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Discussion Starter #1
I wonder what Enneatype would be most compatible with a 9w1? Are you a 9w1 in a relationship or is your partner a 9w1? What is your Enneatype if not 9w1? Does Instinctual or Subtype stackings play a role in your relationship's success or failure? Anything you can share is appreciated.

I, personally, want my partner to be my best friend who is affectionate and thoughtful towards me and my needs too. Someone who would sit in the LaZBoy next to mines and have wonderful intelligent conversations with me, while wishing my chair was big enough to hold him too. Hahahaha! I have no couch now. I am a Sp/Sx 9w1 and ISFP (I think). I want to be a Web Developer. What type would want a relationship like this besides me? Hahaha!
 

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9w1 sp/so or so/sp here. I mean, I'm single at the moment, so I guess I haven't been truly compatible with anyone yet, but based on past relationships and current friendships...

I've always gotten along best with 3s by far. I genuinely admire how many 3s navigate through life. And their lifestyle is very attractive to me. Other people fuel me personally; one of my big motivation killers is to do anything alone. I can really get into good routines when I'm around a 3 and it helps for personal growth, too. They're just damned sexy and live an attractive life, what can I say?

As for instincts, I'm friends with many people of every stacking and I appreciate how instincts can flavor a person if we're just friends. If we're more than friends, being sx-last is probably the best for me. I just don't jive with people who have sx high in their stacking when it comes to relationships.
 

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SX/SO 9w1. The people that are closest to me are self-typed SX-dom (9s and 7s), or are intellectually developed and open-minded to different perspectives and cultures. I don't mingle well with those who are prejudiced, judgmental, superficial, or materialistic. My girlfriend is currently SX5 (INTP) and ex is SX4 (INFP). Finding people who are interesting or passionate about an area in their life is important for me, because it reveals who they are as individual, rather than what society expects from them. I noticed that I socialize, in order to find one person to 'click' with and have deep 1-on-1 personal exchanges with. Sometimes doing this makes it clearly uncomfortable for people who are not SX (because they it's 'too personal/crazy/fast').

I've read an enneagram book about relationships, which said that one of the keys for a long-term fulfilling relationship is having a similar instinctual stacking as your partner.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
9w1 sp/so or so/sp here. I mean, I'm single at the moment, so I guess I haven't been truly compatible with anyone yet, but based on past relationships and current friendships...

I've always gotten along best with 3s by far. I genuinely admire how many 3s navigate through life. And their lifestyle is very attractive to me. Other people fuel me personally; one of my big motivation killers is to do anything alone. I can really get into good routines when I'm around a 3 and it helps for personal growth, too. They're just damned sexy and live an attractive life, what can I say?

As for instincts, I'm friends with many people of every stacking and I appreciate how instincts can flavor a person if we're just friends. If we're more than friends, being sx-last is probably the best for me. I just don't jive with people who have sx high in their stacking when it comes to relationships.
I agree with you about Threes being so admirable! Tony Robbins (3w2) helps keep me motivated and encouraged. And so does Joel Osteen (3w4) who inspires me. My friend Emanuel (3w2) from home was also impressive and admirable...very motivated! I could not see myself dating one of those motivated creatures on a romantic level...too busy for me!

I admit, I am curious to know more about the incompatibility between you and people with a high Sexual variant. I am Self-Preservationist/ Sexual. Is it the intimacy that bothers you? Please free free to share. I am genuinely curious and want to learn from your perspective like the mind of a 5. I think I am understanding what you are saying because I had problems with Social boyfriends because they kept worrying about what other people think of them when they should care more about what I think of them. Hahaha! :tongue:
 
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Discussion Starter #5
SX/SO 9w1. The people that are closest to me are self-typed SX-dom (9s and 7s), or are intellectually developed and open-minded to different perspectives and cultures. I don't mingle well with those who are prejudiced, judgmental, superficial, or materialistic. My girlfriend is currently SX5 (INTP) and ex is SX4 (INFP). Finding people who are interesting or passionate about an area in their life is important for me, because it reveals who they are as individual, rather than what society expects from them. I noticed that I socialize, in order to find one person to 'click' with and have deep 1-on-1 personal exchanges with. Sometimes doing this makes it clearly uncomfortable for people who are not SX (because they it's 'too personal/crazy/fast').

