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well I think of it as more of a pre-date date.

I've suggested it a million times myself though no one ever likes the idea when I've suggested it. I suggest it as a pre-date thing to see if there's in person chemistry (for those who online date) if the personality hasn't "caught" me so to speak. Anyhow, I never know what to wear and they always end up being way more awkward than meeting up for a drink for a first date (despite the fact that the first date might not go anywhere).

I usually suggest coffee for those I'm fairly neutral about meeting (on the fence, or what have you). If I'm excited to meet the person I'm more inclined for it to be a fun date and really, how exciting can a coffee date be? (at least none that I've ever been on have been, they've all been super boring).

Also, if someone suggests coffee for me, I tend to not take it personally and assume their reasoning similar to mine - with them being on the fence or not so particularly excited to meet me (in which case I have to fight that part of me that thinks, why bother if that's the case?) damn J in me. I know, double standards :p

So what are your thoughts or experiences about coffee dates as a first date. It's pretty lame but apparently, Starbucks is the most common first date spot according to some sources so I know I'm not alone in doing my time with the coffee run around just to meet someone.
 

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Why not? Does the setting matter that much for a first date? The focus is on the other person and if there are signs of compatibility, so in my opinion the setting is irrelevant. I guess I wouldn't suggest a loud, obnoxious atmosphere but that's about it. Starbucks is fine (though I don't drink coffee but that's just me :p).
 

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I've thought about this years ago, but the guys I come across are less than ecstatic about it, to say the least. The only other less appealing thing I've requested was meeting at a museum.
 

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Like you I consider it a predate. And I think of it as a way to see if theres in person chemistry.

I have done it a few times before when I online dated. And I liked it because it was a less awkward meeting then a date upon meeting someone. And even less awkward to say see ya or just walk out if the person starts making racist slurs (lol I did that for coffee meet, walked out because the person started degrading people around them.) But yeah easy way to just say hi see if theres any chemistry and then just say bye without discomfort.
 

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Like you I consider it a predate. And I think of it as a way to see if theres in person chemistry.

I have done it a few times before when I online dated. And I liked it because it was a less awkward meeting then a date upon meeting someone. And even less awkward to say see ya or just walk out if the person starts making racist slurs (lol I did that for coffee meet, walked out because the person started degrading people around them.) But yeah easy way to just say hi see if theres any chemistry and then just say bye without discomfort.
 

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I'd meet in a public place but one where we don't have to shout to hear each other, listen to people hollering out orders, or work a lot to avoid crowds. Starbucks? Ehh, not so much, at least for me.
 

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I've thought about this years ago, but the guys I come across are less than ecstatic about it, to say the least. The only other less appealing thing I've requested was meeting at a museum.
A museum is actually a great idea, at least to me. It provides a ground for conversation and you can look at some cool stuff to see if you share interests. I could see myself on a date at a geology or history museum and especially a planetarium.
 

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Lovely to meet there,
And I'm sure if it's a place they like,
Then it's Ideal.

Me personally?
Hate Starbucks,
And I don't want a second date there,
I would want a second date or any other after the first to be somewhere more original or interesting!
 

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I am neutral about what making a date for coffee says about the meta level overview of the situation.

That being said, caffeine? Really? Make a nervous situation even more-so? That sounds like a recipe for disaster. Actually planned sabotage is a better way of putting it.

There is a reason drinks and conversation should mean alcoholic drinks for many of us. Alcohol is often called liquid courage and it's not a joke. I guess at a certain age people come to terms better with their lack of confidence and general nervousness surrounding dating that this becomes less of an issue. But I am 50 and VERY confident and yet I still enjoy a few drinks on a first date as a preference.

I certainly would not drink coffee even if I met at Starbucks. I have enough energy as it is. When I was a teenager my friends used to forbid me to drink caffeine and jockey for not sitting next to me if I drank it. I was so animated that if anyone told a joke it was physically dangerous to the person sitting next to me. That is a joke but just barely and the situation did happen often.

It's just my perspective but I think you are adding a slight challenge to an already challenging situation. If that is your goal, or you do not mind the extra filter possibly eliminating or confusing the situation, then that is fine. But you asked for opinions, implying you are not sure. So in true Ningsta fashion ... mas-o-menos.
 

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It's a start I guess, yeah? If it is a complete stranger then sure why not, you're in a fairly public setting it's not quite personal. That should ease some stress.
I'm personally not down for ever going on a date with someone I don't know. I like to know wether it is a waste of my time or not.
Given my standard I'd spend a few good hours with them in more of a home or dorm setting. More privacy, I don't care much for interruptions, and feel out what connection might be there. Watch a movie or two on Netflix maybe, have a meal, and talk. If there's potential from there I'd pretty much go out and do anything. I guess I'd rather bond with someone first before I go out and do something more adventurous with them.
 

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Going out for coffee is awkward, imo. Some of the better first dates I've had are to things like the zoo or mini golf where there are things there to inspire conversation if you get nervous and lots of people around in case you want to make a run for it. If those go well then I'll suggest getting a beverage of sorts afterwards.
 

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A museum is actually a great idea, at least to me. It provides a ground for conversation and you can look at some cool stuff to see if you share interests. I could see myself on a date at a geology or history museum and especially a planetarium.
Yeah, this is exactly what I've thought. But apparently I'm living among the wrong type of people for that.
 

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i do it always.

if it is a great convo, ti can keep on. if not, it is the 15 minutes planned. i show up early, and see how the person treats the staff.

i was on one coffee date, adn got a total cold shoulder from her. she was antsy to get out of there. but she was smart, and cute, but i knew she was not interested in me.

fine. So, at the end, I said "I'd like to see you again." She said "I'd like to see yuo again."

later, I found out she had back issues which were bothering her and the chairs were uncomfortable.

assumptions. always question.
 

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Oh I wanted to add... I'm kind of a coffee snob, and its difficult to keep that in check as to not scare off the date. My ex used to roll her eyes at me whenever we would get coffee, but I think I'd need at least a couple dates before the possibility of them finding it cute was on the table. The pre-date idea is a nice thought, and pretty practical. I just think I would fail at it. :laughing:
 

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I agree about Starbucks being a "predate" kind of place. Like a screening for interest. Whereas "date" is more like a semi-formally planned activity that's going to occupy at least a couple of hours of our time. Bonus date points for bringing flowers, paying, and/or driving (edit: on a date). "Indie coffee shop" is more like the latter to me - more unique, more intimate, more potential for conversation that extends into the wee hours of the night.
 
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