Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 24 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I'm currently dating an ESTP... well... sorta. It's very complicated. He shows an extreme physical connection towards me, but sometimes it seems like he's not all that emotionally there. Sometimes he acts totally into me, but the next day he'll be distant, or he'll go weeks without talking to me, but when he does see me, he acts head-over-heels. So I'm just wondering, how are ESTP teenagers (17, 18 years old) like? In love, especially? Why are they flaky in relationships? Not generalizing all ESTPs btw! He's the only ESTP I know, so it could just be a rare case haha, but just wanted to know yall's opinion. Thanks! :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
90 Posts
I'm not sure I can give a good response to all the questions you posed, but here's what I have to offer from my observations:

In my experience, teenage ESTP's are outspoken, flashy, clever, and popular. They're the kind that loves to say controversial things in class, loves to make fun of the system (as in a sarcastic take on homework projects), the kind that barely has to try to get elected class president (if they're a pretty intelligent ESTP), the kind of person that makes a hobby out of puncturing other people's self-esteem (Though depending on the individual I have seen them stop short of cruelty, and only make fun of people to their faces if they can handle it.), the kind of teenager who loves to debate, and does so publicly and impressively and always wins, the kind of teenager who is admired but also often hated by his/her peers.

In general, I've read and observed that ESTP's don't fall in love very much. They don't tend to like commitment or long-term relationships. They want to have fun, and they want to have sex, and those two things are their primary motives for being in a "romantic" relationship with anybody. I could be wrong, but I think a lot of them would profess to not believe in love at all.


Maybe this is just my INFJ idealism coming out, but I DO think it's possible for ESTP's to fall in love. And I think it's likely to happen with IXFX types... In my experience, they fall in love with someone they have respect for. ESTP's (again, in my experience at least) don't respect very much of anything. So I think...an ESTP in love would (possibly in very subtle and unspoken ways) show that they have tremendous respect for the object of their affection. I think, when and if the opportunity arose, they would also fiercely defend said object-of-their-affection, with their bold social skills and talent for debate.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Wow, CompassRose really hit the nail on the head, for me at least. In high school, I didn't take much seriously (and at 22, I still don't). I was captain of my sports teams, President of the entire high school, and got along with pretty much everyone. I loved being a jackass to everyone but knew how far to take it and I got in my fair share of trouble with the administration but was able to spare myself the brunt of it with some charm. When it came to girls, I was pretty reckless. I didn't really take their feelings into consideration and was told how hard it was for someone to like me because I was all over the place...just like you said...totally into her one minute and the next, I was uninterested. I think for me, it had to do with the chase. Once I got her, I lost interest.

I've never been in love and quite frankly there's only been one girl whom I ever really liked. I thought relationships were kind of stupid and I just wanted to have fun and not be tied down to something that didn't matter to me. I talk about all this like it's in the past but I still act this way and I'm sure I always will.

Just be careful, PersonalityFreak, don't let him play with you or you'll end up the same place that the girl who liked me ended up. In a small room with padded walls. But hey, at least they serve seafood on Sundays and have bingo nights on Fridays!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Gosh, you guys described my ESTP guy absolutely perfectly. He is definitely a stereotypical estp.
It seems like our relationship goes like this: He chases me... I continue to ignore him... he chases me more... i finally give in... he pulls away so... i chase him... he pulls away more... i start to ignore him... he resumes the chase... and round and round it goes! They most certainly like what they can't have, and it seems like it's because they get bored easily, especially in relationships where they know they can get him/her easily. Once the fun and whirlwind romance dies down and the girl gets really into him, they lose interest. It is so frustrating! Gah! What is it about you ESTPs that make you so irresisteable and easy to forgive!? haha
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
680 Posts
Wow, CompassRose really hit the nail on the head, for me at least. In high school, I didn't take much seriously (and at 22, I still don't). I was captain of my sports teams, President of the entire high school, and got along with pretty much everyone. I loved being a jackass to everyone but knew how far to take it and I got in my fair share of trouble with the administration but was able to spare myself the brunt of it with some charm. When it came to girls, I was pretty reckless. I didn't really take their feelings into consideration and was told how hard it was for someone to like me because I was all over the place...just like you said...totally into her one minute and the next, I was uninterested. I think for me, it had to do with the chase. Once I got her, I lost interest.