I've read an enneagram book about relationships, which said that one of the keys for a long-term fulfilling relationship is having a similar instinctual stacking as your partner.
Hmmm...let me think. Most of the people I am close to in my private life has Sexual in their variant whether it is primary or secondary mostly 4, 9 and 7. The rest of my friendships is a wide variety of people. I get alone with the Artistic and Nerds the best. You would love my friends because they are intellectually developed, open minded to diversity, except when it comes to Donald J Trump. I am open minded beyond those liberal & progressive boxes...I am all over the whole spectrum just about.

Well, a little materialism is good for a Self-Preservationist who enjoys a good nesting spot. :violin:I like electronics computer related stuff the most (I hope to get a job and buy stuff that I will use, of course) and dainty jewelry (quality above quantity). I would love surround sound in my place, so my place will sound like Lincoln Center with the Metropolitan Opera sounding live in my home! I am sort of a Cozy Minimalist. I have a violin that I hope to learn how to play someday. My favorite instrument!

Describe what this too personal/crazy/fast interpersonal connection
, so I can see in my mind and experiences what you are speaking about. I do enjoy connecting with people beyond small talk, but most of them, I probably won't see again or in a long time. I live a private home life that I keep small and intimate. Bringing all those people into my space would overwhelm me and drain me. I enjoy people whenever I cross their paths. Quality vs. Quantity. Only a very few people makes it into my personal private world of KJ Always.

You may be right about having similar Instinctual Stackings. I don't think I ever dated a SP/Sx before. I didn't know I was a SP/Sx myself because I was distracted by my external ability to be sociable. I have noticed that I struggle with Social type men because they worry about what people think about them, and some of these people are imaginary in their heads. I cannot relate to that. They, sometimes, struggle with me being a unique individual who don't focus on social norms as much as they do. I care about being respectable and fair, but I don't care about conformity that much even though I do dress a little conservative (9w1 SP/Sx so of course, I would). I would love to experience the love of a SP/Sx man who don't mind going to two friend's house parties and talk with smart and interesting people with live music. At one of these places, he can sing too.

I think my Sexual variant makes my Self-Pres look more dynamic and interesting to where people may confuse me to be more sociable than I actually am. When I go to particular parties, its a family reunion to me and an opportunity to nurture my relationships with my friends individually all in one place. If my friends aren't there, I see no need to go unless it is for free food! Hahaha! I love free food! Hahaha :brocoli:Sorry I got carried away and start writing too much. I stop now.
 

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I agree with you about Threes being so admirable! Tony Robbins (3w2) helps keep me motivated and encouraged. And so does Joel Osteen (3w4) who inspires me. My friend Emanuel (3w2) from home was also impressive and admirable...very motivated! I could not see myself dating one of those motivated creatures on a romantic level...too busy for me!
Yeah, that's definitely something that can be hard to swallow when dealing with 3s. I guess I'm kind of used to it, as I've grown up in a 3 type of environment as a 9. It's not like anyone would ever label me as a 3 if they talked to me for 5 minutes, as I don't vibe like one at all. But I guess I'd call myself "successful" and "busy" so there are a couple of surface-level traits that we share. Or maybe it's better to say that I can keep up with them when around them. :p Then I spiral into apathy when alone, unfortunately.

I admit, I am curious to know more about the incompatibility between you and people with a high Sexual variant. I am Self-Preservationist/ Sexual. Is it the intimacy that bothers you? Please free free to share. I am genuinely curious and want to learn from your perspective like the mind of a 5. I think I am understanding what you are saying because I had problems with Social boyfriends because they kept worrying about what other people think of them when they should care more about what I think of them. Hahaha! :tongue:
Based on what you say about soc, my situation, and what I've seen in others, there might be something to the blindspot being contentious in relationships. At least with some. I haven't exactly fleshed out how intimacy relates to sx (though I imagine it's intertwined), but yeah, intimacy isn't my thing. I've always preferred to keep my conversations light and I feel at a loss when someone tries to dig in and know the real me or whatever. Like some binding conversation. I just don't feel like there's that much to me, and sometimes the vampire-esque nature of sx-doms feels overdramatic and invasive. It's no secret that sx can be obsessive and I just can't do that... Plus I become more and more dispassionate in my conversations with people as I get to know them. In fact, I see a noticeable difference between my level of flirtiness and expressiveness when I first meet someone versus talking to them after knowing them for a month. So I think when that display of passion and interest trickles away, a lot of people aren't a fan. And I understand that. It's a flaw with me, not them. The only way I really can keep that level of expressiveness up is with my platonic friends or in front of some audience. And I just can't do that for some reason when it's 1 on 1 with someone with whom I'm romantically involved.

