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What if the NFJs and the NFPs went to war.... with each other?!

17K views 248 replies 57 participants last post by  Llyralen 
#1 ·
I literally just had this crazy idea for a thread. Make up a hypothetical war for fun with the NFPs vs. the NFJs and any NFP that contributes puts in a NFP typical war strategy and any NFJ adds a strategy, but, hopefully make it like it's one long continuous story of a war that will NEVER END lol! Other types can pipe in too as long as they identify whether they're part of the NFJ or NFP army.

I thought this would be a neat idea since there's enough INFPs and INFJs here to actually form a literal army.

I'll start. As an INFJ, I was sent to be a spy in the NFP camp. My job is disguise myself as an NFP, and get them to reveal their secrets to me. It's a precarious job; I have to be very careful not to use too many big facial expressions, and I always must make sure that I continually see value judgments as subjective and individualistic. I am so scared that my pesky Fe will eventually give me away....
 
#2 ·
I submit myself as Chief of the General Staff for the NFJs, helping to devise grand and operational strategy to achieve our war aims. I'm wondering if an overall strategy of Deep Battle operations might work best, with multipronged assaults with a few carefully planned to be decisive blows - possibly achieved with special shock troop detachments.

However, do we have the manpower and resources to achieve such? I advise against being dragged into an unnecessary war of attrition with these NFPs. Although if numbers are on our side, it may prove to our advantage.

 
#3 ·
Herm... I align myself with the NFJs... for now. I shall sabotage the NFPs equipment and such.. and do whatever else comes to mind...


I'm a genius... so I roll as I go... planning makes for a large lack adaptability... so I shall take a platoon of other soldiers and outsmart the other team, completely unpredictable by other side in the things we do.
 
#70 ·
Other than your infatuation with INFJ women, what stake do you have in this fight?
You'd be wise to choose your battles more thoughtfully.
I'm of the opinion that the NFPs could parade a scantily clad woman in front of you & you'd be lured into a trap within seconds.
The NFPs could then torture you with magnets, causing you to sing akin to the proverbial canary.
Turning you into a double agent would be as simple as a couple topless NFPs polishing your chassis by way of lapdance.
The NFPs could turn you into a double agent, send you back to sabotage the NFJ headquarters & you'd be up the creek without a can of WD-40.

I'm keeping my three NFJs safe, pulling up a comfy chair & watching a potentially hilarious reenactment of Monty Python LOL.
 
#4 ·
I'll start. As an INFJ, I was sent to be a spy in the NFP camp. My job is disguise myself as an NFP, and get them to reveal their secrets to me. It's a precarious job; I have to be very careful not to use too many big facial expressions, and I always must make sure that I continually see value judgments as subjective and individualistic. I am so scared that my pesky Fe will eventually give me away....
As a regular in the NFP camp, I immediately sense that @dulcinea is not one of us. The faking is a dead giveaway. I slap on the wrist restraints and haul her off for questioning. ;)
 
#6 ·
as a regular in the nfp camp, i immediately sense that @dulcinea is not one of us. The faking is a dead giveaway. I slap on the wrist restraints and haul her off for questioning. ;)

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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#5 ·
Well, what would happen is... the NFJs would win. xD

I'd rather not say how I know, but let's just say I had some run-ins with a group of xNFP 8s in the past, and they lived to regret meeting me. ;)

I have experience fighting NFPs, and I know their weaknesses. If you need someone to remind everyone who and what the enemy REALLY is, I'm your girl. I know exactly what these guys are capable of at their worst. It's not pretty. We have to remember that although they were our countrymen, fellow members of our temperament... they have proven themselves to be our enemies.

They would destroy the moral fabric of our society, they have attacked our very way of life. I know you'll want to be merciful, that you want to give them another chance... but that's what they're counting on! They'll use that. They'll use this as a form of guerrilla warfare... attack, apologize and promise to change, and then attack again. The truth is, they never change. They act like they want to change, but all they want to do is impose their will, their foreign ideals on us, like the tyrants they are.

Remember that our cause is worthy, and that we shall prevail in the end. Our spirits are stronger, our hearts are braver, and our minds more cunning. With that, I say to you... go forth and conquer! :)
 
#8 ·
Well, what would happen is... the NFJs would win. xD
Most likely. I'm afraid the NFP camp does not have the staying power for long-term engagement.
The only way we could win this war is to blitzkrieg with all our resources...because you know we'll wander off to do other things as soon as this war becomes boring.