I've never been in love and quite frankly there's only been one girl whom I ever really liked. I thought relationships were kind of stupid and I just wanted to have fun and not be tied down to something that didn't matter to me. I talk about all this like it's in the past but I still act this way and I'm sure I always will.

Just be careful, PersonalityFreak, don't let him play with you or you'll end up the same place that the girl who liked me ended up. In a small room with padded walls. But hey, at least they serve seafood on Sundays and have bingo nights on Fridays!
Haha. I doubt I can handle an ESTP in a serious relationship. Though, I understand why they enjoy the chase and get bored easily. I'd do the same, such as you said, to others. Depends on how devious I feel that day. I also believe relationships are stupid, especially in high school, and they should be fun. It doesn't matter how short or quick. I hate how these teenagers at my school take everything so seriously and believe it was a "relationship" even though it was one day. I don't even care for these girls's feelings who come up crying to me for advice. Thank god for my ESFJ friend, ENFJ mother, and mainstream movies, or I wouldn't know the cheesy shit to cheer them up because telling them to "shut up and move on" isn't enough, oddly.

I doubt I'll ever fall in love as well. I pretty much to relate to most of the things you said to a certain degree.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Haha. I doubt I can handle an ESTP in a serious relationship. Though, I understand why they enjoy the chase and get bored easily. I'd do the same, such as you said, to others. Depends on how devious I feel that day. I also believe relationships are stupid, especially in high school, and they should be fun. It doesn't matter how short or quick. I hate how these teenagers at my school take everything so seriously and believe it was a "relationship" even though it was one day. I don't even care for these girls's feelings who come up crying to me for advice. Thank god for my ESFJ friend, ENFJ mother, and mainstream movies, or I wouldn't know the cheesy shit to cheer them up because telling them to "shut up and move on" isn't enough, oddly.

I doubt I'll ever fall in love as well. I pretty much to relate to most of the things you said to a certain degree.
Soooo in that case... Dinner at my place tonight?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
680 Posts
  • Like
Reactions: BoyHowdy

·
Registered
Joined
·
90 Posts
Hahahaha I love ESTP's. I really do mourn the fact that they don't go in for serious relationships... And for this reason I was going to add a warning for you, PersonalityFreak, but BoyHowdy beat me to it: don't let yourself get too attached to him. He probably won't be on board with that kind of commitment, and it could mess you up. :/
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
22 Posts
I'm 17 and an ESTP. I am described as absolutely insane and mischievous. I'm very impulsive. It's true that I profess not to believe that two humans can fall in love. Love doesn't exist in things other than humans (unless youre religious, then it exists in God...or at least the Christian God.) If i was in a relationship, I would totally have sex with my significant other. However, for me that's much morr complicated, for reasons I wont go into. I do get very excited to see people i like a lot when I havent seen them in a while, but I dont like being the initiator of meetings or conversations all the time. If the person wont reciprocate (which for me is a sign that theyre as interested in me as I am them) then ill just forget about them. I dont like talking in the 'we need to talk' kind of way. If anyone says that to me, I'm sprinting away to go hide until they leave. At least, mentally. Sometimes physically. When someone tries to get very close to me very fast (like they want to be the most important person In my life), then I will not like that person unless I wanted to be the most Important person in their life before they tried that with me. I like casual. Casual clothes, casual people, casual settings, and casual relationships.

Sorry the writing/grammar is so bad, Im on my phone.

Good luck with him!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
Thanks for the answers everyone! I'm definitely getting the sense that ESTPs aren't all that into serious relationships.. lol. It's a shame too, for all us ISFPs, INFJs, ENFJs, etc. who fall for an ESTP's charm and wit. Wish yall weren't so easy to fall for! :( haha. But I guess that's what makes relationships fun, that whole uncertainty factor. :laughing: I do love ESTPs though, they seem like great people to have fun with and people that will get your mind off of things for a while.
Just as an update with my ESTP guy, he hasn't contacted me in a couple weeks, and I actually ran into him today and he acted like I didn't exist and actually made a conscience effort to avoid me. It was very strange and I'm left totally confused because I did nothing to him to make him avoid me like that :/ But it is what it is i guess.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
24 Posts
I started reading some of these ESTP posts because I thought my first husband might have been an ESTP but I changed my mind, he didnt have any commitment issues and I am pretty certain now he was ENTJ. Anyway, I would not worry too much about a relationship with an ESTP or ISTP that is young. I am almost 50 now and am back in the town I grew up in. I stopped dating a while back because it was too difficult while I am finishing raising my son alone (his dad died) but while I was dating I would say that one out of two single guys I met was either ISTP or ESTP. I think that being an attentive husband does not come naturally to most of them, although I am sure upbringing could modify this. Most of them that had been married were single because their wives had left them.

