Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 33 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,408 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
What do you do if...?

-You are sad?
-You feel like there are no good, kind people?
-You are bored?
-You feel hopeless?

Just wondering, because I heard NTJs tend to be problem solvers, rather than people that dwell much on their feelings.

I was feeling three of the things on the list the other day, so I made my own list of things that I thought would make me feel better, so I did them. I didn't feel better straight away, but the bad feelings left after about a day, and I felt like the problem had been resolved.

Do you still get bummed out about things, or do you just get on with it, if there is an obvious solution?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,699 Posts
My INTJ friend used to go to the gym a lot when he gets like that.
 
  • Like
Reactions: brightflashes

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,053 Posts
To group such feelings together, I tend to lock myself in a private area, ruminate over my problems (less productive than it sounds), and listen to something sad.

I do have a problem on mulling over past faults and "what-ifs" in life. I have a bad tendency to discover a silver lining in every cloud, which is why I hate New Years. That holiday forces me to look over the past year...and I tend to get very melancholy when I see all my faults before me.

I just hold myself to a high standard.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
43 Posts
When I'm sad, I go talk to all my friends.

She's not always available though, so while I wait for her to respond I look around for a fiction book to read or something.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,264 Posts
What do you do if...? -You are sad?
Depends on how sad:
Minor - ignore
Small - hard exercise (lifts my mood), try to shift to a more positive perspective.
Medium range - shift sadness to anger if possible (makes it easier to mobilize), try to stay functional as best I can but go easier on myself, do more 'wants' (more self-compassion, acknowledge I don't feel good but no awfulizing/ruminating/wallowing).
Large - time off, stay in bed, go for long walks, let the grief work itself out (until I can do more of the above).

-You feel like there are no good, kind people?
Tell the people I already know/like/love that I'm grateful to have them in my life. If I didn't already know good people, I would read about someone or a book where the author, dead or not, is clearly 'something else' and reassure myself that, statistically speaking, it's irrational to think I'm the only one. Then I'd get out and meet new people.

-You are bored?
Never happens but if it did I'd stop being boring.

-You feel hopeless?
Make a plan and move on it asap.

Just wondering, because I heard NTJs tend to be problem solvers, rather than people that dwell much on their feelings.
Yeah, I see everyday feelings as imperfect and fleeting, so I ignore/solve the underlying problem and trust the feeling side will take care of itself. I don't think life works out optimally for those who only do as they feel. It concerns me when I see my XXFP female friends doing this repeatedly.

I was feeling three of the things on the list the other day, so I made my own list of things that I thought would make me feel better, so I did them. I didn't feel better straight away, but the bad feelings left after about a day, and I felt like the problem had been resolved.
It seems like sometimes the subconscious lifts the mood as soon as it sees action being started and other times there is a delayed effect (self-trust vs residual feelings needing time to clear). Most of the time simply making a plan makes me feel better (returns me back to having a sense of control/positive outlook). Either way, taking action while knowing the feelings will pass is the way to go.

Do you still get bummed out about things, or do you just get on with it, if there is an obvious solution?
Get on with it. *Doing* is the way out. I hate avoidance which I view as the harder/longer/less sane route. And utterly pointless; your head in the sand doesn't make reality change and neither does ruminating on it. I'm very 'pick a course of action, have conviction and move on it asap' in my approach. For the most part, I don't even give my feelings a thought (in this context). To me that's weird, it's about as relevant to the work at hand as how hungry I am/am not at that given moment. At the same time I acknowledge that being in a positive state of mind is optimal for the purpose of being productive.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,771 Posts
You are sad?
Figure out why I'm sad and "do" something about it if anything can be done. If not, let the feeling ride.

You feel like there are no good, kind people?
There are good people out there, so this doesn't cross my mind. Also, I operate under the belief that 99% of humans are incredibly selfish, so this sentiment isn't a bad way for me to feel. It's normal.

You are bored?
Sleep, surf the net, go for a walk, listen to music, read, etc

You feel hopeless?
Live the feeling for a little bit, a week at most, and then pick myself up and start changing the situation. I always start to feel better when I have something to do. There is an endpoint in mind when there is action to take.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
-You are sad?

