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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
  1. I remember that I didn't treat my INFJ first love well enough even when he spoilt me.

  2. I still wonder if I've hurt people too much (people I know in real life and people I know online)


I don't know why I write this
 

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What if there's no such thing as a "good" or "bad" person, and we're all just people?

We're fruity, delicious cocktails of the two ;) FAR more interesting!
 

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My INFJ ex was terribly sensitive... I hate myself knowing that, I may have unintentionally hurt him and I never knew. It's too late to apologize now.

That said, I miss how he is such a perfectionist and wanted everything to be perfect, just to make me happy.
 

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I see theres a fair bit of guilt surrounding this issue, and its not so much about type,.. its not even about being a gopd person.
I think this is about the pressure that you can feel (especially females) to feel grateful, appreciative, and reciprocating, of the love or care that is shown to you by another person.
the thing is... in the end, its all about how you feel about them, attraction, chemistry, and the way two peoples personalities gel is incredibly important.
Sometimes , with the best will in the world, you can find that a saint of a partner just gets on your nerves, or rankles, or rubs you up the wrong way. you can feel obligated, or feel that you are always having to thank them for kindnesses that you neither wanted nor asked for. The 'nice guy' thing.
I would try to not to feel guilty, as it doesnt help.
What the experiences like this show you, is the importance of not sticking with a partner that makes you feel irritated, for whatever reason.
As i said, its a personality thing, and not because you're an awful person.
G. x
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I see theres a fair bit of guilt surrounding this issue, and its not so much about type,.. its not even about being a gopd person.
I think this is about the pressure that you can feel (especially females) to feel grateful, appreciative, and reciprocating, of the love or care that is shown to you by another person.
the thing is... in the end, its all about how you feel about them, attraction, chemistry, and the way two peoples personalities gel is incredibly important.
Sometimes , with the best will in the world, you can find that a saint of a partner just gets on your nerves, or rankles, or rubs you up the wrong way. you can feel obligated, or feel that you are always having to thank them for kindnesses that you neither wanted nor asked for. The 'nice guy' thing.
I would try to not to feel guilty, as it doesnt help.
What the experiences like this show you, is the importance of not sticking with a partner that makes you feel irritated, for whatever reason.
As i said, its a personality thing, and not because you're an awful person.
G. x
Damn you INFJ's.

Always being able to look through my soul and see the good in spite of the bad..... :crazy:
 

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  1. I remember that I didn't treat my INFJ first love well enough even when he spoilt me.

  2. I still wonder if I've hurt people too much (people I know in real life and people I know online)


I don't know why I write this
*hugs you tight* you are beating yourself up on this too much. If you truly were a bad person then why would you be here regretting your actions that as far as i know may of been correct. I hurt people alot with my bluntness i spent alot of time softening my speech sometimes. we all have our faults and virtues so we should try to learn from our experiences to improve both of them.
 

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Treat it as a learning process. For most of us the very first relationship did not turn into the life-long one, but ended somewhere along the way. And after, we are stuck evaluating ourselves: "what went wrong? what could I have done differently?" and also re-evaluating the relationship and the other person, "was this person really the one for me?". This is perfectly normal though not really comfortable. At the end of all this thinking and introspection you will learn more about your own identity, and the revelations are not all going to be rosy and pleasant, as there aren't just good or bad people on this planet - all people are a mix of the two. You will also learn more about qualities that you are really searching for in your romantic partners. Now you say you weren't very nice to your INFJ boyfriend. Ask yourself - why weren't you nice to him? what qualities in him made you behave in this way? what qualities are you really seeking in guys? Use this information in the future. Instead of being mean to a partner who is not your perfect match, don't torture yourself or him, just break up with him. Know yourself, know what you are looking for, and this way you will not create conflict in yours or other people's lives and after believe yourself to be a bad person.
 

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Damn you INFJ's.

Always being able to look through my soul and see the good in spite of the bad..... :crazy:
I don't immensely enjoy pointing it out when someone is about to come to a wrong conclusion, but sometimes it just have to be said: The idea that you are a bad person is not in agreement with the impression you've given us in various posts here on the forum.
Izzie, you ARE a good person! :wink:
 

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  1. I remember that I didn't treat my INFJ first love well enough even when he spoilt me.

  2. I still wonder if I've hurt people too much (people I know in real life and people I know online)


I don't know why I write this
To piggy back on what dsv2e just said, "Bad people do not question whether they are good or bad."

If you feel you hurt people and your not sure? Ask... In my personal experience in life, sure we do this. Maybe intentiional or maybe not. In life, it happens. We try not to hurt people and honestly, one of the many ways of trying not to is by communicating our boundaries. What are likes and dislikes. What we allow and not allow. We learn to be open minded about eachother and to respect eachothers wishes. We learn as we go.

As we grow, we learn to compromise and try to accept eachother for who we are and continously communicate with the ones that are important to us. Without communication, we lose what we had and sometimes lose that person because of it.

And sometimes we can re-establish that relationship as we grow from our personal experiences in maturity.
 

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  1. I remember that I didn't treat my INFJ first love well enough even when he spoilt me.

  2. I still wonder if I've hurt people too much (people I know in real life and people I know online)


I don't know why I write this
To piggy back on what dsv2e just said, "Bad people do not question whether they are good or bad."

If you feel you hurt people and your not sure? Ask... In my personal experience in life, sure we do this. Maybe intentiional or maybe not. In life, it happens. We try not to hurt people and honestly, one of the many ways of trying not to is by communicating our boundaries. What are likes and dislikes. What we allow and not allow. We learn to be open minded about eachother and to respect eachothers wishes. We learn as we go.

As we grow, we learn to compromise and try to accept eachother for who we are and continously communicate with the ones that are important to us. Without communication, we lose what we had and sometimes lose that person because of it.

And sometimes we can re-establish that relationship as we grow from our personal experiences in maturity.
I hope that helped.


Sincerely,
Johnny
 

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No really, you guys think I'm joking (because I made it seem so), but I was dead serious. I don't think I will get into though otherwise I'll have to start posting on the INTJ forums. lol
 

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No really, you guys think I'm joking (because I made it seem so), but I was dead serious. I don't think I will get into though otherwise I'll have to start posting on the INTJ forums. lol
Hmm, bad you say, according to who's standard? Personally, I like to imagine drop kicking puppies as a form of entertainment. But when I pet them, they don't seem to mind what I think about them-they actually seem to derive some kind of sick pleasure from it....
 
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Intellectually, I can understand that good and evil are only perspectives. However, at the same time, I can intellectually understand the need for morality and ethics in maintaining human civilization and society. Therefore, I can also intellectually validate the use of labels like "evil" or "good", "monster" or "savior", and "villain" or "hero." These are tools in preventing humanity from ripping itself apart.
 
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