Personality Cafe banner

41 - 60 of 165 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,471 Posts
So being a type 4 I read that "equanimity" which is defined as calmness/composure in a difficult situation is our virtue. And boy, when I think about it, this is probably the hardest thing for me.

Sometimes what will upset others and what others will define as a "difficult situation" is not the same as mine, which gives me the false belief that I am a composed person, cuz I'm not freaking out about what they are freaking out with...idk...like heavy traffic. haha.

However, if I do analyze how I react to what I consider difficult situations like "harsh criticism, someone breaking one of my values, being yelled at or feeling like I was at fault for causing trouble" I find that I had completely crumbled into tears during those moments and found it hard to pick myself up and continue with my life like nothing had happened. I won't eat, I can't do my homework, and the thought of going to work the very next day and risking someone picking up on my internal struggle suddenly becomes frightening.

Lack of Equanimity (though I had to look up the definition for it), I think is my single greatest weakness. And if I could overcome it, then that would be a personal miracle.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
222 Posts
Lack of Equanimity (though I had to look up the definition for it), I think is my single greatest weakness. And if I could overcome it, then that would be a personal miracle.
Its definitely inside you.
Equanimity is the real reason we feel different from others. I don't react with the same fear as other types do (particularly 6s, the way they constantly imagine the worst-case scenario).
4's live in the worst-case scenario and we kind of like it. Isn't our self-recrimination really just a dark little comfort zone?
We live 1 story above hell. We remain afloat, even when there's sharks in the waters.
When we misuse our equanimity we become entirely self-absorbed. Other types without this virtue will do more in life to compensate. They will build social networks that keep their fears at bay, while they drift away from their center and they don't know who they are. 4's are the most self-aware, we know exactly who we are, and we have a way of staring the beast in the eye while other types are completely oblivious to the beast. They are living more integrated, protected lives.

My equanimity has made me self-destructive because I have misused it. My equanimity allows me to pull complete escapades, and get away with it.
So much experience in "getting my feelings hurt" has made me thick-skinned and emotionally fortified. I simply do not overreact to things the same way people around me do, I have a way of taking it all in stride no matter how much life sucks (unfortunately this makes me stagnant and resistant to change).
It gives me a sense of immortality -- I will leave my mark on the world that will definitely stand out and last beyond my death, no matter where I end up.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
416 Posts
My weakness is my desire to feel accepted and close to others. I want it so badly that I fear how I will be perceived and judged, so I ultimately pull away from the very thing I desire. I act according to how I think I can make others comfortable, and in the meanwhile, that only accomplishes in people not getting to know my true myself. They only get a fragment of who I really am.

When I finally do allow myself to open up, it results in "info dump" and I am consumed by my own self-doubt of the conversation, which leads me to shut down and isolate myself. This leads to the loneliness of being an outcast and troubled by my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I have this ambivalence towards myself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
66 Posts
We remain afloat, even when there's sharks in the waters.
When we misuse our equanimity we become entirely self-absorbed. Other types without this virtue will do more in life to compensate. Te completely oblivious to the beast. They are living more integrated, protected lives.

So much experience in "getting my feelings hurt" has made me thick-skinned and emotionally fortified. I simply do not overreact to things the same way people around me do, I have a way of taking it all in stride no matter how much life sucks (unfortunately this makes me stagnant and resistant to change).
We don't stay afloat, we dive in! Sometimes drowning.

I like your description, but perhaps you're misunderstanding what the enneagram means by virtue? From this article:

The Virtues are important because they are antidotes to the Passions (or “Capital Sins”)—the root causes of our suffering and delusions.
The Virtue of type Four is Equanimity. When we are abiding in Essence, we are touched and affected by our experiences, often in profound ways, but we are not lost or swept away by emotional reactions. This gives healthy Fours the ability to embrace life without being “storm-tossed” by every feeling. With equanimity, even negative experiences can be made into something positive. Equanimity allows us to find purpose and meaning in knowing that the soul is able to transform every experience into something worthwhile.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Ah, my biggest weakness is clear as glass to me.

