[Ntuitive]

Good evening,

I was wondering - How does a socially confident INFJ behave or appear to others?

I don't think I've met any INFJs in action to see, so I'm curious if you know. Will they possibly be mistaken for other types? And does this have to do with the degree of extraversion/introversion? It has been said that INFJs are more extraverted than other introverted types. Do you feel like you are?

Contrarily, what goes through the mind of an extremely introverted and timid INFJ, and how does that effect the perception of their Fe by others?


If you are, or know of any INFJs who seem very different in terms of perceived confidence levels/ introversion and extraversion, or if you just have any opinions etc. then please:

Let the discussion begin.

 

[InsanityRemix]

You'll notice because they're more outgoing, especially with information they know, and that they're more silly and entertaining. The thing that makes them more introverted, however, is not just by refusing to share their darker thought processes, but also by making sure to keep their feelings more to themselves. This is how it is with me, however, so don't set this as a precedent. We're all different

Yeah, as for being mistaken for other types I'm not sure because I live in an area where most people don't care/don't know about the 16 type test, so I have no idea, but with me as an example a confident INFJ can be more silly and positive while keeping feelings and dark thoughts to him/herself.

 

[Solitude315]

Eh, I disagree with saying that INFJs are the most extroverted introverts; that really seems like a stereotype based on nothing. I would imagine they behave like any other type would; socially competent and at ease while showing a tad more facial expressions than a Fi would.

I'm very introverted, and I imagine most perceive me as such. I don't speak unless I have something to say that's important and relevant, but when I do speak to a person I don't know well, I try to be as friendly as possible. I am a little quiet and nervous though if they approach me. I have no problem if it's me approaching them. I'm never rude or unpleasant, even when I don't like the person (if I do know them). I know one INFJ girl that's along the same lines- quiet, but social when provoked.

 

[GoodOldDreamer]

I'd just like to point out that a person can appear social and "extroverted" without being socially "confident". Fe for an INFJ does a great job when it comes to interacting with others. That doesn't mean that same INFJ won't stumble on his words or take a noticeable amount of pauses trying to find the right words, and so on.

I'm a social INFJ, if only because my job as a cashier requires it. That by no means indicates that I'm somehow comfortable in doing so, because I'm not. I'm very much aware of my inability to speak without those pauses and stumbles. I dunno what it is, but my thoughts don't translate verbally nearly as well as when I write, such as here. P

Fe hides a lot of that though. You can appear social simply by smiling and appearing welcoming at the right times. Or being soft-spoken and respectful. Polite and/or encouraging. That sort of thing. It's not necessarily that INFJs are socially confident. It's more like we're socially receptive.

 

[The Ultimate Square Peg]

I'm not completely positive that I fall into one of the groups over the other, but I would say I definitely lean more towards the "extremely introverted and timid" side.

What's strange is that, throughout my life, I've found that people perceive me to be very different from who I really am.
I've had several extroverts (2 ENTJs, 2 ESTJs, an ENFJ and an ENFP, to be specific) tell me that I am very similar to them- even that we have the "same" personality. They were, of course, not at all speaking of Myers-Briggs, but only off of their own perception of me in relation to themselves. In each of these situations, they assumed that I was very extroverted. It's almost funny (almost), because it couldn't be further from the truth.
I also tend to appear extroverted when I am with a group of friends or family whom I am comfortable with, or a group of introverts whom I am not intimidated by at all.
I've been called "outgoing," "friendly," and "loud" by people who fit into these groups. Also, I tend to be viewed in this group as harsh, rigid, confident, strong-willed, assertive, creative, self-disciplined, funny and intelligent. Some of those things are right- many of them are just an overcompensation for my weaknesses.
There is a little bit of a split here, but I think that some of the people that view me in this way see my Fe a lot- the ones who know me very well, like certain members of my family. They understand my concern for others and my need for relational harmony.
The other ones, who think I am more harsh and determined, I think actually perceive me to have Te-dom. I get that impression because the ones who have been especially certain that I am "just like them" are all Te-dom. I think that's a result of my overcompensation to impress them, knowing that they do not understand my Fe. (For instance, with my ESTJ boss, who was only impressed by extroverted "go-getters"...knowing he was like this encouraged me to hide my Ni and my Fe and only show him the most logical and determined parts of me)

On the contrary, when with a group of intimidating extroverts, or in any group in which I am uncomfortable, I become very withdrawn and insecure. I don't speak much, and speak quietly if I do. I prefer to listen and to ask questions, and try to stay out of the spotlight as much as possible.
I've been viewed as shy, timid, nervous, passive-aggressive, neurotic, quiet and passive by many people fitting into these groups. They generally do not hear me speak enough to get an idea of what I'm like. I would say that these people don't know enough about me to even recognize my Fe, let alone anything else. I would say, though, that, seeing as they don't get to see my emotions at all, they would assume I am not a highly emotional person, nor that I am concerned about the emotions of others.

