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I've been currently reading about "Involution" which seems to be the growth of your inner self.
It is mentioned that there are seven basic steps from self awareness to self mastery one of which is Self Love.
I've noticed that I've only gotten over that hurdle once and it wasn't a conscious decision. The next few months after that were incredibly easy and fulfilling. I slipped back down after a bout of seasonal depression coupled with some bad experiences. Ever since then I've been trying to get back there but I keep getting stuck at self love.
Even though I was willing to let go of any grudges or ideals against myself and go along to self acceptance, I realized that there was something a lot more fundamental missing. I didn't even know how to see myself. I once described being a four as being locked inside a building and attempting to draw the outside structure of it. Seeing oneself from the inside is way too complicated to understand fully and in the end I was unable to love and accept myself because I didn't know what I was to love in the first place. I didn't know who I was even though I've been spending years trying to understand my inner workings.
It is also mentioned that one is not defined by their thoughts or emotions. (Which is very, very difficult to grasp as a 4). We are defined by our actions. Our inner workings only help us further understand those actions, but they do not necessarily define us.
So another thing 4s have difficulty with is actually being active in the world around them. A person is like a movie. The disc it's self does not tell us anything, neither does the technology of a DVD. We need to let the film actually run before we can know what the film is about.
So Technically we have to release all control and expectations of ourselves and then just watch ourselves from a distance to understand.
Then the step to self love is just to accept what we see and not criticize it.


What are your thoughts? Comments and personal experiences are encouraged and very welcome. :)
 

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There are many things. Fours can be troubled souls, regardless of upbringing, because they can be trapped inside the prisons of their own minds. What you have to realize is that your mind isn't a prison, it's a beautiful, expansive machine that YOU are in charge of. No one else. Fours need to understand the world isn't meant to be painful and a struggle for all of your life. YOU are the creator of your own destiny. Don't get caught up in labels telling you who you are. Be free. Take a deep breath. Realize the world isn't moving as fast as you think it is. The cars rushing by are just an illusion. Everyone's in a hurry to get nowhere fast. Get back into nature and realize this. Heal your soul. You have time to find yourself. You will be okay. And once you realize that, you are free. Few people are truly free. The media buries us in expectations. Distractions. "Buy happiness! Eat crap! Be like everyone else! Have a religion! Marry someone! Don't step out of line!" Because they don't what you to know the truth. If everyone knew the truth, we'd be too powerful. Imagine a world where everyone had purpose. A world where people talked about the meaning of life instead of their favorite celebrities. What a world that would be..

And for heaven sakes, eat like you care!! It's one thing that's never talked about, but it helps so much. There are so many unnatural things that we eat without hesitation. Once you eat like you care, your world will change.

Live in the moment. This is perhaps the hardest thing for fours. All you have is right here, right now. If you only worry about the future, or the past, that is just another wasted moment you've spent when you could be doing something great. Realize the dialogue in your head. Tell it to stop talking. Time yourself, see if you can do it for a minute. Feels strange, doesn't it? Kind of magical? That's because you've let your ego go and have got a glimpse of your true self. The you that is not connected to the superficial systems put in place. The you that is connected to the universe.

Lastly, just know that you'll be okay. :)
 

