Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 78 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My INTJ female best friend is one of the most important people in my life. She's taught me a lot of things;

  1. She taught me how to look at people and situations much more objectively than I once had in the past.
  2. She taught me that it is better to plan certain things ahead.


And I've also taught her how to go with the flow when she needs to be by losing a little more control. I’ve also showed her not to get too cold to others when the situations call for it.

What about your experiences/observations? What do you think of INTJ+INFP friendship?

I feel that it can offer a lot of growth, if two people are willing to understand each other.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
230 Posts
I think as far as friendships go INTJ/INFP is one of the most difficult combinations, particularly when both people are at a stage in their life where there is a lot of maturing and growing to be done. Having said that I do think both types have a lot to offer eachother and when things are going good between the two, it feels almost perfect.

My INFP best friend encouraged me to follow my heart sometimes rather than just my head,
She taught me to 'go with the flow' more,
She showed me that being right isn't everything,
She made me open up in ways that I never thought I could...
Aside from the positive aspects of our friendship she also taught me to trust NOBODY,
and caused me the most incredible emotional pain I have ever felt.

I have learned to take everything she says with a pinch of salt, and not depend on her because she is far too fickle and stubborn. But I really have learned more about myself and how others work by being friends with her and I will continue to do so as I know we still have so much to learn from eachother.

Based on my experience, the INTJ/INFP friendship is almost like a fire that cannot be put out....(regardless of our best efforts to do so)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,026 Posts
I can't be friends with most, and my impression of them is much like bionic's. But my best friend is nonetheless INFP - someone who grew up with TJs so knows that there is nothing "cold" to worry about and doesn't irrationally accuse me of things I didn't do or suddenly blow up in my face and/or become passive-aggressive due to something she imagined. Also one of the most intelligent people I know. We do well, but I don't think that holds for many of that type w me - there are still a few on here that seem quite interesting. & it's better than Dom-Fe, that's for sure..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I think as far as friendships go INTJ/INFP is one of the most difficult combinations, particularly when both people are at a stage in their life where there is a lot of maturing and growing to be done. Having said that I do think both types have a lot to offer eachother and when things are going good between the two, it feels almost perfect.

My INFP best friend encouraged me to follow my heart sometimes rather than just my head,
She taught me to 'go with the flow' more,
She showed me that being right isn't everything,
She made me open up in ways that I never thought I could...
Aside from the positive aspects of our friendship she also taught me to trust NOBODY,
and caused me the most incredible emotional pain I have ever felt.

I have learned to take everything she says with a pinch of salt, and not depend on her because she is far too fickle and stubborn. But I really have learned more about myself and how others work by being friends with her and I will continue to do so as I know we still have so much to learn from eachother.

Based on my experience, the INTJ/INFP friendship is almost like a fire that cannot be put out....(regardless of our best efforts to do so)
I know it is typically a challenge, but I think with the right effort and perspective, certain INFP INTJ friendship combinations can work for the better.

I remember my very first impression of my INTJ best friend. I used to think,''She is so freaking critical!'' But through time, I understand why she is the way she is.

It helps that we try to see the strengths in each other that may be overlooked by others.

For example, instead of seeing someone who's naive and over emotional, she sees me as someone who values deeper connections with meanings, people and she understands that I often hide my cynical nature due to my values.

Instead of me seeing her as someone who's cold and unwilling to be emotionally honest, I see her as someone who is cautious due to experiences and who likes to solve problems strategically. Underneath her T and J exterior, she is an unbelievably warm, authentic person.

Our IN's also helped for a lot of adventures together.

Frankly, I can't imagine going through these past few years without her :crazy:
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,020 Posts
The last 6 years I have spent a lot of time with INFPs as my ex fiancé is one and so are the majority of his friends.

I personally do not think that INFPs and INTJs are such a disastrous dynamic that is often describe. If anything I have learnt a lot from them in terms of empathy, sympathy and compassion. I also find colloquial conversation with them to be rather pleasant and jovial.

Trouble areas I spotted were when it came down to making decisions. I am a very rational and thought out person. This has caused them to often complain that I am too calculated and manipulative. My need for structure and planning also bothers them. They find that I can be too honest, too blunt, and too direct and that I do not always handle situations with the person's feelings taken into consideration. Their frivolous nature and habit of glossing over reality bothered me.

Relationship wise I do not believe that a Female INTJ/ Male INFP is very practical though I can see the reversal having potential. I think while the male INFPs are often drawn towards female INTJs for their 'enigmatic' qualities they are often despaired when reality hits.

