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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I was just curious if others had thoughts about their "soulmate"- you don't necessarily have to be believe there will be a single one. But feel free to construct an image of someone who complements you. Don't let anything constrain you; let your imagination take you wherever it needs to. Everyone is welcome to respond, of course - not limited to specific types.
 

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It's interesting that you have asked this question because I wanted to ask something similar! Your question is however much deeper than mine, so I'm glad you posted first :smile: Thank you for sharing your raw thoughts.

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I'm deeply attracted to SFJ men who are type 2 or 3w2. Either SP first or second. They have awesome sensory skills but are also very empathetic. They know how to share that part of themselves with me, how to protect me from my own sensory foolishness, and how to protect me from my own emotional confusion. They are intelligent in ways I am not and I am in ways they are not. We easily take care of each other's blindspot.

The giving nature of type 2 comforts my soul. Something in me seems to comfort theirs. We can also correct each other when we see each other going off track. I know when type 2s are being too giving to the wrong person and when/how they need to prioritize themselves. They can see when my strong focus on my own flaws (w4) and compulsive need to be competent and successful (3) need to be fixed. But at the same time, because we're both image types, we understand why image matters so much to the other.

SFJ 2s know how to unwind my tightened heart, how to let it relax. They cook, they handle all the physical stuff, they take me someplace fun, we talk, share a few jokes, and they make me open up. Then they take me home, we have sex, they put me in the shower, and finally, make me go to sleep. I love that side of them. Likewise, I know how to help them make the most of themselves, show them how to manage their finances, expose them to new thoughts, deep thoughts, goofy thoughts, theories, different opportunities which suit them, forecast the future, and help them navigate complex logic. They enjoy this side of me.

The tritypes I (358) am most attracted to are 279 and 3(w2)79. I am their source of strength, and they are my source of comfort. Peacemaking, positive types are hot to me because I can be too blunt, too strategic, too future-oriented, too solution-oriented, and too unaware of the subtleties of my emotions. While those are strengths in many situations, they can become too much in others. In contrast, they're more subtle, positive, in touch with their emotions, and use gentle forms of communication to get what they want. I need someone to balance me out and show me gentle ways of being. Also, someone who is not power hungry (because I am) but thrives on taking care of others (especially our future kids and me). They're afraid of conflict. They need someone who can handle a crisis with ease and even enjoys handling it, someone who is deeply desirous of success (so that their needs are taken care of), and someone who lets them take a less strenuous path in life. That's me.

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In the past, I had a deep attraction to tritypes 358 and 378, but that was because I wanted someone else to be strong for me. I didn't realize how much of my own strength and ability I was putting aside to accommodate theirs. When I eventually started owning it, it sort of went haywire, then finally started stabilizing over the last few months. Having been around softer personalities recently, I see that they heal me in an unique way. So that has helped me get over my 358/378 fetish :bwink:
 

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In general I try not to have so specific of an idea of a person in mind, I don't want the person I fall in love with to be competing with an imaginary list in my head

Generally speaking I think I'd be complemented most by an 8, 7, or 2 (not that I really think in typological terms but yeah), I'd say I find myself most attracted to ISTJs and ENFPs in general and I see that working the best, so my dual or my own type I guess, actually I can be an ISTJish ENFP so it can feel dual-ish with ENFPs as well??

Don't think a 9 or 5 would be ideal and probably not a 3 though I often find myself attracted to people of these types. I mean perhaps my soulmate is out there being a 9, 5 or 3 and it's fine but it seems like it would be more trouble, seems like something but I'm a pretty needy/high-energy person and I don't want to feel like I'm always initiating things or trying to drag people out of themselves which is how I often feel with people of these types and presumably they don't have so much fun either, want someone who's ok with not being chill, on a lot of different levels, who will get on board with ideas and present their own, I want some level of mutual adventure, to be able to talk openly or fight or be really sincere, want someone who's willing to swing doors wide open

Never really liked this song but I guess??? the open door part, lol


(and to be clear I don't find Hans attractive or appealing this is just here for the open door thing)

edit: maybe what I actually want is high temp in Enneagram?

https://www.typologycentral.com/forums/enneagram/63490-temp.html

And I don't want to be doing extreme sports or whatever (I mean, maybe once or twice), the place my mind goes to with 'soulmate' is someone I'll be sitting by the fire with being old and wearing sweaters and drinking tea and talking about books and then going for a little walk in our village or whatever, more mental attitude than anything
 

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So I'm going to answer this with my "type," the guy that I usually go for.
He is tall and he has dark, most likely wavy.
A killer smile and daring eyes.
He is highly intelligent.
Very athletic. (athlete body)
A gorgeous face.
Probably more introverted.
Kind to everyone, especially me.
I hope he can sing, but he has to at least appreciate my voice.
We have to believe the same things.
I want him to debate with me and talk with me.
He has to love to travel.
The list could go on but I'll stop there.
 

