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Ohai, INFJs!

What kind of things insult you? Can other people hurt you with words? Ever feel overwhelmed or surprised by the amount of damage a conflict has caused to you, even if it was a small thing?


I'll start with:
- micromanaging; being told what to do, especially on unimportant things (feels like belittling, like being robbed of any credibility and trust, as if I can't handle it on my own)
- not taking me and my ideas seriously, when I am expressing myself (being told I am wrong without giving a reason, as if my thoughts don't even deserve the attention to be examined; or having my whole personality and credibility questioned)
- being told I am too emotional / take things too personally (like me being hurt is my own fault and I should just suppress myself)
- being told I make no sense, I am confusing (this feels less insulting, but does make me feel incredibly frustrated and lonely - being called illogical or silly crosses the insulting line)
- people assuming things about me that are not true and behaving accordingly

Underneath all these I can recognize a feeling of not being understood and being misinterpreted. People not understanding what I was talking about, not quite knowing what I am capable of, not appreciating me for who I am. Someone invading my mind and projecting their baggage into me.


Sometimes the people who hurt me and the ones who help me are trying to say the same thing. One of my all-time favorites is a case where a friend called me self-centered and another one, at the same time, said that I don't care enough for myself. Obviously the latter one yielded better results, and after I felt better, I noticed I had been wallowing in my dark thoughts, which is what the other friend was trying to say. It's aaall in the way you word things and how they imply different perspectives and courses of action. For me, anyway.


Your turn!
 

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I told an INFJ once that she had a wormy little brain and she got upset.


Me: "something something something in your wormy little brain"
Her: "Did you just say my "wormy little brain"?" *all pissy*
 

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- If I say something and get misunderstood, but they run away with it and for the most part, don't let me clarify. This drives me bonkers!

- Hate general gossip or banter about me, even if not negative. I just don't like people talking about me.

- In general, when ignorant or simplistic "I know how to fix it" people seem so sure about themselves and preach it to you. One example was when I had acne awhile back and I tried virtually everything (we've all been here), then my step dad makes a comment that I simply need to eat better ...

- I remember walking into a convenience store once to buy some milk, but realized I forgot to bring my wallet. So I trotted back out to the car, came back in, grabbed the milk and went to pay. He says "is that it?" I'm like "Yup" *ruffles through wallet* and he goes "are you sure?" *pause* I took a stance that almost said I dare you to search me -- I was so annoyed.
 

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My feathers can get ruffled pretty easily. :(

- [backstory] I generally speak as little as possible. I try to express my sentiment or say what I gotta say with as little verbal explanation as possible. Unfortunately, not all people are mind-readers or can pick up on brainwaves (c'mon ppl), so as a rule especially in a group, I will only speak when needed or appropriate. [/backstory] When I speak up in any setting, it is very insulting when someone mocks me or shoots me down.

-When I make a genuine effort and no one recognizes or appreciates it. For example, I went all out for this year's fourth of July, and I invited my friends (none of them introverts...yikes) and I made this huge, extravagant meal. I mean, all-out. Long story short, they completely ruined it, and I cried-- which I never do. But that really burned me. I probably won't be doing that for them again.

-When anyone calls me selfish. This has only happened once, in a fight with a boyfriend. That hurt.

-When I'm blamed for something that I obviously didn't do.

-When a customer is being a bitch for no good reason, while I have to be completely polite the whole time.

-When someone implies that I don't know what I'm doing.... I usually do. Implying that I'm not good at my job, which I am. Don't play.

-When anyone tries to tell me "how something is" or what to do. Drives me absolutely crazy mad. That goes hand-in-hand with micromanaging. I may have an authority problem.

-When I make an effort to have a conversation with someone and there is little to no response. SO rude.
 

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- Not listening to something I say the first time I say it.
- Telling me to do something that I was already planning on doing, or repeatedly telling me to do the same thing.
- Telling me that I should be more normal
- Saying something bad about me behind my back (it's so easy for us to tell >: ), and then trying to be nice when they are near me
- When people only act nicely when they want help with something.
 

