Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 29 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Likely, my attraction to the ENTP male goes beyond my appreciation based on observation and experience (wonderful ENTP clients, mentors, professional peers, etc). Apparrently, type comes into play in the chemistry. Often, these ENTPs express their surprise that I'm single and encourage me to mingle with ENTP singles in my search for a lifemate. However, when I ask how their own marriages are going, I'm a bit discouraged by the response, albeit none speaks ill of his spouse. Instead, each becomes remarkably indifferent, shrugs and speaks quite dryly as one disguising a certain level of contempt stemming from boredom.

In one way, I feel compassion for these fellows: boredom can be miserable and when your satisfaction lies at the mercy of a mate who just doesn't stir anything, I'd think that would make for a living hell -- for the ENTP or for anybody else. Who really finds boredom acceptable in a marriage? The misery extends to the female spouse, of course, as she recieves the chill of his frigid contempt, but that's another post. In this post, I focus on the ENTP male seeking a female lifemate.

Realizing how important it is that each in a couple be fully satisfied, I wonder how a savvy ENTP goes about selecting a mate with whom he thinks has an excellent chance in satisfying him for decades. Notice that I do not condemn the ENTP for his boredom (seems like it would take a lot to satisfy an ENTP--nothing wrong with that!) Only that I wonder how an ENTP goes about finding a woman who can fulfill that?

As an ENTP, what do you look for in a woman when seeking a lifemate with whom you are confident she can satisfy you for decades to come? (Notice that this post is not for ENTPs who have no desire for a lifemate; only for those who do).

What specifically do you look for in a woman that would ensure you that she could satisfy you for a lifetime?

Your input will go a long way in aiding me in my own search as I try to understand this type of whom I deeply appreciate and find so attractive. (I get along well with any type; just that I prefer ENTPs). Possibly, for a lifemate, I should focus on other types, but why throw in the towel before it's soaked with sweat?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
733 Posts
Firstly, I'm a softy for nice girls. You know, the kind, caring compassionate type that helps out everyone because its in their nature to do so. I don't go for a girl who can be abrasive, somewhat cold, or "the business woman". I find that XNFJs, INFPs, and ISFJs fall under this description for me.

Second, I want someone who's easy going and spontaneous but not more than me. I have enough of that for the both of us. I just need someone who can wet my appetite for adventure or living in the hear and now. I dated someone who was more easygoing and spontaneous than me and it got kind of frustrating at times. Whenever I needed to move quickly and be on schedule she was making me late to everything simply because she never had a sense of urgency in her. I felt she didn't respect my time because it was rare when I had these moments and, for an ENTP, when this happens, its pretty serious for us.

Third, and most importantly, I'm always scanning for that "special" someone. During my conversations with a girl or my observations, I build a framework of who she is. Hobbies, job, dreams, background, insecurities, blah, blah, blah. It just comes to me naturally so I know what kind of person I'm dealing with, how to communicate with them effectively, and what type of relationship we may have in the future. Whether it be friends, acquaintances, something more, or someone I'll only know for a couple of weeks.
However, every great once in a while, I come across a girl that is "different". I cannot compare her to anyone. She's nice, friendly, smart, outgoing or reserved. But that can be said about anyone. What captures me is how it all comes together and I can look deep inside and find a complexity, wisdom, and serenity that is uniquely all its own. It's the very essence of what makes her who she is. I can see she is aware of her own depth and she purposefully strives to build upon it. It's rare when I meet someone like this and, unfortunately, don't always have enough time to recognize it in a person.

That's the type of girl I've been looking for and hope to find in the near future. I also believe that's what an INFJ is yet I've been looking for these qualities long before I knew what MBTI was. I guess with enough peering into our hearts we can really know what and who we need in our lives.

I hope this helps. :happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,753 Posts
Firstly, I'm a softy for nice girls. You know, the kind, caring compassionate type that helps out everyone because its in their nature to do so. I don't go for a girl who can be abrasive, somewhat cold, or "the business woman". I find that XNFJs, INFPs, and ISFJs fall under this description for me.

Second, I want someone who's easy going and spontaneous but not more than me. I have enough of that for the both of us. I just need someone who can wet my appetite for adventure or living in the hear and now. I dated someone who was more easygoing and spontaneous than me and it got kind of frustrating at times. Whenever I needed to move quickly and be on schedule she was making me late to everything simply because she never had a sense of urgency in her. I felt she didn't respect my time because it was rare when I had these moments and, for an ENTP, when this happens, its pretty serious for us.