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I'm a 5w4 INTP and honestly only another 5 or similar (6w5, 4w5) can really be my "soul mate"--a person who interests me at the deepest level and keep that interest long-term. That being said, I was best friends with a man of that description (who would have married me in a second) and I chose to marry a 3w4 ENTJ instead. In the way only a 5 can do, I analyzed the situation from all angles and decided that we could not accomplish our potentials together and the menial pressures of life would ultimately destroy us. He also married a much more practical woman, and I think they are good together.

For the most part I'm happy with my decision not to partner with a "soul mate". I think I've been more successful in life having a "field marshall" type by my side. That being said, over the years I have struggled with loneliness and I'd love to spend my old age with another 5--when we are old and don't have to worry about career, family, etc. I would really love to have a close 5ish female friend to talk with, but most other women are SO shallow and a disappointment.
 

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Not passive-aggressive or a silent-treatment type.

Probably someone who can read between the lines and understand that what I meant to say. I am often less diplomatic than I intend to be, and I only realize my blunder after I see the reactions of others.

Positive outlook, future-oriented.

Someone who treats emotional expression sincerely.

Activity-oriented. Wants to go out and do things.

Someone who remains constantly curious and is always learning about the world.

Considerate of others.

_____


I think this might be the greatest amount of thought I've given to this topic.
 

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I go out looking for it rather than imagine it.
 

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I'm quite fond of 7's, 6's and 2's, all feelers.

ENFP 7 and ENFP 2 are my dream type some days, IxFJ 6 is my dream type others. I think that even though I tend to be attracted to introverts, that won't ever happen because I pretty much refuse to initiate anything.
 

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@Birbsofafeather
What about an IxFJ 7
I've never even considered that! It'd work out quite well I think! 7's and I are quite compatible because they get me out of my head and out of my rut, whereas I get them to examine their emotions in a judgement-free environment. IxFJs and I are compatible because we can understand one other's point of view emotionally while providing very different perspectives. Sounds pretty great to me!
 

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I don't have an image of the man, but an image of the relationship, our interactions. I don't have a "type" in the traditional sense (not by choice), but I do tend to like charismatic men with a thread of femininity, so I know my soulmate would be that. "Feminine smiles, the right side is wise, more than I." Jeff Buckley gets it. Something about those little drips of Venus trickling down rough, worn skin, y'know? It makes my legs give out. Not only that, but it gives me a sense of... paternity. Like he has a nurturing side to him, like he bleeds loyalty and love.

In terms of interactions, I just picture my soulmate as someone who leaves me fearless. I'm not afraid to let him in. I'm not afraid to leave my mask gathered around my ankles on the floor. Highly affectionate even after the honeymoon phase. An unquestionable assumption of love and devotion. A bond so solid it's practically tangible.

That's a combination of my ideals and my insecurities talking, though. My soulmate is someone who shows me that there's absolutely nothing to fear in a nutshell. Funnily enough, I trust my current SO to not cheat on me, but I expect everyone to leave me, to get sick of me. As my relationship right now gets more serious, I have become terrified every. single. day. I don't like it. It's crippling and humiliating. I'm optimistic though. I've come a long way. Just gotta work through it one day at a time.

Didn't mean to turn this into a hangup post but I guess I just picture my soulmate quashing those.
 

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I think, for me, the soulmate would have to be an MBTI: INFJ, Enneagram type: 1 or 2 or 5 or 6, not 4 (too individualistic/artsy/abstract for me). I've always had very positive experiences with these types and I can form very deep connections with them. Basically, it would be someone who would have a lot of similar hobbies and preoccupations as me. My soulmate would also have to have her own ambitions and we could support each other in achieving our objectives. She would be fun and stimulating in private and would make me proud to be with her in public.
 

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ENxP 278 Sx/So or Sx/Sp for male
xNFJ 472 Sx/Sp for female

That is only for type though, and that does not define who I believe my soulmate is whatsoever. A lot of what I envision for true love is expressed in moods, colors, atmospheres, intensity and closeness. I described a few of my "fantasy scenarios" of love on another thread somwhere on PerC, not long ago at all.
 
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