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I'm going out with an INTP - far and away the best relationship I've ever had. It's taken him a while to open up and share his inner world with me and I feel really privileged that he's done so. I'd like him to trust that he can tell me anything.

He's quite an anxious person who worries about doing and saying the wrong thing, and mentally rehearses what he's going to say a lot of the time. Is this normal for you INTP's?

What does it take to make you feel that someone is safe to share your innermost thoughts with?

Any tips or advice?
 

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He's quite an anxious person who worries about doing and saying the wrong thing, and mentally rehearses what he's going to say a lot of the time. Is this normal for you INTP's?
yes. I for one don't know how *not* to do that. and having it pointed out to me just makes things more difficult. "how do I say this so it doesn't sound like I'm anxious or mentally rehearsing?" haha.

trust is earned. don't stab him in the back or try to manipulate him. listen and respond thoughtfully to what he says, and he'll probably keep talking.

(also: lulz, look at me giving relationship advice again. :crazy:)
 

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Be open yourself and then let time work its magic. :happy:

If he knows that you're ok with saying whatever it is, then he will be more likely to do the same. Act uncomfortable around certain topics and he will probably become uncomfortable sharing that side of himself. Basically show him, by example, that you won't react badly if he does open up to you. Simply saying "you can tell me anything" won't work. You can want to believe that but if your actions don't support the claim, it doesn't mean much.

Take what I said with a bit of salt though, I'm an INTJ rather than INTP. If it were me, I'd suggest learning from the ENFP's. They have a knack for getting people to open up quicker than usual, for the reasons I just mentioned above.
 

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When you open the ten foot thick lead gates that protect our tiny crystal heart, you gotta be real gentle. That fragile little sucker has an automatic gate slammer if threatened. Be gentle and lots of trust, thatl heart will love you deeply and warmly if you show it trust.
Be level, sincere, and most of all patient, too much excitement or attention surrounding his opening up to you might freak him out, It would me, Id retract from feeling exposed and become self conscious. I think patience is the key.
 

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Nothing much, I'm quote open. Don't really care enough about others to care about hiding my feelings - although I do care about my privacy on the Internets... :tongue:
 

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What does it take to make you feel that someone is safe to share your innermost thoughts with?
Unless you're an xNTx you have pretty much no chance... I think.
 
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Be open yourself and then let time work its magic. :happy:

If he knows that you're ok with saying whatever it is, then he will be more likely to do the same. Act uncomfortable around certain topics and he will probably become uncomfortable sharing that side of himself. Basically show him, by example, that you won't react badly if he does open up to you. Simply saying "you can tell me anything" won't work. You can want to believe that but if your actions don't support the claim, it doesn't mean much.

Take what I said with a bit of salt though, I'm an INTJ rather than INTP. If it were me, I'd suggest learning from the ENFP's. They have a knack for getting people to open up quicker than usual, for the reasons I just mentioned above.

I agree
With INTPs a lot of times we base how we act on how the people around us act toward us.
If you are open and honest with him, he should soon feel very open with you
 

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Unless you're an xNTx you have pretty much no chance... I think.
I think I have to disagree. I'd be more likely to share my feelings with an (I) NF than an NT. NFs (or feelers in general) are good for that purpose because they let us understand our emotions, but the drawback is that they might "share" it with just about anyone.
On the other hand, NTs (ot thinkers in general) will probably calmly nod in understanding and keep their mouths shut. Or make fun of you.
 

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I think I have to disagree. I'd be more likely to share my feelings with an (I) NF than an NT. NFs (or feelers in general) are good for that purpose because they let us understand our emotions, but the drawback is that they might "share" it with just about anyone.
On the other hand, NTs (ot thinkers in general) will probably calmly nod in understanding and keep their mouths shut. Or make fun of you.
Agreed. I may be an NT but I would still like someone I can share my feelings with. Another NT would treat it as another problem to solve or something to brush off and ignore.
 
