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Discussion Starter #1
So to me, so far the main INFP 'ideal' romances are ENFJ and ESTP, (ENFJ for personality page and ESTP for socionics.)

At first I was adverse to the idea of ENFJ, I could kinda see how ESTP would work but I saw ENFJ's as too smothering and shmaltzy. Getting to know some, some more I have come to realise they are pretty damn tough people. I think the INFP has to kind of go for a tough, level headed person to ground them in reality a bit.

Ever seen Romancing the Stone, I always loved that film, looking back Joan Wilder seems to be an INFP, with all these romantic dreams and ideals of what true love is, she is a romantic novelist too which is pretty INF. Then she goes on an adventure against her will and meets Jack Colton who turns around and says to her 'You're nothing special, you're ugly, you're an idiot, you're gonna die.'

He just went wherever the beer and fighting took him. He seemed very ESTP to me. She kind of needed him in her life. I just think it is a fasinating the person who has all these fantasically romantic ideals of what love is and this really down to earth 'salt of the earth' kinda person comes along and turns that on it's head where you are eventually the one going after their love.

I think that idea was kinda flipped gender-wise with Smallville and Clark and Lois (although perhaps not INFP/ESTP). Clark is this idealisitc mild mannered farm boy helping out his friends then city girl Lois Lane turns up and says 'Get over yourself. Quit moping around, grow some balls and actually do something.' Lois encourages him to be something he never knew he could be. Then he ends up needing her in his life since everyone else seems to fawn over him. She is one of the people who presuade him to become Superman.

I think behind every idealistic, high reaching person there needs to be a down to earth grounded person to pick up the pieces if something goes wrong. This is why I think the INFP/ESTP combo works so well. I remember people commenting on the fact ESTP's can be too mean, well maybe that is what they need some of the time.

On the OTHER hand, I think that an ENFJ offers true love and attention. I don't think any pairing could be more in love than the personality page suggestions. They just romantically love and respect each other so much. The only gripe I have with the pairing (maybe with all NF's) is that maybe they are so alike, there isn't enough there to create a raw sexual tension and a sizzle, the kind you might see in romantic movies. Although not everyone is looking for that necessarily.

I would think, if I had to break it down NF's would provide an INFP with romance and true acceptance, but maybe with a slight lack in sexual chemistry. ST's would provide an exciting life of fun and adventure but perhaps lacking in loving acceptance. I think SF's would offer an INFP and friend they can hang out and have fun with, but be warned INFP's when the relationship gets too serious with any SF things start going rather pear shaped. (Trust me, I tried to get in a relationship with an ISFJ. It didn't end well.) While finally I think NT's could provide a real dark rapport with the INFP, do not expect hearts and flowers in these combos but I think NTs make an INFP feel empowered in some way (kind of sexually empowered if you agree.) NTs being more intellectual people pushes INFP's to bring the fun to the relationship.

For me, I think, in my own view;

NF's- Bring out the INFP's romantic side
SF's- Bring out the INFP's fun side
ST's- Bring out the INFP's practical side
NT's- Bring out the INFP's dark side

Would you agree? I suppose different people want different things in their life and the problem is, it seems often that different people fulfill different needs within you. Although, I will never late wane the idea that the person partner, who ticks every box is out there somewhere, not just for me but for everyone. :happy:
 

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personally i've found that my ST sorts the practical side of diy etc so i dont have to worry about it. i've found he makes me much more down to earth and laidback instead. my worrying and stress levels drop right down when hes around. :)
 
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I disrespectfully disagree with the notion that we must all NEED "level headness" in the relationship, or somebody "tough" and "practical" to keep us "grounded" (must INFPs be floating all the time? :p) We need more the right individuals, rather than the right type-I love NFs, and am easily attracted to them (love romance myself), but even I concede that the person for me might end up being some other unexpected MBTI type.
As for the "tough" example in the movie, if somebody was tough with me like that I would kick them out of my life-seriously, you respect me just the way I am, along with my dreams and quirkiness, or you get out-I respect other people's right to be themselves, so they should also respect my own.
 