The ISTPs are so easy to spot. On the first date you usually find out that they fly airplanes, scuba dive, race cars, yada yada. Since this is a small town it was easy to find out why the wife left and it was because they were off doing their hobbies and not taking responsiblity at home. That said it was rare to hear that they were unfaithful and they LOVED being married, (translation- loved having someone to take care of them and the responsibilites of life so they could scuba, fly etc). At my age there are LOTS of ISTPs floating around looking to get married. I was already married to one though and left for the standard reason so not interested in chancing it again. At this age though I think a lot of these guys are good husbands on their later marriages because most of them really like being married.

On the other hand it seems lots of the single ESTPS have not been married or have had multiple marriages or relationships. These guys are also pretty easy to spot. Lots of them are very successful career wise. Most seem frat boy like and noncommittal even at this age, even the ones that are married. Everything is just a party. I have never been attracted to this type of person so have never even dated one. But is seems like they could care less when they ask you out and you turn them down. They are fun to be around and I really admire the way they can get things done, so the opposite of me with my in the head personality type. The only thing is that sometimes they get too much like those jackass movie guys and while I may have thought that cool when I was young its annoying now. And truthfully, it scares me now.

So what I am saying to you is that it seems to me there are always plenty of single XSTP types around. I think if you are looking for a commited relationship with an XSTP I would wait until they are much older and then I would go with the ISTP unless the ESTP is really really into you and commited to you because even at my age they dont seem to loose that "no relationship is forever" thing. I will get back to you on this when I am 70, maybe they will have slowed down by then!

I just cant say enough how much I admire this types ability to get things done, I would love to have that ability!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,125 Posts
This post just isn't helpful. First of all we're talking about teenagers, you know the raging hormones, just got into the opposite sex, or same sex, everything is new. Then on top of that school and work. Then on top of that a teenager's life in high school, is all about the PSAT, the SAT and the AP courses, so they can get into universities and colleges. So, right there, that's a big indicator that says if a person doesn't disappoint you then life will. Because at tops you can only date for four years. We're talking about the ESTP teenager here not the family man ESTP. I also think an ESTP and an NF are the most likely to divorce. Also let's turn the tables a bit, I am an ESTP. I was rebellious as a teenager, still am, but let's get to dating. I asked this girl I was friends if she would go. We knew each other. Even went so far as to plan a dress day together in high school. She said no. So it really depends on the person. Each Myers Briggs will cheat for a different reason, an ESTP will cheat because there's no adventure in the relationship, an ENFP might cheat because their spouse isn't committed to the social causes they put their time in, and therefore aren't acknowledging the person as making this world a better place to live in. It's all in the type of neglect of the relationship.


I started reading some of these ESTP posts because I thought my first husband might have been an ESTP but I changed my mind, he didnt have any commitment issues and I am pretty certain now he was ENTJ. Anyway, I would not worry too much about a relationship with an ESTP or ISTP that is young. I am almost 50 now and am back in the town I grew up in. I stopped dating a while back because it was too difficult while I am finishing raising my son alone (his dad died) but while I was dating I would say that one out of two single guys I met was either ISTP or ESTP. I think that being an attentive husband does not come naturally to most of them, although I am sure upbringing could modify this. Most of them that had been married were single because their wives had left them.

