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I'll try to keep my story short. I'm an INFJ, and my friend is an ISTP.

We've been friends for over 5 years. He quickly became my closest friend, but unfortunately he has moved multiple times since we first met. Luckily, he never moved more than 30 minutes away, so we were able to remain friends albeit somewhat long-distance friends. We no longer would see each other in school, so we had to make plans outside of school.

As more time passed, he of course made new friends. I was happy for him, but I still liked seeing him. I still considered him my best friend. I doubt I kept that title from his perspective, if I ever had it. I still see him as my best friend.

Lately, it's been almost a chore to try to keep the friendship going. I don't want to lose him, but he NEVER tries to contact me at all. It's always me trying to get him to come over or do something. He complies, sometimes, but it seems like I'm just a back-up friend at this point. When he's bored and has nothing else to do, I'll be the desperate one waiting to see him. I'm growing tired of it.

Do you think he's already moved on past me? If so, I'd like to do the same for him. Not to hurt him (I'd never want to hurt him) but to protect myself. It hurts me a lot to try to remain friends with him and see him almost resisting. Do you think it's best if I just try to move on, and slowly stop communicating with him? I don't think he'll notice too much. He has a lot of other friends, so I'm sure he'll be ok. I have a few other friends, but I definitely will miss him...
 

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ISTPs do not have much, if any need at all, for socializing for the sake of socializing.

Basically means if you never contacted him chances are he wouldn't get back to you either, definitely not on a regular basis. Then someday however, years later he might just shows up to talk about the old times and wants to see what's up, as if it was just yesterday you last met/talked. As for any INFJ dealing with an ISTP, do not beat yourselves up over your feelings or you are in for a tough ride.

Chances are he means no harm, though it will inevitably be dealt, chances also are, he will not understand what's the deal in first place.
 

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Long distance friendships don't work out so well for me. It takes an awful lot of effort on my part, and often there are far too many expectations that I just can't be down with.

For that matter, I'm not really good with in-town friendships either. My friends often have to chase me down and keep after me if they want to see me. I've been the victim of the dreaded "drop by" visit because I'll go weeks without responding to texts or phone calls... doesn't mean anything on my end, except that I'm busy, forgetful, or just haven't prioritized socializing.

And by the way, there is nothing worse than the FUCKING unannounced visit. One of my friends did that to me last year, and I was so mean to him it cured him of ever trying that shit again.

Most of what I do just depends on how I feel at the time. I had a couple months two years ago where I was very social... but the people I was hanging with weren't really friends. They were just daring, adventurous types who enjoyed taking things to extreme limits, and I was having fun with them. I neglected a lot of my other friends during that time -not because I didn't like the other friends, but just because what was right in front of me... was right in front of me. And required little effort on my part.

I don't go out of my way to make regular dates, visits, phone calls, whatever. I can be out of touch with you for years and call out of the blue as though no time has passed. I'm not someone who has a rule list of how friendship is supposed to work. I always figure, if you're friends, you're friends. Once you're friends, how many tests do you really need to pass? Every time I realize that my worthiness in a friendship is being judged by some arbitrary set of rules or a checklist, I lose interest in the friendship.
 

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If my friends arent in the same town i dont even think about them at all. I never phoned my best friend in 5 years while i was out of town and we were closer than brothers back in town. I still used to consider him one of my closest friends and hung out with him whenever i came back to town but after the last year of "no contact" he had transformed into a douche since i "wasnt interested in staying friends with him". Which wasnt the case since he had moved to denmark for a year and phoning there was too expensive and he never came online to chat even. Ohwell, his loss.

So... if his living far away then that doesnt mean he doesnt consider you a friend, just he doesnt find a practical need to call you once a week / month and while his in town, he will still drop by and have a blast with you. Its your choice if you want someone like that as a friend or not.
 

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I lost so many good friends due to my incapability to keep contact. :/ I luckily noticed it early enough to warn one of my best friends about it - that it will probably happen once I move to the other country but that I really don't want it. She was pissed at first (seriously, you try and tell your NF friend that you will probably break off a great friendship because your incapability of write an email once and then :D) but got over it and now we manage to encourage each other to keep contact as much as we can and let it lose it.
 

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+1 on not being good at keeping in touch.

When I'm busy, I'm busy until I get tired, and then I go to bed. If you want to see me, come help me out or present me with an interesting task you want help with, which I can make into my next project. :happy:
 

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Has this been the first time the two of you have really been separate? Might just take a little maturity and development for the ISTP to begin talking to you as if he actually cares about you instead of a casual "lets go throw rocks at birds" point of view. I know I had to break my own ice at one point when I invited them over for a drink and their first question was, "but what do you have in mind to do?" It was a little awkward but I said, "just talk."
 

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Funny enough, for me it seems to be the opposite. I've been happy to keep in touch long distance, but I always end up being the one to send the last email.

Or get unfriended on Facebook. :frustrating:
 

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Funny enough, for me it seems to be the opposite. I've been happy to keep in touch long distance, but I always end up being the one to send the last email.

Or get unfriended on Facebook. :frustrating:
Guess that means we suck at it, whether or not we like the task in itself :laughing:
 
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