Third, and most importantly, I'm always scanning for that "special" someone. During my conversations with a girl or my observations, I build a framework of who she is. Hobbies, job, dreams, background, insecurities, blah, blah, blah. It just comes to me naturally so I know what kind of person I'm dealing with, how to communicate with them effectively, and what type of relationship we may have in the future. Whether it be friends, acquaintances, something more, or someone I'll only know for a couple of weeks.
However, every great once in a while, I come across a girl that is "different". I cannot compare her to anyone. She's nice, friendly, smart, outgoing or reserved. But that can be said about anyone. What captures me is how it all comes together and I can look deep inside and find a complexity, wisdom, and serenity that is uniquely all its own. It's the very essence of what makes her who she is. I can see she is aware of her own depth and she purposefully strives to build upon it. It's rare when I meet someone like this and, unfortunately, don't always have enough time to recognize it in a person.

That's the type of girl I've been looking for and hope to find in the near future. I also believe that's what an INFJ is yet I've been looking for these qualities long before I knew what MBTI was. I guess with enough peering into our hearts we can really know what and who we need in our lives.

I hope this helps. :happy:

That, sums it up, I go for Je Ne Sais Quoi, add some affection towards me and I fall, hard.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,174 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,849 Posts
Cooking is more an xSFJ thing. My sensor mother and grandmother are great cooks, but to me it has always seemed like a boring activity. My INFJ aunt doesn't do it either - she devotes all her time into her career as psychologist and raising her 3 kids. I've met a few ENTPs who were great cooks though - something about that inferior Si that makes them good at memorizing and keeping to recipes. While I always want to try something new and not follow directions, but this doesn't quite work well with cooking >.< ... xSFJs have that Si also, perhaps why they are great at remembering, keeping, and passing on recipes.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
998 Posts
If you want my honest answer, I think it is highly unlikely that I will find one woman interesting for "decades". If I ever DO get married, I presume it will end by divorce. Not a bitter divorce, just a "passion-has-died" divorce.

But things I look for in women (in no particular order):
- nice round REAL breasts. I love the ta-tas.
- intelligence
- doesn't get offended too easily
- laughs at my cynical humour (some girls find it childish or immature. Fuckem)
- probably an N. There's more of a mental connection in conversations as we're both able to go off tangents.
- open to new sexual adventures
- leaves me the fuck alone when I tell her to
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,933 Posts
Very odd that ENTPs are into the traditional domestic types. I figured they were into wild types like them, so no one would get in the way of their adventures.

Though the paradox is true for me as well. I tend to attract and be attracted to the sensitive, timid, "nurturing" guys. I suppose opposites attract, and I do prefer to kind of be the "leader" in any relationship, but sometimes they get a little smothering and overemotional.

They can COOK though, which I can't and don't care to. I'm fine with eating dry blocks of Ramen (dipped in ketchup) for dinner. :crazy:

Maybe it's just an instinctive way to balance/ground oneself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,329 Posts
Does a bisexual female's opinion matter? I'm an advocate of the ENTP/INFP relationship if the ENTP is in touch with his/her soft squishy side. If not, who knows... keep in mind that both ENTPs and INFJs can be incredibly stubborn on principle and that stubbornness can be a huge turn-off for both. A savvy INFJ might do better with an ESTP who won't scheme for the sake of scheming.

Another possible deal-breaker is INFJs, at least from what I've noticed and not unlike the ENTJ, need their opinions to "matter" to others, and ENTPs not only don't perceive the world in the same way, they believe in handling most situations in a manner almost totally unlike INFJs do, and with an air that says, "I'm above this/I'll die before I answer to anyone," which INFJs can take personally or at least find offensive/pathetic. INFJs are almost certain to be teased, made fun of or, in a worse case, ridiculed by many ENTPs for the way they handle their Ti... This relationship just never seemed to be one of promise, to me. Most INFJs and ENTPs I know patronize each other more than is usual in their relationships with other types, and more than is healthy imo. :/
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
What I first look for are the typical physical traits of a shallow male with a slight leaning towards bitchy looking women.