Funnily enough, I remember being happiest with my "love life" early in college with a FWB. We just talked about whatever, went into the city together, felt no pressure, and we didn't "dig into" each other's souls to try and force a connection. It just was what it was. She was an sp/soc 3 I believe.

Sorry for rambling, it's tough to put this feeling into words.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Yeah, that's definitely something that can be hard to swallow when dealing with 3s. I guess I'm kind of used to it, as I've grown up in a 3 type of environment as a 9. It's not like anyone would ever label me as a 3 if they talked to me for 5 minutes, as I don't vibe like one at all. But I guess I'd call myself "successful" and "busy" so there are a couple of surface-level traits that we share. Or maybe it's better to say that I can keep up with them when around them. :p Then I spiral into apathy when alone, unfortunately.
Yea, Nines goes to 3 at their secure point or more healthy point, so that is an excellent trait to have. Maybe, you are a 3 look-a-like when you are energized and motivated by them. I love when I am feeling connected to 3 within myself. It would help if I stop eating gluten long enough to get my energy fully back. hahaha Wow, so it does help to have that in your background. I grew up around a lot of Eights...I was terrified of them but not anymore. I need someone who is more affectionate and warm.



Based on what you say about soc, my situation, and what I've seen in others, there might be something to the blindspot being contentious in relationships. At least with some. I haven't exactly fleshed out how intimacy relates to sx (though I imagine it's intertwined), but yeah, intimacy isn't my thing. I've always preferred to keep my conversations light and I feel at a loss when someone tries to dig in and know the real me or whatever. Like some binding conversation.
Being Sexual (aka Intimate, Relational, One to One) is all about intimacy and intensity. Sometimes, people feel so comfortable and safe with me that they give me the intimacy that I want without me asking for it. I love the mild intimate connections, even if I don't have any intention of every reconnecting with them or building a long term friendship with them. I just enjoy people with an engaging presence, regardless if it is for an hour, for a season, or long term. As long as, we have our boundaries there, I love intimacy to a point (I also can fear it too), but when it becomes intrusive on my space and boundaries, then I don't like it so much anymore. You can say, I appreciate depth of the human experience. Does that make sense? People are fascinating creatures to me. You confirmed it for me that there is no way I could have been primarily Sexual because they sound more intense than I am!!! I don't express emotions that openly, most of the time. That is another thing, I don't like for anybody to demand an emotional response from me against my natural inclinations. If I want to share them, I will and I do!



I just don't feel like there's that much to me, and sometimes the vampire-esque nature of sx-doms feels overdramatic and invasive. It's no secret that sx can be obsessive and I just can't do that... Plus I become more and more dispassionate in my conversations with people as I get to know them. In fact, I see a noticeable difference between my level of flirtiness and expressiveness when I first meet someone versus talking to them after knowing them for a month. So I think when that display of passion and interest trickles away, a lot of people aren't a fan. And I understand that. It's a flaw with me, not them. The only way I really can keep that level of expressiveness up is with my platonic friends or in front of some audience. And I just can't do that for some reason when it's 1 on 1 with someone with whom I'm romantically involved.
Of course, there is much to you. You are a living being who had his share of experiences, perceptions, beliefs, disbeliefs, interests, hobbies,...that is your unique combination that makes you who you are. I can see you are an interesting person from reading your responses to me and how you express your words.

Over dramatic sounds entertaining if it is not violating my boundaries and my sense of peace. When it is dramatic in a toxic sort of way, I don't want much to do with them. I feel drained by those people. I don't have the energy nor the stamina to be their friend on a more personal and intimate level. Invasive sounds like those other words that I don't like, like intrusive. Yea, I know what you mean, I have some Sexual Fours in my life who had to learn to calm down their nerves and don't violate my boundaries with their intense emotionalism because it used to make me suffer physical pain when I was very sick. I guess, it is a flaw with me too. It is very hard for me to be in my very peaceful quiet home for hours and days and then get bombarded with loud intense messy emotionalism violating my boundaries or personal space with their energy and noise. Sometimes, I am kind of selfish with my energy and time.


