[Infjlady26]

Do they ever work out in the end?

I have dated a couple of INFPs, both incredibly sweet lovers... which always fulfilled my nurturing, loving side... but they were both very laid-back about day to day things like jobs and schedules, etc, and seemed very frustrated, or would fall silent when I would start reasoning or being analytical. They would knit their eyebrows and look worried, and maybe put an arm around me, but the lack of resolutions eventually drove us apart each time. I often felt like they were somewhat in awe of how I had opinions for everything and had a vision for every task needing to be done, but didn't feel the need to work alongside me with the same energy.

Since they were both somewhat NON verbal (often falling silent, and just let me do my thing while watching from the respectful sidelines) I never could seem to tap into what they were really thinking from those sidelines! Do we overwhelm you guys? Do you wish we were less analytical and more go with the flow? Or do you ever appreciate that in us because it's a little more stabilizing in your life? (I am thinking of what a friend said recently... she suggested that last part might be true of some INFPs?)

 

[Adasta]

Do we overwhelm you guys?

No, I think you're all a bit too nervy for that. ENFJs are louder, but usually their arguments are flawed, so its easy to make up again or just withdraw altogether. The idea of an INFJ female being overwhelming in any overt sense is unfathomable to me.

Do you wish we were less analytical and more go with the flow?

Yeah, but most Js are like that. With INFJs, I think it would be beneficial for them to stop worrying about what other people might think of them. Also, they sometimes go into "planning overdrive". They are the type of person that arrives at the airport 6 hours before their flight departs "just in case something happens".

It's ok to make things up as you go along. Frankly, I think that's why INFJs like INFPs. You can still be a nice person and not bound to others' expectations or perceptions.

Or do you ever appreciate that in us because it's a little more stabilizing in your life? (I am thinking of what a friend said recently... she suggested that last part might be true of some INFPs?)

I love Jness when it isn't bossy or demeaning. I like it when someone does what I consider to be the "boring" organisation, like making sure things are in the right place, or that everyone knows what time we're meeting up, or whatever.

The problem usually comes down to the fact that whatever an INFP brings to a relationship is largely qualitative, and therefore difficult to measure. xNFJs are apt to point to the things they do in a relationship (from a Fe perspective), since that's how they relate to the world. They might point to the house in which you both live and say "my actions enable us to have a house together." An INFP might be think "Yes, but my actions enable us to have a home together." INFPs are more concerned about the way the environment feels, rather than how it "is". That's why xNFJs can get frustrated with us, since it looks like we're "wasting our potential", when actually we are just enjoying the sublimity of free-wheeling in the moment.

I suppose the irksome think with xNFJs is that they cannot deal with anything they might label "unstable". Their need to have structure first sometimes defeats the point. To me, xNFJs often miss the joy of the moment because they are convinced they are lacking something, or that someone else possess something which would allow this moment to be better (if only the xNFJ could have it!). INFPs tend to think they are missing an essence or feeling.

 

[IAmOrangeToday]

Do they ever work out in the end?

I have dated a couple of INFPs, both incredibly sweet lovers... which always fulfilled my nurturing, loving side... but they were both very laid-back about day to day things like jobs and schedules, etc, and seemed very frustrated, or would fall silent when I would start reasoning or being analytical. They would knit their eyebrows and look worried, and maybe put an arm around me, but the lack of resolutions eventually drove us apart each time. I often felt like they were somewhat in awe of how I had opinions for everything and had a vision for every task needing to be done, but didn't feel the need to work alongside me with the same energy.

Since they were both somewhat NON verbal (often falling silent, and just let me do my thing while watching from the respectful sidelines) I never could seem to tap into what they were really thinking from those sidelines! Do we overwhelm you guys? Do you wish we were less analytical and more go with the flow? Or do you ever appreciate that in us because it's a little more stabilizing in your life? (I am thinking of what a friend said recently... she suggested that last part might be true of some INFPs?)

Hi there INFJlady26!
I am currently in love with an INFJ so I will try to answer your questions from a somewhat biased perspective...

