What is it that causes 5's to withdraw?

Vexed said:

What does a 5 who withdraws but has an obligation to stay at work/school look like? In body language? Speech?

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I'd agree with most of what @vanilla_dream said here:

vanilla_dream said:

I shall give my personal perspective on this as I can't speak for all Type 5's. So here goes:
-My friends or mum would tell me I look standoffish, a snob, unapproachable. I'm withdrawn and easily get irritated.
-Body language: Slow in movement, poker-face, spacing out while donning the infamous death-stare look, flat affect
-Speech: more softly spoken than usual, monotonous responses, flat intonation

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If I'm forced to be in a situation, I will try to make the best of it, but I'm also thinking, "OK, this will be over soon. Let's just go through the formalities, do what needs to be done, and then it will be over." Very focused and maybe intense...it will be harder for me to be my easy-going self. I was probably more outwardly prickly when I was younger - now I can still be pleasant and good company despite wanting to be somewhere else.

How do you act in relationships (romantic)? Assume you do not live with your SO. How often do you initiate contact when you are feeling stressed?

i withdraw when i cant stand people anymore. i feel the coversations they have are really something i am nvr interested in. and they cant force me to join them. so i have thse thoughts running through my mind on its own and it gives me energy. cuz talkin to ppl who are not even a bit like you and are always chained by social obligations is just too tiring. so i may seem a bit arrogant and a lone wolf to them, but, hell1...i enjoy my company better than anyone else's. i do have ppl who i like to talk to though. just 1 or 2....but still, not too much. cuz it just doesnt feel right. if i feel comfy thn the others have no say...

Siren said:

How do you act in relationships (romantic)? Assume you do not live with your SO. How often do you initiate contact when you are feeling stressed?

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I do live with my SO, but when I didn't, I wouldn't usually call him while I was "in" being stressed, but after it's been dealt with and I'm feeling better. When I'm stressed I usually want to withdraw from everyone. I usually only talk about it after when I feel I need to "debrief" but even then, I may just never bring it up.

If I'm forced to be in a situation I don't want to be in, I'll often be more standoffish. People who know me can tell I'm impatient. Physically, I feel anxious and my thoughts turn to how much I want to be somewhere else. I can sometimes let this feeling overwhelm me and rather than stay with the obligation, I will withdraw. Before I practiced mindfulness, meetings and workshops at work were hell (unless the topic was really interesting). I would start getting sweaty and nervous and my heart would race because all I can think is how I want this to be over or that I want to be somewhere else. I'm a lot better able to stay where I am and when I do start feeling anxious I make myself do deep breathing exercises and I can usually calm myself down and get past it.

In the last few months I've really realized how often I let my automatic thoughts take over and talk me out of doing something. When I wake up and sometimes dread going to work that day I have to remind myself that in one hour I'll probably feel totally fine about it, I just have to make sure I keep pushing myself through the withdrawing thoughts.

When i withdraw from situations i no longer see it as a problem. If im in a classroom/in another social setting with a lot of extraverts having an open discussion i would 9 out of 10 times draw back. First of all most times people wont notice it. And second i like drawing back and seeing the situatuon/discussion from a broader perspective, gathering information and stating my opinion when i feel its the right time. In a lot of other situations im just not interested in the people/conversation around me and i feel fine daydreaming/making plans in my head

Comfort.
Kinda like being in house slippers versus dress shoes... While dress shoes probably look better, the slippers definitely feel better.

I'm a 4w5 but I can completely understand the tendency or need to withdraw. In my case, I do it because most of my thoughts or ambitions regard my progress in life. My (ideal) progress in life includes many things but chiefly my inner being and transformation. I always want to grow and while I acknowledge that others can help me grow in ways I might not otherwise grow without our exchanges, I sometimes see others as a hindrance to my growth. I must spend a great deal of time studying, organizing, reorganizing, pondering, writing, creating, etc in order to grow,alone. That's one of the main reasons I withdraw but there are several:

1. To grow, plan, etc.
2. To recharge. My batteries drain very quickly. My social interactions tend to be sparse and I like them that way.
3. To have a good time. Sometimes quality time by myself just can't be beaten by social interaction.
4. And sometimes when I'm not doing well emotionally or physically: to heal.

