What is it that causes 5's to withdraw?

gallimaufry said:

So I know it's a trait... but of what cause?

I'm trying to get over it and more embrace my 4 dom. I don't mind all theother 5 stuff but this is just annoying... getting all anxious and shrivelling up away from the moment... it just aint livin' I tell ya... it just aint livin'! :shocked:

Lets figure this shit out?

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Well, if you want the enneagram answer it's basically a mix of feeling like you might be incapable of dealing with the external world and that the external world might tax you more than you think you can be taxed - like it will make a demand on you that you can't meet. It's the mistaken notion that we're separate from that world.

Having said that, I wouldn't say I have much social anxiety at this point in my life and I'm wondering if that's more what you're talking about. I'm withdrawn and I spend a lot of time alone, but I also do things in my life. I'm a pretty active person but a lot of times I like to do that activity on a solitary basis or with a close friend/partner/family member. I spend a lot of time at home in my "castle" but I spend that time doing activities I enjoy and I don't feel like I'm missing out on the outside world.

In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with being withdrawn and wanting a lot of alone time so long as you're comfortable with it and maintaining some relationships. I used to think I should be more social or have more friends but I'm happy with the few I have and I don't have trouble being social when I do go out (which isn't very often). If you're feeling like you're not participating in your life though, that's another issue. It sounds like you feel there's things you should be doing/be able to do that you can't. While anxiety will never fully go away (and it shouldn't, it definitely has it's purpose), there are a lot of things you can do to help deal with it and overcome it when it might be holding you back.

Siren said:

How do you act in relationships (romantic)? Assume you do not live with your SO. How often do you initiate contact when you are feeling stressed?

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I do live with my SO, but when I didn't, I wouldn't usually call him while I was "in" being stressed, but after it's been dealt with and I'm feeling better. When I'm stressed I usually want to withdraw from everyone. I usually only talk about it after when I feel I need to "debrief" but even then, I may just never bring it up.

If I'm forced to be in a situation I don't want to be in, I'll often be more standoffish. People who know me can tell I'm impatient. Physically, I feel anxious and my thoughts turn to how much I want to be somewhere else. I can sometimes let this feeling overwhelm me and rather than stay with the obligation, I will withdraw. Before I practiced mindfulness, meetings and workshops at work were hell (unless the topic was really interesting). I would start getting sweaty and nervous and my heart would race because all I can think is how I want this to be over or that I want to be somewhere else. I'm a lot better able to stay where I am and when I do start feeling anxious I make myself do deep breathing exercises and I can usually calm myself down and get past it.

In the last few months I've really realized how often I let my automatic thoughts take over and talk me out of doing something. When I wake up and sometimes dread going to work that day I have to remind myself that in one hour I'll probably feel totally fine about it, I just have to make sure I keep pushing myself through the withdrawing thoughts.