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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
There's a guy that I've been talking to. I've dated him once, almost dated him a second time but got nervous and went into hermit mode (i.e., stopped talking to him) before we could discuss it. I'm almost 100% sure he's an ISTP, because he fits the description perfectly (but of course, he's never taken any of the tests, so it's just my guesswork).

Just a brief note before I launch into this: We don't see each other much in person. We live in a rural area at opposite ends of the county, which is an hour drive to any place halfway between the two of us, so Facebook is at this point pretty much it, which is why I focus on his behavior on there as opposed to in person.

He messages me/comments on things that I put up about once a day. He's suggested TV shows for me to watch, which we then talk about. We talk about the weather, with lots of lols and smilies. Then, well, our conversations just sort of end. If I don't message him, though, he's messaging me - and he always says "talk to you to tomorrow," even at the end of our shortest conversations, so I think he might be enjoying them...? But, our mutual friend (an INFJ) says he (the ISTP) talks to him (the INFJ) quite a bit, and the INFJ's under the impression that he might be shy (which I can't imagine, because he definitely always seemed like the more confident one of the pair of us when we were around each other before). I'd ask the INFJ what they talk about to get some ideas, but this particular friend had a crush on me a few years ago and I don't want to damage our friendship any further by bringing up the ISTP seriously in conversation.

Point being... He keeps talking to me (which I have no objections to whatsoever) so how do I draw him into using full sentences like he does when he's messaging the INFJ? If he's shy, how do I help him be a little more comfortable around me? Do ISTPs even get shy, or am I completely mistyping him? :laughing:

(I'm attracted to ISTPs right and left, so even if it doesn't work out with this one I'll be inevitably attracted to another one in the future, and probably have something like this same problem again. *facepalm* )

Any replies appreciated. If I've posted this in the wrong place (still kinda new around here), feel free to move it.
 

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Let me see if I can help. Usually what I read is find something that interests him and try to drag the conversation out of him. If that doesn't sound to pleasant then just wait, he's bound to open up some time. Can't really offer much help here since I'm not good with relationship advice. In any case you should wait for more replies, maybe they have some better tips.
 
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Does the ISTP know the INFJ better than he knows you? It could just be a matter of time. It takes me quite a while before I'm comfortable talking to someone on a frequent basis. Otherwise I can get burned out, even if I do enjoy talking to the person. And there are a few people I just click with and am able to talk like that with right from the start, but for the most part it takes a bit of time. So I'd say just keep doing what you're doing and eventually he should start opening up more.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Does the ISTP know the INFJ better than he knows you? It could just be a matter of time. It takes me quite a while before I'm comfortable talking to someone on a frequent basis. Otherwise I can get burned out, even if I do enjoy talking to the person. And there are a few people I just click with and am able to talk like that with right from the start, but for the most part it takes a bit of time. So I'd say just keep doing what you're doing and eventually he should start opening up more.
They had several classes together in high school, whereas we just had one together, and from what I remember they always did group projects together and things... So, yeah. They probably know one another a bit better.
 

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I can't see an ISTP having a conversation about the weather, as that would come under small talk, which has a tendency to annoy us. But that is just my opinion based on the fact that it irritates me.
 

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I actually do talk about the weather, but only if i really like the weather. Like if it's chilly and cloudy, it would be the best.

small talk is still the worst thing though. small talk can go to hell. i will immediately shut it down with a one word answer.

i don't initiate conversations at all, so i don't really talk much at all. I only really respond.

my conversations with my friends usually start with either what they do at their day (luckily they had whole stories so it wasn't too small of talk) and then it would just go off topic from there. i'll say my little tidbits, and they'll say theirs.

since more people are extroverted than i am, they'll carry on the conversation like it's no one's business, and tbh i love that because it means less work on my part, and i get to know more about them then they get to know more about me.

at the same time if they talk about something i'm obsessing about, i'll chime in just like they would chime on me.

i'm guessing for your situation, you should talk to the INFJ because the INFJ knows the ISTP more. That ISTP's an individual that's different from the rest of us.
 

