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Around 9 months ago I asked here the advice about my INTJ ex (I am ISFJ) who broke up with me on a distance. We did not see each other for 10 months and in summer I asked him if he still has feelings for me. He said no and that he doesn't see the point to meet me. I agreed. Then we met in university (we study in the same place) and I wanted to talk to him (I really wanted to talk to him, because I haven't talked to him face to face for 10 months and breaking up on the phone isn't nice). He agreed to meet me but he came with his friend. I was shocked and just left. I texted him that he is a coward and other things. Then I blocked him. However, he texted me in another app and said that he is staying beside my house and if I want to talk he is here. I did not agree and he left. After that I started to move on. We did not talk, if I see him in university we pretend that we don't know each other. I go out on a dates and live my life. And after one month, he texted me saying sorry for that incident and saying that if I still want to talk we can talk. He also said that I was too angry and he was waiting. I agreed to meet him and we went out for 2-3h. We talked like nothing have happened, joking etc. Also talked about out break up. He said that he tried to date a girl and he thought that he moved on, but it didn't work out and he "came back to the previous stage" (idk what does that mean, because that's literally what he said). I asked him, if he has feelings for me and he said that he doesn't know. He also said that he doesn't why know why he texted me (he said he cant explain it). However, when we were talking he was pushy by saying "You know, you really should go out with guys. Give him chance. You should try to go out with guys". HE said it way too much, and that made me pretty upset. Also he said that he doesn't want relationship because "it's time consuming" and he doesn't have enough time for that. In the end of the meeting, we just said bye and that's it.
Can I ask you the question. What was that? What was the purpose of this meeting?
After that I was feeling really bad, because now I feel like I haven't moved on.

Thank you, for your opinion and for reading this :)
 

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After 10 months you should have moved on and shouldn't have needed any kind of additional closure. 10 months is a closure.

It looks like you like complicating your life. That's too much drama and chaos I would ever want in my life.
 

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Clearing the air? I'm projecting right now but it seems he felt bad about the previous meeting and likes you as a person/friend.

It seems like you want to keep to that thought that he likes you after all, I know how it is, it sucks balls but he made a decision. He doesn't prioritise relationships, he probably doesn't like drama that it involves (I read your previous thread), he doesn't have time nor energy for that so he chose not to. He probably won't change his mind.
 

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Clearing the air? I'm projecting right now but it seems he felt bad about the previous meeting and likes you as a person/friend.

It seems like you want to keep to that thought that he likes you after all, I know how it is, it sucks balls but he made a decision. He doesn't prioritise relationships, he probably doesn't like drama that it involves (I read your previous thread), he doesn't have time nor energy for that so he chose not to. He probably won't change his mind.
I also thought the same. Like he just feels guilty etc. But why does he even start to talk about how he tried to date a girl but failed. After that I asked him straightforwardly wether he still has feelings on me or not. Why did he say that he doesn't know? I mean, He doesn't want to hurt me (I don't think it would hurt me much cause i was moving on)? Or like why didn't he say "I still care about you, but like a friend". I mean he could say something more clear than "I don't know".
 

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I also thought the same. Like he just feels guilty etc. But why does he even start to talk about how he tried to date a girl but failed. After that I asked him straightforwardly wether he still has feelings on me or not. Why did he say that he doesn't know? I mean, He doesn't want to hurt me (I don't think it would hurt me much cause i was moving on)? Or like why didn't he say "I still care about you, but like a friend". I mean he could say something more clear than "I don't know".
Sometimes they are thinking things that you might never guess at all and INTJs will never say things they don't mean, even just for the sake of comforting someone. For example, he probably did not say that he cared about you because he does not care for you as a friend (keep in mind that he and you may view friendship very differently).

I'm guessing that he met up with you because you said you wanted to talk and he agreed previously. However since the "talk" didn't go as per agreement and it was his fault for bringing an extra friend along, he probably felt it was good to remedy that by reaching out for a second "proper" talk (as agreed upon initially). He probably did not want to talk at the beginning nor even the second time- just done with the drama of relationships and people- but since he gave his word...

As always, the best way to get a definite answer about what an INTJ is thinking is NOT to assume or guess, but to ask the person directly. However, since this friend/relation-ship has already ended, I don't think it's really your business nor the INTJ's obligation to tell you what he thinks or feels. Best would be to just stop all contact otherwise you'll drive yourself even crazier :/
 

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Wait. You're asking what the purpose of the last meeting was when you initiated this "closure" seeking in the first place?

I'm going to say that your purpose was to see if he still had feelings for you. Obviously he feels something, but it doesn't matter how he feels about you now. He made his stance known [not wanting a relationship] and told you to move on. So, move on.
 

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Wait. You're asking what the purpose of the last meeting was when you initiated this "closure" seeking in the first place?

I'm going to say that your purpose was to see if he still had feelings for you. Obviously he feels something, but it doesn't matter how he feels about you now. He made his stance known [not wanting a relationship] and told you to move on. So, move on.
Yeah, I initiated it at first with this purpose. But after a month, he asked me to talk, even tho I told him not to bother me.
But yeah he did say that he doesn't want to relationship. I just don't understand of purpose asking me to talk after I told him not to text me and that's everything is over. Guilty? Then why doesn't he said that.
I'm just being angry, because he didn't make it clear enough for me.
But probably the fact that he doesn't want relationship should be enough for me. It's just suck because I was moving on until he texted me about this talk. And by this he just gave me a wrong idea, making me confused. That's it.
I still don't understand why would he do that, but I got the point that he doesn't relationship.
 