Besides, we'd never get into a war when we don't even know the cause we're fighting for. It would have to be BIG! :wink:
 
#11 ·
Prepare a pot of tea and get their leader to bring milk and cookies, meeting at least once a week (as was the 'truce case' in World War 1 trenches where neither side sought to fight completely until early 1916).
 
#12 ·
It would be the most lopsided "war" in military history. I would sit back and do nothing. As I wouldn't even be necessary. Half the NFPs wouldn't even show up. I would have fun being an anti-Fi propagandist though.
 
#15 ·
I'm actually interested in testing this out via possible online wargaming. I know at Armchair General they have war game simulations where members divide up into teams and devise their own plans and strategies, and the moderator puts them into a simulator and reports back the results.

Some examples of what I'm talking about here:
OKW - The Axis Commands HQ
SHAEF - The Allied Command's HQ
STAVKA - The Red Army's HQ

I'll look into some decent online wargames to see how feasible this is. Anybody in?
 
#23 ·
#28 ·
What would happen is...I would win.

Just by using my feminine wit and charm on the unsuspecting NFJs...and we'd end up in a massive cuddle-fest while the remaining NFPs take over NFJ camp. :crazy::cool:
 
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#35 ·
Dulcinea, you're lucky that we don't believe in any sort of incarceration. But you confess the NFJ strategy anyway, because you love telling NFPs about everything that you're doing.

I'm more or less content to sit and wait to see what other things the NFJs do before actually committing to any sort of action, but I have readied an astronomical amount of kittens with which to distract them. I've also put lots of oversize Dalis on our fortification walls, because you love staring at them.
 
#39 ·
We've prepared for that. Someone has commandeered a truck full of fish in the bed, with fans blowing to make sure that the kitties smell the fish, so all the kitties run after the truck. There's also ninjas prepared to cover the Dalis with black grafitti.

BTW, where's all the ENFJs? We need our ninjas! :tongue:
 
#42 ·
#52 ·
That's not going to work...because I'm powerless against NTJs. :blushed:
 
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#53 ·
I'm immune to charm spells, I'm asexual. :)

That was one of my major advantages against NFPs in the previous war.

NFJs, do whatever it takes to get that kind of energy out of your system... take cold showers, find some kind of medication, etc. I don't even want to know what you do, just do it so the enemy can't charm you.

Think of the enemy like the Sirens of Greek mythology... women that charm sailors to their deaths.
 
#55 ·
#54 ·
The ENFJs attack but quickly feel bad about it and back off while they reconsider whether the war is really helping their goals.

As the ENFJs retreat the INFJs gear up. After a lot of deliberation, self doubt and planing; they strike. Despite the perfect plan it doesn't work anyway so the INFJs withdraw and brood for a week, confusing the ENFJs, but it's cool the ENFJs don't mind.

The ENFPs are quick to take advantage of the situation, storming the INFJ camp and hugging thousands to death. They would have knocked the INFJs out of the war right there, but something in NT land catches their eye...maybe the grass is greener over there...?

The INFJs counter-attack amidst the indecision, gazing deeply into the eyes of their enemy. The ENFPs melt and surrender. They are overjoyed at being tied up, much to the confusion of the INFJs.

Hearing the screams of their captured allies (but why are they yelling "yes"?) the INFPs become incenced at this outrageous breach of the geneva convention. They mobilize for war, bombing the crap out of the INFJ forces with glitter and rainbows, and using psychological warfare in the form of Bjork tracks. Unfortunately in their zeal they also hit the ENFPs as it's impossible to tell exactly who has who held captive. The INFJ camp is crushed, but in a hissy fit the ENFPs renounce the alliance.

"Nooooo!" The INFPs cry.
Literally. They all start crying.

The ENFJs arrive on the scene (after seeking approval) but are instantly crippled by the overwhelming urge to take the crying INFPs in their arms and tell them it's all going to be okay....

....buuut they get over it and dump the INFPs on the floor and walk off. Secretly they believe they aren't good
enough for the INFPs and convince themselves the INFPs are better off.

The ENFPs, annoyed with the INFPs, flounce away, head in the air, pouting.

The INFJs think, "woah, dick move ENFJs" and also renounce their alliance. They become hermits.

and the INFPs sit on the devastated (but fabulously glitter covered) battlefield, and listen to nirvana. Alone. So alone.
 
#58 ·
*While the INFJ's regale themselves with why they will win this war, and the ENFP's distract the INFJ's further with their charms...