The ISTPs are so easy to spot. On the first date you usually find out that they fly airplanes, scuba dive, race cars, yada yada. Since this is a small town it was easy to find out why the wife left and it was because they were off doing their hobbies and not taking responsiblity at home. That said it was rare to hear that they were unfaithful and they LOVED being married, (translation- loved having someone to take care of them and the responsibilites of life so they could scuba, fly etc). At my age there are LOTS of ISTPs floating around looking to get married. I was already married to one though and left for the standard reason so not interested in chancing it again. At this age though I think a lot of these guys are good husbands on their later marriages because most of them really like being married.

On the other hand it seems lots of the single ESTPS have not been married or have had multiple marriages or relationships. These guys are also pretty easy to spot. Lots of them are very successful career wise. Most seem frat boy like and noncommittal even at this age, even the ones that are married. Everything is just a party. I have never been attracted to this type of person so have never even dated one. But is seems like they could care less when they ask you out and you turn them down. They are fun to be around and I really admire the way they can get things done, so the opposite of me with my in the head personality type. The only thing is that sometimes they get too much like those jackass movie guys and while I may have thought that cool when I was young its annoying now. And truthfully, it scares me now.

So what I am saying to you is that it seems to me there are always plenty of single XSTP types around. I think if you are looking for a commited relationship with an XSTP I would wait until they are much older and then I would go with the ISTP unless the ESTP is really really into you and commited to you because even at my age they dont seem to loose that "no relationship is forever" thing. I will get back to you on this when I am 70, maybe they will have slowed down by then!

I just cant say enough how much I admire this types ability to get things done, I would love to have that ability!
 
  • Like
Reactions: njchick

·
Registered
Joined
·
531 Posts
This thread is unfair. God forbid people judge me on my teenage years. We take longer than others to mature so you probably don't want to get too involved with this young ESTP or go ahead but just don't take it too seriously. A mature ESTP can commit and we are capable of being in a loving relationship.
Any type will cheat just for different reasons.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
90 Posts
PersonalityFreak was asking about young ESTP's specifically. And like I said, my post was based on my own personal experience with ESTP's in high school. Nothing more.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
645 Posts
I really do mourn the fact that they don't go in for serious relationships
I was brought up under the impression that life had rules and having a serious relationship was one of them. So I controlled my instincts (which I thought everyone had) and grew a lot of contempt for people who couldn't control their instincts...

don't let yourself get too attached to him. He probably won't be on board with that kind of commitment, and it could mess you up. :/
He would have to be pretty stupid. I guess a young teenage idiot who can't control his basic animal instincts might do this. I on the other hand never knew teenagers actually had sex with each other in high school; I thought it was all a sick joke that I didn't get.

The kind of person that makes a hobby out of puncturing other people's self-esteem).
Some of the more stupid ones might have done this but I am sure they did not think about it much at all. I was more on the victim end of it - when it was mental bullying, that is. There were very few times that it went over the physical line and the tables turned because I'd defend myself ruthlessly.

In general, I've read and observed that ESTP's don't fall in love very much. They don't tend to like commitment or long-term relationships. They want to have fun, and they want to have sex, and those two things are their primary motives for being in a "romantic" relationship with anybody. I could be wrong, but I think a lot of them would profess to not believe in love at all.
I thought all people wanted these things as an integral part of a romantic relationship.

Maybe this is just my INFJ idealism coming out, but I DO think it's possible for ESTP's to fall in love. And I think it's likely to happen with IXFX types... In my experience, they fall in love with someone they have respect for. ESTP's (again, in my experience at least) don't respect very much of anything. So I think...an ESTP in love would (possibly in very subtle and unspoken ways) show that they have tremendous respect for the object of their affection. I think, when and if the opportunity arose, they would also fiercely defend said object-of-their-affection, with their bold social skills and talent for debate.
Of course we can fall in love. I would also make a great sentinel for the woman I loved. I would stick with her forever potentially. My "flaw" is that if she left me or cheated on me for whatever reason then I wouldn't be heartbroken, because "a girl who would do that isn't worth being heartbroken over". I've heard that's the typical way ESTPs would treat things when something really bad happens.

When it came to girls, I was pretty reckless. I didn't really take their feelings into consideration and was told how hard it was for someone to like me because I was all over the place...just like you said...totally into her one minute and the next, I was uninterested. I think for me, it had to do with the chase. Once I got her, I lost interest.
You probably did take their feelings into consideration, at least when you were making love.
 
1 - 20 of 24 Posts
Top