Personality Cafe banner

1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Guys I really need your help. I am an INFJ girl and I have this shy INTP friend. Nowadays we live far away due to studies. We text occationally and he has said that he misses me, that we should hang out more and once he sent a ❤. Those are very rare things coming from him. Last weekend I was in his town and spent most of the time with him.
First night we hung out at his place just talking. Then we had dinner out. At dinner he asked why it ended with my ex who he never seemed to like and after that he told me he had given up on finding a girlfriend and that he has never had romantic feelings for anyone. He also said he has trust issues and trusts nobody. When we talked about the time we got to know each other he said ”somehow you captured me.”
After this he brought me to meet his friends for drinks. Before saying goodbye he kinda tickled my waist and we shared a long hug.

We decided to meet the next evening as well and after hanging out at his place for hours I told him I have feelings for him. He got nervous and said "I dont know what to say" and then he said he enjoys my company, that I'm easy to talk to, that I'm beautiful and funny but that he "didn't feel more than that but had been thinking about it."
Earlier that evening he said ”No one has been so interested in getting to know me as you.” I replied ”Well you interest me.” He said ”So do you.” After talking about that he didnt ”feel more” for me he also said that I dont fully know him. Then he asked ”What is it that you would want between us?” As he said he didnt feel more for me I just said that I hadnt given it much thought how to ”label” it.

Later he walked me to the bus and I said he didnt have to wait with me. He replied ”I’m happy to.” On my way to the hotel he texted me it was really nice seeing me. The next day he texted me to ask of my flight home went ok. It’s not really like him to text like that.

Now I found out from his best friend he has been talking to him about me and our talk. What does he feel for me?
 

·
Registered
🍕
Joined
·
211 Posts
It sounds like he is indecisive because he struggles with identifying his feelings, but it looks like he likes you. He seems to consider you important because he is able to be open about his issues with trust.

Unconscious Fi creates a lot of trouble with expressing emotions, it might take him a while to realize his own emotions regardless of how obvious his behavior might make them to you.
 

·
Registered
INFJ still fits least bad
Joined
·
6,671 Posts
Please, please, please, just do yourself a favor and ask them!
Strangers on the internet are not going to be able to give you the right answer.
If you don't have the courage to ask the person yourself, then maybe just try to get over them.




 

I will say if a guy makes any effort to communicate with you, it's a good sign, another reason to discuss it with him. If he doesn't like you at present, he might be inclined to if you lead him to that direction. But you must have that conversation.
 

·
Registered
ENTP
Joined
·
259 Posts
Please, please, please, just do yourself a favor and ask them!
Strangers on the internet are not going to be able to give you the right answer.
If you don't have the courage to ask the person yourself, then maybe just try to get over them.




 

I will say if a guy makes any effort to communicate with you, it's a good sign, another reason to discuss it with him. If he doesn't like you at present, he might be inclined to if you lead him to that direction. But you must have that conversation.
🤣 strangers on the internet will give you a better answer than an INTP
 

·
Registered
ENTP
Joined
·
259 Posts
Guys I really need your help. I am an INFJ girl and I have this shy INTP friend. Nowadays we live far away due to studies. We text occationally and he has said that he misses me, that we should hang out more and once he sent a ❤. Those are very rare things coming from him. Last weekend I was in his town and spent most of the time with him.
First night we hung out at his place just talking. Then we had dinner out. At dinner he asked why it ended with my ex who he never seemed to like and after that he told me he had given up on finding a girlfriend and that he has never had romantic feelings for anyone. He also said he has trust issues and trusts nobody. When we talked about the time we got to know each other he said ”somehow you captured me.”
After this he brought me to meet his friends for drinks. Before saying goodbye he kinda tickled my waist and we shared a long hug.

We decided to meet the next evening as well and after hanging out at his place for hours I told him I have feelings for him. He got nervous and said "I dont know what to say" and then he said he enjoys my company, that I'm easy to talk to, that I'm beautiful and funny but that he "didn't feel more than that but had been thinking about it."
Earlier that evening he said ”No one has been so interested in getting to know me as you.” I replied ”Well you interest me.” He said ”So do you.” After talking about that he didnt ”feel more” for me he also said that I dont fully know him. Then he asked ”What is it that you would want between us?” As he said he didnt feel more for me I just said that I hadnt given it much thought how to ”label” it.