I have a great appreciation for the depth that the INFP has to offer to the world. I always feel very protective of them as often give off an aura of vulnerability. I am more then happy to give them the stability and security they need as long as they know not to overstep the boundaries and give me the space I need to feel secure.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,516 Posts
i think any type can get along with any type. for example, one of my friends is an ESTJ, my complete opposite.

back to the subject: i have gotten along very well with every INTJ i have ever met. it may be because i have a tendency to make others comfortable... well, thats probably not true. if i can tell that they are shy or reserved i respect it and if they seem really uncomfortable, then i feel them out and make them comfortable-- where as if i think they're fine i just sort of keep to myself...

anyhow, the only INTJ that i've found hard to connect with is this girl in one of my classes. it's harder to get a read on her, and this could be because of the setting. all of our interactions are very stressed and awkward.

but, for the most part, i've always had a good "connection" with INTJs. interesting conversation, quirkyness, and an off-beat sense of humor is hard to clash with. and our "clashes" are just a difference of opinions, so it's really no big deal.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
54 Posts
jeez I just finished venting about my stupid unhealthy infp brother in the infp section. If I saw a lot less of him like maybe once a year then we'd be okay. I did have a friend that seemed more of a healthy infp and we got along pretty well but he's married now and I never see him, which is probably good.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,552 Posts
I think INTJ-INFP is either a hit or a miss. I tend to value their mixture of quiet contemplativeness and moral judgement. I don't tend to like if they become overwhelmed with negativity or overflowing emotions. Like any friendship, sometimes moving outside of the boundaries of the norm is can be unacceptable and some people are always going to mix well with others due to the way they do so making sense to the other party.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
280 Posts
jeez I just finished venting about my stupid unhealthy infp brother in the infp section. If I saw a lot less of him like maybe once a year then we'd be okay. I did have a friend that seemed more of a healthy infp and we got along pretty well but he's married now and I never see him, which is probably good.
Really, I have the same attitude towards my INTJ brother. You don't suppose your behaviour helped him to be that way by any chance do you?

Do you think he has a superiority complex that is bigger than yours? Your rant reminded me of my brother, I had a look. Where he thought I had an arrogant attitude towards him when clearly he was older, knew better. In fact so much better that he forced his ideas upon me to teach me his lessons and error of my ways so much so that he, just like my father, would brainwash me into believing his contingents and calculatingly exacting plans are the only way, and I mean only way to live. He continually disrespected me, in fact I became his doormat and he assumed because he had a university degree I was beneath him. So of course because I questioned his judgments and criticism of my life I was to accept this as his proof that I was beneath him. And when I challenged him to think less highly of himself he thought I was arrogant and deferential to his elders. I wonder.

Maybe he can't really escape the criticism, judgment and values in the family so he reacts in different ways than you think is logically probable.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
280 Posts
I think INTJ-INFP is either a hit or a miss. I tend to value their mixture of quiet contemplativeness and moral judgement. I don't tend to like if they become overwhelmed with negativity or overflowing emotions. Like any friendship, sometimes moving outside of the boundaries of the norm is can be unacceptable and some people are always going to mix well with others due to the way they do so making sense to the other party.
Say would affectionate criticism be an INTJ way of showing how much you care about another person? If so would you think this creates a positive self esteem, confidence and self belief for an INFP?

Would you consider a friendship or a relationship that is dutiful and valuable more positive than a relationship that is loving?

I believe INTJ INFP would be a relationship miss match as you say more often than not. As friends yes, there is a healthy respect there. In families and as lovers especially after marriage dare I say this changes. Depends entirely on how well INTJ regard emotions and their maturity without dismissing their feelings, why should INFPs be made to understand INTJ logic when INTJ logic is dismissive of INFP emotions. This probably is somewhat more applicable for male INTJ than female INTJ by proxy of estrogen vs testosterone. :tongue:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,516 Posts
I think INTJ-INFP is either a hit or a miss. I tend to value their mixture of quiet contemplativeness and moral judgement. I don't tend to like if they become overwhelmed with negativity or overflowing emotions. Like any friendship, sometimes moving outside of the boundaries of the norm is can be unacceptable and some people are always going to mix well with others due to the way they do so making sense to the other party.
i'm sorry, i don't know if it was punctuation or what, but i had a hard time following this-- and i want to, since i think i know what you're saying and i think i agree with it.... what exactly were you saying jim?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,516 Posts
Say would affectionate criticism be an INTJ way of showing how much you care about another person? If so would you think this creates a positive self esteem, confidence and self belief for an INFP?

Would you consider a friendship or a relationship that is dutiful and valuable more positive than a relationship that is loving?