That's all up front though, and certainly not a recipe for finding your soul mate.

More important staying power attributes;

Warm and giving
Easy going
Childish sense of humour
Worships me (most important)
Thinks I'm funny ( at least occasionally)


My wife is an ISFJ - been together ten years and very unlikely to ever split up - I rely on her to keep me planted and stop me going crazy, and I provide her with hours of light entertainment with a dash of frustration.

I think humour for me is the big thing as it keeps things light hearted and fresh and will always be there.

Even after ten years I can still shock her and take great delight in doing so.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
543 Posts
Firstly, I'm a softy for nice girls. You know, the kind, caring compassionate type that helps out everyone because its in their nature to do so. I don't go for a girl who can be abrasive, somewhat cold, or "the business woman". I find that XNFJs, INFPs, and ISFJs fall under this description for me.

Second, I want someone who's easy going and spontaneous but not more than me. I have enough of that for the both of us. I just need someone who can wet my appetite for adventure or living in the hear and now. I dated someone who was more easygoing and spontaneous than me and it got kind of frustrating at times. Whenever I needed to move quickly and be on schedule she was making me late to everything simply because she never had a sense of urgency in her. I felt she didn't respect my time because it was rare when I had these moments and, for an ENTP, when this happens, its pretty serious for us.

Third, and most importantly, I'm always scanning for that "special" someone. During my conversations with a girl or my observations, I build a framework of who she is. Hobbies, job, dreams, background, insecurities, blah, blah, blah. It just comes to me naturally so I know what kind of person I'm dealing with, how to communicate with them effectively, and what type of relationship we may have in the future. Whether it be friends, acquaintances, something more, or someone I'll only know for a couple of weeks.
However, every great once in a while, I come across a girl that is "different". I cannot compare her to anyone. She's nice, friendly, smart, outgoing or reserved. But that can be said about anyone. What captures me is how it all comes together and I can look deep inside and find a complexity, wisdom, and serenity that is uniquely all its own. It's the very essence of what makes her who she is. I can see she is aware of her own depth and she purposefully strives to build upon it. It's rare when I meet someone like this and, unfortunately, don't always have enough time to recognize it in a person.

That's the type of girl I've been looking for and hope to find in the near future. I also believe that's what an INFJ is yet I've been looking for these qualities long before I knew what MBTI was. I guess with enough peering into our hearts we can really know what and who we need in our lives.

I hope this helps. :happy:
My ENTP could have said this, word for word. Amazing. It makes me feel a little more secure :laughing:


all typical of infj's
Wrong. I don't like cooking.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,618 Posts
Someone loyal and predictable in important matters, yet unpredictable and funny otherwise. Someone who doesnt take everything too seriously and have a sense of humor, yet depth of mind. As to domestic skills, they are not too important.

But I could definitively also like a woman who whipped me up from my procrastination-sofa and made me realize some of my "genial" stuff.... The best form of masochism..:)

Should be easy to find.... Right?...:)

Ill settle for the first part otherwise.
 
  • Like
Reactions: thegirlcandance

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,849 Posts
Does a bisexual female's opinion matter? I'm an advocate of the ENTP/INFP relationship if the ENTP is in touch with his/her soft squishy side. If not, who knows... keep in mind that both ENTPs and INFJs can be incredibly stubborn on principle and that stubbornness can be a huge turn-off for both. A savvy INFJ might do better with an ESTP who won't scheme for the sake of scheming.

Another possible deal-breaker is INFJs, at least from what I've noticed and not unlike the ENTJ, need their opinions to "matter" to others, and ENTPs not only don't perceive the world in the same way, they believe in handling most situations in a manner almost totally unlike INFJs do, and with an air that says, "I'm above this/I'll die before I answer to anyone," which INFJs can take personally or at least find offensive/pathetic. INFJs are almost certain to be teased, made fun of or, in a worse case, ridiculed by many ENTPs for the way they handle their Ti... This relationship just never seemed to be one of promise, to me. Most INFJs and ENTPs I know patronize each other more than is usual in their relationships with other types, and more than is healthy imo. :/
According to socionics what you're looking for is actually an ISFP - duality partner of ENTP. Duality relationships are described as those where partners don't underline each other's weak points but grow to respect each other's strong points, meaning they are best for long term.