Later he walked me to the bus and I said he didnt have to wait with me. He replied ”I’m happy to.” On my way to the hotel he texted me it was really nice seeing me. The next day he texted me to ask of my flight home went ok. It’s not really like him to text like that.

Now I found out from his best friend he has been talking to him about me and our talk. What does he feel for me?
introvert love is so cute and pure....

he loves you but he doesnt know what love is. if hes being honest.

my best advice is just become very dirty and flirtatious with him. find out what turns him on and appeal to that, if he responds positively then he definitely likes you. and he will open up more. i dont know you though, so you could be uncomfortable doing that but thats the easiest option in my opinion. if you arent comfortable initiating sexual activity then i dont think an intp would force that on you. sounds like you want to ride him into the sunset under a waterfall though

but dont do this if you dont want to risk the friendship. i think he loves you so much he doesnt want to risk losing you and thats why he is holding back his emotions.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,215 Posts
He told you exactly how he feels about you. He enjoys your company, you're easy to talk to, funny, physically attractive. From a man's perspective, you tick most of the necessary boxes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,573 Posts
Guys I really need your help. I am an INFJ girl and I have this shy INTP friend. Nowadays we live far away due to studies. We text occationally and he has said that he misses me, that we should hang out more and once he sent a ❤. Those are very rare things coming from him. Last weekend I was in his town and spent most of the time with him.
First night we hung out at his place just talking. Then we had dinner out. At dinner he asked why it ended with my ex who he never seemed to like and after that he told me he had given up on finding a girlfriend and that he has never had romantic feelings for anyone. He also said he has trust issues and trusts nobody. When we talked about the time we got to know each other he said ”somehow you captured me.”
After this he brought me to meet his friends for drinks. Before saying goodbye he kinda tickled my waist and we shared a long hug.

We decided to meet the next evening as well and after hanging out at his place for hours I told him I have feelings for him. He got nervous and said "I dont know what to say" and then he said he enjoys my company, that I'm easy to talk to, that I'm beautiful and funny but that he "didn't feel more than that but had been thinking about it."
Earlier that evening he said ”No one has been so interested in getting to know me as you.” I replied ”Well you interest me.” He said ”So do you.” After talking about that he didnt ”feel more” for me he also said that I dont fully know him. Then he asked ”What is it that you would want between us?” As he said he didnt feel more for me I just said that I hadnt given it much thought how to ”label” it.

Later he walked me to the bus and I said he didnt have to wait with me. He replied ”I’m happy to.” On my way to the hotel he texted me it was really nice seeing me. The next day he texted me to ask of my flight home went ok. It’s not really like him to text like that.

Now I found out from his best friend he has been talking to him about me and our talk. What does he feel for me?
I think he likes you but he's too shy to actually tell you that he likes you. The heart emoji is probably not something you would send to a friend.

Even if he told you that "didn't feel more than that but had been thinking about it" I think he actually does, he just don't know how to process it. His best friend said that he has been talking to him about you, if you were just a random acquaintance, why would he do that? I think you are more than that, but he doesn't know how to process it.

Although he says he has trust issues, and he probably does, I think he trusts you but not enough or is uncertain of his feelings, or he likes you but he's afraid. You have already made him feel comfortable, to feel that you are somebody he can talk to, I guess you just have to keep going in this direction and eventually he will share.

He said that you don't fully know him, maybe that's what he's afraid of. Maybe he thinks that if you would know him more you won't like him anymore or something as such, maybe he likes you but has doubts. It looks to me that currently you 2 are friends. Which is okay, a lot of people can start out as friends and become lovers, because when you actually like someone, you fall in love with their personality.

Treat people right and be gentle with them. You don't have to insist on him. You just have to be great around him. Make yourself likeable by making the other person feel pleasant around you, make him feel entertained. You can eventually talk about deep stuff, transition from small talk to big talk. Have an honest discussion, share, open your hearts to various things that bothers you or him or talk about various issues in the world or with other people, that is equally interesting, to be emotionally connected with the other person. Be open to talk about feelings, it doesn't have to be a 2-way discussion. It's a mix of being fun and caring moments, which is natural for humans, not only in dating but with anyone.

Be his friend and he will trust you. When he begins to trust you, he will open up. The best thing you can do is show that you're being a trustworthy confidant whom you can talk about more private issues. Soft and serious, talking about feelings, how they really feeling about things, not exclusively dating but how you feel about various things you don't like and feel bad about, having the safety that that person won't spoil the secret, reassuring the other person that you won't spoil the secret or that you will be there for them, showing kindness.

