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What have your real life experiences with ENFJs been like?
[INFP]
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My mother is an ENFJ! Sometimes we're like best friends, but we can't live with each other for very long or else we get in really intense fights. When we don't live together, though, we get along great, and we can always count on each other for fun - we're both very playful and silly, and have a similar sense of humor. Sometimes she's too silly when I want her to be serious, though... and I guess sometimes I'm too serious when she wants to be silly :crazy:
She is my mom though, and we do have a lot of complicated history, so I'm not sure what it would be like having another ENFJ as a friend. I don't really know much about the ENFJ/INFP dynamic in a normal relationship.
She is my mom though, and we do have a lot of complicated history, so I'm not sure what it would be like having another ENFJ as a friend. I don't really know much about the ENFJ/INFP dynamic in a normal relationship.
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I know one, and we get along great. She is really, REALLY adorable. Damn. Too bad she's straight.
My mom acts the part of an ENFJ, though she's actually an ISFP.
My mom acts the part of an ENFJ, though she's actually an ISFP.
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Pretty terrible.
But then again, he did have a lot of issues, so it's not his personality type, but his problems.
But then again, he did have a lot of issues, so it's not his personality type, but his problems.
I'm jealous :wink:
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54 Posts
At first, it was great.
In freshman year of high school, I had a class with a guy who I would find out was a very pronounced ENFJ 3 years later. Every girl had a crush on him, so I decided that I wouldn't. I found him annoying and invasive of my space.
One day, I had to give an oral book report. I memorized my little speech although we were allowed to use note cards. I began sobbing in the middle of my speech -- not planned at all. And I cried until I was done speaking and sitting in my seat. The teacher and my entire class couldn't tell if I had planned on crying either. Some thought I was just plain emotional, others thought it was a realistic, expressive, and moving performance.
From this point forward, ENFJ-guy decided that we would be best friends, and he didn't tell me this until 3 years later, around the time he made me take the mbti test. I scored INFP then, but he insisted that I was an INFJ. We chatted online late into the night and I'd listen to him for hours over the phone. I lived far away from our high school so he'd ask his parents to drive him to my house to hang out.
I loved the attention, I loved his outward affection, I loved the romance, I loved the excitement he brought to my deeply locked emotions.
He told me so many things that I never knew about his life from the moment he decided we'd be best friends. On the outside, he had the perfect life along with the perfect family. He was popular at school, his parents were fairly well-known as well, he excelled at everything, girls swooned over him, he was charming and intelligent and cultured, and he was very attractive, to top it off.
Despite these things, he would laugh all day at school, then go home and cry every single day. He didn't know why. He saw a psychotherapist, along with the rest of his family. He didn't really know what his purpose in life was, and he mixed up his feelings with those of everyone around him. But when he met me, he thought he might have found his soul mate, and learn more about himself. And so he did.
One of the best memories I had of him was when we were talking online. He made some claim I thought was silly, then I tried to explain his behavior to him. He said, "OMG, you're a genius!" And then, "I love you!" It was the first time someone said they had loved me. And he said it a few months before we started dating.
Then we dated. He began to question my silence, not wanting to answer phone calls, wanting to be alone. He took it personally. And I blew up at him for taking it the wrong way, and a slew of misunderstandings went back and forth between us. One day, I saw him parked outside of where I worked -- we hadn't planned on meeting. I pretended not to see him (a mistake, looking back). I went with my co-workers to a restaurant for lunch. He followed us. I never brought up that incident with him, but the more he pushed, the more I pulled away.
Finally, I broke up with him after 3 or 4 months of dating, and 4 years of being best friends. Later, he told me that he knew I was going to break up with him and he was making it easier for me to do it. I grew furious. At the same time, I wanted him back. And so, for the next FOUR years, there was a constant push and pull in our relationship.
One year, we would be close to intimacy and he would stay over in my dorm at college for a week, or send me a long email out of the blue, the next I would bring up getting back together. I was annoyed at him once when we went shopping. He wanted me to help him pick out clothes. After stacking his arms high with shirts and jeans, he went to the dressing room while I waited in the seating area. A minute later, he came back out, and grabbed my hand, and marched me into his dressing room, two years after the breakup.
We never did get back together. I felt constantly rejected and used by him because he couldn't make up his mind, or he did make up his mind but felt that it would be too painful to be explicit about it.