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at the moment i'm VERY interested in this INTJ. my friends and i have been analyzing him and I've made efforts to talk to him (which is hard because i'm the textbook introvert). I guess you could say we have this mutual acquaintanceship but I don't know how to make him open up more (not emotionally... yet, just intellectually). I want to have these amazing conversations with him but his independence gets in the way. He also almost always looks really intimidating and likes to be alone so sometimes I'm afraid to approach him. Though I must admit that when I do he always seems pretty fine about it and he even offers me information about himself and we have an "okay" conversation. I already really care about him and it's hurting me that he doesn't seem to want to get to know me as much as I want to get to know him. In this way he brings out this depressed loneliness in me. Something that's always below the surface but I don't try to show. I know this is off topic but what can I do to get to know him better? ........... yes, i'm asking fellow INFP'S. lol
 

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I disrespectfully disagree with the notion that we must all NEED "level headness" in the relationship, or somebody "tough" and "practical" to keep us "grounded" (must INFPs be floating all the time? :p) We need more the right individuals, rather than the right type-I love NFs, and am easily attracted to them (love romance myself), but even I concede that the person for me might end up being some other unexpected MBTI type.
As for the "tough" example in the movie, if somebody was tough with me like that I would kick them out of my life-seriously, you respect me just the way I am, along with my dreams and quirkiness, or you get out-I respect other people's right to be themselves, so they should also respect my own.
Wow. I love the passion behind this post. Portion in bold seems one of the things that INFPs seem to desire the most in a relationship: to be respected and loved for who they are. Maybe a XNFJ partner could keep things organized and with a some level of structure, at the same time they would understand the need for spontaneous bits of romance and love that the INFP would provide.

For example, the XNFJ partner would "organize" the night on the town with careful consideration as to what their partner enjoys & the INFP would add bits of spontaneity throughout the night. I would be happy to plan a nice meal (brainstorm what to make, buy the ingredients, set up a night cozy environment) & then I would like it if the INFP could choose a movie/background music & create some spontaneous romance. Depending on the INFP love language style, I would show them appreciation for remembering to bring that romance, depth, light heartedness to my life (I tend to be very direct how I feel and have no problem telling them). You see, it is the mere presence of the other person that would make me happy. It would make me happy to make them happy because of who they are & what we bring to each other's lives.

Sorry a bit of a rant there.
 

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NF's- Bring out the INFP's romantic side
SF's- Bring out the INFP's fun side
ST's- Bring out the INFP's practical side
NT's- Bring out the INFP's dark side
YES. YES YES !!

My INTJ friend definitely brings out the weird, fucked up side in me. We discuss the oddest stuff, and it's usually pretty disturbing. I also turn very sarcastic with her. I don't know why!

My ISFP friend makes me act like a little girl around him. I turn into a child, I'm fun and bubbly, I get kind of Seven-y with him :)

My ISTJ parents and ESTJ sister.. fail to bring out my practical side. I can see how they would try to, though. My ISTJ ex on the other hand, did sort of bring out my practical side.. Hmm. I've never thought of it that way before. Odd.

My current INFP does bring out my most romantic/gooey/cheesy side :blushed:

@Sily, I'm totally stealing that gif.

 

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Discussion Starter #10
I disrespectfully disagree with the notion that we must all NEED "level headness" in the relationship, or somebody "tough" and "practical" to keep us "grounded" (must INFPs be floating all the time? :p) We need more the right individuals, rather than the right type-I love NFs, and am easily attracted to them (love romance myself), but even I concede that the person for me might end up being some other unexpected MBTI type.
As for the "tough" example in the movie, if somebody was tough with me like that I would kick them out of my life-seriously, you respect me just the way I am, along with my dreams and quirkiness, or you get out-I respect other people's right to be themselves, so they should also respect my own.
I love that you have that opinion. I don't think anyone should ever accept anyone who doesn't fully respect them as a person. I think the point I was getting at, was from face value some people look like the perfect person, they tick every box and seem like the oppisite gender version of you in all aspects. Like just because a girl is shy, is a writer, likes to draw and looks how I would like, it might mean in my head, she is the perfect girl for me, but in reality, she might not do IT for me. She might not get all my engines firing. I am too addicted to the idea of couples needing each other not wanting each to settle for anything else.

