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@tanstaafl28 That's the difficult part. I'm used to putting myself down - hard - for having lustful thoughts. But turning this battleship around is going to take time and effort. As will be trying to navigate the dating scene, something I have very little experience with. It's hard not to fall into those old thought patterns, but I'm doing what I can.
I'm sorry to hear that. There's nothing wrong with you for enjoying yourself. Exploring your sexuality is perfectly healthy (just be careful about it). I commend you for working on this. Please don't give up on yourself. You'll get there.
 

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@ENFPathetic I'd also mention that for a long time I was on medication that suppressed most of my libido. At the time this seemed like a relief, but was merely avoiding the problem. Feeling desire still makes me uncomfortable (especially when it's very strong), but I'm slowly getting used to it.
That sounds extreme lol. Was it a side effect of an important medication? Or were you that desperate to lower your sex drive? I get that it can be uncomfortable. But that's ok. You get used to it after a while and you learn how to manage it. Think back to when you were 12 and couldn't even control your boners lol. A bit of embarrassment every now and then is a part of life. Don't let it bother you any further.
 

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After a lifetime of sexual repression (mostly self imposed) I'm afraid I'm becoming unhinged. These days when I'm in a relationship, I want sex at least once a day, sometimes twice. And even when I'm not, I still want it that frequently, though of course we're talking self-service. This seems rather excessive. Can years of repression have a boomerang effect? It also seems a bit surprising that I'm even capable of doing it that often...
Aside from your repression, nothing you said here is abnormal. If you haven't had sex in a while then it's perfectly normal to have a higher libido for a while. Also, I don't think there's a "normal" libido. Everyone is different and in my experience, how frequently is normal depends on the two people in particular and can vary widely.

I think the only time a libido would not be normal were if it were just gone completely, unless due to medication or if your libido was so high that it began to interfere with your day-to-day life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #24 ·
@ENFPathetic Not only was my libido very uncomfortable, but it was also a source of shame and self-hatred. It was an important medication, but there are other drugs that do much the same thing with less of an impact on the libido. I've since swapped it out for one that AFAIK has zero effect on sex drive. And a "public boner" is/would be extremely shameful to me. That's one problem that would be very difficult to deal with. Thankfully it hasn't happened in a long time.
 

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@ENFPathetic Not only was my libido very uncomfortable, but it was also a source of shame and self-hatred. It was an important medication, but there are other drugs that do much the same thing with less of an impact on the libido. I've since swapped it out for one that AFAIK has zero effect on sex drive. And a "public boner" is/would be extremely shameful to me. That's one problem that would be very difficult to deal with. Thankfully it hasn't happened in a long time.
I feel like a dick for laughing. Sorry.

If I'm understanding correctly, the problem wasn't so much your libido, but one of perspective where you believed being that horny made you some sort of freak? Don't worry. If that makes you a freak, it makes me a freak too, and I'm great company to be amongst.

On a more serious note. It probably feels overwhelming right now because of the dramatic change since you came off the medication. In a way, you're almost going through the difficulties of prepubescence all over again. You have to relearn everything you thought you knew about concentrating. Come up with tactics for controlling morning wood, and sometimes even afternoon and evening wood. I used to douse it in cold water when I can, or close my eyes and imagine a steaming pile of shit when I can't. You'll eventually get the hang of it. And it's ok to feel ashamed or embarrassed at times. Accept the feeling and let it pass. Don't hold on to it or fight it. It's normal. And once you get into a relationship again, that will help big time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #26 ·
@ENFPathetic I get up two hours before work, so 'morning wood' is usually solved long before I get to the office. As for it happening during the day, it's the public humiliation that I fear, and being tagged as a pervert and a deviant. Years ago it happened at the office (not where I work now), and I ended up quitting because I couldn't deal with the humiliation and fallout. These days I'm sure I could handle it better, but it would still feel like a major failure. Usually my self-control is quite good, and a slip up is very unusual.
 

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@ENFPathetic I get up two hours before work, so 'morning wood' is usually solved long before I get to the office. As for it happening during the day, it's the public humiliation that I fear, and being tagged as a pervert and a deviant. Years ago it happened at the office (not where I work now), and I ended up quitting because I couldn't deal with the humiliation and fallout. These days I'm sure I could handle it better, but it would still feel like a major failure. Usually my self-control is quite good, and a slip up is very unusual.
Bro lose your faith in the social mirror. It's not consistent or reliable. It doesn't matter if the whole world tags as something. They're opinion doesn't matter. In a different time period, or social setting, the same people who judge you as a loser would consider you a hero. I know I'm basically a nobody to you, but I implore you. Before you do anything else, wind up the biggest haymaker of your life and smash that social mirror to bits and pieces until there is nothing left of it.

The expectations you've accepted for yourself are beyond unreasonable. You're allowed to fail spectacularly and show your face afterwards. Anyone who tells you otherwise is full of shit.
 

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libidibidibido libidibidibido libidibidibido libidibidibido
 

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Looks normal to me. I would love to have sex twice per day but that's impossible atm.
 
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That doesn't seem unreasonably high or anything
 
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Discussion Starter · #31 ·
Thanks for the reassurances. This moment of self-doubt was brought to you by my repressive childhood. But also due to stuff like this and this. Sometimes it helps to get other perspectives.
 
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