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I second this question; not because I'm seeking the attention of an ESTJ man, but because I seem to have somehow already won over their affection and I don't understand it.... it's completely illogical, in my opinion, but they swear it's true.

So what characteristics are you guys looking for?
 

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Someone that would support them, would not confront them, and being their.. peaceful home to return to. I think they would like stability and trustworthiness. Home is to build a family, and a family seems like something ESTJ men would like to be peaceful and supporting him and his decisions.
Someone/ where he doesn't have to defend/ stand up for his principles?

ISFP or ISFJ would be ideal, I'd say.
 

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Actually, my biggest problem with my ISFP friend is that he doesnt stand up for himself EVER. If I am upset about something he either ignores me or disappears. That's not really solving the problem now is it? I dont know why everyone always thinks that we like submissive people. I dont have a single friend who's like that. In fact when my ISFP friend was letting people walk over him I was constantly telling him to stop letting them do that, and I'm proud that he can stand up for himself now.

My grandpa is a male ESTJ and he HATES nothing more in the world then people, women especially, who cant stand up for themselves.

Wanting to take care of someone doesnt have anything to do with wanting them to be weak.
Also I really am not very into praise for my work, or people telling me how great I am. I know how good I am so I dont need someone to tell me. But other than that I do things for people simply because it's the right thing to do not because I want praise. And I expect the same from others. Its the caring for someone that is the reward, not the praise.

I agree with a peaceful home though. I really dislike drama. And I like support, but who doesnt? It doesnt mean you should support them if you disagree however. And yes trust is a huge thing, but what relationship doesnt have that component?
 

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The two most important qualities I look for in a girl is that she share my same basic moral (and more than likely religious--faith is important to me) beliefs and be someone I can trust. From there, it's a matter of attraction for me.

I tend to be attracted to what I consider to be very feminine women. The girls I've dated were reserved, studied music, were into cooking, wore dresses/skirts more often than jeans, and were very close to their families. Basically, I'm looking for someone who complements me, that I could teach and learn from, and that I think would make a good mother to children.

And I totally agree about the weakness thing. I definitely have an innate desire to protect and provide for a spouse, but doesn't mean I admire someone I consider weak-willed. I'm obviously not attracted to aggressive proto-feminists either, but I think there's a happy medium somewhere in between.
 

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I agree with Jimbo

Someone, I can respect and that has the similar beliefs as me. I'm generally attracted to feminine women, I hate to say it but looks are important to me. For me feminine means the opposite of butch, I want someone who is clearly a woman from the moment I see her. Also, you don't have to impress me with liking the outdoors, and doing manly/sporty things, its fine if you enjoy "girly" pursuits. With the caveat, they can't be what your life is wrapped around.
 

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I do tend to agree with some of the comments above. I find myself attracted to woman who can stand up for themselves, who share my general moral compass and who are very intelligent.

I do tend to be more interested in intelligence than phsyique. I'm not overly critical if a woman doesn't look like a supermodel or have the 'perfect' body. Although physique is not a priority, it is important for me that a woman cares about her presentation. I basically just can't dress better than she does.

Hope this helps,
-Troisi
 

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So, can I sum up and see if you guys agree. You like women who are
  • feminine
  • intelligent
  • of similar beliefs/religion etc
  • respectfu of tradition and family etc
  • strong in character but willing to accept help and support from you
  • Someone who allows them to be silly and accepts their quirks
  • Someone who is able to be a 'safe place' for them to be, consistent in their affection
  • Someone fun
Does that seem reasonable? Hmm, could an ENFP be part of that do you think?
 

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Ha! I thought you meant that they were looking for someone politically correct! That's something I look for. It tickles me pink when someone can appreciate the dark humor in my perfectly professional sounding political correctness! But ESTJ is a more masculine personality type anyway, so I would think that the ESTJ man and the ESTJ woman are interested in the same things... Similiar goals in life, similiar values, probably similiar upbringings unless they have completely changed their way of life. You're probably going to have to have identical views on God and family, otherwise we will dominate the conversation and if you argue too much and we feel that we can't win you over, we will silently give up on any chance of a permanent relationship.

