Personality Cafe banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,177 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello my INFJ fellas...

well im here to tell you a little story and ask for your opinion...

today at classes, I was having a chat with a few people...of these guys is an ENTP (I think) and then we just started talking about life...I told him that I dont like to be among big groups of people even if those peoples are friends. therefore I liked to keep my friends, family and romantic interests separeted from each other...so the ENTP guy goes crazy, telling me how my life fail and then pretending to know how my life is, he just started telling me "your life is terrible man seriously you have failed at everything you always look on the negative side if you ever get a girlfriend and she leaves you its gonna hurt a fucking lot because you never experienced and the same with your friends, you have never experienced anything (oh rly?) tell me why do you work so hard to avoid being harmed?"

well I just replied:

2 reasons: I dont like to be betrayed...and its almost a fact that almost every person in the world is capable of betraying you, stabbing you in the back, hurting you or doing something like that...why to expose yourself to the risk, when you can avoid it completly? and also I dont feel very comfortable with a lot of people around me...

2nd Im a perfectionist..I try to set up every single piece so that my life can be as great as it can get.

well the guy only wants things to be done his way...if you dont do things his way, you are wrong and he is always right...hell I know im stubborn but at least I keep it to myself most of the times, I dont go saying "YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!! YOU MUST DO IT THIS WAY!!!" first the guy tells me that being introverted, shy and having little interest in making new friends or going to parties is wrong and that I must change that and become more sociable...secondly the guy told me

"ok...you want to create a perfect world! but its not perfect! because you are not experiencing! you just avoid and dont learn anything, because you just avoid the danger sometimes you got to confront it to learn"

I then invented a small phrase...I didnt mentioned the phrase to him, I kept it in my mind...you are the first people to get to read it...

my desire for a perfect world was not born out of a fantasy...it was born out of a previous broken world.


to explain the phrase...the guy pretty much told me that just because I wanted to avoid pain or bad situations...I would never learn...but the reason why I avoid such things as meeting new people or stuff like that is because THEY HAVE ALREADY BETRAYED ME BEFORE. I have already learned and thats why I do it...because I already know what happens! I think that most INFJ could relate to this...being afraid of being betrayed by anyone...because im most certain that a lot of us have gone through this...so what are your thoughts on the phrase exactly?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,675 Posts
Hello my INFJ fellas...

well im here to tell you a little story and ask for your opinion...

today at classes, I was having a chat with a few people...of these guys is an ENTP (I think) and then we just started talking about life...I told him that I dont like to be among big groups of people even if those peoples are friends. therefore I liked to keep my friends, family and romantic interests separeted from each other...so the ENTP guy goes crazy, telling me how my life fail and then pretending to know how my life is, he just started telling me "your life is terrible man seriously you have failed at everything you always look on the negative side if you ever get a girlfriend and she leaves you its gonna hurt a fucking lot because you never experienced and the same with your friends, you have never experienced anything (oh rly?) tell me why do you work so hard to avoid being harmed?"
You can't expect everyone to be open minded.

One can strive for a perfect world, even if such a world is impossible to achieve. Just as we can strive to live in a world without rape, even if the rape rate never really hits zero. That doesn't mean we should stop striving, does it?

well I just replied:

2 reasons: I dont like to be betrayed...and its almost a fact that almost every person in the world is capable of betraying you, stabbing you in the back, hurting you or doing something like that...why to expose yourself to the risk, when you can avoid it completly? and also I dont feel very comfortable with a lot of people around me...

2nd Im a perfectionist..I try to set up every single piece so that my life can be as great as it can get.

well the guy only wants things to be done his way...if you dont do things his way, you are wrong and he is always right...hell I know im stubborn but at least I keep it to myself most of the times, I dont go saying "YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!! YOU MUST DO IT THIS WAY!!!" first the guy tells me that being introverted, shy and having little interest in making new friends or going to parties is wrong and that I must change that and become more sociable...secondly the guy told me

"ok...you want to create a perfect world! but its not perfect! because you are not experiencing! you just avoid and dont learn anything, because you just avoid the danger sometimes you got to confront it to learn"

I then invented a small phrase...I didnt mentioned the phrase to him, I kept it in my mind...you are the first people to get to read it...

my desire for a perfect world was not born out of a fantasy...it was born out of a previous broken world.


to explain the phrase...the guy pretty much told me that just because I wanted to avoid pain or bad situations...I would never learn...but the reason why I avoid such things as meeting new people or stuff like that is because THEY HAVE ALREADY BETRAYED ME BEFORE. I have already learned and thats why I do it...because I already know what happens! I think that most INFJ could relate to this...being afraid of being betrayed by anyone...because im most certain that a lot of us have gone through this...so what are your thoughts on the phrase exactly?
Betrayal can range from "I shouldn't have thought so highly of that person, oh well." To the worst kind of emotional agony.

To be betrayed by an acquaintance you hardly know for selfish reasons hardly causes me discomfort.