Over time, as I reflected more on this relationship, and as I met people who had more sense than him to draw clear boundaries and have the insight to immediately know how to nurture my sensitivity, I cast him into my past and left him there. I forgave him, but chose not to hold more than small-talk type conversations with him, or to meet with him. There were better people for me, as lovers and as friends.
I learned that I loved excitement at the beginning of relationships, but don't like it much after a month. I feel like myself and more at ease in -- how shall I say it? -- boring relationships where there isn't much talk or action. Or where things happen very slowly. I hated prescriptive behaviors. I hated how he told me how to dress, how to interact with people, how to be better than who I was. Improving oneself is great -- but one must also acknowledge one's own -- and others' -- limits. Or when limits expand over time. He was both long- and short-sighted, but he took offense when I pointed it out. I learned much more, but perhaps those lessons are more fitting for other posts.
Who would have thought that I'd find my soul mate in someone who is very much like me? He gets me. He gets my problems. He's boring at times, but we can imagine ourselves in rocking chairs and holding hands when we're 85, watching a sunrise in complete silence.
In freshman year of high school, I had a class with a guy who I would find out was a very pronounced ENFJ 3 years later. Every girl had a crush on him, so I decided that I wouldn't. I found him annoying and invasive of my space.
One day, I had to give an oral book report. I memorized my little speech although we were allowed to use note cards. I began sobbing in the middle of my speech -- not planned at all. And I cried until I was done speaking and sitting in my seat. The teacher and my entire class couldn't tell if I had planned on crying either. Some thought I was just plain emotional, others thought it was a realistic, expressive, and moving performance.
From this point forward, ENFJ-guy decided that we would be best friends, and he didn't tell me this until 3 years later, around the time he made me take the mbti test. I scored INFP then, but he insisted that I was an INFJ. We chatted online late into the night and I'd listen to him for hours over the phone. I lived far away from our high school so he'd ask his parents to drive him to my house to hang out.
I loved the attention, I loved his outward affection, I loved the romance, I loved the excitement he brought to my deeply locked emotions.
He told me so many things that I never knew about his life from the moment he decided we'd be best friends. On the outside, he had the perfect life along with the perfect family. He was popular at school, his parents were fairly well-known as well, he excelled at everything, girls swooned over him, he was charming and intelligent and cultured, and he was very attractive, to top it off.
Despite these things, he would laugh all day at school, then go home and cry every single day. He didn't know why. He saw a psychotherapist, along with the rest of his family. He didn't really know what his purpose in life was, and he mixed up his feelings with those of everyone around him. But when he met me, he thought he might have found his soul mate, and learn more about himself. And so he did.
One of the best memories I had of him was when we were talking online. He made some claim I thought was silly, then I tried to explain his behavior to him. He said, "OMG, you're a genius!" And then, "I love you!" It was the first time someone said they had loved me. And he said it a few months before we started dating.
Then we dated. He began to question my silence, not wanting to answer phone calls, wanting to be alone. He took it personally. And I blew up at him for taking it the wrong way, and a slew of misunderstandings went back and forth between us. One day, I saw him parked outside of where I worked -- we hadn't planned on meeting. I pretended not to see him (a mistake, looking back). I went with my co-workers to a restaurant for lunch. He followed us. I never brought up that incident with him, but the more he pushed, the more I pulled away.
Finally, I broke up with him after 3 or 4 months of dating, and 4 years of being best friends. Later, he told me that he knew I was going to break up with him and he was making it easier for me to do it. I grew furious. At the same time, I wanted him back. And so, for the next FOUR years, there was a constant push and pull in our relationship.
One year, we would be close to intimacy and he would stay over in my dorm at college for a week, or send me a long email out of the blue, the next I would bring up getting back together. I was annoyed at him once when we went shopping. He wanted me to help him pick out clothes. After stacking his arms high with shirts and jeans, he went to the dressing room while I waited in the seating area. A minute later, he came back out, and grabbed my hand, and marched me into his dressing room, two years after the breakup.
We never did get back together. I felt constantly rejected and used by him because he couldn't make up his mind, or he did make up his mind but felt that it would be too painful to be explicit about it.