What's a sad? :tongue:
I discovered that there are just some days that bring you down, when nothing works as planned. Followed by days, where everything works out and things are always resolved at the end. This Wednesday was awful, but I resolved everything on Thursday and Friday. Things always find a way to balance out and resolve.

-You feel like there are no good, kind people?

I know there aren't any. It's a fact of life, which you take into account. Like gravity or sunshine. Human stupidity is infinite, that's just the way it is and I do not think or obsess about it.

-You are bored?

I'm restless, I always try to find something to do, go online, go out, go for a drive, go eat,... One cannot get bored in this day and age.

-You feel hopeless?

See #1. After giving it lots of thought, making out the big picture (MTBI being part of it), I simply don't care anymore, about some facts in my life. Like being single at 31 and stuff like that. I have good income, I try to do and experience as much as I can, now. I need to go skydiving, even though it is a bit expensive. I need to go to theme parks, to ride the rollercoasters I was too afraid as a child. I need to go road-tripping in Dalmatia. There's lots of stuff left to do and experience. Life must never become a routine. I always try to keep myself occupied and positive.
 

·
Delphic Seer
Joined
·
18,076 Posts
What do you do if...?
-You are sad?
Analyse the situation in order to find a convenient solution or, at the very least, a feasible course of action which can restore a reasonable degree of stability.

-You feel like there are no good, kind people?
I’m a realist so I’m perfectly aware that humans are capable of being both the noblest AND the vilest creatures.

-You are bored?
«May we live in interesting times…»

-You feel hopeless?
As I’ve said before, if a given situation is hopeless I try to keep things in perspective and realise that sometimes, using Sun Tzu’s eloquent metaphors, there are mountains that shouldn’t be climbed and waters that shouldn’t be navigated. Admittedly, retreat can be difficult to process but sometimes it’s necessary in the grand scheme of things and, for a strategic decision-making process, necessity is a far more important criterion than emotional discomfort.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,378 Posts
-You are sad?
I delve into a project. Work, hobby, anything. Or I find other people's problems to fix. This is probably a textbook Melancholy trait, but I have a pathological need to feel useful. Otherwise, I like to go on walks and observe "natural treasures" as I call them. Like this.



When I think about how beautiful things are, and how much purpose there is, it sometimes takes my mind off my worries. Other times, I indulge my addictions. Namely this one.
:blushed:


-You feel like there are no good, kind people?
I remind myself that I'm wrong. World's full of barbarians, sure, but they don't represent all of humanity. They stand as an example of what not to be like, thereby inspiring us to do the opposite.

-You are bored?
Movies, music, and video games...or backseat gaming (which is not a character flaw).

-You feel hopeless?
I force myself to remember that others feel that way too and that makes me want to hug all of them.
:tongue:
I heard NTJs tend to be problem solvers
Sometimes, yeah. Other times, we're the ones who need advice.
:happy:
rather than people that dwell much on their feelings.
Honestly, some of us might need to dwell a bit more on our feelings. In a positive introspective way, that is. Actually, that might be true for everyone. After all, how can we offer advice to others if we're not gaining insight, ourselves? Of course, this is universal regardless of MBTI type.

I was feeling three of the things on the list the other day, so I made my own list of things that I thought would make me feel better, so I did them. I didn't feel better straight away
It rarely goes away quickly. But keep in mind that those moments when we're down have a way of teaching us insight and strengthening our capacity for empathy. Use the insight you gain for possible scenarios in the future. If you observe others enduring similar strife, perhaps you'll be able to recall those memories to help you find the right words of advice so you can be a mentor if the moment calls for it.

Do you still get bummed out about things
Yes.

or do you just get on with it
Sometimes.

if there is an obvious solution?
The solution is rarely obvious, but it's surely a relief when it is.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
408 Posts
What do you do if...?

-You are sad?
-You feel like there are no good, kind people?
-You are bored?
-You feel hopeless?
- I carry on doing the same things I usually do. I just become more introverted.
- Well, I never expect anything from anyone, so I never really get disappointed. Noble acts surprise me way more than egoistical ones.
- I try making good use of time, developing new hobbies, playing video games, hitting the gym or reading about new subjects are good ways to skip time.
- I tell myself something along the lines of: "You are a piece of shit, either take the right attitude now, or perish, scum! No one is going to help you, so help yourself!" It works every time, lol. My pride lifts me up for another battle, to get things straight.
 