To be betrayed by someone I care for... someone whom I would sacrifice for... that is like twisting the knife in my back. And like Mel Gibson in Braveheart when he is betrayed... half of me doesn't believe it... and the other half wonders why.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
12,037 Posts
There is good and bad in the world. There is right and wrong. There is pretty and ugly. There is happy and sad. I believe everything has checks and balances...like the ying and yang creating a circle...a life circle, if you will. I, also, believe that one will experience both sides of an equation. I think it is a matter of ones' perception. Should one let the harsher side over rule the softer side...it is totally up to each person. Just know that there is good out in the world. Honest, there really is!

my desire for a perfect world was not born out of a fantasy...it was born out of a previous broken world.
As for your above quote, It is wonderful. Just one thing...one needs to be somewhere out there in the world connecting with other people in order to make it closer to the perfect world that you believe it should be. Please don't get me wrong, I am not saying one has to do this. It is only a suggestion/my opinion. Remember it is a matter of ones' perception.
 
  • Like
Reactions: jack london

·
Registered
Joined
·
383 Posts
I think that that quote is really clever and deep on many different levels. Its true for me as each time something big happens in my life I adapt and change trying to make my new world better than the last, although I don't try to make it perfect as I don't believe that anything 'perfect' but not to derail the thread...

Its a good quote and thanks for sharing (Y)

p.s That guy sounds like an idiot
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,174 Posts
Sorry to hear that, the guy was out of line. I get people asking me what I'm doing after school sometimes, and then passing judgements on my lack of 'social activities'. Fuck, I'd rather stare at a wall by myself than sit in a bar with 50 drunk extraverts.

my desire for a perfect world was not born out of a fantasy...it was born out of a previous broken world.
On a intuitive level I like it, but you should be careful to whom you present it seeing as it's meant to be taken symbolicly I think, which is really a Introverted Intuition thing. Here's what would happen if you presented it to, let's say, an INTP:

"It's impossible for a desire to be born from anything other than your own mind. Your fantasy has been triggered by external events which gave you a desire for change, but that is different from the desire originating from the external events that triggered your fantasy. So basically your desire for a perfect world is a fantasy."

It's good you didn't tell them your quote, because depending on how well developed this ENTP's introverted thinking is that's probably what he would've said. And he'd be correct. Unfortunately for us INFJs, symbolic language always draws the short end of the stick in a real argument. :tongue:
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
12,037 Posts
although I don't try to make it perfect as I don't believe that anything 'perfect' but not to derail the thread...
Yes, I agree that nothing is perfect...hence the good and bad, pretty and ugly...so forth and so on, in my post...there is balance though...ying and yang~~life circle. I believe taking the word perfect out of the equation will help to allow a balance. Perfect is too demanding!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Susanna

·
Registered
Joined
·
712 Posts
my desire for a perfect world was not born out of a fantasy...it was born out of a previous broken world.

to explain the phrase...the guy pretty much told me that just because I wanted to avoid pain or bad situations...I would never learn...but the reason why I avoid such things as meeting new people or stuff like that is because THEY HAVE ALREADY BETRAYED ME BEFORE. I have already learned and thats why I do it...because I already know what happens! I think that most INFJ could relate to this...being afraid of being betrayed by anyone...because im most certain that a lot of us have gone through this...so what are your thoughts on the phrase exactly?
This guy was totally insensitive in his expression, but if I understand his sentiment correctly, I think he has a good point. Learning is a fluid process, you should never stop. Currently you have learned in life that people betray you so you should be wary of them and compartmentalize them to minimize the risk of being hurt. By sticking to that viewpoint and not allowing yourself to experience any more data in this area, you have stopped learning and therefore you won't let anything come along to make you feel differently about this. How can you know you are right if you haven't assessed all the evidence available? It's akin to the doctor who learns everything he thinks he needs to know at med school and then continues to practice throughout his/her life based on that knowledge, even though there continues to be leaps and bounds in medical research which should have changed his/her perspective on how /she diagnoses and treats people.

I think what this guywas asking, in his own deranged way, is are you really creating your perfect world by doing what you are doing? Or are you just denying your perfect/ideal world in settling for what is most comfortable and safe for you?

Only you can answer that. Your idea of a perfect world will be very different from his, from mine, from anybodys.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
644 Posts
He sounds like an idiot who can't see further than his own nose, or accept people are simply different. You will likely just get into an argument if you continue to try and persuade him.

I would listen politely, agree with everything he said, and change the subject.

Then simply continue as before.

I would try and take his over the top and offensive response as a display of concern.

This works perfectly with my ESTJ father. :wink:

After all, does it really matter if he doesn't agree with you?

Alternatively, you could explain that you would rather have a few close friends who where there when you needed them, than have lots of meaningless shallow friendships. While you seem to experience less, when you do have experiences they are of a far higher quality, so in the end it all levels out.

If he keeps fussing, explain you appreciate his concern, but you simply arn't going to change. This is just how you are.

Poetic phrases are charming, and I think the wording is very apt, but you are preaching to the converted by posting this here. It might be better to brave the ENTP forums, and ask them if they'd appreciate it and your argument...or you could ask them how best to explain this type of thing to an ENTP?

That's if you really want consensus. If you just needed to let off steam with people who do understand...I really do think it's a nice quote to sum up how many of us approach life. :happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,177 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks for the replies guys...really appreciated them...

btw its not like im some maniac who is trying to make the world a PERFECT place I know it cant be perfect :p the only perfect thing is God. It was pretty much of a way to change "a better" for "perfect"
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top