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What is it That Makes People Dislike Us?

[ISFP] 
48K views 159 replies 78 participants last post by  Philippo 
#1 ·
Ive read in previous posts (mostly by ppl who have recently broken up with an ISFP) about how there are those who dislike us. One reason that I can remember off the top of my head was claiming we were selfish.

But really I dont understand. I think ISFPs generally just try to please people and completely avoid conflicts with them. All I really want to do is make people happy....

So then how is it that some people could dislike us?

Anyone's opinion is welcome.
 
#2 ·
I'm not really interested in making people happy. I don't want to hurt them, but I don't feel the need to go out of my way to please them. Wouldn't that trait be more Fe than Fi anyway?

I didn't know we were disliked! XD..maybe I'm oblivious. Jealousy, perhaps? Kidding. Maybe they dislike that Fi can sometimes cause unpleasant outbursts of emotion that can make people uncomfortable, or that we can be rather distant or detached from others. Not that it's true, but there is also a stereotype that ISFPs are kind of whimsical and flighty. I can see why others wouldn't like it because I don't like that trait myself, it's definitely one of my character flaws.
 
#3 ·
#7 ·
People dislike us? :shocked:
While I do agree a little with Thrifty about the whiny part, I really don't think we're drama kings/queens at all. We avoid all that jazz and watch from afar (or I do anyways). :p
 
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#8 ·
Because we are always on the verge to become predominately intuitive but we just tease with the line. Unmistakably present and simple looking, but our Xray FiNi glasses see through even the most hidden soul. All they have to do is one or teo gestures and the mode of your existence can come back in a frightenly accuracy. Often people do not like what they cant get wrapped around their minds, specially when it comes without notice. I have seen some unstable Fi wielders use this fo power for evil purposes, launching a mental assult to someone that might have injured out hypersensitivity; thus, we get branded with the asshole/bitch title.

I derive this hypothesis from my own interactions with people, and similar scenes I have observed from my self-proclaimed ISFP friend and Ex Girlfriend.
 
#9 ·
Just going by the ones I know (including my father).

- Irresponsible
- Spineless
- Too wrapped up in own emotions to do anything else productive
- Unambitious
- Use 'artistry' as an excuse to bum around
- Insecure/Needy

These are the factors the ISFPs I've known commonly display which would cause me to DISLIKE them.
 
#11 ·
I think Fi does indeed make people prone to selfishness, or maybe ego centrism is a better term. It wouldn't be unusual for an ISFP to put his/her own needs above those of others. Trouble making commitments, for example. While we value our independence and desire for freedom, other people need structure and security, that is something we cant always provide.
 
#13 ·
This thread is a little nerving to me... You don't see many ISFPs bashing other types on this forum like that and Im sure it may have been a few... but to pick out traits that are positive and make them sound so negative because we are different is not fair!

I could sit here and think of many negative things I could say about other types but I choose not too, one because I am not negative and two I don't feel it's necessary to make a point!

I may not be liked by everyone in town, shoot I don't put myself out there like that to be like in the first place, but I am for dam sure we are the less dislike of the other types!

Like one said before we are tough cookies to figure out and we hate to be controlled, I enjoy being free and if you have a problem with that then I could careless... but we are genuine, we don't try to be something we are not, and we don't "go with the flow" just because thats the way "the world" thinks we should be!

Were not robots, puppets, or conformists and I am dam proud of that!
 
#17 ·
Hmmm... well, it's important first of all to remember that the emotional health/maturity of an individual is more pivotal to how liked or disliked they are than their MBTI type. I think it's just that there are some personality traits of ISFPs that tend to manifest themselves in unhealthy specimens of the type, that can be particularly annoying.

Take my mother, for example. She is a case study in the unhealthy ISFP. I love her to bits, and she is my mom, but she is batshit nuts :confused: and some of her traits are shared by other unhealthy ISFPs. For instance

- she's incredibly flaky. There are several things I mean by this term, but to begin with she has not got a practical bone in her body. Organisation of any variety is an unwelcome obstacle to her plans, and she does not appreciate the necessity for planning anything.