Funnily enough, I remember being happiest with my "love life" early in college with a FWB. We just talked about whatever, went into the city together, felt no pressure, and we didn't "dig into" each other's souls to try and force a connection. It just was what it was. She was an sp/soc 3 I believe.

I love intimate connections with people
, but I prefer it to be natural and flowing. Yea, forced intimacy is not real intimacy as far as I am concerned. Come to think about it, I think I have met a few people like that. I don't feel comfortable opening up in those type of situations where it feels like pressure, demands or expectations. I am Sexual second. I am primarily a sociable looking Self-Preservationist. I socialize because I need intimate connections with people to balance my tons of isolation, I guess. I think we all would be happy if we can have a natural flowing connection like you have had with your FWB. That is what I want too.


Sorry for rambling, it's tough to put this feeling into words.
I think I understood you for the most part because you have expressed your words with enough depth for me to understand them. I did had to look up FWB though because I did not know what it was. When I saw what it means, I chuckled. Like, "oh" "duh". Yea, SP Threes are workers bees. Many of them are known to be workaholics, which is not for me because I want attention. Hahaha! Plus, my parents put that type 3 expectations on me and were disappointed because I never measured up nor tried to. I came from a Three culture. Google "West Palm Beach, Florida" and you will see what I mean!!!

I am going to bed now and let this be my only response for tonight if that programmer haven't responded yet. I am interested in that field at a lesser degree than what he is doing.
 
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I personally like 3's,5's,6's and 7's. I'd totally be willing to date a fellow 9, too. Male e9's are great. Oh, also I'm a 9w1 sp/sx. I also like other sp/sx, sp/so and sx/sp for relationships. I can't do clingy or intrusive people but I don't like superficial interactions either. I feel like sp/sx people just want the right mixture of personal space and intimacy.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
I personally like 3's,5's,6's and 7's. I'd totally be willing to date a fellow 9, too. Male e9's are great. Oh, also I'm a 9w1 sp/sx. I also like other sp/sx, sp/so and sx/sp for relationships. I can't do clingy or intrusive people but I don't like superficial interactions either. I feel like sp/sx people just want the right mixture of personal space and intimacy.
I totally can relate to what you are saying!!! I don't like intrusive and clingy people either (I had my share of Twos who were that way). That is the vibes I get from this guy who apparently likes me and wants to spend more time with me than I want to spend with him. I am SP, I like going home and take a break from human contact. It feels like when he (new guy) kept touching on my arms that he wants to grab me and have my 100% attention on him or something. Nobody touches me in that same manner before. My ex told me that he gets the impression from his voice mail that he will want more time from me than I would like to give. If he is this way when we hardly know each other, how will he be if I allowed him much closer to me and get to know me better? Have you ever experienced anything like this?

I don't like superficial interactions either. I enjoy my interactions with this guy while I am shopping in the same store or riding the same bus route...I run into him sometimes. He is quite interesting to talk with and to shop with. I am a Sp/Sx, I am protective of my nest and who comes into my sacred nesting space. If a person is too intrusive, needy or clingy, I fear that they will disrupt my time to be alone and disrupt my peaceful with their chaotic nonsense. I have grown more selfish with age when it comes to my space, time and energy.

I like that guy as a friend, and I was honest with him about not wanting to date anybody. I am committed to my singleness for as long as I need it. I am more focused on trying to obtain a career late in life and get my stuff together as my top priority. Plus, I am still working on my minimalism, and this guy would only be a distraction from me doing what is important to me. He have seen me more than some of my friends who I do like bonding with on a deeper level and welcomed into my sacred nesting space. My friends does not feeling like they are expecting more from me than I am willing to give. They just let me be me and love me with lots of hugs, laughter and great conversation. Sometimes, they love me with good food too! Hahaha. I have that right mixture of personal space and intimacy with my friends who I have known for years. I don't think this new guy can give me that. He invades my space by touching me with grabbing fingers. Hahaha!
 
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A female version of me with better-developed Se would probably be my ideal match.