Women have issues with men who are weak, it's okay to be vulnerable but not many women want a weak willed or overly hesitant partner. You can be too nice, unable to negociate or stand up for yourself, you need to be able to impose yourself in a diplomatic way without being rude or disrespectful.

There are some things from a quote unquote "alpha male" that are quite important in a man in my opinion. You got to be daring. To dare to do things and to take risks. To just do it. In life, we regret more the things we didn't do than the things we did. Take opportunities in life. If you don't make a move you will lose. You can be daring and have kindness, be caring, help them, be supportive of them, be willing to talk about feelings and so on. Having some spirit of adventure doesn't mean you can't have a softer side as well. You can be daring and caring.

You can also be insistent, but in a cute way. If anything, insistance shows persistent interest in them. We like someone who is insistent about us because it shows they really like us and their interest is specifically in us. But the in "a cute way" part is important. There is a big difference between the no that means no, and the no that means maybe. You got to learn to tell these things apart because people won't always be telling you what they think.

You also got to know to impose yourself when necessary. Tell people to close the door and initiate a goodbye. Impose yourself when necessary. Not to be offensive, but not that non-offensive, you can do that in a non-mean way, in a diplomatic way by engaging with them nicely. You got to know how to impose yourself, to put the foot in the ground when necessary, to say that you won't accept this and won't stand for this. It can be just a moment, not who you are in general.

When it comes to being emotional, I think a crying man may be seen as weak by other men, but a crying man can sensibilize women, gaining their sympathy. The real way to develop a close bond in my opinion, is to make people feel seen for what they really are. To make them feel seen the way they like to be seen. To make them feel understood.

This is completely skipped in fast-forwards relationships. And the way to do that is to find out what their unfulfilled need is an fill it in a very special way. And I'm not talking about a need in a romantic partner, about you being the ideal date, but about a need in life. It's not a woman thing, it's a human thing, we all like having our needs met, and appreciate those who met those needs of ours. And we all like to be seen and accepted for who we really are. A true relationship is when you give something to the person and then get something back, there is a deep reciprocity in it. You give little to get little, and you have to give it first.

You can be a mix of fun, interesting and caring. To be someone he can have a fun conversation with, someone that he can have fun with, that may change his attitude or boost his morale. Since you are already very familiar with each other, you are not strangers, you can tease him to get him out of the comfort zone. It will also improve the atmosphere in a more lighthearted and fun way. Being too deep and personal can sometimes feel too serious. But showing that you can also be both serious and non-serious can help people feel more relaxed around you. You can laugh about other things, not just teasing them: the goofy humor, making fun of situational things, make fun of someone else without them knowing, not necessarly of the other person, foolish, silly or harmlessly eccentric humor.

You can also actually tell him what you are now, friends. Since, as you said, he seems to have doubts about this, to establish your relationship can make people feel more comfortable, you are just friends. Until you are dating, you are just friends.

Being caring means to help them to, be there for them when they have a problem, that you will be supportive and can talk about their problems. The "I have fun with you when things are good but also have your back when things are bad" kind of attitude. Showing that you can be both a polite individual, a chill individual and a caring individual. It's also a process of figuring things out, because people won't always tell you what they think.

Being caring, as in being there for you and helping you is attractive. At the same time, being respectful means to treat people right, but it doesn't mean always agreeing with the other person or always doing what the other person says. You can be caring of someone yet disagree with them about various things. Sometimes, doing the opposite can be attractive because it shows you are a challenge. Much like the jokes, don't be cruel with this, being bitter is not going to get you anyone, you can disagree respectfully without making a big fuss about it.

Teasing are jokes at the expense of someone else, but be careful how much fun of someone else you make. There is a difference between laughing with someone else by making fun of one another and bullying by making them feel bad or uncomfortable. It also depends on whether the other person can take a joke, whether they are used to these types of jokes or not and of how familiar you are with each other, if the two of you can afford to make such jokes with each other. If someone is upset by you, don't answer with the same coin, that will only start a fire, instead ask why are they upset and if in all fairness you find yourself to be in the wrong, apologise and say that you won't do it again.

A quality teasing or lighthearted joke makes fun of things that won't offend the other person, either because they don't care about that, they aren't insecure about that or it's not true, and the point is to make a relaxed atmosphere not to be as brutal as possible, you can also tease them in a positive way.