Over time, as I reflected more on this relationship, and as I met people who had more sense than him to draw clear boundaries and have the insight to immediately know how to nurture my sensitivity, I cast him into my past and left him there. I forgave him, but chose not to hold more than small-talk type conversations with him, or to meet with him. There were better people for me, as lovers and as friends.
I learned that I loved excitement at the beginning of relationships, but don't like it much after a month. I feel like myself and more at ease in -- how shall I say it? -- boring relationships where there isn't much talk or action. Or where things happen very slowly. I hated prescriptive behaviors. I hated how he told me how to dress, how to interact with people, how to be better than who I was. Improving oneself is great -- but one must also acknowledge one's own -- and others' -- limits. Or when limits expand over time. He was both long- and short-sighted, but he took offense when I pointed it out. I learned much more, but perhaps those lessons are more fitting for other posts.
Who would have thought that I'd find my soul mate in someone who is very much like me? He gets me. He gets my problems. He's boring at times, but we can imagine ourselves in rocking chairs and holding hands when we're 85, watching a sunrise in complete silence.
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3,276 Posts
I have an ENFJ supervisor. Our relationship is very complicated. I think we love each other on a deeper level but we can't stand each other on another level. Where we clash is where my strong value system meets his strong need to people please. He will please people at all cost where I will not. I will stand up to bullies and tell them what a worthless piece of crap they are. He does not care for that traits in me. And I see him as a weak person for not standing up to these people. He sees me as a weak person for not over looking them. We drive each other crazy.
Sounds nice to me though :crazy:
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i have one RL ENFJ friend shes pretty cool, we get along great ost of th time though sometimes she can be a bit to much and i prefer hanging out with her one on onewhich dosen't happen much
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I must admit that I think living with an ENFJ would stress me out, just by proxy, seeing how much stuff the ENFJ was getting involved in all the time, such a busy life, way too much by my way of thinking.
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my mother is ENFJ.
She's a fucking nutjob. And is currently the only person that can get under my skin and make me lose my cool more times than not.
She's a fucking nutjob. And is currently the only person that can get under my skin and make me lose my cool more times than not.
I love my ENFJ friend, though I think he's been more T lately, so I have a feeling I've been annoying him, which makes me sad :sad: My mom is also an ENFJ, and so is my sister. I get along with both of them well, though sometimes I need a break from my mother (as we all do, haha). My sister is still growing and learning, so her emotionality is still too much and her energies are not placed in the right people sometimes, but I'm confident she'll grow into a healthy woman.
My ex was an ENFJ. She was incredibly overbearing, needed me there 24/7. Also she seemed to be too touchy and huggy with a ton of other guys. I mean I understand a kind, welcoming, gesture like a hug here and there with male friends, but she went overboard. She latched on to them. That combined with her constant sexual and profane language (which not in excess is not a big deal) made her too immature for my liking. When I broke up with her, she guilt tripped me (and it worked) and called me a lot of things that i wouldnt like to repeat. As a disclaimer, I am not making any generalizations about ENFJs, only stating my experience with one of them as the OP requested.
I have a close male friend that is an ENFJ... We relate on many levels, he's a great person and an awesome friend. The drama gets to be to much at times though. He's always upset because he's trying to help people and they don't listen to him... He gets frustrated with me because I ignore much of what he says as far as advice goes. Not that what he says isn't of value but he's got an opinion for everything...and usually a fairly pushy one which gets annoying. I got an "I told you so" the other day and I wanted to crawl through the phone and choke him. I think if he minded his own business more...his life would be way less complicated. His high energy stresses me out...and there are times when I can feel him pulling my strings, the ENFJ power of manipulation is very obvious at times. All that being said though he's loving and caring and genuine. A really great guy and I'm thankful to have him as a friend.
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People think of me as ENFJ in real life, and I have to admit, I do pretend to be one often so it wouldn't be as awkward than if I were to just be myself.
I am actually a bit annoyed with some ENFJ's, but mainly when I'm introverting. XD However, they are SO adorable! And very scary sometimes.
Overall, I like them. But just as much as any other type.
I am actually a bit annoyed with some ENFJ's, but mainly when I'm introverting. XD However, they are SO adorable! And very scary sometimes.
Overall, I like them. But just as much as any other type.
From my experience ENFJs are indeed the best at being simultaneously adorable as a kitten and scary as hell.
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Two of my close friends are ENFJs, although I could never spend more than a week with them without a break 
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