I analyize everything until I literally invent new meaning or talk myself out of original commitments or create subtext for other people. Unruly emotions fuel this need to investigate and dissect almost everything for implied meaning. I have a real problem with people who aren't as emotionally transparent or willing to disclose as I am. Problem with that is most people don't come close to my willingness to be vulnerable. So I recklessly analyze anything vague or ambiguous until I am satisfied with the answer(s) I come up with (usually centered around perceived rejection) causing me to resent/abandon people without explanation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,806 Posts
Lack of motivation or clear direction in my life. At the the moment I'm still not sure about what meaning my life should have, I don't believe in an objective meaning of life (Unless of course you mean something like procreation) but I can't seem to find a subjective one either. Without any idea of what I'm doing, I've become unmotivated to do anything.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
276 Posts
Being too gullible.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
281 Posts
My inability to understand others' feelings. I've been known to steamroll over other people and push them away in my single-minded push towards getting what needs to be done, done. Friends have gotten frustrated with me for not caring about what they're feeling. If they say "I'm sad because my boyfriend broke up with me" I'm the type of person who will say something like "Well at least now you won't be distracted by him anymore" or "You probably shouldn't dwell on it." I've always been "tough" but it wasn't until I got to college that people started calling me "unfeeling." It was frustrating to realize that it's true too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
641 Posts
Insecurity! I feel sometimes insecure of myself because I have the fear that others could judge me negatively and that could hurt me!
I don't consider my sensibility a defect, even if it can contributes to increase the possibility to be hurt and so my insecurity in general! I consider it, instead, a point of strength because thanks of it I can feel everything in a deeper level, even if that means that I could feel negative emotions intensely!
My sensibility helps me also to be tactful with other persons because I know, on my own skin, how it's important to find the fair words\gestures\action to relate with them in order to not hurt themselves!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
92 Posts
A strength, but also one of my greatest weaknesses, are the values that I hold and follow. I'm so stubborn in my values and I feel almost personally offended when they are trampled on or otherwise disregarded. Things like bullying, devaluing women, or insulting groups of people because of their race or orientation - get me so worked up. I can become judgmental when I'm stressed out and it's almost never good. On top of that, I have a problem being a people-pleaser, which only accentuates the problem. I find myself watching as my values get stomped on, debating on whether to create a conflict or keep my own dissonance inside of me.

The problem lies that I hold up others, and also myself, to an almost unattainable standard. I desire goodness (type 1) not only in myself, but in those around me. I suppose I am too much of an idealist in this regard, longing for world of goodness and freedom - only to be reminded constantly of our shortcomings.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,556 Posts
I have no idea about Enneagrams. They sound kind of hippy to me, as if they should be boxed up with astrology. Hah. But anyway I'm just here to say that my greatest weakness is presenting myself in front of groups in any kind of semi formal situation. Actually... any time when I feel there are too many eyes on me, I feel highly anxious. I'm socially quite capable and not a recluse at all, but when I feel pushed to the front of attention, the feeling of doom utterly engulfs me.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
17,781 Posts
7w6
a clear vision of what exactly is required to get from where I am to where I want to go. long term stuff I can usually grasp pretty easily, but short term, details and specifics are all areas I struggle with. it's not that I'm bad at taking action, it's knowing what action to do in the first place (the fact that 7 integrates to 5 makes a lot of sense)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
937 Posts
A Fear of Failure- at work and/or relationships

I have a RIGID way of thinking and can now only learn new things by experiences and/or through experiences.

By 4w3 SX/SP
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
144 Posts
One of my greatest weaknesses is getting blown off course. I have lots of trouble sometimes. I get distracted and try to do 20 different things all the time. I lose focus of where I am going and of what I'm doing. Most of the time I control it very well and can keep myself in grip and live with purpose and be very successful. I just get confused and feel totally bad not knowing what is going on. I am currently coming out from a few of these bad days.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,610 Posts
Without question, the two traits that have created the most obstacles in my life:

1. Lack of self-esteem/self-efficacy
2. Disorganization.

My hypersensitivity has also been a huuuuge hindrance - but also a great asset, depending.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,452 Posts
It's hard to put a finger on something specific, because in many ways I think my greatest asset is also my biggest weakness. I suppose it could be summed up as "paralysis by analysis", I analyze everything and think so much ahead, back and so on that I completely fuck up acting on things that I should.
 
41 - 60 of 165 Posts
Top