Or it can be brutal but not direct, implying things rather than stating them openly. Jokes that seem to come from a place of entitlement, showing you are not above challenging them and being honest. Additionally, when someone teases you, as in makes fun of you, you can change the narrative, not denying their words, but use their words against them to turn it into praise for you or something worse for them. You can also look at their response to your teasing for feedback. If they respond with laughter, an exclamation, an exaggeration or a comeback that means they enjoyed it, if they don't respond they probably don't like it. The problem with crossing the line in making fun of each other is that sometimes you can only know when you've crossed the line after you crossed the line. Of course, you can always go for goofy humor instead.

As for the interesting part, it's a matter of attitude and conversational skills. Have you notice that when you come across people with good vibes, they make you have a good vibe as well? Or that when you are in a group and there's a lot of laughter, it changes your mood towards laughter as well? A group of people have a vibe. Sometimes you can change their vibe, other times you may not, it depends on the way they are. Your attitude can infect my attitude and vice-versa. We transfer attitudes, we can infect other people with our attitude. People will take your attitude if it's a positive one they like. Ideally, you should have a good attitude that would lift people up, an attitude where you don't fight against your true desires while being social and laughing and smiling. An attitude with goodness that allows many behaviors, doesn't judge.

But be careful with this, if you don't feel like it, it may seem insincere. Try to lift up the spirits, but if it doesn't work, don't force yourself too hard. If you struggle too much trying to make them get a good vibe you end up looking ridiculous, you can't force people to have a positive vibe, forced love is not possible. And of course, don't do it all the time, there's a time and place to have an uplifted attitude. Generally, just do what is most comfortable to you while trying to have a good time.

As for conversational skills, a lot of men end up ruining their chances because they come across as too much when they approach a woman. Probably being desperate makes them try too hard and it's exactly this try to hard that ruins it, a self-fullfilling prophecy. First, the attitude, when you've just met a person, speak in a calm manner, a smile or instant laughter comes across as out of nowhere and therefore weird. Since men are the ones supposed to be daring and go talk to or text the women, it's completely acceptable to go talk to or text someone out of nowhere. Walk up to her, say hi, she replies with hi, tell her your name, wait for her to tell your name or ask her, then ask her where she's from, you can say that you saw her and wanted to talk to her. Or better, if you already know her or saw her from somewhere you can start texting her and waking up to her and say hi, she replies with hi, you tell her that you saw her as what you have in common and talk about that thing, as friends.

Or you can even text her and tell her "hi", "you're cute", not beautiful but cute and "I've noticed you and would like to get to know you", it's soft and from the heart and it's cure and she can feel it, but there is always the pressure of a relationship here, although it could work. I think that when you've just met a man or woman, you should master the courage to go talk to her and get to know her but without making everything about a relationship. Find a pretext to go talk to them and start off with a friendly attitude without making everything about a relationship because it creates less tension and allows both of them to be more relaxed. Or the subtlest of them all, you can find a pretext to talk to her, such as asking for help with something. And Next time you talk to her simply asking her how she is doing and talk about the things she or you were doing.

If you run out of subjects about what you were doing: People like to talk about themselves and their own interests. That's the key to have an interesting conversation with someone. If you can't guess their interests, ask people about their hobbies without asking them about their hobbies, ask them indirectly, without mentioning the word hobby, it seems kind of cliche, you could ask "what you like doing in your free time?", "have you been to some cool places lately?" and such. While he talks about her interests you can describe your own interests in the process and so on. Of course, most of the conversation will probably revolve around laughing with each other, making jokes.

When it comes down to it, I think he likes you. The way I see dating and romance is that first you are attracted by someone physically, then you get to know them and if it happens you fall in love with their personality. For this, you need to have some good looks for start, to start a normal conversation with "hello, how are you doing", or ask for help with something, to put yourself in the other person's shoes, to talk about something they like or start the conversation with something interesting. You are first attracted by looks, you go talk to them, friendly style, then you maybe or maybe not fall in love with their personality. It goes vice-versa. There is plenty of fish in the sea.
 

·
Premium Member
INTJ 5w4 531 sx/sp
Joined
·
1,333 Posts

Same answer as first time you posted this. (?)
 

·
Code Cracked
Joined
·
13,153 Posts

Same answer as first time you posted this. (?)

She did not appreciate our advice 0.o Well then!!!
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Top