Personality Cafe banner

1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
667 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Of all the ISTJs I know, you guys don't seem to be very pro-active when you might like company or when you're missing someone... My ISTJ friends seem to be more likely to shut themselves in a room and read/play music/make something, than to actively seek social contact. So, my question is, if you're missing your friends and want to see them, when are you likely to organize something with them, and when are you more likely to not bother until someone contacts you, and why?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,234 Posts
Hmmm this is difficult to answer and depends on my relationship with the person. I honestly have never missed a platonic friend before. When I was in a relationship I would miss my g/f and would make plans all the time when I was more comfortable with her. When I wasn't quite as comfortable, I wouldn't really make any plans I would just kind of hang back and wait hoping that she would make some and I could just go along with it.

If you're still dealing with that ISTJ you've posted about in the past just ask him to hang out. If he wants to, he will and I would assume that he would appreciate that you were the one taking the initiative (I know I would be). Don't be put off if he can't immediately or in the near future, he probably has already made plans. I would say the "safest" way to ask would be something along the lines of this:

"Would you like to hang out sometime?"
If yes
"Okay, when is a good time for you?"

Also, depending on how much of a texter the two of you are this could be the best way to ask the question. I hate being put on the spot for something like that because it doesn't give me enough time to think about what I have planned. I prefer to read it, think about it, then respond appropriately.

HTH

Edited this a bunch after posting.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,245 Posts
So, my question is, if you're missing your friends and want to see them, when are you likely to organize something with them, and when are you more likely to not bother until someone contacts you, and why?
I'm likely to organize a get-together if 1) I have no conflict in my schedule, and 2) I've completed my work for that day. If these two conditions are met there's roughly an 80% chance that I'll arrange the thing. The other 20% is when I'm unusually exhausted that week, or feeling just plain lazy.

So this means that most of the time, when I want to see someone, I will see them.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Wake and niss

·
Registered
Joined
·
582 Posts
I don't miss people, it's never happened. Since I'm living away from home for college I have missed my dog though. When my family said they were coming to visit I encouraged them to bring him. Apparently he missed me too.

Does this mean I value my dog more than people? I don't think so, but I'm much more likely to miss my do than my sister.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
426 Posts
I don't miss people, it's never happened. Since I'm living away from home for college I have missed my dog though. When my family said they were coming to visit I encouraged them to bring him. Apparently he missed me too.

Does this mean I value my dog more than people? I don't think so, but I'm much more likely to miss my dog than my sister.
Same here - I miss the pets more than my family and friends.

If I do miss someone, I usually just make a passing hint or general suggestion. Sometimes they take the idea and run with it and if not, it probably won't happen. Well, not unless they say yes and ask/tell me to organise it (but that's usually family, not friends).

But I am usually over people and their company after putting up with them all day at work and travelling on noisy, packed and long train trips to & from work to want to hang around with others at night / on weekends all the time. And if I'm going out on a weekend, the plans will all be on the same day, the second day is for recovering. :wink:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,477 Posts
I manage my schedule to fit the person in around a day ahead of time to fit anything that comes up from school. The whole calling thing is complicated but basically it varies from friend to friend. I call some at some points in our relationship and others call me. It varies greatly because often one persons schedule will be more full than the others, so the more hectic scheduled person will call the other to set something up on a somewhat immediate basis. The rule is is that we only get together once a week because we have to focus on our goals.

I just get a little depressed when people aren't in my life who I expected to be there. I haven't had abandonment or anything so I can't reference a bad case of this. People are nice to be around to a degree but I like my distance and time alone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
384 Posts
For me, I generally have no problem being without my friends and family. I use facebook and text messaging to keep in contact with everyone, so it isn't very bad. That, and I am usually so busy that I get home, eat, and crash into bed! :)

The one time that I DID miss my loved ones, I sat down and wrote out a big, long letter to all of them and posted it on facebook. It actually prompted them to come and visit me (Both friends, and family in two separate groups...)!! Apparently something about If Caius is showing emotion, something must REALLY be wrong!! haha.
 