And then there are the few people who get to see the introverted side of me while still letting me open up emotionally. These people see the ups and downs of my personality. They know I'm obsessed with theories, that I'm highly concerned for the well-being of others, that I hate conflict, that I constantly over-analyze, and that I will talk for hours about ideas but can't keep small talk for the life of me.
These people, I think, see my Fe in the most accurate light.

I was never accustomed to acting extroverted until about the age of fifteen, when I started emulating more popular kids at school in order to make friends. I wanted to be an ESTP (or an ENTP, depending on the situation), really. I made an alter-ego and went with it. For a while, it was an overcompensation, but now I'm able to be myself in most situations, and dip into that alter-ego state if needed.


WOW. I'm rambling a lot.

Hope something good is in there

 

[missushoney]

I think that it's hard to tell. Some can seem secure with themselves and everyone who sees them secretly is annoyed at how comfortable they are in their own body, but when they go home they might cry themselves to sleep. Perhaps there are some things they are confident about and some they aren't. I know if I'm comfortable saying something factual it's because I have knowledge about it. I start getting quieter or listening to others and trying to get info from them about things that I don't know much about. Also, if I feel uncomfortable in a social setting I either get quiet and look at my phone or try to get out of there as quick as I can.

 

[Zech]

Good evening,

I was wondering - How does a socially confident INFJ behave or appear to others?

You're being a bit time-ist there :wink: It's the morning over here.

 

[Ashneversleeps]

I'd just like to point out that a person can appear social and "extroverted" without being socially "confident". Fe for an INFJ does a great job when it comes to interacting with others. That doesn't mean that same INFJ won't stumble on his words or take a noticeable amount of pauses trying to find the right words, and so on.

I'm a social INFJ, if only because my job as a cashier requires it. That by no means indicates that I'm somehow comfortable in doing so, because I'm not. I'm very much aware of my inability to speak without those pauses and stumbles. I dunno what it is, but my thoughts don't translate verbally nearly as well as when I write, such as here. P

Fe hides a lot of that though. You can appear social simply by smiling and appearing welcoming at the right times. Or being soft-spoken and respectful. Polite and/or encouraging. That sort of thing. It's not necessarily that INFJs are socially confident. It's more like we're socially receptive.

It's interesting you draw the distinction between socially confident and the functioning of Fe. The bolded is more or less what I'm like when I feel socially confident, because I believe my Fe is something that I tend to keep to myself when I'm not feeling so gregarious. In my view at least, it's the function that receives the biggest stimulation when I am confident and comfortable in my social position. Otherwise, it's, regrettably, not so useful in my daily life.

In terms of behavior, I certainly don't get 'louder' or much more likely to initiate conversation (though I will from time to time) but I'm a little more open to talk/continue conversations and.. dare I even say relaxed around others than usual and just a lot less critical of everything.

 

[ltwin]

If I'm around people I've known long enough and am comfortable with, like family or coworkers, I can become quite relaxed, silly, and even loud. However, even when I'm totally relaxed around these people I still know in the back of my mind that I probably come across as being a little off beat (in a good way I guess". It's just that I'm not critical or worried that I'll come across as weird or stupid around them like I would around people I don't know.

It's sort of funny because when I'm around family and describe myself as shy they look at me like I'm retarded and say something like "you're NOT shy". I don't think they truly realize how introverted I am.

 

[Kyrielle]

I get more laid back and magnanimous the more socially confident I feel. I make more jokes more often, and tend to have more frequent spurts of being weird and silly. It doesn't change the fact that I'm still frequently quiet and reflective, and don't speak unless I have something to say. But the way I behave when I do is less reserved and restrained.

Unfortunately, this makes folks who like to "parent" me sit up and take credit for bringing me out of my shell. As if I had merely a shell and as if they were the influential factor.

 

[Arclight]

The INFJ is considered socially gifted.
The myth is not the introverted extravert .. The myth is the shy, nobody understands me, I am over sensitive to everything INFJ.

