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MOTM Dec 2011
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8,651 Posts
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What can you bring to a relationship? How much do these things outweigh your negatives, or do they?

I get stuck on this for myself. There are many positives on paper. I'm generally considered pretty, slim, stylish, book smart, and I can be a good listener and patient. Ex-boyfriends have said I am exceptionally kind, patient and sweet, and very emotionally supportive, but my family thinks I am cantankerous, moody and difficult at times. I am creative, imaginative, and introspective, but can probably seem too much of a navel-gazer to some. I also am messy, disorganized, not punctual, and not great with practical matters. I wouldnt make for a good housewife (which is fine; I dont want that), nor am I seeking any conventional success via career. In practical terms, I dont think I have much to offer, but I think I might make for an interesting companion.

I wonder how much one side outweighs the other....
 

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596 Posts
pros:
Genius
Good looking, sexy, and also handsome
Great reflexes
More athletic than a 8th grader
Will not get mad if woken up in the middle of the night for sex
does not get drunk/high/trouble with the police

cons:
lazy/unambitious
bad speller
cold
 

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3,530 Posts
What can you bring to a relationship? How much do these things outweigh your negatives, or do they?

I get stuck on this for myself. There are many positives on paper. I'm generally considered pretty, slim, stylish, book smart, and I can be a good listener and patient. Ex-boyfriends have said I am exceptionally kind, patient and sweet, and very emotionally supportive, but my family thinks I am cantankerous, moody and difficult at times. I am creative, imaginative, and introspective, but can probably seem too much of a navel-gazer to some. I also am messy, disorganized, not punctual, and not great with practical matters. I wouldnt make for a good housewife (which is fine; I dont want that), nor am I seeking any conventional success via career. In practical terms, I dont think I have much to offer, but I think I might make for an interesting companion.

I wonder how much one side outweighs the other....

In the eye of beholder. What you have to offer may be gold or junk depending on who's the prospective buyer.

Don't feel bad if your offer is not accepted. Remember the metaphor of picking up and tossing away pebbles? I've had ex BFs who haven't found a better pebble than me. ^_* Yeah, they kick themselves.
 

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Hm, interesting.

I am athletic, in great shape and I think attractive. I care about fashion and am usually always put together. I also have a career making decent money so I am a financially independent woman who lives on her own. I am college educated and on the more intellectual side... But I have no problem going into the outdoors backpacking or just taking a solo trip alone somewhere. Also, I think I am a lot of fun. I like to dance, drink... get wild sometimes. Especially if I am with someone I trust. I won't let inhibitions or what people think worry me. My philosophy for fun is usually to just say yes (within reason). I will try almost anything once.

But I guess I can be a very private person so it can be hard to get to know me. I can also be inpatient, have a temper when stressed (especially about time) and I am sensitive (if you say something mean to me I will probably be very hurt). And when it comes to conflict with a partner I am very reactive. I will immediately want to discuss and get to the root of it all, and if you ignore me I will feel like going crazy. My ex hated that since he needed time to think or whatever. Sometimes it is hard for me to relax... I like to go go go sometimes. What else.... Well I like having a plan so I will get annoyed if we are just wandering around aimlessly.

Eh, I honestly think I have a lot to offer someone. Just saying. :p
 

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Banned
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2,886 Posts
I listen.
I like to do things.
I am sorry.
I am present.
I like to impress but not too much.
I like to plan things and have discussions in a straightforward way at times. Like seriously...we are doing this! Let's talk how.
I am honest a lot of the time.
I was raised OK, and I can talk with my family and sometimes like to spend time with them(even some extended family)
I am not overweight but not toned or anything. May have a bit of a beer belly. :p

Cons:
Not really too handy with tools. It takes a lot of effort and learning. And patience.
Sometimes really shy
Sometimes easily hurt
Sometimes negative
Sometimes jealous and may want more attention than is willing to be given
Fears and anxieties can rear their ugly head
 

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If any man ever needed someone to colour code his sock drawer and write resumes, help him find an appropriate career and then map a strategy for achieving it, DIY new kitchen cabinets, tile the bathroom and landscape the yard, I'm single. But actually I think very few people ever want this hence the reason why I'm single.
 

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Pro: Calm, reassuring presence. Willing to do whatever is necessary to guarantee the protection and security of my beloved. Very eccentric with a deadpan type of humor. Extremely caring and loyal once I trust you. A decent looking guy, slim build, with a primal magnetism that unlocks within a woman, an inner awareness once thought to be extinct. Trust me, you will know it when you feel it. You won't be able to describe it, but you'll know something is different.


Now, me at my worst.

Con: Stubborn. Too passionate at times. Hard to win trust. Over-analyzes. Not too affectionate in public. Conclusion jumper based off intuition alone and then I stubbornly stick to these conclusions, not allowing any new data to change my views. This is one damaging part of my personality, despite all of my good, that I am trying to fix. I know when it happens, and it is extremely difficult to break out of the loop once I'm in it which is why I probably need a very...very... patient woman.