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Agreed. I may be an NT but I would still like someone I can share my feelings with. Another NT would treat it as another problem to solve or something to brush off and ignore.
Yup. It's good to have NT friends around for intellectual stimulation, but feelers are better to go home to. :happy:
 

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I agree
With INTPs a lot of times we base how we act on how the people around us act toward us.
If you are open and honest with him, he should soon feel very open with you
I also agree with this. We tend to mirror another person's traits. Not to say that an INTP is fake, but we only show as much as you are willing to show, talk as much as you are willing to talk, and laugh as much as you are willing to laugh.

For me, the best way to make me open up is to be 100% sincere and true to yourself -- and also be open to other's perspectives. We can mostly tell if you're holding back and I get extremely uneasy showing a person my entire self when the person couldn't do the same. Not to speak for all INTPs, but usually initiation is the key.

Once we see that you're genuine with your words and love, we will start to respond to them. However, don't be impatient, and just allow time for him to respond. In time, we'll feel more secure about how open we can be as long as we aren't pressured to do so.

And yes, we usually mentally rehearse and reassure ourselves of what to say before we do so.
Despite the "rehearsals", it is possible that we can jumble up our words because we're not really the best at showcasing our thoughts.

So when it doubt, don't be afraid to ask. :]
 

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Yup. It's good to have NT friends around for intellectual stimulation, but feelers are better to go home to. :happy:
That said, I'd prefer someone that has a nice blend of both. Maybe a low T/F? /shrug

I also agree with this. We tend to mirror another person's traits. Not to say that an INTP is fake, but we only show as much as you are willing to show, talk as much as you are willing to talk, and laugh as much as you are willing to laugh.

For me, the best way to make me open up is to be 100% sincere and true to yourself -- and also be open to other's perspectives. We can mostly tell if you're holding back and I get extremely uneasy showing a person my entire self when the person couldn't do the same. Not to speak for all INTPs, but usually initiation is the key.

Once we see that you're genuine with your words and love, we will start to respond to them. However, don't be impatient, and just allow time for him to respond. In time, we'll feel more secure about how open we can be as long as we aren't pressured to do so.

And yes, we usually mentally rehearse and reassure ourselves of what to say before we do so.
Despite the "rehearsals", it is possible that we can jumble up our words because we're not really the best at showcasing our thoughts.

So when it doubt, don't be afraid to ask. :]
This is why every other description of INTP's and every other description of INTJ's makes me question my type...
 
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Yup. It's good to have NT friends around for intellectual stimulation, but feelers are better to go home to. :happy:
I disagree with this. I don't require much attention or affection at all, though scratching my back in places I can't reach has been known to make me turn into a human saint bernard :blushed:; however, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and believes that effusive affection isn't worth the potential for constantly worrying that my special someone is going to be horribly offended by the things I say or not understand the weird shit that lies beneath my surface. My last GF was either ISTP or ESTP, she got me, and I liked that way more than any sort of physical affection, though the physical was also awesome :proud:
 

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I open up very rarely, and I don't think I ever did to any of my friends recently. I open up to my sister, not so much to my parents... But I think what gets me to open up is to spend some time to have a one-on-one conversation with me--I get all tense when I'm surrounded by a lot of people who are partaking in the same discussion. I also tend to open up when the atmosphere is nice and relaxing, like in a semi-dark room and jazzy music. In general, though, I don't really talk about my innermost thoughts too much.
 

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I have like two or three layers of openness. I generally run around with the top layer fully open, but if it's someone that I don't trust I shut it immediately. If I like who I meet, I go to the next layer, and I think there's a last one reserved for those people who really touch my heart. :x
 
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I open up to people when they let me know or tell me that I'm not weird. That is the key that unlocks every insecure bone in my body for the person and lets me unleash everything that I have hiding inside of me. If someone gives me the time of day to listen to me and act like they care than I will defiantly talk to the person again. I also love when people read and leave comments on my writing, because I getting praise for it.

If someone does not listen to me and acts as if I'm not worth any of their time than I am likely to think poorly of the person. It's simple.
 
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