Personality Cafe banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
84 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
My mother's an ESFJ. The ESFJ-INFJ is infamous for being...hazardous. So. Before I commit murder, I'm curious about what ESFJs don't understand about INFJs so I can improve my relationship with my mother (she won't and hasn't put the effort into understanding me, so I'll do more of the opposite).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,949 Posts
If that's so, shouldn't you be asking the opposite? What INFJs don't understand about ESFJs?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
930 Posts
We NF's have to learn to speak SJ, not the other way round >.< try speaking to her in more precise language, sensors and SJ's especially hate the words 'maybe' 'I'm not sure' etc.

She's an ESFJ so let her mother you too :p I absolutely promise 99.999% of ESFJ's mean well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
84 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
No, not really. I understand my mother and why she might do things. But she doesn't get me. At all. I need to know what's confusing her so I can 'adjust' myself in those areas.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
84 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
strangely enough, when she's talking to me, she's the more vague one sometimes. To the point it annoys me. Which is pretty hard, being the Master of Vague. My problem is that she's mothering me, TOO MUCH. And I'm not at a mature enough age to realise she means well. I'm too young for that at the moment- maybe when I'm 25. Otherwise, she's just being a tyrant (for the moment).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,535 Posts
My problem is that she's mothering me, TOO MUCH. And I'm not at a mature enough age to realise she means well. I'm too young for that at the moment- maybe when I'm 25. Otherwise, she's just being a tyrant (for the moment).
My mother's an ESTJ and also tends to over-mother. Even though I'm 35 I'll be forever 17 in her eyes. ESTJ's way of mothering is more do, do, do, boss, boss, boss, organize, organize, organize than the ESFJ's way, but there are strong similarities. In fact, not five minutes ago she was telling me what to do, for the 15th time today.

What works for me is to give your mother what she has a right to expect from you, and be pleasant about it, and then on the other things that are just her being pushy, where you really do have a right to exert your independence and express your individuality, be firm without being harsh. ESFJs are very sensitive people although they don't always show it and being harsh with her could hurt her deeply and she might never say so. My mother and I are so different we will never, ever, ever understand each other. But we've learned to accept each other as we are. Understanding MBTI helps me a lot, too.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Zombie Devil Duckie

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,329 Posts
I think you're over complicating things by bringing types into it. You guys live together and you can't find a working dynamic? Or are you trying to create the ideal relationship with your mom? That probably isn't going to work.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
84 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
I'm not trying to look for ideal, just one that doesn't make me feel like killing myself or her 90-80% of the time. Where when I talk to her, my anger isn't translated into sarcasm that goes way over her head (the whole point) and is...anger. 'I feel' language, would be nice to utilise. I would say it's a type thing in a way because she's been trying to change me and my ways since the day I was born. My logic and her logic doesn't translate. I get her, but she doesn't get ME.
 

·
Auntie Duckie
Joined
·
2,720 Posts
What you are feeling is absolutely normal, and just a part of the process of growing up. Do your best to get along until you are on your own. It will all make sense later, just be patient and occupy your mind with something else.


-ZDD
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,535 Posts
It's also very normal for INFJs to struggle to feel understood, especially as they're growing into adulthood. I think there's at least a few threads in the INFJ forum on this.
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top