- I think when people describe ISFPs as selfish, what they really mean is more... self-centred. there is a distinction, in my mind at least. It's not that my mother sets out to hurt people, but she doesn't really think of them, either, and this can be endlessly frustrating. The way she acts, speaks, etc is very much centred around her needs, her ego, with minimal consideration being given to others. Perfect example: she sees rules as "guidelines". She was in an arboreum recently and started cutting off branches, twigs etc from rare bushes/plants despite the big sign on the wall saying "NO CUTTINGS". She wants the cuttings, so she takes the cuttings. Never mind that the plants in question are rare, she is not an arborist and may harm the plants, they're incredibly expensive and you can't just TAKE them, and my poor dad was mortified. She wants it, she takes it. Simple as.

It was the same with my ex, who was also ISFP. Nicest, most harmless guy ever, but very much also wrapped up in himself. It just never *occurred* to him to really consider others the way it does to me. I do it every time I take a step, but for some reason... I dunno, it was like he lived in his own little him-centric universe.

- She (my mom) has no, and I mean NO sense of personal responsibility. If it doesn't feel good she just won't face it. She's interested in personal development/philosophy/therapy etc ONLY up to the point where she has to engage in critical personal assessment. If you tell her to love herself, be kind to the world, be one with nature, blah blah blah... she'll listen, but tell her she's being unfair/irrresponsible/nasty and she will just point blank refuse to engage.

I could go on, but i'm aware that my mother is a remarkably unhealthy example of an ISFP so to continue along this line would be unfair to the rest of you. On the upside, you can be incredibly gentle, good-natured people, and even my mum, I love very much. Those are just the particular shortcomings of your kind when the specimen is emotionally poorly developed.
 
#18 ·
My mom and dad are both ISFPs and I dated an ISFP recently. I really appreciate them as people but I find them hard to spend a lot of time around. I am also Fi so I feel a kinship with ISFPs but then they do and think things that just don't make any sense to me.

They have to learn the hard way, even if they've already been warned about something. They don't seem to be able to understand that other people have their own lives going on. They get upset easily about being ignored or mistreated when really someone was just wrapped up in their own life. I think the drama queen/king comment is valid because it is how other types perceive you. You appear to make a big deal about little things. Sure, you dislike drama, but you are often perceiving it where others wouldn't.

Also, you guys say really bizarre things. I happen to love this about you, but I can see how it could make some people uncomfortable. Being unique always causes some people to write you off. But that can be a good thing. Weeds out the jerks.
 
#19 ·
- she's incredibly flaky. There are several things I mean by this term, but to begin with she has not got a practical bone in her body. Organisation of any variety is an unwelcome obstacle to her plans, and she does not appreciate the necessity for planning anything.

- I think when people describe ISFPs as selfish, what they really mean is more... self-centred. there is a distinction, in my mind at least. It's not that my mother sets out to hurt people, but she doesn't really think of them, either, and this can be endlessly frustrating. The way she acts, speaks, etc is very much centred around her needs, her ego, with minimal consideration being given to others. Perfect example: she sees rules as "guidelines". She was in an arboreum recently and started cutting off branches, twigs etc from rare bushes/plants despite the big sign on the wall saying "NO CUTTINGS". She wants the cuttings, so she takes the cuttings. Never mind that the plants in question are rare, she is not an arborist and may harm the plants, they're incredibly expensive and you can't just TAKE them, and my poor dad was mortified. She wants it, she takes it. Simple as.

- She (my mom) has no, and I mean NO sense of personal responsibility. If it doesn't feel good she just won't face it. She's interested in personal development/philosophy/therapy etc ONLY up to the point where she has to engage in critical personal assessment. If you tell her to love herself, be kind to the world, be one with nature, blah blah blah... she'll listen, but tell her she's being unfair/irrresponsible/nasty and she will just point blank refuse to engage.
You just described my mother...

She even "seed rustles" where she take seed pods off of plants even in really inappropriate places like a strangers garden or the side of the highway where she stopped without consulting anyone else in the car.

And everything is someone else's fault. "Well mom, maybe you should have-" "Well maybe they shouldn't have violated my rights!"

Love her to death but I get so frustrated sometimes...
 
#22 ·
Hmm.. there goes that selfishness thing again??? I am trying to wrap my head around that concept, really I am... to be honest I wish I was more selfish and not such a doormat sometime... there not one person in my family or group of friends I would not run to help at a moments notice and not near by think to ask anything in return and its sad because I almost never get that treatment in return!