INFP is a somewhat close relative of ISFP but supposedly forms an illusionary relationship with ENTP - a relationship where partners find it easy to talk to each other and thus feel closer than they really are in reality. Illusionary partner functions like a duality 'fake'. I have been in illusionary relations before and yes, I can say when I talk to the other person it seems like we relate, but there is some kind of invisible barrier in between us that doesn't go away with time.

Relationships with INFJs are described as supervisory i.e. unequal where INFJ occupies role of Supervisor and ENTP occupies role of Supervisee. The Supervisee first finds Supervisor to be an interesting and admirable though bewildering person at the beginning. Both feel a pull towards each other, but it is unequal relations. Over time, Supervisee grows to resent the Supervisor, because Supervisee is constantly conscious of the inherent inequality in the relationship, so it turns into a power struggle. Supervisee feels controlled by the Supervisor. I read different accounts of how the Supervisor behaves in such relations. It can range from actively nagging and disrespecting the Supervisee to actually not doing anything but offering some advice. The Supervisor is able to hit the Supervisee's weak points just by virtue of being who they are, but not vice versa. Supervisee then retaliates, especially if there are other people present in vicinity to make an illusion of breaking out of control of Supervisor. The catch is that in most cases the Supervisor doesn't understand what he or she has done to deserve this, and so relations fall apart.

I've had 3 ENTPs start retaliation process against me and I couldn't understand wtf is wrong with them. It literally turns into love-hate kind of deal, where they are pulled towards me, then they proceed to do something mean. Like socionics says they try to do it in front of other people, then try to make up when left alone.

It is basically what I felt with my ENTP ex - that I could 'see' into him, but he couldn't 'see' into me. Over time he did grow more resentful, which to me was strange because I felt like I wasn't doing anything to provoke it. Hardly ever nagged him and we never really fought. He didn't communicate with me what his problems were during the relationship, but instead withdrew, then broke it up. In socionics it says that the Supervisee may fail to communicate their feeling with the Supervisor thinking that they appear not worthy of Supervisor's respect and attention. Sound very familiar. Also says that Supervisee may come to see the Supervisor as evil incarnate. And indeed at the end he accused me of doing a bunch of horrible things that I've never actually done. So erm yeah, I think these kind of relations between INFJ-ENTP will take some very mature people to work out. We made it work for 6 years which is longer than some people's marriages last, but nevertheless it didn't have a very happy ending.
 

·
Registered
ENTP
Joined
·
821 Posts
I married an ISTP. She's tough, practical, smart, funny, and easy going. She's not quite like any other ISTPs I've met and I've never been attracted to any others. I don't really look for softness or femininity in women. I'm more attracted to toughness. It takes a tough woman to put up with me, and I like to have a sparring partner. She's also really hot ;).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,618 Posts
I've had 3 ENTPs start retaliation process against me and I couldn't understand wtf is wrong with them. It literally turns into love-hate kind of deal, where they are pulled towards me, then they proceed to do something mean. Like socionics says they try to do it in front of other people, then try to make up when left alone.

It is basically what I felt with my ENTP ex - that I could 'see' into him, but he couldn't 'see' into me. Over time he did grow more resentful, which to me was strange because I felt like I wasn't doing anything to provoke it. Hardly ever nagged him and we never really fought. He didn't communicate with me what his problems were during the relationship, but instead withdrew, then broke it up. In socionics it says that the Supervisee may fail to communicate their feeling with the Supervisor thinking that they appear not worthy of Supervisor's respect and attention. Sound very familiar. Also says that Supervisee may come to see the Supervisor as evil incarnate. And indeed at the end he accused me of doing a bunch of horrible things that I've never actually done. So erm yeah, I think these kind of relations between INFJ-ENTP will take some very mature people to work out. We made it work for 6 years which is longer than some people's marriages last, but nevertheless it didn't have a very happy ending.
Well...(Vel?.:) ... I actually "corrected"(?) my ex wife in front of other people on a few occasions. I know it is horrible behaviour, but I couldnt get her to listen to me. When other people (that she obviously respected more than me) got to hear some stuff we quarreled about, they were amazed by her standpoint. And so, it could change.

Was this similar to what you meant? I believe she was IxFJ or IxFP.... (close S/N)

I hated this as well, but I found no other way (believe me, I tried) Id say it has to do with respect. When you dont respect each other, the relationship is at an end, or close to it unless you take swift action to save it.

