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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Besides not hurting baby no more.

What is it to you? Is it spiritual? Hormonal? Both? I've often seen it being said 'well it's just hormones' like that's supposed to devalue it. Personally I've never gotten that PoV. What's it supposed to be instead? Magic? Unicorns? It's origin doesn't devalue it right? Is it something you want for yourself? Is its pursuit an important facet of who you are? Have you found it? If you were JK Rowling would you have made love the most powerful magic? Because that was unforgivably corny.

Anyway I've been thinking about the fact that people who describe love, both in the media and otherwise, often describe it as 's/he's part of me' and when it's over it's always 'I feel like I've lost a part of who I am.' Now I'm pretty sure we couldn't value anything if we didn't have a self to reference at least a little and I know I just said that it doesn't matter where love originates but wouldn't it be kinda sad if love was only externalized appreciation/regard for the self? It would kinda piss on all that altruism that goes hand in hand with love descriptions wouldn't it? 'You start living for the other person' 'you'd to anything for them' 'they become the first thing you think of in every situation.'

Do they tho? Do they really?
 

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Love is a form of unconditional regard that is selfless or giving of self, or that's agape at least, which is love in its most clearest form.

And that's how I would answer your following question. When you look at psychologists like Maslow or the existentialists, they're not concerned with self concept in the way romanticists are. A process of self-actualization is actually a process of stepping outside of yourself and outside of time and participating in a larger ongoing process, contributing to a sense of shared humanity or shared 'being-ness' as a whole, and gaining a broader perspective that both recognizes and honours your individual feelings without self-deceit, while disentangling you from the shallow trap of individualism. It both understands and transcends 'the self'. And that's what love is, too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Love is a form of unconditional regard that is selfless or giving of self, or that's agape at least, which is love in its most clearest form.

And that's how I would answer your following question. When you look at psychologists like Maslow or the existentialists, they're not concerned with self concept in the way romanticists are. A process of self-actualization is actually a process of stepping outside of yourself and outside of time and participating in a larger ongoing process, contributing to a sense of shared humanity or shared 'being-ness' as a whole, and gaining a broader perspective that both recognizes and honours your individual feelings without self-deceit, while disentangling you from the shallow trap of individualism. It both understands and transcends 'the self'. And that's what love is, too.
How do you know you've succeeded in that though? Stepping outside of yourself and becoming part of something greater? How do you know it's not just your 'individualism' furnishing you with a bigger playground? Cuz the self has a vested interest in doing so. If it can make you think that you are now thinking and feeling and acting on higher plane it means you won't ask uncomfortable questions like 'am I doing this for me or for them?' I think this is extra likely if you're 'self' sees itself as altruistic or selfless.

It repaints the set from your room to the cosmos but does that change come with any accompanying changes in behaviour or cognition? Or does it just remove the need for uncomfortable questions?
 

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To me, love is the bonding that humans are hard-wired to be capable of. It basically comes from the F function, and can then be "modified", "modulated" by other functions, and behaviour and a thousand other things. And the F function has to be permanently part of the "self".
There are many forms of love, and each form can have different depths, strengths, levels and so on. It can for example be modulated into "love for humanity".

Some people do not consider the F to be a part of their core self, or are detached from their emotions, or keep attaching/detaching, from my perspective that's not "enough".
Some people switch their emotions (love included) on and off like a light switch, from my perspective that's not "enough".
And some people are just plain incapable of love, which can be demonstrated with brain scans.
 

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I rather like Robert Heinlein's way of explaining it:

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy."
 

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Brad Pitt in his prime here, so obviously, but here's the face of a woman in love:














 

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Also Love,










 

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Anyone want to throw a dart at musing about the connection between love and empathy? It sort of connects a couple of the current threads here in INFJ land. I'd love to hear your thoughts, fellow posters.
 

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If you were JK Rowling would you have made love the most powerful magic? Because that was unforgivably corny.
It's not corny at all. I think Interstellar kind of touches on it too(or maybe it generalizes human tenacity) in the way that Cooper finds and helps his daughter even after traveling through the event horizon.

What is this mystical frequency that defies all logic bringing people together over such distances through time, space and how does it work? Because, reasons: Love.

Do they tho? Do they really?
I immediately thought about the love a parent has for their child and how they may really do all those things.

Although your train of thought prior has me thinking as well: If our children come from us and are just us passed on, then aren't we really just loving ourselves in our desire to keep them safe and alive or because of ego problems?

As for partnered relationships: I think losing a part of yourself is just the time and emotional investment and/or having to face the reality that you've lost the future you thought you were going to have. i.e You've put so much into it that when it's gone you feel empty(ier) because for a time you lost yourself with - in - it/them and you've also now lost that future time to continue on, in your fantasy reality.

You didn't lose yourself; you lost your dreams.
 
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Love, a sensation that can be momentary or long lasting. It can be steady or volatile. It is narrow in focus (on one person or one being) or wide as the universe (as in empathy).

I personally truly believe in the definition of love in Corinthians 13:4-8. It encompasses love from narrow to wide scope.


I do also have a prerequisite before "to love". It is to love yourself. From my own experience and from observing others, I realize that if I don't make myself lovable to love, I don't have the capacity to love. The journey to love begins at knowing, bettering, and accepting myself.
 

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Love is seeing someone and forgetting that the rest of the world exists at that moment (and having your heart start beating so loud that you can swear that the person next to you can hear it). :blushed:
 

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Love is many things..
But yeah, what is it?, red?, blue? purple? etc.
Weak knees`?
Red cheeks?
Butterflies in the stomach?.
Gifts?
Sex?
Respect?
Marriage?
Unconditional?
Minding, caring,
...

Is there no love?.. Just wild animals, like the lone lion who just mates with the females, then maybe walks away..
Nahh.. not really, look at ducks and other animals.. they stick around.. Some birds build nests just to impress the female, etc, elaborate displays. The male penguin takes care of the small ones, etc. Monkeys carry their dead.

....

To me love is many things.
I know that being unconditional is the ideal, but i dont really believe in that. I believe there almost are none who are totally unconditonal. At some points we are unconditional, others not.
If i was totally unconditionally loved, that would mean that the other person would not really care or mind maybe?, but id probably anyway not do things.
I also believe there is a healthy dose or kind of possiveness in love.. because we want somebody?.


There are good, bad, and skewed versions of all the above..

love is not just marriage.. gifts sex.. respect, etc.

(Respect i think is an interesting thing.. Some want it so much, that they cant really be respected.. you know, beating someone to "get some respect around here" and such.)
 

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Dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin, phenylethylamine, adrenaline, serotonin

Organizational adhesive utilized to ensure increased procreative success.
 
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