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- misogynistic comments
- when I'm obviously treated unjustly
- when what I say, no matter how logical, wise etc, is completely ignored but if some guy on TV or my uncle or whoever says the same thing it's big news and everyone takes it seriously (= me being stupid and worthless)
- misinterpreting every word I say and not letting me explain myself (basically, jumping to conclusions and being hyper judgmental without thinking about what is being said, I have this kind of clashes with unhealthy Fi-people mostly)
- judging me by superficial criteria (looks, one time attitude, ethnicity, accent etc)
- expecting me to conform to silly standards (comments like "what?! you can't cook?! how will you feed you husband and children when you're married??" + staring in disbelief)
- when I am used (as a secretary, interpreter, babysitter, personal project helper...)
- disrespecting me or anyone else in general
etc.
 

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My feathers can get ruffled pretty easily. :(

- [backstory] I generally speak as little as possible. I try to express my sentiment or say what I gotta say with as little verbal explanation as possible. Unfortunately, not all people are mind-readers or can pick up on brainwaves (c'mon ppl), so as a rule especially in a group, I will only speak when needed or appropriate. [/backstory] When I speak up in any setting, it is very insulting when someone mocks me or shoots me down.

-When I make a genuine effort and no one recognizes or appreciates it. For example, I went all out for this year's fourth of July, and I invited my friends (none of them introverts...yikes) and I made this huge, extravagant meal. I mean, all-out. Long story short, they completely ruined it, and I cried-- which I never do. But that really burned me. I probably won't be doing that for them again.

-When anyone calls me selfish. This has only happened once, in a fight with a boyfriend. That hurt.

-When I'm blamed for something that I obviously didn't do.

-When a customer is being a bitch for no good reason, while I have to be completely polite the whole time.

-When someone implies that I don't know what I'm doing.... I usually do. Implying that I'm not good at my job, which I am. Don't play.

-When anyone tries to tell me "how something is" or what to do. Drives me absolutely crazy mad. That goes hand-in-hand with micromanaging. I may have an authority problem.

-When I make an effort to have a conversation with someone and there is little to no response. SO rude.
May I make a summary in my own inadequate words? - Rude, ignorant, insenitive people piss you off totally.
Bravo for you! Non carborundum iligitmi, as the ersatz Latin saying was, don't let the bastards grind you down.
 

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Great thread!

Judgement (Nothing makes me detach from someone faster that if I feel I am being judged. Especially if they have no right to judge, which 95% of the time is the case)
Injustice (whether it's directly affecting me or not, I cannot stand for it, it sh*ts me off more than anything. For some reason, I've had several situations with people including close friends and family where they've accused me of something I'm not. This ties into the whole "judgement" thing)
Manipulation (Rule #1: If you're going to try manipulating someone, make sure you're the smarter of the two. It insults/makes me laugh when people lie to me as well. I can almost always see through insincerity, it's like you're unintentionally insulting my intelligence)
Discrimination (I guess this feeds into the whole "equality" thing. As a gay man, this is beyond insulting)
Followers (I know that impersonation is suppose to be the highest form of flattery but for me, I want everyone to embrace who they are, I want everyone to feel safe. I don't want you to emulate me)
Hypocrisy (I can't really even elaborate)
Social constructs (I can't...)
Bullying (I have an underdog complex, I always want to protect everyone and I try to whenever I see anyone being bullied whether it's someone I care about or a complete stranger)
Selfishness (One of my main pet peeves with people in general. Whether it be a friend taking more from me than they are willing to give or some moron parking over two car spaces)

I'll probably think of a few more but I'll leave it at that for now.
 

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-hypocrisy. I hate when people tell me to do or not do something and they go and do it their selves. That or they accuse me of something that I'm not doing, but they're doing it themselves.
-other people trying to act like my parents. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of respect for other people, but I have a greater respect for my parents. When other people try to act like my parent, it gets me rather angry. If my parents are okay with what I'm doing then I'm probably doing alright.
-inconsideration for my beliefs
-insulting my friends or family
-When I'm treated like I don't know what I'm doing when I obviously do.
 

