[Liontiger]

I did this a while back as an exercise. The idea is to clearly spell out how you want to be treated in relationship, regardless of whether you think you deserve it or if you think you're asking for too much. As a 9, I know I have a problem with not wanting to be demanding, and I will sometimes compromise things that should not be compromised. I found it helpful to create a list of the things that are really important to me, things that I should "fight" for.

In romantic relationships:
1. I want someone who will spend time with me. I want to know that you actually enjoy my company.
2. I want someone who is accepting of my quirks. NEVER make fun of me for the things that I like. You can make a few jokes about them, but if I feel like it is mean-spirited, I will be hurt. I also don't need to be told how weird I am all the time. It angers me and makes me feel as if you don't understand me.
3. I want someone who understands me.
4. Be open with me about your emotions. We need to be able to talk about these things and be on the same page.
5. I want someone who will be patient with me. If I don't know something, don't laugh at me. Explain it to me. I hate feeling bad for being naive.

In friendships:
1. I want to be supported as part of the LGBTQ community. It really means a lot to me, and I don’t like feeling like my sexuality is an annoyance.
2. Same as 2 above.
3. I want to be respected. Do not talk down to me, give me orders, or assume you can make me do whatever you want because I am not as assertive as you are. I may act silly and easy-going, but I am not a child. (This goes for romantic relationships, too, but I see it more when I'm with a group of friends.)


How about you guys? What are some things you really want in a relationship?

 

[Tucken]

I must have a healthy, sparkling, good-looking girl. I want her to be interested in growth of some kind, it's no use to have a stagnant relationship.

Friendships: I'm not very demanding...:tongue: Though I guess I've grown tired of friendships going nowhere also, so I want a friendship that's refreshing and new and not so same ol' same ol'. (Wouldn't shun my old "boring" friends though.)

It's much easier to come up with a "really don't want in a relationship" list:shocked:.

3. I want someone who understands me.

That seems to be universal for women. So let me tell all the ladies here in advance... men are no mind-readers!

 

[Liontiger]

That seems to be universal for women. So let me tell all the ladies here in advance... men are no mind-readers!

As someone looking for another woman, it's not impossible! :tongue: But I understand what you're saying.

 

[rowingineden]

What I want is really simple. I want a healthy, equal partner to enjoy the whole of life with, mature and well-formed, who cares about their well-being as well as others', and preferably, someone who is confident and fun-loving and will influence me positively - influence me to try more things, be more social. They absolutely cannot expect to own me; I am sick of jealousy and possessiveness, done with it. Basically, they would help me keep my life balanced and peaceful, instead of adding a bunch of conflict and drama to my life.

 

[Quin Sabe]

To cuddle, and be loved out of spite stemming from my lack of self-efficacy/general nineness. (I'll definitely get off my duff to return the favor when needed.)

Friendships, just show that accept and enjoy my quirks, and want me around. Kind of be a catalyst for me go into achiever mode, and try to keep me out of sloth mode.

 

[Tuttle]

-Someone with whom I can laugh

-Someone who gives me room to be myself

-Someone who gives me the opportunity to learn for myself; I have to learn some things the hard way

-Someone who understands me... or at the very least tries to

-Someone who asks rather than demands things of or from me; I'm most generous with my time, self, money, emotions and energy to those who are respectful

-Someone who can forgive my occasional air-headedness

-Someone who allows me to be weak but encourages me to be strong (and who can give me a swift kick in the rear when I need it)

-Someone who can be vulnerable with me; someone that will trust me to accept the parts of themselves that they desperately try to hide; that I won't exploit their weaknesses for their detriment or for my gain; someone who I can assure that their weaknesses don't define them, but rather are a piece of what makes them who they are

-Someone who refrains from saying, "I told you so" when life doesn't turn out they way I hoped it would

-Someone who wants to achieve things in life; ambition is something I greatly admire and I'll do whatever I can to support my friends in their quests (One wing, anybody?)

