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Discussion Starter #1
disclamer: This is INTJ talking about feelings... prepare in advance to make no sense.


I figured out that I always "officially" prefer (define her as "my type") a female similar in the looks department to my latest previous partners.

For example: My primal instincts at the moment would prefer one that looks like my ex from 2 years ago (short) more than I prefer one that looks like my ex from 5 years ago (tall).

This makes no logical sense if you consider I've (postcopulatory) changed my type 180° multiple times in the past...


It feels as as all positive feelings of the previous relationships mixed with visual stimulation of the partners looks (it could also include smells - hair moisturizer, and sounds - cute voice), rubbed off in some neurological way and made some deep grooves in my "preferences department", but that field can be plowed over with new grooves from new experiences. I'd guess a thick sprinkling of oxytocin is to blame.

This fucks up our logical selection process when we optimize our search algorithm on the path to "the one", because something that looked good 3 years ago is now only meh-worthy, and you pass up on excellent partners because of it. Then you beat up yourself 4 years later how could you pass up such an excellent specimen.


What is the point of this topic? What are your experiences about this and: how do I fix this?
 

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I don't get this at all. I literally never think about what I like in the looks department. I just like it. And I never regret passing up opportunities based on looks. Good-looking women aren't hard to find. It's the interesting ones I have trouble finding.
 

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I think this is a rather broad topic to discuss if we really want to get to the ground of it. I'll just brainstorm all the factors (that come up to my mind right now) that can or may (if you would rather hear, because I can be wrong of course) affect the *visual type preference* more or less.

Past experiences (good or bad) about love or anything else that shape our opinion and perception of the world and everything inside it; the effect of the society, friends that can shape our opinions (by indirect or direct forcing) of something being good or bad; our hobbies or anything in our lifestyles that can affect our preference of one thing over all the rest, and its possible connection/association with our ideal partner; the level and/or the state of our confidence/appreciation/respect which changes over time and which can also affect our ideal x to change; plus tons of other biological factors such as the structure/ratio of the body and of the face and everything on it, this last point's preference may be different for each person based on for example the structure of themselves, and all the other possible biological attraction triggers (such as the popular one with the hormones or smth). And all the other reasons that I don't know or can't think about.

Yep, I think this subject can get really broad.

To answer your bolded question, I think that you don't necessarily have to fix it, (or I just didn't understand your question). Because love is not objective. We don't choose who to love like we choose the best hardware for our PCs, but the best one is the one who can trigger our feelings be they created from past experiences or not. One person's garbage may be another's treasure, or something like that.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I think you're quite on target.

I can't fix something that is broken by design. My search algorithm for "the one" will always find the one I wanted 5 years ago, not the one I want now.

But relying on gut feeling is not an INTJ thing to do, so what alternatives do we have left? :)
 
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