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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello everyone, young 16 year old Five here! Very confused about the nature of relationships and being a Five, and I've come here to ask the elders what advice and insight have ye?

I suppose the plight comes from Five's emotional numbness, our nature to be hypersensitive and yet constant tendency to isolate emotions from our perceptions. The general consensus from friends in regards to pursuing a relationship is to "actually like someone, like feel it, before you ask them out".

And that's the issue, I don't know and I feel as if I can't know! And even if I could, I don't think it's even the most important thing for me. I've been in quite a few relationships now for my age, and I know the major driving factor for me to enter those relationships was the motivation my curiosity and interest gave me. I'm always doubting whether or not I feel for someone, so I ask you Fives, what do you find works? Any successful "compass" for telling you which relationships to pursue?

Please help <:D
 

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I didn't start dating until University and then I just sort of did what you did - got curious, dated a bunch of very different kind of people, and learned what I liked and didn't. I enjoyed internet dating because it was a venue for me to say exactly what I was looking for and I didn't generally have to make the first move.

I don't think I had a clearer picture of what I wanted until I was around 21 or 22. I often dated someone for 2-4 months before I realized I wasn't as into them as I initially thought. It really became trial and error. When I met my current partner the way I wrote about him in my journal was very different from previous dating experiences, so something was definitely different but I couldn't really tell you what. I felt fairly certain I was in love after a month and I had to push myself to trust that feeling wouldn't change (so far it hasn't).

My advice for the dating world is have fun, don't worry about it too much. I doubted my feelings for my current partner because in previous relationships my feelings for the other person always died out, but I pushed myself past that fear eventually - it took me over a year to fully trust my feelings.
 

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I wouldn't worry about it so much. I remember when I was younger, my peers developing crushes and feelings for the others way before I did. I tried to force it and that never turns out well. If no one is tugging at your heart strings, don't feel bad about it. It's better to honestly admit to yourself that you're just not feeling it. When you are relaxed and living your own life is when you'll most get surprised by natural feelings for someone rising in you. Just take it slow. Make some friends of the opposite sex. Don't force yourself into anything too intimate or commit where you aren't sure. You're still very young and should enjoy that you have a long road ahead.
 

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Very confused about the nature of relationships and being a Five, and I've come here to ask the elders what advice and insight have ye?
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie is a great book about people that I've found useful in my life. There is also something to be said for understanding how various people fit into your life. Who are the confidants, those that network to help form connections and any other use you may have for people? Course depending on your instinctual stacking this can vary too as I'm a so/sp and thus I do well with groups rather than individual relationships.

I'm always doubting whether or not I feel for someone, so I ask you Fives, what do you find works?
Still working on this. While I did have a girlfriend once, I was massively immature and while I did learn a lot from it, there were more than a few less than proud moments that happened.

Any successful "compass" for telling you which relationships to pursue?
Explore the world, that is what I do.
 

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I am generally hypersensitive in relationships, or when I want someone to think well of me in general (which is rare because I generally don't care what people think of me). I look for someone who will think with me. Someone who values my insights and being there for them. I like to feel balanced with the person I am with and be treated like an equal. When I don't feel I am being treated as an equal, I withdraw and tend to numb up with anxiety, even if I try to hide it.

I tend to respond badly to Fe when I am not in my best spirits or am tired. If I feel pressured to interact and I don't believe I am at my best and could possibly come off as awkward or say something stupid due to being tired, stressed, etc, I either withdraw or get very snappy. My mother is the same way, especially when she is forced to parties. Also if she is pressured to do something and she didn't want to or didn't feel like she wanted to for other people other than her partner, she withdraws for like half a day walking through hiking trails. However, she is ISTJ and I am INTJ. I will respond similar to my mother, though I'll probably absorb myself in a video game or work with my online store.

For instance, let's say I was with an ENFJ who was having a party, we lived together, and he was obsessing over having everything - having the right snacks, having everything perfectly clean, etc. If he forced me to give as much enthusiasm over the party when it was his plan to have the party in the first place, I would be a very cranky person, because more than likely I don't care about being a neat freak for guests, or probably don't even know/are close to the people coming over. If I obsess over having my apartment clean or having food prepared right, it's usually for one individual and one-on-one interaction with someone I hold close.
 

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I think, like friendships, romantic relationships are a crap shoot. You might feel it intensely at first and grow weary over time, or you might not be particularly interested at first and grow fonder of someone after spending more time together.

When I met my current partner, I always consulted my head and my heart, and continued in the relationship day by day. As long as the relationship gives you the time and space to check in with yourself and make sure what you are doing is in your best interest, you should be okay.

As to knowing for sure whether or not you like someone yourself, the only way to know is to take it day by day. Growing closer over time and in all sorts of different circumstances will teach you about the people you know, & will help you grow closer to each other. Or, conversely, drive you apart. Another clue is to see how you behave when you're around people you like compared to people you do not. Sometimes it's hard to know exactly how you feel, but your actions will always say a lot if you pay attention to them.
 

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What do you do with overstimulation of your emotions? How often are you with feelers? What are they doing to make you feel?


I am generally hypersensitive in relationships, or when I want someone to think well of me in general (which is rare because I generally don't care what people think of me). I look for someone who will think with me. Someone who values my insights and being there for them. I like to feel balanced with the person I am with and be treated like an equal. When I don't feel I am being treated as an equal, I withdraw and tend to numb up with anxiety, even if I try to hide it.

I tend to respond badly to Fe when I am not in my best spirits or am tired. If I feel pressured to interact and I don't believe I am at my best and could possibly come off as awkward or say something stupid due to being tired, stressed, etc, I either withdraw or get very snappy. My mother is the same way, especially when she is forced to parties. Also if she is pressured to do something and she didn't want to or didn't feel like she wanted to for other people other than her partner, she withdraws for like half a day walking through hiking trails. However, she is ISTJ and I am INTJ. I will respond similar to my mother, though I'll probably absorb myself in a video game or work with my online store.

For instance, let's say I was with an ENFJ who was having a party, we lived together, and he was obsessing over having everything - having the right snacks, having everything perfectly clean, etc. If he forced me to give as much enthusiasm over the party when it was his plan to have the party in the first place, I would be a very cranky person, because more than likely I don't care about being a neat freak for guests, or probably don't even know/are close to the people coming over. If I obsess over having my apartment clean or having food prepared right, it's usually for one individual and one-on-one interaction with someone I hold close.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I think, like friendships, romantic relationships are a crap shoot. You might feel it intensely at first and grow weary over time, or you might not be particularly interested at first and grow fonder of someone after spending more time together.

When I met my current partner, I always consulted my head and my heart, and continued in the relationship day by day. As long as the relationship gives you the time and space to check in with yourself and make sure what you are doing is in your best interest, you should be okay.

As to knowing for sure whether or not you like someone yourself, the only way to know is to take it day by day. Growing closer over time and in all sorts of different circumstances will teach you about the people you know, & will help you grow closer to each other. Or, conversely, drive you apart. Another clue is to see how you behave when you're around people you like compared to people you do not. Sometimes it's hard to know exactly how you feel, but your actions will always say a lot if you pay attention to them.
I have to say Cursive, I really like your idea of observing my actions day to day, what they might signify and how they have changed. Indeed, it seems every romantic interest I have had has been the "intense at first - weary over time". Perhaps it will just take time before I meet someone the other way around!
 
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