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If I like you, I don't mind talking about you or anything that interests you. In fact, I would like it and I would open myself up more.

If I don't like you, I will show little to no interest in talking about you or anything that interests you.

I am most likely not shy.

I have a small circle of people that I genuinely trust and care about. They are; my family, my girlfriend and one, two or three close friends - anyone else is considered an acquaintance.

What I say is most likely what I meant. Not the "hidden" meaning you thought of.
 

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There's a guy that I've been talking to. I've dated him once, almost dated him a second time but got nervous and went into hermit mode (i.e., stopped talking to him) before we could discuss it. I'm almost 100% sure he's an ISTP, because he fits the description perfectly (but of course, he's never taken any of the tests, so it's just my guesswork).

Just a brief note before I launch into this: We don't see each other much in person. We live in a rural area at opposite ends of the county, which is an hour drive to any place halfway between the two of us, so Facebook is at this point pretty much it, which is why I focus on his behavior on there as opposed to in person.

He messages me/comments on things that I put up about once a day. He's suggested TV shows for me to watch, which we then talk about. We talk about the weather, with lots of lols and smilies. Then, well, our conversations just sort of end. If I don't message him, though, he's messaging me - and he always says "talk to you to tomorrow," even at the end of our shortest conversations, so I think he might be enjoying them...? But, our mutual friend (an INFJ) says he (the ISTP) talks to him (the INFJ) quite a bit, and the INFJ's under the impression that he might be shy (which I can't imagine, because he definitely always seemed like the more confident one of the pair of us when we were around each other before). I'd ask the INFJ what they talk about to get some ideas, but this particular friend had a crush on me a few years ago and I don't want to damage our friendship any further by bringing up the ISTP seriously in conversation.

Point being... He keeps talking to me (which I have no objections to whatsoever) so how do I draw him into using full sentences like he does when he's messaging the INFJ? If he's shy, how do I help him be a little more comfortable around me? Do ISTPs even get shy, or am I completely mistyping him? :laughing:

(I'm attracted to ISTPs right and left, so even if it doesn't work out with this one I'll be inevitably attracted to another one in the future, and probably have something like this same problem again. *facepalm* )

Any replies appreciated. If I've posted this in the wrong place (still kinda new around here), feel free to move it.
Everyone is on point with their comments. The only thing I can add to this is do not judge/compare your relationship with any of his others. When I was younger, most of my friends wouldn't understand why I liked someone else. (Yes, I could talk to them about so many things) but what I was attracted to was mystical. I mean, you can't define it. You can't define it by how much I talk or share with you. You trust it by time. By the way I look at you. By the way I enjoy your company. I tell you. Sometimes silence with words but present in attention is the sign of a real beginning.

tl; dr : don't trust your friends opinion. Trust yours and what your ISTP tells you by action.
 

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I frequent find that during conversations with my friend (INFP) I just run out of things to say. I enjoy talking with her, and if not for distance, we would probably be dating. The thing is I just have no idea what the heck to talk about. I'll usually have a good spurt to start with, but after that, if she doesn't come up with anything, the conversation stalls. My recommendation would be to just pump out conversation. Keep questions open ended and up for debate. Try to draw them from answers less than a sentence.
 

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If you talk about things he likes just to please him he'll sense this. ISTP's aren't manipulated very easily, because they know it all too well. Just be yourself, talk about things you want to talk about. Be cool, make him feel comfortable. Talk to him like you've known him a very long time. And especially give him some space now and then. That's pretty much all you can do because we make up our minds about potential love interests by analyzing a lot about them, and we can be deadly accurate about this. We certainly can't be tricked into it, it has to be an individualistic thing as if it's 100% our choice. So give him something to analyze and just wait. At least that's what would work for me as an ISTP, don't know about others. Good luck.
 
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