Oh, and I can't whistle.
 

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I am fit, healthy, not hard to look at, confident, smart, and wise. I can always find something interesting in any situation. I have a great sense of humor and I am witty with banter and fun and open to be around. My command of the English language is the equal of 99% of the people I've met. I've never not been able to fix anything I put my mind to except for 1 demon car (neither could 4 professional mechanics).

But

I am fairly wounded by life circumstances. I went through a string of 10-12 employers in a row several years back and just could not find a niche. It left me bitter, disenfranchised, and fairly angry in general at corporate America. I find it almost impossible to even try to get a job these days if it takes any effort beyond someone offering me work. And no one is offering. This is in marked contrast to the first 25 years of my career where I routinely turned down multiple offers per week. That actually weighs fairly heavily on any potential partner.

I used to be fairly well off. Now I am essentially destitute.

I went through the same crisis with women. Actually a stupid number of them. Varying lengths of relationships failed but I did not even count the fairly many of them that didn't make it past the first 6 months. Critique is that despite my polite and open fun demeanor, I am also demanding psychologically. My own level of maturity is unmatched by most partners and they feel put upon in my presence and by being in a relationship with me. I have not yet found the woman that just like Jack Nicholson's character in 'As Good As It Gets' says to me (as Helen Hunt), 'You make me want to be a better woman'. They all say, 'I don't really want to be a better woman, or I accept that I can't be a better woman.' I do not actively try to change them as a crusade, but I do of course mention when they treat me unfairly. I do believe (really I know) that a ton of women treat most men out there unfairly. I just won't tolerate it, or not for long.

I've asked many women and men what about me makes such a poor first impression. The most common answer was that I am far too intense. The people that really know me though add this: You will find a way to get sideways with people. I do not think that I do, but I think that living wisely causes it to happen naturally.

So ... single, jobless (most of the time).
 

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POSITIVES: i love unconditionally, i'm very open-minded, supportive, and sweet, i'm extremely easy-going (almost to a fault), i'm very mature, intelligent, and well-read, i can carry a conversation about pretty much anything, i've never met a person that i couldn't get along with (no clashing with an SO's friends!), and i make it a point to ensure that the other person gets something positive out of our interactions/relationship.

^^^ it's taken a very long time to convince myself that i DO have good qualities, so i'm proud of those things.

negatives: emotional baggage, anxiety issues/depression sometimes get the best of me and i have off days (plus i experience a lot of memory issues since i've been dealing with depression for so long, which messes with brain functions), i try to avoid conflict at all costs so sometimes legitimate issues with the relationship don't get addressed, i still have several leftover learned behaviors from an abusive relationship in my past that can be frustrating to deal with. also, i have no domestic instincts whatsoever. at all. i can't cook, i don't know anything about housekeeping, my hands are pretty much full just taking care of my one cat. i'm pretty useless on that front.

i'm also reasonably good-looking.
 

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Electronica Wizard
ISFP
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6,709 Posts
Pros
I listen.
I enjoy playing musical instruments, especially the piano.
I enjoy carpentry.
I like graphic designs.
I don't drink or smoke.
I like hiking and ice-skating.
I enjoy reading literature,psychology and design books.
I joke a lot.
I respect people's privacy as I would like them to respect mine as well.
I like people who are idiosyncratic.

Cons
I can be apathetic.
Depressive.
Insensitive.
Easily angered.
Not good-looking.
 

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1,657 Posts
Pros: I'm above average in looks, intelligence and personality (if I like you). Take it or leave it, folks :p

Cons: Takes a long time to open up to you. Very aloof. Sometimes I go really quiet or start whining non stop lol
 
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Queen of Hearts
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17,939 Posts
Pros:
I have read many books. (When I was a teen for some reason I thought this would be a great way to increase my attractiveness potential, like, who will even marry me if I haven't read War in Peace in the original Russian? Now I realize that was sort-of . . . mistaken)
Cons:
Too many to list.

Anyways, it's perfect if there's a guy who has weirdly high standards for well-readness and weirdly low standards for attractiveness, personality, intellect, income level, career opportunity, etc. Shouldn't be so hard)

Anyways, I'm working on it) By this summer I hope to be the perfect model of feminine grace and perfection)
 

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5,130 Posts
Pros:

Please. Have you met me?



Cons:

Disabled.
Emotionally unavailable most/all the time.
I have a bad habit of just disappearing.
Independent to the point where any constraints feel stifling.
I take a long time to adjust to new situations.
Lack of initiative.
 

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1,130 Posts
Pros:

Empathy
Put words in the language of the person I'm talking to, not in mine
Cuddly
Great sex
Will research extensive to be able to help from a knowledgeable stand point
Makes the atmospher of the room feel better
Believes in you

Cons:
Will let you hit rock bottom because believes in you
Knows your terrible secret on sight
Knows how to gas light- and will do it if backed in a corner
Lies about the food tasting good when it doesn't
Messy
Might up and leave one day if the call gets strong enough
 
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