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Cruelty, insensitivity, unwarranted rudeness, disrespect, arrogance, when someone says something just to be hurtful, belittling, a lack of compassion & empathy, and being intrusive in my life with your "advice" (family & close friends excluded) especially when your advice is...

a) obvious
b) something I'm already aware of and working on
c) a known struggle of mine
d) unrequested

It also insults me when someone points out or picks on one of my weaknesses/sore spots. Usually because it's something I'm working on to improve or fix, so it being noticed or picked at means I'm not doing a good enough job >_>

Generally I'm very thin-skinned. It's something I need to work on :frustrating:
 

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Ohai, INFJs!

What kind of things insult you? Can other people hurt you with words? Ever feel overwhelmed or surprised by the amount of damage a conflict has caused to you, even if it was a small thing?


I'll start with:
- micromanaging; being told what to do, especially on unimportant things (feels like belittling, like being robbed of any credibility and trust, as if I can't handle it on my own)
- not taking me and my ideas seriously, when I am expressing myself (being told I am wrong without giving a reason, as if my thoughts don't even deserve the attention to be examined; or having my whole personality and credibility questioned)
- being told I am too emotional / take things too personally (like me being hurt is my own fault and I should just suppress myself)
- being told I make no sense, I am confusing (this feels less insulting, but does make me feel incredibly frustrated and lonely - being called illogical or silly crosses the insulting line)
- people assuming things about me that are not true and behaving accordingly

Underneath all these I can recognize a feeling of not being understood and being misinterpreted. People not understanding what I was talking about, not quite knowing what I am capable of, not appreciating me for who I am. Someone invading my mind and projecting their baggage into me.


Sometimes the people who hurt me and the ones who help me are trying to say the same thing. One of my all-time favorites is a case where a friend called me self-centered and another one, at the same time, said that I don't care enough for myself. Obviously the latter one yielded better results, and after I felt better, I noticed I had been wallowing in my dark thoughts, which is what the other friend was trying to say. It's aaall in the way you word things and how they imply different perspectives and courses of action. For me, anyway.


Your turn!

All of the above. That kind of thing drives me crazy :bored: I really hate shouting too, and swearing and arguments of any kind. Well, I don't hate swearing, just don't swear at me!

Bossy people, too. I have no idea what type my oldest sister is but she is the worst for getting mad because she can't boss me around. She called me a 'jerk' the other day because she said i live my life 'the hard way' so i demanded an explanation which she still refuses to give me.
Of all the things i ever expected to be called, a jerk wasn't one of them! (forgive me, I'm still raging over that a bit. :angry:)
 

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People becoming butthurt projecting issues onto me as the closest party, when no negativity was expressed.

Rude condescending tones intended to assert 'authority'.

People that judge me or others by their own standards without seeking to test realities.

People that cross personal boundaries intending to seek emotional or social support when it has been made clear I feel unable to assist them.

I am also starting to become intolerant of individuals with low emotional intelligence, needing to manipulate or overwhelm people to get their needs met.
 

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On my best days nothing, on my worst days everything. Just depends what I'm struggling with (if anything) at the time. If someone hits a weak spot in me - yeah, it hurts even if I don't show it.
 

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Immaturity, especially when flaunted by some smartass 14 year old pretending to be an adult. Percafe is the only place it as happened.
(do not take this the wrong way.)

but wow, you must not get out on the internet much.

"i have a hard time taking a digital stroll,
and not stepping on troll"
(yes folks that is the extent of my rap career)
 

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(do not take this the wrong way.)

but wow, you must not get out on the internet much.

"i have a hard time taking a digital stroll,
and not stepping on troll"
(yes folks that is the extent of my rap career)
Removed in the interest of . . . whatever.
 
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