Just look at the jobs recommended for INFJs.. All of them are people focused. ALl require insight into people and confidence in dealing with people. Why would the type be recommended for these jobs if the common INFJ is a shy basket case?

Introversion in Jungian Typology is not about shyness or social skills, It is about directional energy flow.
Introverts have a dominant introverted function that is all.
Some types are more predisposed to be "social" but the I/E factor is only a minor player.. It's all in the N/S T/F.

INFJs generally have the following traits:

• Intuitively understand people and situations
• Idealistic
• Highly principled
• Complex and deep
• Natural leaders
• Sensitive and compassionate towards people
• Service-oriented
• Future-oriented
• Value deep, authentic relationships
• Reserved about expressing their true selves
• Dislike dealing with details unless they enhance or promote their vision
• Constantly seeking meaning and purpose in everything
• Creative and visionary
• Intense and tightly-wound
• Can work logically and rationally - use their intuition to understand the goal and work backwards towards it

The red is not shy or people shy.. It's a strong leader who serves others.. Sets an example for others to follow


Possible Career Paths for the INFJ:

• Clergy / Religious Work
• Teachers
• Medical Doctors / Dentists
• Alternative Health Care Practitioners, i.e. Chiropractor, Reflexologist
• Psychologists
• Psychiatrists
• Counselors and Social Workers
• Musicians and Artists
• Photographers
• Child Care / Early Childhood Development

 

[Hastings]

I am strongly introverted. There is no mistaking it. I am a disaster together with other strong introverts. However, in my best form I can be pretty socially gifted. I don't mean it simply in being able to chit-chat, but actually having conversations that are a bit more profound without being too intrusive.

 

[jenecis]

I think a socially confident INFJ would be at ease with themselves, whatever that may be.

I think heaps of INFJs are lost and confused, caught up in their own little world, and very uncomfortable of the world they have found themselves in or are unsure/ insecure in themselves.

I think that as long as the INFJ is at ease with themselves/ confident and accepting of who they are, 'social confidence' can manifest in all sorts of ways.

I think the whole 'loud', 'obnoxious', 'people-person' is overrated in measuring 'social confidence' - it conforms to the extravert's way of thinking, which unfortunately tends to be the mainstream view because extraverts, by their nature, make themselves heard better/louder.

Though I'm sure that there are many 'socially confident' INFJ's like this (even for me, sometimes I just talk too much, translation: you can't get me to shut up), there is also equally the INFJ's who may be silent, reserved, coolly observing the crowd, but 'socially confident' in this way. They don't feel a need to exert their existence onto the group - they know who they are and may prefer to the company of their own thoughts than that of others. They are not shy or scared; they just choose not to participate, knowing that this choice has no direct bearing on or derivation from their feeling of self-worth. Think the archetypal lone wolves or dark horses.

In my opinion, it's a more powerful (but overlooked) expression of 'social confidence' - one that does not rely on the presence of a crowd to form/validate.

 

[Melanthe]

I'm socially confident, I just get tired easily and need to withdraw then.

When I'm in a group that I'm comfortable with and know well, I'm usually really funny. I like to make the others feel at ease, so I'm paying attention to them, and meeting their needs (like talking with the one person who seems shy, or trying to fix interpersonal dynamics that might be non-optimum). I'm appreciative of all the different personalities around me, and I like to help people see the good in themselves. I also am able to laugh at my own quirks, and the quirks of others, in a way that gets them to see that it's not a horrible thing that they have some "faults"... the people around me tend to laugh at themselves and one another, but in a good way. That's definitely an influence I bring to the groups I'm in.

People generally like me a lot. I know I can go into any social setting and get along fine, but my problem is that I get overwhelmed so easily by other people and then I get tired and just need to get away to a quiet place. This is getting more pronounced for me with age. I really do like people, so I hate the idea that I'll be one of those strange old women who only leaves her apartment once a month to get food, and spends all the rest of her time with her cat.

Like jenecis said, I can be perfectly at ease while being totally quiet in a group. I'm rarely self conscious these days, but often quiet.

When I was young, though, I was horribly uncomfortable in most social settings. I felt weird, and like no one liked me, and I didn't fit in. I DIDN'T fit in. I had to grow up a little to realize that I didn't want to fit in with most people, and I was better off just finding the people I could like and respect and enjoy. Since then, I'm more open to different kinds of people, but in the case that I'm around people I don't like or I can't respect, then I'm still not socially uncomfortable. I just don't care what they think of me.