Yes I can be very restrictive of my time because I like being alone and doing things on my own but I couldn't imagine that coming off as being selfish and maybe to some people it is, but I am the happiest when I am free to do the things I love, and not constantly be judge or told what to do!

There are too many expectations to live up to and when I find myself consume with people pleasing I am very unhappy... it depresses me... I feel that more people should be more accepting then judging of our type!!

Does this make me irresponsible NO, does this make me less of a person NO, it just makes me different and I find people are more annoyed when I don't do what they expect of me.

But with that being said, I have been able to maintain the same friends since middle school and whenever there are family get together and I'm NOT there, people are really disappointed... I am a positive person, I am good at keeping the peace, great listener, very supportive, creative, drama free and enjoying helping others!

How can you dislike that?? :crazy:
 
#24 ·
I can totally relate to this. Well said, Gorjus!

Yes, I spent too many years being a doormat for others, as well. It took too long for me to realize that I deserve better than that. I can relate to all of the other things you mention in your post, too.

I'm hoping the other qualitites that were previously posted were of unhealthy ISFPs, because I really couldn't relate to any of them. I was starting to wonder if I actually was an ISFP after reading those descriptions.:unsure:
 
#23 ·
One more thing I think alot of personality traits are alter by environments... versus someone growing up rich and feeling entitled and someone who didn't being very humble and appreciative....

I think that can alter the views of types too as well, and make them behave differently... we evolve and people evolve and we learn the value of things in our own time... and I just happen to be one of those people that NEVER take anything for granted!! I value my relationships with people and work hard to keep those people a part of my life!!!
 
#25 ·
Ah, the ISFP selfless nature vs self centeredness. I've seen both sides in my girlfriend. Sometimes she goes out of her way to help others. She is very kind and giving. I can see the "doormat" thing with her. She has a sincere concern for others. In a lot of ways she is the kindest person I've ever met.

At other times, I've seen the self centered side of her. I naturally take other people into account, but she often lacks empathy, having a tough time understanding how her actions affect others. She will do her own thing, even at the expense of others. She is flaky. She'll be passive aggressive when someone slights her. And she has a tough time admitting she's wrong.
 
#29 ·
I believe the self-centered vs. selflesss thing really has to do with how healthy the person is. And in a way it seems to make sense. why wouldnt an ISFP be self-centered when they may be depressed... ISFPs are typically sensitive ppls and when we are hurt I think that we may become so overwhelmed with our own emotions that we really dont have time to focus on others'.
On the opposite side of things ISFPs are more of the doormat when we are healthy. No longer consumed with our own problems we generally just want to help others...

or at least thats what I can gather together

Thanks everyone. All your opinions have been helpful. Even if it is a war zone in here.:confused:
 
#30 ·
I don't think it's a war zone, I actually like this thread a lot. It helps when people have objective views of us as we could never have them of ourselves (not solely ISFPs, anyone). Regarding the typing argument (tests vs. self-typing), we have to remember that tests aren't always accurate either. I tend to trust people who account for their experiences with other types, but maybe that's just me.

A lot of this stuff I can relate to. Not saying everyone has to relate to everything posted here, but isn't accepting our faults and working on changing them to the best of our abilities what leads to personal growth? We don't need to get offended or try and deflect the criticism, we should just take it for what it is.
 
#38 ·
Yes, good point that you make here. There's a difference between doing nice things for others and being a doormat. I agree, communication is key. For me, it was a matter of admitting to myself that I was being taken advantage of, and realizing my own self-worth. Once I realized that, communicating the problem naturally followed.
 
#36 ·
I'd think ISFJ would be the annoying one but my conclusion is based on theory rather than real life... SiFe or FeSi dominant types would probably annoy the hell out of me.
 
#37 ·
LOL!! This was great! I enjoy a mud slinging fest every now and then! :laughing:

You have to remember that when you ask a person to give their opinions about you, you just may hear something you are not going to like. Especially, if they are going to be honest. Remember: a person who is alive and breathing is going to have strong points and stortcomings. It is part of being a human. No matter what type you are.

Second, if you do choose to enumerate an individual's (or a type's) shortcomings first take a look at your hand: yes, one of your fingers is pointing at the other guy, however, three more are pointing back at you.