INFP and INFJ in my opinion is an incredibly good partnership. We can discuss the functions and so on, but I think discussing the reality beyond the letters will be more useful to you. Basically, as an INFP one consistent reaction to an INFJ will be 'why do you make so much sense?' You can be the order, the logic and the cool head that INFPs need and will rely upon from their partner. You can also be such wonderful listeners and counsellors, INFPs try to hide the depth of their feelings even from themselves and will need to discharge to someone that loves them but can offer an honest perspective on issues clouded by our feelings.

INFPs are generally not concerned by deadlines and schedules in the slightest. This might annoy you, but it will be difficult to change this in an INFP and often consistent nagging will only exacerbate problems. Instead, slowly introduce organisation to the INFP's life and they might begin to change. You have to understand that disorganisation is not just a bad habit, but a product of a mind not able to concern itself consistently with the smaller details of everyday life. This does not mean that we should not try, but it does mean that it will be hard.

INFPs find it very hard to make decisions and stick to them because the consequences of the choice can blind us into inaction. INFJs on the other hand go through the same process of extensive consideration, but can then balance the two sides and make a judgement without being distracted.

INFPs often won't work alongside you with the same energy. They will help if they spot you working alone, but they don't have a regular scheduled up time and down time. Instead, they have bursts of creativity or emotion or thought, and then retreat to the mean. Harnessing and encouraging these bursts and crazy ideas is something that really helps an INFP - we love starting, but rarely finish.

INFPs are not always non verbal, but will always need coaxing to begin emptying their emotions. The more they vent, the deeper they get into their subconsciously processed emotions which in the same way you cannot look at a bright light usually shy away from. This will only happen if they trust you, and is a huge mark of respect for a person. Once we start, it's hard to stop.

Go with the flow is an important point. One of the few things that frustrate an INFP with an INFJ is inertia - another one likely to crop up is if the INFJ is not disclosing his or her feelings. At the same time, your rationality and level headedness can make huge positive impact in the life of an INFP.

You do overwhelm us, but only because you're so amazing and genuine and creative and intelligent and rational and awesome. I personally feel unworthy But seriously, I've loved my INFJ for all these reasons and more.

 

[LibertyPrime]

Do they ever work out in the end?

I have dated a couple of INFPs, both incredibly sweet lovers... which always fulfilled my nurturing, loving side... but they were both very laid-back about day to day things like jobs and schedules, etc, and seemed very frustrated, or would fall silent when I would start reasoning or being analytical. They would knit their eyebrows and look worried, and maybe put an arm around me, but the lack of resolutions eventually drove us apart each time. I often felt like they were somewhat in awe of how I had opinions for everything and had a vision for every task needing to be done, but didn't feel the need to work alongside me with the same energy.

Since they were both somewhat NON verbal (often falling silent, and just let me do my thing while watching from the respectful sidelines) I never could seem to tap into what they were really thinking from those sidelines! Do we overwhelm you guys? Do you wish we were less analytical and more go with the flow? Or do you ever appreciate that in us because it's a little more stabilizing in your life? (I am thinking of what a friend said recently... she suggested that last part might be true of some INFPs?)

I think you met enneagram type 9 INFPs, they are the laid back ones. I test as INFP but I over think and over-analyze everything, am fairly technical minded and security orientated (enneagram type 6), but still very much a P. My experience with INFJs is that my Fi doesn't agree with their Fe. They are too expressive and I'm the opposite, also difficult to read, while I don't need to read a Fe dom much (gets boring/annoying and stressful).

Other problems are me exploring possibilities while they jump to conclusions way too quickly. They end up being controlling and I end up rebelling, because Fe tends to impose external standards on Fi, which leads to resentment by the Fi user.

it isn't that we get overwhelmed ^^ more like this : -.- gah. Or so has been my experience.

I'm sure it can get equally frustrating for Fe users from time to time. It isn't all that bad thou. As always in relationships communication is the key and one can make it work. INFPs and INFJs certainly have more in common then other types. INFJs aren't exactly Fe dominant .

