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what can be salvagedin this situation w/ ISFP?

554 Views 2 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  krimzon
very long story so i'll try to keep it brief:
-met an ISFP female online who needed a ride to a common workplace at an employer located far away. both of us are student on work terms
-chemistry was magical. lots of energy and enthusiasm during conversations and lots of sharing of familial details
-hung out after work to eat and partake in recreational sports
-sends texts daily
-ISFP would inconspicuously tug on my jacket sleeve occasionally while walking

-2 months in, i ask her to be my gf, to which she says yes
-my istj qualities rear their ugly side, for the first week, i held her hand walking back to the car
-second week i stopped holding her hand, but did nice deeds like making her lunch for a few days
-during drives to work, she would sigh, and sometimes yell quick retorts when discussing non relationship topics (which we haven't discussed ever)
-during this period, text communication plummeted, no one taking initiative. She did a couple of times, but i gave brief, to the point replies
-third week, i tried to take her hand again, she retracts, "it's ok"
-i apologize for being the way i am, explained that i have difficulty expressing myself and that she was really important to me and i never meant to hurt her.
-she replies, "it's ok." and "i know some people who are even quieter"
-a few days later, I ask for a chance for us to try again,
"how come?"
"never again?"
-conversations between us are forced now. text conversations are quick, cold, with no smiley faces.
amongst mutual friends she is normal and happy again. she's hanging much closer to this other guy (ESFP) who never got any attention before from her. A relationship between them is nigh impossible because the ESFP is finished working there in a few weeks. I'm not liking this ESFP at all lol. I wish I was as histrionic and charismatic. omg

is there any way to restore the previous dynamics between myself and the ISFP? Where once I felt like I was #1 in her world, now it's #-20, very business like. We will be working at this location, in different buildings for the next 4 months.

needless to say, i will never allow this to happen again
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It's very rare that an ISFP will reconsider a relationship once they have ended it. She blatantly didn't appreciate the way you interacted with her and was too nice/shy to call you out on it. Since you stated that the conversations are forced and come off cold, it would appear that she would rather no longer interact with you at all...considering how she's back to her normal self with her friends, but not around you. What I gather is that she felt that you misrepresented yourself or deceived her because she was expecting you to keep that chemistry going, but instead, you basically become a stranger to her based on your actions, making you come off as deceptive. This is just my opinion and understanding based on what you have written.

Anyway, good luck.
thanks for your input, it makes sense to me. I'm just going to carry on being a good friend to her during our rides, it's just really bumming thinking about how things could have been had i had better communication skills.
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