 

[beth x]

Lazy bethdeth is lazy....I already filled this out in INTJland here it is quoted for enneagram 9land

Top 5 Characteristics

1. Humour
2. Intelligence
3. Mentally tough
4. Benificent yet....
5. A bit cynical

Top 5 Physical Features

1. I don't
2. really
3. worry that
4. much about
5. these things.

Top 5 Dislikes

1. Sexist/bigoted
2. Philandering
3. Useless/helpless/dependant
4. Conservative
5. OBSESSIVE WITH GEORGE MICHAEL!

Top 5 Desires

1. has similar taste in music
2. Likes me a LOT
3. Likes me so much he wants to have sex (and prefereably good at it)
4. Likes his alone time too
5. Likes similar movies as me.

 

[Ancalimon]

-Sincerity is the most important thing to me, I want someone who would never lie to me or betray my trust, and I want someone who trust me the same way a trust her.

-Someone interesting who won't make me feel bored.

-Someone who will accept me by who I am.

-Someone who will spontaneously do nice things for me.

 

[ster]

Someone more aware than me.
Someone to whom I could retreat to for complete rest and acceptance.
Someone who needs and appreciates me and the stability I offer.
Someone I could make happy.
Someone more assertive and decisive than I.
Someone who doesn't anger easily.
Someone who doesn't judge and criticize easily.
Someone tolerant.
Trust and commitment.

 

[Liontiger]

Someone more aware than me.
Someone to whom I could retreat to for complete rest and acceptance.
Someone who needs and appreciates me and the stability I offer.
Someone I could make happy.
Someone more assertive and decisive than I.
Someone who doesn't anger easily.
Someone who doesn't judge and criticize easily.
Someone tolerant.
Trust and commitment.

That's an amazing list, right there. I especially like the part about wanting someone who needs your stability. I love being able to ground people.

 

[Quin Sabe]

I concur roud:

 

[KiloBravo]

Someone that can accept me for who and what I am.
Someone thats drama free and willing to work to keep our relationship free from it.
Someone that will stick it out through both good times and bad times.
Someone that will understand when I need a little alone time, and not take it personally.
Someone that understands how I feel without me having to communicate it all the time.
Someone thats good in the bed (or at least aspires to be ).

 

[SyndiCat]

I'm too drained to figure this out. Can't she just love me? Blah. They never do.

 

[Quin Sabe]

Still like my first post but the more I think about it, just someone that I can collapse with, let down everything and be weak, and know nothing harmful/wrong/conflict or problems will come from it. I know it's not something guys say, but it would be nice, to be able to do it for just a few minutes then climb back into the suit of armor and be a man. It would also include/be total acceptance since that state is the raw you, unabashed, most vulnerable you.

 

[Memphisto]

The Yin to my Yang...somebody who possesses the strengths to my weaknesses.
Someone that I can learn and grow with and from.
Someone who accepts me as I am with all of my quirks and idiosyncrasies.
Somebody who will not take advantage of my kindness and good nature.
Somebody who will at least attempt understand me rather than not even bother trying.
Somebody who enjoys my company that I can laugh with and just enjoy life with.
Somebody who makes me feel safe physically, emotionally and spiritually.

 

[angularvelocity]

You guys are awesome! Lol I'm still amazed at how similar my beliefs are to people around these forums. It's so relieving.

 

[Evgenia]

I'm a mid 4w5-mid 9w1, but I can't resist answering this:
* A typical 4w3
* A typical 4w3
* A typical 4w3 who could give me the strength and confidence to stand for myself and to make my dreams come true (especially my artistic projects...), and to whom I could give unconditional love, acceptance and support. And whose quirks and idiosyncrasies I could explore endlessly <3

 

[DiaphinisedBat]

Still like my first post but the more I think about it, just someone that I can collapse with, let down everything and be weak, and know nothing harmful/wrong/conflict or problems will come from it. I know it's not something guys say, but it would be nice, to be able to do it for just a few minutes then climb back into the suit of armor and be a man. It would also include/be total acceptance since that state is the raw you, unabashed, most vulnerable you.