INFJ sp/sx 9w1 - 5w4 - 4w5.
 
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Describe what this too personal/crazy/fast interpersonal connection, so I can see in my mind and experiences what you are speaking about. .
One is by asking the questions regarding their personal interests, hobbies, passions, dreams, values, fun facts about themselves (something that makes them distinguished aside from their social status). This is for me what a person interesting.

Another example is I used to ask people that I just met to show me their handwriting or take a fantasy personality card test that I designed, if they were interested in a personality analysis. It startled some and caught the interest of others. Some were skeptical, cautious, or were not comfortable with being open with their feelings so quickly, however those that were open, curious, or playful were often more likely to be SX-dom or second.
 

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SimilarMinds.com > Compatibility by Enneagram Types


The optimal enneagram matches are on opposites sides of each other. This works on same concept as socionics duality: the union and struggle of the opposites. The opposite of 9w1 is 1w9, and the opposite of 9w8 is the 1w2. These are the combination that ideally balance each other out, other relationship factors aside.






Regarding 3s, I've seen 9s get attracted to 3s a lot and witnessed several romantic couples forming along these lines. The thing that 9 needs to remember is that while 3 is your integration point and they help you to bloom and become more motivated, YOU as a 9 are the 3's disintegration point and you will pull them in a direction that they want to leave behind. This combination is essentially asymmetric. Sometimes this asymmetry translates into the relationship between these two types, with 3 leaving the 9 behind and searching for greener pastures.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
One is by asking the questions regarding their personal interests, hobbies, passions, dreams, values, fun facts about themselves (something that makes them distinguished aside from their social status). This is for me what a person interesting.
Those sound like interesting topics to me. I like to ask people what religion they are because I am curious to know. They usually tell me. I may ask about their creative activities if they appear to be creative types. Social status? Is that the one where people ask "Where do you work?" or "What do you do for a living?" I only want to know that if they appear unconventional and interesting. Or I am just in that curious mood, especially if I am trying to learn about various of careers that may interest me.

Another example is I used to ask people that I just met to show me their handwriting or take a fantasy personality card test that I designed, if they were interested in a personality analysis. It startled some and caught the interest of others. Some were skeptical, cautious, or were not comfortable with being open with their feelings so quickly, however those that were open, curious, or playful were often more likely to be SX-dom or second.
I used to do graphology too. Once in a while, I still tell people very little about their handwriting, especially if it is positive and warm. That makes them feel good about themselves. I would be curious as always with your personality card test since I love typology as a hobby for decades. I can be emotionally expressive sometimes, especially if people bring out the hidden sentimentality in me. Hahaha.
I am primarily a Self-Preservationist. Now, that I am feeling the pain of my Self-Pres, everything else have taken a back seat for the most part. I have a friend, when his Self-Pres is a source of pain, he still goes to workshops, retreats, classes and groups. We are the direct opposite. Open, curious and playful does describe who I am, especially when I am alone or with my friends or interesting people.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
I looked at this. I know 1w9 does not balance me out based on my personal experiences. I have enough 1 in me, so I don't need to be with a 1w9. I am a Self-Preservationist, but I think many of my friends are Social and Sexual types (interesting people). I have one friend that I know who is a Self-Preservationist. We talk about SP topics, but we both are too reclusive to bring each other out, especially without any cars! Hahaha. I think she may be a 9w8.

This look like one of Darius pet projects. Hahaha. I am just wondering why is he still being anonymous after all of these years. He did a good job with building up his website.

SimilarMinds.com > Compatibility by Enneagram Types


The optimal enneagram matches are on opposites sides of each other. This works on same concept as socionics duality: the union and struggle of the opposites. The opposite of 9w1 is 1w9, and the opposite of 9w8 is the 1w2. These are the combination that ideally balance each other out, other relationship factors aside.






Regarding 3s, I've seen 9s get attracted to 3s a lot and witnessed several romantic couples forming along these lines. The thing that 9 needs to remember is that while 3 is your integration point and they help you to bloom and become more motivated, YOU as a 9 are the 3's disintegration point and you will pull them in a direction that they want to leave behind. This combination is essentially asymmetric. Sometimes this asymmetry translates into the relationship between these two types, with 3 leaving the 9 behind and searching for greener pastures.
 
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