I believe INTJ INFP would be a relationship miss match as you say more often than not. As friends yes, there is a healthy respect there. In families and as lovers especially after marriage dare I say this changes. Depends entirely on how well INTJ regard emotions and their maturity without dismissing their feelings, why should INFPs be made to understand INTJ logic when INTJ logic is dismissive of INFP emotions. This probably is somewhat more applicable for male INTJ than female INTJ by proxy of estrogen vs testosterone. :tongue:
my grandfather is an INTJ and his wife (my grandmother) is an ISFJ. horrible, horrible match. but i think that has more to do with the SJ part being combined with the F part.

and this is weird because, while my grandfather has admitted that he is bad with emotion, and that he rarely even knows how feels, with me he tends to open up a lot. what i really see is someone who has completely ignored their emotional side to point where they can't really deal with it in a healthy sense unless somebody is willing to humble themselves enough to allow for vulnerability to take place.

he is an extremely intelligent person (had a high ranking job in IRS [which he hated by the way], and taught history at a college; constantly researches sociology & psychology for the fun it, etc.), and a lot older than i am, but he still comes to me for advice on how to handle certain situations, or what i would do.... which really is pretty damn humbling, that he would come to me for anything, but i guess it's only fair since i go to him for a lot.

i hope all that had a relevant point to the thread :happy:.

oh lol, i remember now:

ours is a relationship where both parties benefit and grow, learning things that aren't in our natural mode.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,026 Posts
....you seem to be taking some of these posts awfully personally, Seventree. Couldn't you post about your experiences with INTJs without projecting that behaviour onto others of that type here? Your experiences are valid - just not necessarily identical with the experiences of certain INFPs the INTJs here have had difficulty with.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,552 Posts
I believe INTJ INFP would be a relationship miss match as you say more often than not. As friends yes, there is a healthy respect there. In families and as lovers especially after marriage dare I say this changes. Depends entirely on how well INTJ regard emotions and their maturity without dismissing their feelings, why should INFPs be made to understand INTJ logic when INTJ logic is dismissive of INFP emotions. This probably is somewhat more applicable for male INTJ than female INTJ by proxy of estrogen vs testosterone. :tongue:
Sound like you haven't given this much thought or advanced your feelings on what is right about this, instead focusing on all the wrong points. You underplay the similarities by focusing on feeling vs thinking when cognitively the picture is much more complex yet similar. You could learn a lot by finding out how INTJs and INFP share Fi->Te decision making loops while INTJs are more retentive due to Ni and not Ne.

We are the rational idealists after all, if you are going for an appeal to emotions over rationality, we are the most likely to listen if we have confidence in you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
........ If my INTJ and I weren't understanding enough, we'd be like this;

Me : '' She's so arrogant and full of herself''
Her: ''She's so naive''

But instead it's actually..

Me: ''She likes to guide people and solve problems by thinking more far ahead about the bigger picture than usual''
Her: ''She might have a deeper insight into the world of feelings''

Two best friends, who have been there for each other through thick and thin since late year 2007.

But then again, that's just us. It doesn't apply to everyone, I'm aware of that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,423 Posts
My INTJ female best friend is one of the most important people in my life. She's taught me a lot of things;

  1. She taught me how to look at people and situations much more objectively than I once had in the past.
  2. She taught me that it is better to plan certain things ahead.


And I've also taught her how to go with the flow when she needs to be by losing a little more control. I’ve also showed her not to get too cold to others when the situations call for it.

What about your experiences/observations? What do you think of INTJ+INFP friendship?

I feel that it can offer a lot of growth, if two people are willing to understand each other.
Difficult but not impossible. I don't see it offering growth to me, even if it is a very balanced INFP. Somehow you always end up explaining things to INFP's but hardly ever you get something interesting in return.

But I don't know many INFP's. Just 2 in real life. One is a disaster, the other is normal, but very passive. I like assertiveness in people and INFP's don't seem to have much of that. (and when they do, it's often in a negative form.)

But I'm always interested in being surprised. I've seen some INFP's posting in this forum that do have something to say and do so in an interesting way. So even though it may look like I have a thing against INFP's, that's not true. I judge people individually, not because of some lable or group they happen to belong to.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Difficult but not impossible. I don't see it offering growth to me, even if it is a very balanced INFP. Somehow you always end up explaining things to INFP's but hardly ever you get something interesting in return.

But I don't know many INFP's. Just 2 in real life. One is a disaster, the other is normal, but very passive. I like assertiveness in people and INFP's don't seem to have much of that. (and when they do, it's often in a negative form.)

But I'm always interested in being surprised. I've seen some INFP's posting in this forum that do have something to say and do so in an interesting way. So even though it may look like I have a thing against INFP's, that's not true. I judge people individually, not because of some lable or group they happen to belong to.

We can be very assertive, to be honest, there are just times when we withdraw if it feels as though it might interfere with our values or expose too much depth in our emotions.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,423 Posts
We can be very assertive, to be honest, there are just times when we withdraw if it feels as though it might interfere with our values or expose too much depth in our emotions.
What are those values? Are they always the same or do they depend on the situation?
 
1 - 20 of 78 Posts
Top