  • Like
Reactions: chickydoda

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,378 Posts
There are certain songs that I listen to that either lift me up or crush me hard (in a cathartic way).

This one lifts me up.


This one crushes me.


This one crushes me, then lifts me up again.

 
  • Like
Reactions: chickydoda

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,320 Posts
What do you do if...?

-You are sad?
-You feel like there are no good, kind people?
-You are bored?
-You feel hopeless?

Just wondering, because I heard NTJs tend to be problem solvers, rather than people that dwell much on their feelings.

I was feeling three of the things on the list the other day, so I made my own list of things that I thought would make me feel better, so I did them. I didn't feel better straight away, but the bad feelings left after about a day, and I felt like the problem had been resolved.

Do you still get bummed out about things, or do you just get on with it, if there is an obvious solution?
Generally I am sad when I haven't carved out enough time to delve deep enough into my my own mind. I have a general vision of this - it is to just be in a completely vegetative state physically and go into my mind wandering through all the different compartments and non-compartments.

So the first thing I do is look around and see why I am in a state of feeling out of control and bring control back and then make enough time to do the above.
 

·
Plague Doctor
INTJ, 5w4, Ni-T type
Joined
·
6,039 Posts
Disclaimer: I have practiced a lot of therapeutic techniques for handling emotional problems since age 16 when I saw a therapist for the first time. I'm twice that age now and still use these tools, so that definitely helps quite a bit.

What do you do if...?

-You are sad?
Generally, I work through my problems on my own. I don't tend to enlist others unless it's a very close friend/my partner or someone else who is going through the same thing. For example, I worked through the grief of my father's death about 70% on my own (thanks to some very good therapy previous), 5% by talking to my siblings about their grieving process, 5% by talking to a childhood friend who happened to lose her father the same week, 15% by the nurture, love, patience, and support my partner showed me during that time, and 5% "other" because it was such a confusing time for me that I'm sure I'm leaving something out.

Otherwise, I pull back and become a detached observer of the emotion. Yes, I am aware of the nuances of the feelings; I just don't feel them subjectively. Also, I remember that emotions are transient. Additionally, if there is something at the core of the emotion that is linked to a problem, I aim to solve the problem. For example, I might have an irrational belief which leads to sadness. In this case, I challenge and change the belief which changes the thoughts and then changes the emotion (basic clinical cognitive therapy).


-You feel like there are no good, kind people?
-You are bored?
When one says "feel like" they mean "think that". One feels an emotion. If one ever says, "I feel like ..." everything they say after that statement is a thought, not a feeling. That said, I don't think there are no good, kind people. I have too many personal examples to believe that thought. However, I do know that, based on my experience, these people are rare and the best thing I can do to combat that is to be the sort of person I want to see more of in my life.

I don't get bored.

-You feel hopeless?
For me, this is a symptom of Depression. I'm diagnosed with MDD with psychosis. If I started to feel any symptoms of depression, I call my psychiatrist, schedule an appointment with my therapist, and tell at least two important people in my life (for example, one of my siblings and my partner). This is a plan that I've made for myself to address any symptoms of depression because I am extremely pro-active in making certain I don't get to that state if I can help it.

Essentially, feeling hopeless for me is a medical emergency.

- - - - - - - - - -

Thank you for a chance to reflect on my responses to these things. I think the way most people use these words can be helped with exercise, maintaining a healthy diet, stress management, and a good support system.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
642 Posts
You are sad?


Accept it, for a start. Never avoid it unless it threatens to present at crippling levels. Sadness and happiness are both things that come and go and have significance only in their contrast to one another, and I won't run away from or pursue either because I find it meaningless if not unrealistic to do so - concrete achievements and contentment that comes from striving for them are more important. I have a high tolerance for sadness compared to most people, probably because I'm somewhat depressive/melancholic by nature and am just used to it at low levels.

If it's at the point where it's acute enough to interfere with what I'm doing, and I have something important that needs done, I put the emotion down and bring it back out to look at later, which is something I'm scarily good at. If I don't have anything important to do, I look at it right away (taking detailed mental notes), which may involve staying in bed all day and crying and obsessing until I think I have its source figured out and its extremity is dissolved. I've put it this way before but it really is like the psychological equivalent of opening myself up, cutting out whatever is causing the problem, dissecting it, putting it in a jar of formaldehyde and sitting it on my shelf for further observation with a neat little label. It can be messy, but when it's over it's over and it's usually over quickly, which means I can generally move on without worrying about a recurrence of the illness.