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The purpose is probably to see if you might be an option for when he sorts out his own issues and may want a relationship. There is no deeper meaning or hidden emotions, he just has some feelings and because you are in contact and have had a relationship before, he is keeping you as an option because it's not as hard as starting fresh.
It may be fully intentional and selfish, or confused and oblivious, regardless you should not allow it. You got closure with his apology. He told you he has some feelings but doesn't want a relationship. You can terminate contact on polite terms, just tell him you need to move on and focus on your studies or something.
You have all the information, now just need to decide if you want chaos in your life, or to part politely and move on.
 

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You don't understand because he uses Te (extroverted thinking).
In my mind several things happened in that conversation.
People always have a conscious agenda, a semi-conscious agenda and an unconscious agenda.
The conscious agenda seems to be having given his word. (Te)
Then you try to Ti (introvert thinking) your way to end up at his Te stance.
But, Te does not follow the logic of Ti, so you fail.
Te is following the logic of Fi, this is the semi-conscious agenda.
Fi being connected with Se, I think he wanted to just experience where he was at.
This feeds back into Ni, that are linked up to unconscious Ne.
What are ALL the options that are available in your relation?
Since your conscious agenda is Si and Fe, only one normative agenda is on the table.
That was very clear to him when he saw it in person, so he dismissed it and moved on.
If he had known typology, he wouldn't have had to waste his time like that,
as he could have already predicted that such would be the case with an ISFJ.
But, since he didn't know typology, he had no way of knowing that, and had to see in person.
9 times out of 10 a mans agenda in such cases is sex no strings attached.
I've met girls from time to time when I figured with the info I had that there might be such a possibility.
But I've left again quickly when it was apparant that such a thing was not on the table.
He probably thinks that at least he knows a little better the signs of that not being on the table,
and probably thinks to himself that next time, he won't waste his time like that.

This may of course be wrong,
but to me I can see no other reason that a guy would even agree to clear the air, (after such a long time)
if there wasn't even a remote hope to maybe get laid, if only as a semi-conscious agenda.
The main story we tell ourself and use as an alibi to others,
is seldom what is actually on peoples mind, if one digs a little deeper.
 

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Around 9 months ago I asked here the advice about my INTJ ex (I am ISFJ) who broke up with me on a distance. We did not see each other for 10 months and in summer I asked him if he still has feelings for me. He said no and that he doesn't see the point to meet me. I agreed. Then we met in university (we study in the same place) and I wanted to talk to him (I really wanted to talk to him, because I haven't talked to him face to face for 10 months and breaking up on the phone isn't nice). He agreed to meet me but he came with his friend. I was shocked and just left. I texted him that he is a coward and other things. Then I blocked him. However, he texted me in another app and said that he is staying beside my house and if I want to talk he is here. I did not agree and he left. After that I started to move on. We did not talk, if I see him in university we pretend that we don't know each other. I go out on a dates and live my life. And after one month, he texted me saying sorry for that incident and saying that if I still want to talk we can talk. He also said that I was too angry and he was waiting. I agreed to meet him and we went out for 2-3h. We talked like nothing have happened, joking etc. Also talked about out break up. He said that he tried to date a girl and he thought that he moved on, but it didn't work out and he "came back to the previous stage" (idk what does that mean, because that's literally what he said). I asked him, if he has feelings for me and he said that he doesn't know. He also said that he doesn't why know why he texted me (he said he cant explain it). However, when we were talking he was pushy by saying "You know, you really should go out with guys. Give him chance. You should try to go out with guys". HE said it way too much, and that made me pretty upset. Also he said that he doesn't want relationship because "it's time consuming" and he doesn't have enough time for that. In the end of the meeting, we just said bye and that's it.
Can I ask you the question. What was that? What was the purpose of this meeting?
After that I was feeling really bad, because now I feel like I haven't moved on.

Thank you, for your opinion and for reading this :)
I think it's a mixture of guilt, butthurt, and wistfulness, which he hasn't sorted out yet to his own satisfaction.

My best guess (based on nothing but reading between the lines, for all that's worth)...is he *wishes* it could have worked,
or that he could have put the relationship into suspended animation until he was ready.

He tried dating someone else and made even more a hash of it with them, than he had with you.
So he contacted you to sound out how you felt: and (I presume) had such a tizzy of all kinds of emotions by seeing you in person (which is why he brought someone else the first time, either for support, or so he could compare impressions of you with them, later)...
he decided he still wasn't up to it.

INTJs take a great deal of time to ripen in life; until then, the are virtually insufferable.

I'd pack up mentally and leave him behind. The failure of the relationship was due to him, NOT to anything you did wrong.
ISFJs tend to be extremely loyal, like some breeds of doggie.

(Now, it might happen to be it was a bad match, or "wasn't meant to be" : but from your age (university), that's not always obvious going into things.)

Now stop beating yourself up, go have some ice cream and watch a favorite movie, and go out and mingle in groups, keeping an eye out for, *ahem*, reliable guys. Wink, nudge.

I've sent an encrypted hyperspace telepathic message to INTJ Central Command so they can track this turkey down and talk sense into him.

Good luck & best wishes. Apologies on behalf of the rest of the INTJ Armoured Regiment. We're not *all* as bad as that.
 
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