be able to stand up for myself.

My reactions to each of these situations are different. With "A" I will either just take it in stride and shrug it off, or I will freeze up and not no what to do. I'll agonize about what I should have done in that situation later. I never really get mad at the person doing the pushing but I'll get mad at myself for not handling the situation in the best way. With "B" (if they're telling me how to do something I already know how to do) my blood will boil instantly and it will take some self control not to snap at the person.
 

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definitely a, no doubt about it. the lack of consideration is what would bother me. at least in scenario b, they're trying to help.
 

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@Mactheknife this thread feels like someone asking which is worse chlamydia or gonorrhea. I hate both. My answer depends on the situation that the behaviour comes up in. Lacking consideration for others really rubs me up the wrong way and being pushy just adds to that. At the same time when people have issues they care about I understand why they may overstep lines. Somebody telling people how to do things can be meant as a way to help or it can be a way of saying that the value of somebody else's approach isn't as valuable. Is this in relationships? In friendships? In love? In work? I'd say A because if someone was pushing someone else around with me there I would be really uncomfortable and wouldn't like it at all.
 
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