Stability, security, predictability... These are generally ideals but I know I'm absolutely intrigued by ISFP's and their sense of feeling. Maybe just because I want to figure them out and get inside their heads... I tell them not to read me, but I know I'm pretty transparent. There is no smoke in mirrors with ESTJ's. I suck at lying or putting on an act! Even if I say nothing, the look on my face tells all. But then again, that may just be me.
 

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It's interesting you saying about hating submissiveness. My ESTJ guy hated me for it, but it also turned him on, I think. He loved it :/ It was like he was disgusted and attracted at the idea of controlling me. I was never good enough for him, either. To be honest, I expect most ESTJ/xnfp relationships would almost always be a bit messed up. I wish I could say otherwise, but it's the truth as I know it. Are you ESTJs ever actually happy with anyone, or do you always have to tell them to change? Fascinating thread, by the way.
 

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It's interesting you saying about hating submissiveness. My ESTJ guy hated me for it, but it also turned him on, I think. He loved it :/ It was like he was disgusted and attracted at the idea of controlling me. I was never good enough for him, either. To be honest, I expect most ESTJ/xnfp relationships would almost always be a bit messed up. I wish I could say otherwise, but it's the truth as I know it. Are you ESTJs ever actually happy with anyone, or do you always have to tell them to change? Fascinating thread, by the way.

ESTJ's aren't out there to control you in order to get some sort of sexual thrill out of it... We respect those who stand up for themselves and can stand up to us when we are out of line. When we want you to "change," its not necessarily to make us happy, but rather to make you a better person, regardless of whether or not you will be a permanent part of our lives. Believe it or not, we think we're doing you a favor. Don't take offense to that, we really do think that that is a way of showing you that we care.

When I was younger, I would look for "broken" people so that I could help "fix" them. I learned that its a waste of my time. Now I go for guys who I can tolerate and respect without having to change them- an equal. We certainly are happy with a select few people, but they have to meet our standards. Don't take it personally, though. Our issues are our issues. If things can be made better somehow, we will find the way.
 

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I look for a woman who wants to act like a woman should. How I'd expect. I like to be able to provide for her and fight for her. However I hate ditsy girls. If you want to attract me, come up to me and show blatant interest. Don't hint. Just say "I think I'm interested in you." I will ask you out. I'm not great at reading social cues, but when people are blunt about their feelings and get straight to the point, I like it. I don't like bitchiness though, it doesn't mean not to be polite or dignified. It just means be honest and provide full disclosure of where you are at emotionally.
 

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I look for a woman who wants to act like a woman should. How I'd expect. I like to be able to provide for her and fight for her. However I hate ditsy girls. If you want to attract me, come up to me and show blatant interest. Don't hint. Just say "I think I'm interested in you." I will ask you out. I'm not great at reading social cues, but when people are blunt about their feelings and get straight to the point, I like it. I don't like bitchiness though, it doesn't mean not to be polite or dignified. It just means be honest and provide full disclosure of where you are at emotionally.


Although I'm an INFJ, I relate to this completely.
 

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So, can I sum up and see if you guys agree. You like women who are
  • feminine
  • intelligent
  • of similar beliefs/religion etc
  • respectfu of tradition and family etc
  • strong in character but willing to accept help and support from you
  • Someone who allows them to be silly and accepts their quirks
  • Someone who is able to be a 'safe place' for them to be, consistent in their affection
  • Someone fun
Does that seem reasonable? Hmm, could an ENFP be part of that do you think?

'Exactly' to the first question, and 'most likely not' to the second.

Seriously, though, if I found the girl you described, I'd marry her in a second. If I was able to add two characteristics to your summary, though, I'd definitely include:

  • Loyal
  • Confident in who she is
 

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HaHa... this thread cracked me up. I recently met an ESTJ...I was really attracted to the dude until he opened his big mouth. I fit his standards or as he said "You meet my criteria":dry: His criteria sounds alot like what I'm reading here.
Needless to say I lost interst in the dude...No matter how attractive he was...personality is king in my book.
 
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