I felt a need to post this since most of the posts I read gave reasons that seem kind of negative like social anxiety, fear, etc. Mine are mainly positive, in my opinion.

Everything.

Being a 5.

gallimaufry said:

So I know it's a trait... but of what cause?

I'm trying to get over it and more embrace my 4 dom. I don't mind all theother 5 stuff but this is just annoying... getting all anxious and shrivelling up away from the moment... it just aint livin' I tell ya... it just aint livin'! :shocked:

Lets figure this shit out?

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Avarice causes 5s to withdraw. Withdrawing is a symptom; avarice is the cause.

We want to keep our 'selves', our time, and our minds to ourselves. We want to hoard knowledge. We want to hoard time, we want to hoard anything we find valuable.

Even extroverted 5s (like me) will often feel a compulsion to withdraw into isolation. In varying degrees, this can be healthy. It's not necessarily a bad thing to be content by ourselves. Anything in excess becomes unhealthy.

"Excess" of course is relative. What I really mean by excess is, if a compulsion to repeat behavior is causing a person to get in their own way, and preventing them from achieving greater goals, then I would label the habit "excessive." If the person is achieving their greater goals in isolation and is content, let them be...

Siren said:

How do you act in relationships (romantic)? Assume you do not live with your SO. How often do you initiate contact when you are feeling stressed?

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This is, of course, operating under the assumption that a 5 knows what she is feeling in the first place?

- Deep stress often manifests in the form of fevers, pimples, hair loss, and immobility; and lasts for long periods. It is not always easy to recognize. I need time, creative space, and isolation to sort this one out.
- Shallow stress usually comes from feeling overwhelmed by external demands (like, I need to go grocery shopping, go to the bank, finish this paper, call this person back, answer this email). I have a go-to conquering device for this stressor: make a list, start doing the things, and cross them off as I go. If I feel too overwhelmed to start, I exercise while blasting heavy music in headphones. This pumps up my determination to conquer the list.
- In both cases, I have no interest in seeking out company. In case #1 it's a private matter. In case #2, I need time to get stuff done so that I will feel less stressed. However, I will shyly admit that it tickles my romantic fancy if a friend is concerned enough to figure out that I'm stressed, and ask what is bothering me; calm me down, or offer to help. 99% of the time I decline company or help, but I appreciate the sentiment deeply. If the friend truly cares, it helps build trust, and leads to a more likely scenario where, if there is ever a romantic relationship with that person, I'd feel comfortable enough to open up about such stressors, rather than shut him out.
- I *like* it when someone comes to me with their stressors and trusts me (as long as it's not intrusive, like constant phone calls over minor things while knowing I'm very busy). If I know the other person trusts me, it is more likely that I'll eventually feel okay about opening up, too; I will feel less afraid of being a burden.

Edit: For some reason, I open up very easily about past stressors that I've already somewhat resolved, but I almost never reveal current stressors. Maybe because I haven't sorted them into communicable words yet? Or maybe because it induces vulnerability?

sleepyhead said:

and when I do start feeling anxious I make myself do deep breathing exercises and I can usually calm myself down and get past it.

In the last few months I've really realized how often I let my automatic thoughts take over and talk me out of doing something. When I wake up and sometimes dread going to work that day I have to remind myself that in one hour I'll probably feel totally fine about it, I just have to make sure I keep pushing myself through the withdrawing thoughts.

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In complete agreeance. Same applies to me for work, uni and almost any time I have to leave the house, really. I feel like there's nothing I feel like doing less and work myself up and convince myself that my present obligation is the worst thing that could possibly happen and everything goes grey and foggy.. Then, when I am at work or 30minute into my event I feel like a completely different person (a lot more positivity and physical and mental energy). Albeit, I've allowed this first stage to overwhelm me far too many times and the result is that I give up and stay in my safe place and deny myself of many opportunities.

A loss of direction in life and a loss of connection with others and myself is what causes me to withdraw. I'm a Sx/SP instinctual type which is probably what causes it over being a 5 though.

I have yet to really feel a connection to anybody, I'm somewhat curious if I would feel this same need to withdraw if somebody started to get close.... The Sexual fix demands it while the Self-Preservational part of me might reject it...