As to MBTI typology, my opinion is that the 'jury is still out'. Not sure if I entirely accept it. I would say that there is truth to it from the standpoint that an individual's personality is made up of his Jungian type + characteristics. Characteristics being his upbringing, life experiences, influences from his associations, beliefs, etc. So, a person's Jungian type would not be the last word on who they are.
 
#39 ·
I've known a lot of cool ISFP's and I don't think Ive ever disliked one per se. Its only that we don't seem to be able to interact as well as I'd like to lol. With some of the ones I knew in school it was like everything Id say offended them. Sometimes I'd wonder how it was even possible that I offended them but I think it might have just been my blunt style of speaking.

There was an inordinate amount of ISxP's in my video class, and the ISFP's always seemed to criticize my "mainstream" musical tastes (even though there not that mainstream, I listen to everything and anything) So yeah, the ones who fit that sort of indie snob thing can be kind of annoying. Only I don't even really dislike those ones, we just don't get along that well.

Also, one ISFP guy I knew would come up to me and tell me about his "problems". I guess I really just didn't get them. He told me a story about how this girl had asked him to take a picture with her, and he replied "No, I don't feel like it". She tried to coax him into it a few more times and gave up once he didn't say yes after the fourth time. He told me she was being angry and that he didn't know why and that it didn't make sense to him. So then I replied "Sounds like its because you didn't take the picture with her," (in a sort of dry voice). He got really angry at me and started to rant at me about how I don't take anything seriously.... I still don't get it.

(Everything I've written though is more related to the individual people I know, not really something that applies to all ISFP's, but it was the only thing I could think of in terms of "dislikes".
 
#41 ·
Well there is a way to give your opinion about someone and not be negative... there is nothing wrong with being honest but when you blatantly call someone "selfish, lazy" etc. it's being very negative.

I am sure there are many facets to all types, good and bad, but to completely categorize all people of that type based on a few negative exp. could almost be seen as borderline prejudice.. "Oh this person is a 'ISFP' and I dislike them because of that!" C'mon how is that fair??

I was solely just giving my opinion, I did not single anyone out... I just felt as a ISFP that I could not relate to the negative comments that were being made about us... so I spoke up, but if you read my post carefully you will notice that I did not paint myself to be a saint nor did I played the victim..

I KNOW there are tons of things I do that everyone won't agree with, shoot sometimes I do things I don't agree with but at the same time I try to be positive and live my life with respect for others and try to find my peace and happiness at the same time!

and to comment about being a doormat makes people become users??? Really me trying to be nice and make you happy makes you want to take advantage of me??? Now what kind of stuff is that? People should have better respect then that!

But how about this, sit down with me... talk to me for a while... then you can judge me how you want from that point, but please don't try to box me into being a cetain way without even talking to me or any of us on a personal level first!!
 
#42 ·
I don`t know why people dislike ISFP's, but I know why they dislike me sometimes:
-always procrastinating
-happy-go-lucky not caring about the future
-strong need of freedom, to the point of not being able to function in relationships considered as "normal"
 
#44 ·
One possibility is that other people, who felt the need or pressured to conform, resent us because we are free.
 
#45 ·
Here's my thing on any kind of "type dislike": The same thing happens with all 16 types. If you look through PerC in depth, you can find posts by people both loving and hating a particular type. I know I've seen that with ISFJ's...some people will post about how much they love them and the next will say that they're the worst type ever.

There are a mix of reasons for this. Part of it is people basing their view of a type only on the few people of that type that they know, and they may not even be guessing that person's type correctly. In fact, they may even be biased about a type by reading about it, and then assume someone they don't get along with is that type based only on a few behaviors!

In addition, some people just don't get along with other people, it's not necessarily about type,, really. Some of this is related to type, but sometimes a person could love one ISFP in their life and hate another.

So I would say not to worry about what anyone says about your type. At first I was pretty sensitive to some of the negative comments about ISFJ's that I read, and in some ways I still am, but for the most part I've learned not to look into it too much, for all of the reasons I mentioned earlier. I always hope that people on PerC will look at my type as just part of who I am, and hopefully my posts will make them realize that my ISFJ type doesn't automatically make me someone that they can't respect or get along with. That's not to say that there won't be differences in people of different types, but I don't think any of us should be confined to our type.

So basically, try to objectively listen to any problems people might have about ISFP's, but don't take it too seriously or personally...like I said, there will be people who love or hate all 16 types, it really doesn't mean anything in itself.
 
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