I think the point of the movie was Joan thought he was the worst kind of person she had met, with no morals or anything. But together it actually worked out, he was suprised by her because he didn't expect anything from her and vice versa. When you have no expectations of who someone will be they will keep suprising you and that to me, is key to a long lasting relationship.

By 'dark' yeah I meant sarcasm kinda thing.


And yeah lol, that gif is cute. :)
 

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NF's- Bring out the INFP's romantic side
SF's- Bring out the INFP's fun side
ST's- Bring out the INFP's practical side
NT's- Bring out the INFP's dark side
Yes on your assessment on NF and SF relationships. Both the NF and SF women bring the silliness out of me, especially with the ones with extroverted tendencies.

I have yet to go out with an ST.

As for NT's, I wouldn't call it the dark side (though I understand where the stereotype comes from). I'd say NT's bring out the INFP's neutral side.
 

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I disrespectfully disagree with the notion that we must all NEED "level headness" in the relationship, or somebody "tough" and "practical" to keep us "grounded" (must INFPs be floating all the time? :p) We need more the right individuals, rather than the right type-I love NFs, and am easily attracted to them (love romance myself), but even I concede that the person for me might end up being some other unexpected MBTI type.
As for the "tough" example in the movie, if somebody was tough with me like that I would kick them out of my life-seriously, you respect me just the way I am, along with my dreams and quirkiness, or you get out-I respect other people's right to be themselves, so they should also respect my own.
Strongly agree. I have always breen one of the most grounded people I know so I have no need for someone to ground me. Although I have the typical INFP idealism, I am far more realistic than many I know. And oddly enough, I am sometimes the more grounded one in a relationship.

I'd rather someone more spontaneous than me since I'm more J in some sense than P. And I'd rather someone who is a nice combo of practical and visionary. So, I'd probably prefer an INTP type. But I wouldn't rule out an ENFJ or INFJ.
 

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at the moment i'm VERY interested in this INTJ. my friends and i have been analyzing him and I've made efforts to talk to him (which is hard because i'm the textbook introvert). I guess you could say we have this mutual acquaintanceship but I don't know how to make him open up more (not emotionally... yet, just intellectually). I want to have these amazing conversations with him but his independence gets in the way. He also almost always looks really intimidating and likes to be alone so sometimes I'm afraid to approach him. Though I must admit that when I do he always seems pretty fine about it and he even offers me information about himself and we have an "okay" conversation. I already really care about him and it's hurting me that he doesn't seem to want to get to know me as much as I want to get to know him. In this way he brings out this depressed loneliness in me. Something that's always below the surface but I don't try to show. I know this is off topic but what can I do to get to know him better? ........... yes, i'm asking fellow INFP'S. lol
You know, there is a whole thread of people who can answer your question. ;)

Anyway, the short answer: Ask him questions about what he thinks, not about what he feels. Small talk is a conversation killer, ime.
 

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I would actually say that NT's bring out the INFP's emotional side (WITHIN the context of a relationship). I know that looks very odd, but give me a second. NT's are thinkers, they want to know what, why, and how. They want to dissect everything! That not only includes, but focuses on their INFP SOs when they're in a relationship. I think as INFPs, our emotions are always very close to the surface, but we don't always know the EXACT reasons for certain feelings or remember exactly why a certain value/moral is SO important to us. (I do take into consideration that I could be wrong about that, and that is only how I feel.) But NT's can be ruthless in the their quest to understand. "Why do you believe that?" "How do you feel about that?" "Why?" "Why does this give you that feeling, and that give you this feeling?"

I found with my NT that I am growing more in my depth of understanding of my emotions. I already analyze things a million times over, but he asks me harder questions, and sometimes questions that I never really thought about. I knew that when this person acted this way towards me I felt that way, but I never actually delved down to get to the bottom of why I chose to feel that way based on what happened. With my SO, it's a challenging process. I'm finding that I have an aversion to opening up to that extent and sharing emotions that I'm not even sure of yet. With my step-mother, it's fun. I enjoy her interest in me and all the "why?" questions, and I enjoy telling her about what makes me tick while discovering some new things about myself along the way. It really does make a difference when it is your SO vs. anyone else.
 

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I think INFP-INFP pairing is interesting. There's bound to be fireworks on the emotional sector. A lot of floaty feeling.