Personally I keep away from Fe types ._. they are like grandmother...ugh...esp Fe-Si is annoying! \o/ difficulty running with new ideas, restriction and control.... runaway!

 

[Aqualung]

I'm married to an INFJ.
1. Do we overwhelm you guys? Sometimes the J is a little strong. Otherwise, sometimes I probably overwhelm her. She's not familiar with verbal intimacy but I think it's her culture & socialization more than her type. It's sometimes hard for her to open up so I might come off a little intrusive when I need to connect. Also, she wants me to be more "alpha", making all the decisions & I like it more 50/50 but I think that goes back to how she grew up. She says it's a Latina thing, I don't know.
Do you wish we were less analytical and more go with the flow? Yes, sometimes. Now & then I need to bust out of a routine & I feel like I'm dragging her along because she's not in the mood.
Or do you ever appreciate that in us because it's a little more stabilizing in your life? She's way more stable than my ex, who was an ENFJ or ESFJ, not sure. She (ex) was impulsive & irresponsible which could be fun sometimes, stressful other times but now it's easier growing old with someone I don't have to do battle with everyday.

 

[Michael82]

I almost dated one i think . To me, the best thing between INFP and INFJ seems talking. Both personalities care a great deal about things and INFJ's are generally soft judgers. INFP's don't seem to get on their nerves easily. Oh well just guessing, I don't know :crazy:.

 

[unclebigs]

I'm married to an INFJ.
1. Do we overwhelm you guys? Sometimes the J is a little strong. Otherwise, sometimes I probably overwhelm her. She's not familiar with verbal intimacy but I think it's her culture & socialization more than her type. It's sometimes hard for her to open up so I might come off a little intrusive when I need to connect. Also, she wants me to be more "alpha", making all the decisions & I like it more 50/50 but I think that goes back to how she grew up. She says it's a Latina thing, I don't know.
Do you wish we were less analytical and more go with the flow? Yes, sometimes. Now & then I need to bust out of a routine & I feel like I'm dragging her along because she's not in the mood.
Or do you ever appreciate that in us because it's a little more stabilizing in your life? She's way more stable than my ex, who was an ENFJ or ESFJ, not sure. She (ex) was impulsive & irresponsible which could be fun sometimes, stressful other times but now it's easier growing old with someone I don't have to do battle with everyday.

I was also married to an ENFJ woman (stressful) and have been dating a Latino INFJ for the last year.

Overall it's been very good. I need some structure to my life and her planning and looking ahead has been helpful. We are very loving and affectionate with each other. We have interesting conversations and similar values. I'm happy with an INFJ woman.

 

[hazzle92]

I'm an INFJ woman in a relationship with an INFP man. I'll give my take on how our relationship works personality typewise.

I find our Fe-Fi dynamic fascinating:
Fe: Because of my Fe I'm much more expressive in my moods than my INFP is. I think he respects my free-spirited nature since he is much more constricted in how he presents himself. I think he appreciates that I look after him and show interest in his life. However we aren't as...full-on as Fe-dom/ExFJs are because of our introversion. We respect an INFPs need for space because we need it too!
Fi: I love his Fi because he's so deep and passionate about things he cares about. His mind is like a lake: complex and beautiful. His Fi makes him a person truly worth loving.

Fe and Fi show caring in different ways but I think it's our depth of caring that draws us together.

Ne/Ni:
Ne: His Ne is childlike and interesting, his imagination is boundless. I love how his mind works.
Ni: My Ni is a little weird I guess but he seems to like it because I guess it brings colour to his day or something XD.

Do we overwhelm you guys? I hope I don't, I'm a very 'P' 'J' so I don't really think this is a problem. It definitely depends on the INFJ.
Do you wish we were less analytical and more go with the flow? As Rim mentioned enneagram makes a difference. My INFP goes less with the flow at times than I do because he's type 6. We balance each other because we can both freak out about the little things.
Or do you ever appreciate that in us because it's a little more stabilizing in your life? I think INFPs appreciate having someone who will always be there for them when they need them because INFJs are very reliable.