Dont know if it helps, but I have seen the other side perhaps....
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,849 Posts
Well...(Vel?.:) ... I actually "corrected"(?) my ex wife in front of other people on a few occasions. I know it is horrible behaviour, but I couldnt get her to listen to me. When other people (that she obviously respected more than me) got to hear some stuff we quarreled about, they were amazed by her standpoint. And so, it could change.

Was this similar to what you meant? I believe she was IxFJ or IxFP.... (close S/N)

I hated this as well, but I found no other way (believe me, I tried) Id say it has to do with respect. When you dont respect each other, the relationship is at an end, or close to it unless you take swift action to save it.

Dont know if it helps, but I have seen the other side perhaps....
In your story it is different because your wife just mentally failed. I think this kind of thing goes beyond MBTI. If the other person is mentally unstable to the point of being unable to function in everyday life then MBTI type really no longer really applies. You can't be together because the other person just can't make it work with you. This just goes beyond their cognitive type. In my case both of us were functioning fine.

Correcting one another in front of others will happen. I can tell the difference between mature 'logical' corrections of what the other person thinks is right, and immature picking on one another to start a squabble. My ex never corrected me because most often we were in agreement. We never really fought. I've known a few less mature ENTPs from online games who liked doing this kind of thing, but he wasn't like that. What he did was different. We did various stuff together but when he would be telling stories to other people about it he never mentioned me. It was always "I did this", "I went there". It was all him doing things like I wasn't present there, never a "we". He tried to minimize my importance in his life. It caught my attention and I wondered why he as if avoided mentioning me to other people after we have been together for many years. I asked him about it but he just joked it off.

When he broke up with me, some things he said made zero sense. He accused me of infiltrating and spying on what he was doing on his computer. I was like "wtf???". He said he doesn't paint any longer because of me. I never stopped him from it in any way. He started getting paranoid that I was cheating on him without any reason. He started parking his car on opposite end of the street. Indeed, in the end I was like evil incarnate to him, which really surprised me to be accused of so many horrible things I've never even thought of doing.

After we broke up we met several times for lunch and I remember the admiration in his eyes. Which was strange because aren't you supposed to hate or be indifferent to person you're breaking up with? He broke up with me while admiring me and hating me at the same time. So again I felt like "wtf???". It really did play out along the lines of socionics where it says that Supervisee feels as if controlled by Supervisor and in the end decides that Supervisor is evil in order to finally break free. There was definitely some stuff going on with him that he never communicated to me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,618 Posts
When he broke up with me, some things he said made zero sense. He accused me of infiltrating and spying on what he was doing on his computer. I was like "wtf???". He said he doesn't paint any longer because of me. I never stopped him from it in any way. He started getting paranoid that I was cheating on him without any reason. He started parking his car on opposite end of the street. Indeed, in the end I was like evil incarnate to him, which really surprised me to be accused of so many horrible things I've never even thought of doing.

After we broke up we met several times for lunch and I remember the admiration in his eyes. Which was strange because aren't you supposed to hate or be indifferent to person you're breaking up with? He broke up with me while admiring me and hating me at the same time. So again I felt like "wtf???". It really did play out along the lines of socionics where it says that Supervisee feels as if controlled by Supervisor and in the end decides that Supervisor is evil in order to finally break free. There was definitely some stuff going on with him that he never communicated to me.
Firstly, I am impressed that you remember as much about my previous problems. But now to your questions.

Perhaps he just felt threatened by you. He wanted to be the one "on top" so to speak, but he thought you were the "better" one. Not everyone can take it. I dont know how I would react if I got together with someone I found to be a better person than me in many, if not most, ways. It has not happened yet though... (Am I ENTP or what?...:). Self confidence and self esteem are tricky things.... It is quite possible for two persons who love each other to also be pure poison for the same.

Who knows If I would reduce to shambles and become malicious in such a case? But I do not believe so since I see the danger and the childishness in this behaviour...

Also, it is quite interesting how you yourself, in a relationship that breaks down, almost become the antagonist that the other partner keep telling you you are.... At least to some extent we create our hells... If we think we deserve heaven or hell, we often see to it that that is what we get for ourselves...
 
1 - 20 of 29 Posts
Top