Care must be taken, because sometimes the feet get off the ground, as two dreamers fall in love.

Very fulfilling emotionally.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
You know what I think you're right there. I always think it is people's difference that reinforce certain traits within you. You might think you are the most level headed grounded realistic person in your head. Then you come face-to-face with a very strong ST prefrences or even just T then you realise how very emotional you really are. It takes a certain person for you to really be honest with yourself at times I think.

@Cedar I don't mean not 'ground' in the sense of realising we are in the real world and not up in 'fairy land'. (If someone was like that they would be deemed schizophrenic.) What I really mean is being real in the day to day moments in life, being constantly aware of the surroundings and what to expect of people as well as just enjoying the moments you have with people.

When people hear 'ground someone' they automatically think 'But I AM grounded'. But then they are caught one day making a silly mistake because they weren't paying attention then suddenly they are not quite as grounded as they thought.

It goes both ways thought. The partner, whoever they are, has flaws too and you can be the one to point them out. I think they will like you more for doing that.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
@Lachesis have you found love with another INFP? If so that is fasinating. I would think it would be great pairing if it is very fuctional and they tick every box in the relationship department, not just love but providing also. Plus the fact you have to think about kids in the future, not just love and whether or not they would feel they have balanced parents. I think the temptation is to jump into the arms of yourself but in another body which to me, is not always the most functional option.

Although if it works for you, then fantastic!!




 

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@Lachesis have you found love with another INFP? If so that is fasinating. I would think it would be great pairing if it is very fuctional and they tick every box in the relationship department, not just love but providing also. Plus the fact you have to think about kids in the future, not just love and whether or not they would feel they have balanced parents. I think the temptation is to jump into the arms of yourself but in another body which to me, is not always the most functional option.

Although if it works for you, then fantastic!!




Gosh, I think I have. It's in early stages and I'm a bit superstitious of talking about it, so that I wouldn't jinx it. But yeah, it feels great and like finding a perfect soul mate. Every box is indeed ticked, so it's very exciting. She really is great.

But like I said, superstitious. Plus I'm very shy. :blushed:
 

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I would actually say that NT's bring out the INFP's emotional side (WITHIN the context of a relationship). I know that looks very odd, but give me a second. NT's are thinkers, they want to know what, why, and how. They want to dissect everything! That not only includes, but focuses on their INFP SOs when they're in a relationship. I think as INFPs, our emotions are always very close to the surface, but we don't always know the EXACT reasons for certain feelings or remember exactly why a certain value/moral is SO important to us. (I do take into consideration that I could be wrong about that, and that is only how I feel.) But NT's can be ruthless in the their quest to understand. "Why do you believe that?" "How do you feel about that?" "Why?" "Why does this give you that feeling, and that give you this feeling?"

I found with my NT that I am growing more in my depth of understanding of my emotions. I already analyze things a million times over, but he asks me harder questions, and sometimes questions that I never really thought about. I knew that when this person acted this way towards me I felt that way, but I never actually delved down to get to the bottom of why I chose to feel that way based on what happened. With my SO, it's a challenging process. I'm finding that I have an aversion to opening up to that extent and sharing emotions that I'm not even sure of yet. With my step-mother, it's fun. I enjoy her interest in me and all the "why?" questions, and I enjoy telling her about what makes me tick while discovering some new things about myself along the way. It really does make a difference when it is your SO vs. anyone else.
Yes :) INFPs are complicated. Must map.... must analyze...

 

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I disrespectfully disagree with the notion that we must all NEED "level headness" in the relationship, or somebody "tough" and "practical" to keep us "grounded" (must INFPs be floating all the time? :p) We need more the right individuals, rather than the right type-I love NFs, and am easily attracted to them (love romance myself), but even I concede that the person for me might end up being some other unexpected MBTI type.
As for the "tough" example in the movie, if somebody was tough with me like that I would kick them out of my life-seriously, you respect me just the way I am, along with my dreams and quirkiness, or you get out-I respect other people's right to be themselves, so they should also respect my own.
@IcarusDreams, funny thing here is that if you are having approach "respect me for what I am or get out", you wouldnt have to kick out of your life some "tougher type", because you simply would be respected: this is very their style of thinking. Well, doesnt sound much "angelic" thougt:laughing:
 
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