(NB, the things I get acutely sad over are almost never things I have it within my power to change, which is part of why they are the things that make me sad. Resolution has to happen internally.)

You feel like there are no good, kind people?


This isn't a "feel like" thing. People who are really kind enough for my liking are a rarity, kindness is unfortunately pretty circumstantial for most people - I'm not always sure I live up to my own standards on that front either, for the record, though I keep conscious of how well I'm upholding them. Regardless, I try to think of and implement ways to hold myself accountable and to encourage socially positive behavior in others. Theoretically I'm actually pretty cynical and ruminating on that leads to being sad (see q. 1) but in actually dealing with people I'm sort of neutrally-disposed from the outset and inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt unless I have a pragmatic reason not to, so it's not too difficult to interface with them.

(So I guess I ask myself, if there aren't enough good and kind people, what can I do to make humanity kinder?)

You are bored?


Boredom, my old friend. I'm bored a lot. It's a sign that I've fully digested the information at hand, have gained the nutrients from it that are there to gain, and that I need to find something else to direct my attention to. Really, it's the period of indecision between leaving something behind and taking off on a new deep-dive, the period of working out which lake to jump in next or the period of driving from one to the next. It needs to be met with patience - I usually daydream or sift through information passively until the correct "new" thing has presented itself and an opportunity to get into it seriously is reachable. Being at work tends to prolong it because the projects I'm given aren't innately meaningful to me and I'm obviously required to stick with them well past the point where I'm learning anything from them, which can be frustrating... I find myself taking more breaks to read articles to keep my mental energy up, or listening to podcasts, etc.

 
"Ah, my father used to say that only boring people get bored. I used to think it’s only boring people who don’t feel boredom, so cannot conceive of it in others.” - Dr. Robert Ford [Westworld]


You feel hopeless?


Try to clarify to myself what it is that I'm supposed to be hoping for. Big, totalizing hopes are somewhat out of reach just existentially as far as I can tell, so I concentrate more on setting goals that are not absolute but are in line with my ideas about how the world could/should be or that satisfy my own curiosity, and on identifying and practicing processes that sustain me long-term by providing a sense of personal progress and well-being. "Hope" is kind of flimsy.
 

·
Registered
ENTJ; 8w7; Persian C
Joined
·
9,448 Posts
What do you do if...?

-You are sad?
I do not "register," sadness well. Perhaps, because not many things make me sad, per se. Upon high-functioning [sadness], I have never felt a need to slow down; and thus, pay attention to it. There is no 'inbetween,' regarding my emotional-states. And, indeed, I am more likely to slip into a depression; than feel temporal bursts of randomized sadness - or have random cry urges.


-You feel like there are no good, kind people?
I never feel this way. It makes no sense.


You are bored?
I am rarely bored myself, while I do find repetitive (or specific) activities boring in themselves - although; on such cases, I usually go find [something] else to do. Or nap.


You feel hopeless?
My feeling(s) never slow me down. It is not that my (feelings/emotions) of "hopelessness," are perhaps absent, but rather, I tough it out - and continue on, regardless. I never [directly] address these things in myself unless I feel it effecting my external-states, actions, appearances, performances, presentations. I suppose there is a separation I feel between my (actions) - and (mental-states); that my body is an functional-shell I still charge even if internally, I have self-defeatist thoughts.

Depending on the self-defeatist thought, however, which is not always 'hopelessness'; they do keep me moving to some degree. I have been known humiliate / degrade / trash myself internally to produce good or better work on a few occasion(s) when I was too physically exhausted from previous work to continue on, or perhaps, my (Ni) is dried out for the time being.

One of them being:

"You're just a pathetic bitch, aren't you? You think this is good work? Do it again, and do it right! That looks terrible, you idiot. No ideas? Think, think you moron! What can you do to make this pathetic work better?." Really gets me pumping; I do think all the time (&) I love it. I try not to become addicted to this method; as indeed, it is psychologically self-defeatist in some degrees & can become a bit OCD, I would not recommend it for other specimens, but it is rather effective for myself.


