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(♫ Baby don't hurt me... ♫)

What is love? How would you define it?

Personally, I have trouble seeing love as more than just biological and psychological compatibility but I know that most people have their own views on the matter. I was wondering how the NFs' definition of love might differ from the NTs'. Is our understanding of love something that is primarily affected by our F/T or is it something we learn through experiences?

So what do you believe love is?

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I posted the same question in the NT Forum here.
 

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(♫ Baby don't hurt me... ♫)

What is love? How would you define it?

Personally, I have trouble seeing love as more than just biological and psychological compatibility but I know that most people have their own views on the matter. I was wondering how the NFs' definition of love might differ from the NTs'. Is our understanding of love something that is primarily affected by our F/T or is it something we learn through experiences?

So what do you believe love is?

--
I posted the same question in the NT Forum here.
I think you have to consider both F and T in the matter. Love is of an abstract nature, but it's consequences are often practical, you end up coexisting together, and that needs forethought and organization. Being a dominant introverted feeler, I throw personal integrity in there too.

I see love as a strong feeling followed by an even more intense thought process.
 

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Love is caring about someone's well being and wanting the best for them. Naturally there are many different levels of care and willingness to put your care for a certain person before other things (particularly your own desires and needs). I would say Love is primarily an attitude/feeling toward someone, but it will naturally play out in your actions towards them so it is also a choice to put someone's needs first. It should be noted that people do demonstrate their love in different ways and some people may be more demonstrative while others feel deeply but may not outwardly show signs of it as often or as noticeably. (for instance I find that NTs generally seem a little uncomfortable with the 'mushy' ways to communicate their care, but it nevertheless comes out in more subtle expressions or actions that show support and commitment). Love considers what is best for another person, and when possible makes an effort to see it happen whether you or they like whatever it is that they need, or not.

Attraction is quite separate from love.

Liking someone and loving someone usually go together, but you can love someone without liking them.

I'm talking about Love in general, which I believe is pretty much the same (though like I said to differing degrees) for every type of relationship. For a Romantic Relationship you need attraction, liking, and love, as well as practicality/reason. This may sound odd from an NF given the 'hopeless romantic' stereotype, but in regards to romantic hopes I always approached it with reason first, rather than getting carried away with how much you like someone it's so important before getting attached to consider the practicalities of what your life would be like together, there are many factors even beyond your personal quirks and goals and personalities, there's practical things to consider which may be outside your control such as the affect someone's family or location or health etc. etc. may have on your life together and if those things don't allign well it's probably better not to pursue a close attachment even if they seem like someone that you really like and care about - there are of course times when certain practicalities aren't as important, but one must pay attention and weigh them first, rather than ignoring them and then having to deal with a nightmare later.
 

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It's anthropological.

There are basically two loves. One is romantic and tends to last around 5 or so years, long enough to rear a child through the rough parts. Usually couples stay together because they become dependent on one another and close friends. But the sort of lusty love goes away for most.

Then there is a more lusty love, short lived flames and wild hookups.

That's pretty much it. You meet the right person and oxytosin goes wild, hopefully the person isn't a jerk or bitch, and there you go.
 

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Well, considering I'm not gonna type wild, lust based attraction as Love with capital L, I'm just gonna ignore it and skip right to the romantic, mushy-mushy, long term and possibly frustrating love.

Not that I've ever felt romantic love.

To me it's like... wanting the best for the person, but by encouraging them to be the best they can be, but being there when they find they can't quite reach the star they're grasping for. It's being patient when they're down but excited when you're both brimming with energy, helping each other sort through problems and sharing burdens meant for one.

It's knowing that the momentary burn won't last, but you still settle anyway: because you trust them to be there for you, too, and though it might not be the huge fire it started as, you have confidence that at least the embers will live on for long.

It's knowing that there will be things that will frustrate you about the other, but also there's confidence that you're going to get through the rough bumps hopefully without too much scars, or at least with bandages plastered all over, keeping you from falling apart. Knowing that there will be fights, but having hope that you'll be back to say sorry.

It's idealised, yes, but why content yourself with trying to reach the moon when you could try reaching the stars? (give or take a few million light years, but hey.)

It's basically how I feel about my family: some nights I want to bash their heads against the wall, but I dread the day I might give up on them. But we're still laughing today-- while lately some more problems are coming up to the surface, I still hope that we're gonna get through it. A bit cracked, but a bit closer.
 
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