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Discussion Starter #1
I ask this question because I was askedthis question today. And all I could really say is "I close off."

But something else really does happen--- I begin to use that betrayal as confirmation for me to not trust others easily and to keep my fortress strong. I don't hold any grudges on the person but I begin to see how it was I who allowed this person to affect me in such a way that I have to close off.

So me in particular or some sort of MBTI character traits we share at varying degrees?
 

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Betrayal is the deadliest sin in my book and I dont take it lightly. I usually plan a counter attack, as a means of venting. From then on, I too, am guarded and very untrustworthy of people.
 

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I tend not to fully rely on people to begin with, meaning betrayal, while it may cause damage, such damage will be mostly emotional. But yeah, I absolutely hate cowards, I can't think of a single type who doesn't in their own way.
 

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I seek vengeance.

After I cool down and realize that revenge is not possible or worth my time, I just distrust them for the rest of my life and maybe will go on a rant or two whenever its brought up again.
 

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Yes, vengeance. Then at one point I'd decide that it's not worth it/ they suffered enough/ I'm bored and move on. Never to trust or think much of them ever again. Betrayal is like -- I read someone said that ENTJs continuously try to understand/ grade the value of the people they're dealing with, betrayal would be the stamp to mark them for waste disposal/ paper shredder, so to speak. They would no longer be counted, thrown away.

I would close off for awhile as well, maybe nothing outwardly apparent, but it would add another stone (or a layer) to my walls.
 

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Emotional betrayal on a personal level = Vengeance and eternal distrust towards the person, plus a small increase of my general misanthropy for a few months or so. Past that, done is done and there's no point in grieving over it.
 

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I try to move on with my own life because usually a person who betrays me is headed down a long, dark road to eventual destruction... so I let them do that themselves. It's really satisfying to see someone destroy their own life after they try to destroy yours.

But my favorite things, as I may have said somewhere before, are constructive criticism and revenge. So sooner or later they'll hear from me.
 

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I try to move on with my own life because usually a person who betrays me is headed down a long, dark road to eventual destruction... so I let them do that themselves. It's really satisfying to see someone destroy their own life after they try to destroy yours.
So fucking true. Been there, and done that. When they wallow in their own misery a few years later, dirt poor and depressed, it's time to bring forth the popcorn and the party hats. Hah.
 

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It's time to bring forth the popcorn and the party hats. Hah.
Being happy is the sweetest revenge. ^^ And more often than not, it's cause for celebration when I finally realize that the sentimental part of me is foolish and I'm better off without them. After all, how can I take over the world with someone whose real name is Mr Ball N. Chain ruining my fun?

But often my sentimental streak is strong, and rationality is a struggle when you have *gasp* FEELINGS.
 

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People who betray others are usually insecure, have a low self esteem, and basically have nothing going for them including a conscious . Thats why they need to use people. It also provides the perfect window for a counter attack. But alas common sense kicks in, and I realize that the person will eventually implode; the flesh eating bacteria will get the best of them. And that launching a counter attack is a waste of resources and energy.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Looks like vengence is a trend. Hhahaha, fantasizing about vengence is fun but I never follow through because of all the plotting that is needed. Besides, I find that seeking vengence is the same thing as telling the person "You hurt me!" Hence, closing off and making it appear like I'm indifferent about the situation would actually hurt the other party more.
 

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I don't take things personally.

In fact, the only time I take things personally is if they take my stance personally. Then I dislike them for a certain amount of time, but it's rather passive-aggressive and dissipates.

Betrayal? Same, only on a larger scale. I would like to avoid the situation altogether and continue professionally developing. All of the emotions carried with it eventually dissipate after a few weeks, so I'm not too concerned about them. If it affects me above the emotional level, then I'll fix the situation and walk away from the individual. Vengeance is too shortsighted for me-- it seems appealing while I'm riled up, but in hindsight after the situation, it would be rather pointless.
 

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People who betray others are usually insecure, have a low self esteem, and basically have nothing going for them including a conscious . Thats why they need to use people. It also provides the perfect window for a counter attack. But alas common sense kicks in, and I realize that the person will eventually implode; the flesh eating bacteria will get the best of them. And that launching a counter attack is a waste of resources and energy.
That may be true for those that intentionally betray another.

However, unintentional/accidental betrayal can occur if the listener was unaware that the statement was made in confidence.

Does that difference affect your decision?
 

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If the betrayal is bad enough to cause internal damage I go on the warpath. I don't really stay mad for any longer then a couple weeks, a month or two at the most. Depending on the extent of the damage is the extent of the anger/vengeance. I know how to scar people mentally to any extent I deem necessary. We could get into a whole other discussion on how to know where to "hit 'em where it hurts," but I'm assuming most people in this sub-forum already know.

I have, many times, made friends with friends of someone that caused damage. And then used them to manipulate a situation of vengeance. I may be screwed up in the head, but whatever. The way it works is my mind decides what it wants to happen, and then I create steps as I go without creating an entire plan (just an end goal). It is more of a subconscious process than a conscious one, but my conscious is still aware.

Most of the time the anger fades before I'm finished, and then I just drop it.
 

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That may be true for those that intentionally betray another.

However, unintentional/accidental betrayal can occur if the listener was unaware that the statement was made in confidence.

Does that difference affect your decision?

I dont buy the accidental betrayal excuse. People are well aware of their actions and their affect on people; and well aware of confidentiality whether explicitly stated or not. And its not innocent talk, its backstabbing.

So no it does not affect my decision
 

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I dont buy the accidental betrayal excuse. People are well aware of their actions and their affect on people; and well aware of confidentiality whether explicitly stated or not. And its not innocent talk, its backstabbing.

So no it does not affect my decision
It's a fine line. If one has forgiveness with some cases of "accidental" backstabbing, then that opens up a window for people to exploit. It's better to treat it all the same way, regardless of what the betrayer knew or thought or felt about the situation.
 

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This has to be considered as well : not aware that it's a betrayal =/= it's not a betrayal. This happened to an ENFJ friend of mine, his friend saw it as 'staying neutral', while using common sense/ greater justice/ sense of human decency etc, a friend in that situation is not supposed to stay neutral. And at that time this person still think of himself as a good friend of the ENFJ, for all he knew, he had done nothing wrong.

I dont buy the accidental betrayal excuse. People are well aware of their actions and their affect on people; and well aware of confidentiality whether explicitly stated or not. And its not innocent talk, its backstabbing.

So no it does not affect my decision
+1
 

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Accidental betrayal can only be done out of ignorance (I didn't know the repercussions of my actions) - which probably isn't betrayal. In which case, it makes me want to rise up and make my presence known. You might have not known you have betrayed me, so here I am to confront you on it. Retract it or let me know that your betrayal was intentional.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
I dont buy the accidental betrayal excuse. People are well aware of their actions and their affect on people; and well aware of confidentiality whether explicitly stated or not. And its not innocent talk, its backstabbing.

So no it does not affect my decision
I'd like to add to this, because I'm also well aware of those people who are unaware or literally an airhead who I didn't think was an airhead in the "confidentiality" department. I usually open up with "Hey, may I confide in you this information? I mean, this is a subject I really feel should not go beyond this conversation."

If they say yes. There is no excuse.
 
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