...our silent INFP has snuck over to the NFJ side and is busy playing with the wiring. She puts viruses in the computers and smartphones that relay borked intel and fairy tale NFP plans. She plugs the blue wires and red wires in backwards. The vehicles get remote control devices attached to them. And then she gets a truly evil idea, and begins rerouting the airvents from the bathrooms* I have no idea if any of this will win the war, "she muses to herself while working", but damn, if it won't put them in a tizzy when their well-laid plans go awry." A quiet chuckle leaves her, "I should set up cameras. For posterity."
 
#60 ·
"Ma'am, come take a look at this... the thermostat is reading 10C, but it's hot as heck outside. Should I get someone to check the sensors?"

"Run a full diagnostic, please! I think we've been compromised!"

"Don't you think you're being a little paranoid, ma'am?"

"You better believe it, and that's what's going to keep us alive!"

"Running now. The diagnostic program... is missing! All I'm seeing on my screen is a bunny dancing."

"Ugh, I knew it. Okay, Delphi, think... if your tech admin friend were here, what would he do...? Wait!"

"You have an idea?"

"Yeah. We run regular backups of the systems, right?"

"Of course."

"Well, we need to shut down all the systems, boot from external media, and do a full restore on each one."

"I can have that done in about 2 hours. I'll get right on it, ma'am!"

"Also, I suspect the physical access to our systems happened somewhere near the ventilation and cooling area, which is why the thermostat is malfunctioning. While you take care of that, I'll call command and ask them to send a security and maintenance detail over there to check it out."

*two hours later*

"Command reports that security apprehended a middle-aged INFP woman trying to escape. They're questioning her now. And the thermostat is fixed. How are things here, comrade?"

"All done, ma'am. The systems are back in order, although there's a weird smell in here... and one of the electricians told me to tell you that he picked up some electromagnetic emissions from the garage. Said you might know if it meant anything?"

"I spend two years hanging out with an INTP, and now I'm the goto girl for nerd stuff. Sigh. Okay, let me think... maybe it's some kind of tracking device? I don't know. I'll report this to command..."

"Command, sorry to bother you again, but an electrician picked up something in the garage that implies the INFP might have..."

"We know, she confessed, she installed some kind of remote control devices on the cars. We've sent a team down there to try and figure out how to remove them. Thanks for calling, though."

"Well, I guess everything's taken care of. Command already knew what it was."

"Looks like we'll live to fight another day, ma'am."

"Well, I have to go teach my next class... bye."

"Goodbye!"

*Delphi leaves the room*
 
#62 ·
Meanwhile...dulcinea is still in the NFP prison camp trying to figure out a way to MacGyver her way out with only a nail file and some lipstick.
 
#67 ·
See what the NFJ's are doing, attempting to Fe everybody by way of influence. We Fi people can see through the tricks and throw some Ne gas grenades to spread comical confusion which will overwhelm the NFJ's Ni powers thus rendering them in need of retreat. Just throw some extraverted sensory data from the ESXP's borrowed from their country and watch the NFJ's fall everywhere.

Now us NFP's need to exercise our Si/Te and demand order, you will surrender. :ninja: :tongue:
 
#69 · (Edited)
War? TOTAL WAR. *ESTJ Shadow Mode.* WAR!!!!!

I really don't think you NFJs have thought this through. Not only do we have Royalty among us, but we have a skilled swordsman, and plenty of mushr00ms, snails, and orange apples to bribe/distract/poison you with. And prepare for some epic winter battles, because things are going to get pretty frosty too. Winter is coming!

We actually saw this war coming a long ways out and we actually already have a few spies in your ranks. We are unsure if they remain loyal to the cause, but they have given us enough information to defeat you.

We may or may not have a NFP Calvary of Unicorns Rough Riders style and we may or may not be creating WMDs (Weapons of Mass Distraction) which we will drop on all of your bases before we drop the bomb. Codename Rainbow because it may or may not be a bomb full of rainbows and hugs. And we don't mind dropping it twice to hammer the point home either.

I will be heading this war effort on the INFP front since no one else will step up. As first order of command, I promote @StaceofBass to Head of the Cuddle Campaign.

You NFJs don't stand a chance. Haters gonna hate.
 
#71 ·
War? TOTAL WAR. *ESTJ Shadow Mode.* WAR!!!!!
I would never underestimate the power of the INFP shadow mode...or the ninja-like skills of INFPs to blend, disappear, and silently accomplish their goals...once they have the motivation. :)
 
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