 

[InsanityRemix]

Possible Career Paths for the INFJ:

• Clergy / Religious Work
• Teachers
• Medical Doctors / Dentists
• Alternative Health Care Practitioners, i.e. Chiropractor, Reflexologist
• Psychologists
• Psychiatrists
• Counselors and Social Workers
• Musicians and Artists
• Photographers
• Child Care / Early Childhood Development

[/QUOTE]

I know you said "possible" but I feel different because I want to be a chef or baker (my logic: I love food and it's for the people, because most of the processed crap we eat today is fake and is causing disease)

 

[jenecis]

Possible Career Paths for the INFJ:

• Clergy / Religious Work
• Teachers
• Medical Doctors / Dentists
• Alternative Health Care Practitioners, i.e. Chiropractor, Reflexologist
• Psychologists
• Psychiatrists
• Counselors and Social Workers
• Musicians and Artists
• Photographers
• Child Care / Early Childhood Development

I know you said "possible" but I feel different because I want to be a chef or baker (my logic: I love food and it's for the people, because most of the processed crap we eat today is fake and is causing disease)

Perhaps your aspiration is a combination of the above

Think: chef = 'alternative health care practitioner' (you said you were concerned about nutrition and people's health) + 'psychologist' (food makes people happy) + 'artist' (in creating and decorating the food, particularly with cakes; making it look salivating and tempting)

There!

Plus, for myself, I'm going to interpret 'artist' liberally to extend to 'writers'

 

[napoleon227]

I'm very introverted but for me, this is a choice and not due to shyness. When I'm around people I like I can be the most talkative and extroverted person in the room. But I get bored easily and and there are some types of people or situations that I'm just not interested in being social with.

What is really difficult in trying to identify a "socially confident" INFJ is that it depends so much on variables. We're complex creatures, and as far as I can tell from the many INFJs I know is that we are a lot like chameleons - changing colours and adapting to the environment. But all of the INFJs I know personally are quite capable of being very social and they are among the most confident people I know. Some people just don't recognize this right away.

 

[Stickling]

Well, it's been mentioned before, but... I, too, get the feeling INFJ types that are introverted without being 'timid', and I guess I belong in that 'category', can swing either way between free social interaction and 'normal', more typical introverted behavior.
For me personally, it just depends on 'when it's needed'. I very much enjoy having some time to myself or not having that mild pressure of 'coming off as a nice/interesting/well spoken person', but I like making people feel comfortable or avoiding awkard situations just as much.

Like InsanityRemix showed, INFJ types are typically presented as doctors, therapists, councellors, artists... It's a more reserved way of conversation in general, but you do so to create a sense of comfort. For me, as long as I am doing it for someone else, I can do it just fine.

No wonder so many of us get mistyped all the time, I guess. It's not hard to mistake a lot of INFJ's for ENFJ's, INFP's or even INTJ/INTP's, among other things... All it takes is impressive intelligence, punctuality or the ability to speak up and things start getting confusing. I've been mistakenly typed as an ENFJ, an ISFP, an ISFJ and an INFP before, just because I happen to be an artist as well. Pretty crazy isn't it.

 

[Gracie]

It has been said that INFJs are more extraverted than other introverted types. Do you feel like you are?

I feel I have to point out that you are conflating extroversion with the appearance of extroversion here. INFJs are no more extroverted than any other introverted type by nature. This appearance of extroversion is meant to be related to the INFJs extroverted feeling function (Fe), which is entirely different from being genuinely extroverted.

You're also correlating introversion with timidity. They do not necessarily go hand in hand, although this is a common misconception. I am a fully paid-up introvert - I will gladly spend the vast, VAST majority of my time alone, but I am in no way timid or shy. Non-confrontational, yes, but not shy in ordinary social circumstances. In fact, people frequently mistake me for an extrovert because I get on so well with others. This is what I mean by the appearance of extroversion. Just because I can function well socially, and demonstrate a genuine interest in other human beings, doesn't mean I crave regular companionship the way an extrovert does.

 

[psynite]

Hold on....let me grab a mirror so I can take a picture of myself.


I agree with all thats been said. I'm still trying to find the right balance for myself in being with people and being by my lonesome. I think it takes a lot of work to get out more and find people who are worth being around, finding other INFJ's is like needles in a haystack.