·
MOTM May 2011
Joined
·
14,041 Posts
Of all the ISTJs I know, you guys don't seem to be very pro-active when you might like company or when you're missing someone... My ISTJ friends seem to be more likely to shut themselves in a room and read/play music/make something, than to actively seek social contact. So, my question is, if you're missing your friends and want to see them, when are you likely to organize something with them, and when are you more likely to not bother until someone contacts you, and why?
Gurl--you ask some hard questions!:crazy:

'Splain me dis uh, "miss people." What's dat?

As a younger ISTJ, it didn't happen much if any at all. If you were removed from my life by circumstances, I didn't really miss you, as in long for you and want to be with you to the point I would change my schedule. If I did happen to run into you again, I would be happy, but would not actively plan to meet up with you. At times, I might be curious as to what you were up to and how things were going in your life, but it would not be a longing for or a missing you type of feeling.

As an older ISTJ, there is a core group of about a dozen people that I do miss if I don't see them regularly. I want to be connected to these people and I will plan to meet up with them in whatever way is comfortable to our schedules.

Out of this dozen or so, included is my family. I can really get the blues if I don't have regular interactions with SWMBO or my kids. My youngest son worked with me this summer. When he left to go back to college, I had a rough 2-3 days.:sad:

Even now, if you are a friend of mine, but not in the "dirty dozen" then I am not likely to miss you. Just wonder what you are up to, time to time.

EDIT: Ok, I forgot about one person. I do miss Sela on this board if she's gone for several days. I luv all youse ISTJs, but with Sela--she's like a sister--we think so similarly about stuff it's like she is a female version of me.:crazy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
447 Posts
I miss people (maybe 3-6 certain people) a LOT. Most of the time it's fueled by my need to talk to someone about my feelings, which I tend to keep to myself most of the time. It's just complicated because I only trust those 3-6 people with my feelings. Sometimes I miss those people a lot because I know that I want to talk or be with them, but I am worried that they find me annoying or unintelligent or boring.
So! I will usually organize a meet up with these close friends when I feel like my feelings are merited/justifiable. If it's something serious, and I will consider their opinion on the matter, then I will initiate something.

It seems that I am not like other ISTJs in this area, as I miss other people a lot constantly and the subject is on my mind often. If my friends or close friends say that they want to talk or meet up, I am the one who always sets the time and informs everyone involved.

I will usually not initiate a meet up (with the majority of my friends) if it is just for nothing. "Let's get together" is far too unstructured for me- I need to come prepared with something to talk about or discuss. I almost always have an agenda in my mind of what needs to be talked about with each friend. I have a great memory for conversations, and when people just want to meet up for no reason, I find people repeating things they've said before. That is one of my ultimate annoyances- and I will gladly point out in a conversation that we've had this conversation before, and that it is pointless. (This usually only happens with the people that I am acquaintances with- my close friends know a lot better to not try and do that with me.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
106 Posts
Miss? O.K. my immediate family. Others, I may say miss, but it's more of a wonder how they are. I'm horrible at picking up the phone and calling people (even answering the phone for that matter:blushed:). Being an introvert I find it very easy to occupy my time, without anyone else present. People move on, get busy, lose touch all the time, why the emotional attachment? BTW, I do miss my cat.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
667 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
Thanks for your replies :) What I've got from this is that you're not likely to miss, as in be emotionally attached to, casual friends, but you might have close friends/family/pets who you miss when you don't see them. See I'm quite different cos I miss pretty much anyone I've interacted with, if they then leave my life. As a result I make a massive effort to keep in touch with just about everyone...I guess it's an extrovert thing of needing people. But if people keep in touch with me too much I don't make a huge effort in return cos I know they'll make the effort. But from the ISTJs I know, even if you miss people a lot, you don't (usually) get all gushy about it or excessive... my ex, if we weren't together, would call me at the time he said he'd call, but he wouldn't really (or very rarely) send me a spontaneous text at another time, and never rang me out of the blue. However when he said he'd call or when he said he'd be there, he always was. I find that with a lot of you guys you're very reliable but at the same time I can also rely on you not to keep in touch of your own accord unless I'm a very close friend or there's a reason to. ;-)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
80 Posts
I'm not a tag along sort of person and definitely am happiest when I can organise my outings. I do not seek social contact a lot as it's not necessary but when I feel like it would be a good idea I'll call up someone I'm pretty close with and we'll do something; but it's not usually because I miss them. If I do miss them I'm just more eager on the phone lol
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top