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the metaphor you made with the building what exactly on point, I really could not have said it better myself.
I feel like being a four is a balance between wanting to be different and still wanting to be accepted for it. Also that although we are always thinking about how things relate to us, and can seem narcissistic, somehow we still have an ironically low self-esteem. Usually, I think. I'm an utter perfectionist. And as much time as I try to spend figuring out what this building looks like from the outside, I feel like I am just writhing in cobwebs, stuck in the inside of myself.
Here is something though, it may seem like common sense, and I have already told a few other people about it. But it is a wonderful way to get to know yourself.
I wrote a list, it was a list of all the things I love. Not chocolate or even things that are an acquired taste like Attila. But I mean, things that called to the core of my being and I felt them inside me. For example I wrote: Frida Kahlo, Edgar Allan Poe, Harry Potter, Lucy Tejada, Adventure Time, Where the Wild Things Are, ect.
Then from looking at the list I drew common themes: childhood, innocence, macabre, complexity, simplicity, ect.
even color schemes, the things I named I saw in my mind as extremely sepia or dark and extremely bright like Adventure Time.
Then I stepped back and realized that all the things were who I was and described me.
Which was utterly mind blowing, and I don't know why, because I always knew in the depth of myself that I am those things. But it's more than just know you like something and wishing you could be closer or somehow consume, for example, the poetic words of Edgar Allan Poe. I realize that maybe he was a 4, and Frida Kahlo to.
But more so, that I don't just want to be more related to them, but that I find myself in those things.
Like I said, maybe common sense, but I never realized how much I loved things in monochrome.
I'm not sure if we will ever understand ourselves, so maybe that it why so many of us find refuge in art, because of the purity of it's expression.
I hope what I said made sense, somehow it felt scattered and disjointed.
 
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These speak to me a lot:

Personal Growth for Enneagram Type Fours

I love myself when I'm proud of myself, and I'm proud of myself when I actually do things in the world. My self love is conditional; I can't love myself if all I'm doing is navel-gazing and feeling sorry for myself. A person who indulges herself like that isn't worthy of my respect.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Here is something though, it may seem like common sense, and I have already told a few other people about it. But it is a wonderful way to get to know yourself.
I wrote a list, it was a list of all the things I love. Not chocolate or even things that are an acquired taste like Attila. But I mean, things that called to the core of my being and I felt them inside me. For example I wrote: Frida Kahlo, Edgar Allan Poe, Harry Potter, Lucy Tejada, Adventure Time, Where the Wild Things Are, ect.
Then from looking at the list I drew common themes: childhood, innocence, macabre, complexity, simplicity, ect.
even color schemes, the things I named I saw in my mind as extremely sepia or dark and extremely bright like Adventure Time.
This idea intrigued me, so I took some time to write a likes and dislikes column. The results started emerging right away!
Fist of all I was surprised at how short my dislikes column was. The main themes that emerged from what I connected to was opposites and intimacy. I seem to be a walking contradiction as you mentioned yourself, dark and light, sadness and joy, familiar and unfamiliar.. opposites are however dependent on each other, being attracted to both is like a sense entirety or balance. Intimacy struck me as something I should have know all along. I'm always attracted to deeper connections, to things one wouldn't normally share or just wouldn't be able to put in to words, the essence of living things, purity without monotony.

I found those things to be characteristic of enneagram 4s in general, we have a tendency to reject things that aren't intimate but accept and encourage diversity within that intimacy.

So I thank you for the lovely post, it was very revealing :)
 

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This idea intrigued me, so I took some time to write a likes and dislikes column. The results started emerging right away!
Fist of all I was surprised at how short my dislikes column was. The main themes that emerged from what I connected to was opposites and intimacy. I seem to be a walking contradiction as you mentioned yourself, dark and light, sadness and joy, familiar and unfamiliar.. opposites are however dependent on each other, being attracted to both is like a sense entirety or balance. Intimacy struck me as something I should have know all along. I'm always attracted to deeper connections, to things one wouldn't normally share or just wouldn't be able to put in to words, the essence of living things, purity without monotony.

I found those things to be characteristic of enneagram 4s in general, we have a tendency to reject things that aren't intimate but accept and encourage diversity within that intimacy.

So I thank you for the lovely post, it was very revealing :)
That makes me smile:) I'm glad you found use of it, if you're an artist then those are themes that you can consciously put into your work now. You probably already were, but if you were trying to figure out your own style, then now you know what elements of the work make it so you. Anyway, you're welcome, I'm glad I helped you-sort of- figure out more of who you are :) good luck!


Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk
 
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