Do you still get bummed out about things, or do you just get on with it, if there is an obvious solution?
No. I rarely feel disappointment; I am a practicing (pesimissit) not a cynic - nor an optimist, either. I am prepared always for the worst; and humored otherwise. Situations that are beyond my control; are just that and humanoids do not upset me with their letdowns. They are merely humans, after all.

When I do feel a 'bummy' mood on the horizon(s), I always have some alternative or something else to work toward(s) to repair (whatever happened). I go into a mini-brainstorm - piecing together things, to keep the 'bummed' feel(s) from festering, so I overcome it rather quickly.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,168 Posts
What do you do if...?

-You are sad?
-You feel like there are no good, kind people?
-You are bored?
-You feel hopeless?

Just wondering, because I heard NTJs tend to be problem solvers, rather than people that dwell much on their feelings.

I was feeling three of the things on the list the other day, so I made my own list of things that I thought would make me feel better, so I did them. I didn't feel better straight away, but the bad feelings left after about a day, and I felt like the problem had been resolved.

Do you still get bummed out about things, or do you just get on with it, if there is an obvious solution?
If I am feeling the above, it generally means that I am stressed, tired out, or sick. Remedy: time to myself, read a good book, go for a walk, and I'll feel better.

If there is an obvious external cause that I can fix, I'll fix it. But that usually isn't the case.

If there is a big reason for feeling sad, like someone close to me has died, then I just have to accept it, remind myself that life will get better, and get on with my life, sadness and all. I give myself permission to be sad, and am careful to take care of my needs, physical and emotional.

If I feel hopeless, tired, numb, and it lasts for more than a couple of days, that is a sign of depression. I get that when my hormones fluctuate. Best remedy: force myself to get outside and do something physical. Then do something creative and productive. Also, eating some chocolate helps short term.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
763 Posts
Feelings are internal mental constraints. I like to think they can be overcome so that's what I try to do in such situations. If you look at the situation rationally, such feelings don't help. Pragmatically it's best to ignore them and concentrate on actions in pursuit of goals. Distraction usually works the best.

Sleep is the best distraction. If it's not an option, I'd either go out with people (this makes me forget thinking about problems) or try to immerse myself in something (in theory movies, books and games should work).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
414 Posts
What do you do if...?

Just wondering, because I heard NTJs tend to be problem solvers, rather than people that dwell much on their feelings.

I was feeling three of the things on the list the other day, so I made my own list of things that I thought would make me feel better, so I did them. I didn't feel better straight away, but the bad feelings left after about a day, and I felt like the problem had been resolved.

Do you still get bummed out about things, or do you just get on with it, if there is an obvious solution?
I'm sure we are problem solvers when it comes to non-people problems. But people, not a problem solver, so don't know where you get that idea.

ExxPs are the ones who don't spend too much time on things, move on quickly.

-You are sad?
hide in the cave

-You feel like there are no good, kind people?
complain about it, while in the cave

-You are bored?
become a couch potato in the cave

-You feel hopeless?
whine about it, feel stuck, bored, sleep for too long, let my health go.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
66 Posts
When I'm sad, I go to sleep. Waking up makes me feel like I'm in dreamland, still, a feeling that's honestly a little disturbing if the dream I had was strange/scary, so I get up desperate to feel different, which makes me go play a video game or write or play music to get my mind back in the real world. Throughout this process, I kind of busy my mind into thinking of layers of other feelings/sensations I need to get through in order to stop feeling so weird, so the sadness is forgotten or, I guess, "put on hold."

Another thing I do when I'm sad is flip the objectivity switch:

"I won't be sad forever. Better be done with it now." *flips switch* "Hmm. Much better. Now, time to do something else!"

Option two works for anger, embarrassment, and even happiness (if you don't like being happy lol, or if you really, really don't want to laugh at that stupid someone's joke), but it doesn't make the sadness go away if it's bad. As I said, this too makes the feelings go "on hold" for later. Just be careful because bottling them up for later can keep you up at night. I'd also recommend talking to a loved one, no matter how awkward you might feel doing so, you can't get over everything alone, unfortunately.
 
1 - 20 of 33 Posts
Top