That's something that I'd also like to add to my post, only from the other side of things. Someone who trusts me enough to show that side, unashamed, and know that I'm there for them regardless of what has happened. Elated or dejected, being able to share each others emotions and passions is important, I think. That's something I've looked for for a very long time.

 

[LotusBlossom]

These are reposts from previous posts that I made from a few threads in the ISFP forum:

someone who understands me, non-judgmental, good listener, genuinely cares and takes genuine interest in me, slow to anger, quietly supportive and most importantly, embrace my quirks ....

I also don't care much for flattery or sweet words, nor those empty, symbolic gestures such as gifts or remembering anniversaries (I don't even remember those myself) but to show their love in a subdued but much more meaningful way, mostly through action, being there for me when I need them, and steadfastness.

Also, somebody who makes me comfortable around him. This means not asking too many personal questions in the beginning, and don't try to coax me into telling a piece of information that I don't feel comfortable disclosing at that moment in time. I will open up in my own time and not a moment sooner . I also love it when a guy talk about himself, as it takes away the focus from myself and tells me that he wants to let me in.

I yearn for someone who is level-headed and diplomatic in their interactions, as more than anything I hate emotional manipulations, drama and confrontation. Somebody with whom I can keep communication channels open and with whom I am able to discuss things in a clear and direct manner, without turning argumentative or throwing temper tantrums. This is sadly a rare trait.

I'm sure there's more, but this is all I can think of right now.

I am painfully lacking in objectivity, assertiveness, proactiveness, organization, punctuality, discipline, consistency, long range planning (or ANY planning for that matter :|), money matters and all these things that ISFPs are stereotypically bad with, so I appreciate being with somebody who is competent in these things.

Ideally, I prefer to be in a relationship with somebody whose MBTI type is 2-3 letters different from mine, as they will balance me out while not to be so different as to grate on me. In my experience, my best relationships have been with TJs.
.

 

[The King Of Dreams]

In romantic relationships:
1. I want someone who will spend time with me. I want to know that you actually enjoy my company.
2. I want someone who is accepting of my quirks. NEVER make fun of me for the things that I like. You can make a few jokes about them, but if I feel like it is mean-spirited, I will be hurt. I also don't need to be told how weird I am all the time. It angers me and makes me feel as if you don't understand me.
3. I want someone who understands me.
4. Be open with me about your emotions. We need to be able to talk about these things and be on the same page.
5. I want someone who will be patient with me. If I don't know something, don't laugh at me. Explain it to me. I hate feeling bad for being naive.

In friendships:
2. Same as 2 above.
3. I want to be respected. Do not talk down to me, give me orders, or assume you can make me do whatever you want because I am not as assertive as you are. I may act silly and easy-going, but I am not a child. (This goes for romantic relationships, too, but I see it more when I'm with a group of friends.)

Okay, everything that's quoted here is also how I feel. But I would like to add:

Romantic relationships:
1. Affectionate..... I want it to feel weird when You're NOT touching me. I need hugs, kisses & cuddles on a frequent basis. I'm not clingy, but I want it whenever you're around.
2. Intimacy (a.k.a. "Relations") On a frequent yet spontanious basis. None of that "scheduled" stuff...... Well, maybe once in a while.:wink:
3. I need someone that will be totally sweet & kind towards others. Not fake. I want others to say good things about her behind her back.

Friendships:
Basically #1 The same in romance . I don't care what gender you are, I still want it.
2. Intellectual conversation. I need it and I have to go deep with you. Not being able to do that is like being a fish out of water for me.
3. Frequency of visits. I want you around or calling me often. maybe once a week.

I hope I gave a reasonable explanation.