It seems I am stuck questioning my existence right now. I tried my whole life to follow a strict moral code in order to be a good person. Objectively by any standard I would die a good person. Subjectivity I think I'm a horrible person. I am the type who can see the black, the white and the grey. Humanity says seeing the black makes you a monster but I'm someone who can stop monsters. I know what they look like. Now subjectively good people do good because they want to. I auctually do it because it is morally required in every instance. As a child I was the sacrificial lamb to accept my family's dysfunction and had no right to succeed. This has made adult life difficult. However I been successful because I literally never changed in my life. Now I am questioning was it okay? I can't ask for rights as a human being because I have 0. I am a tool and My attachment to others is not something that exist. My attachment to others is just passing amusement. I know I mean nothing to them and vice versa. If I would have asked for happiness would it have been a sin? We murder animals for food and torture them in labs and don't question it. Is that really okay? Under my moral code I can not harm animals or children as they are pure. Pure creatures are untouchable and we require no mercy for poeple who commit willful crimes against humanity. Despite people thinking animals are beneath us I find them very enduring and I can't relate to people. Animals react because they need something. People do things a lot of times just because they are awful. I can not understand why psychopaths can have the ability to do anything and choose to abuse others. There is literally no profit and that makes the action irrational. Now since I clearly don't qualify as a human being I can not bond with these people. I have to wonder if the burden to suffer is just something we pass to some. Abuse is something I feel is a thing that needs to happen even if we don't want it to but that would make entire belief system wrong. Is there any piont in trying to stay good if I am wrong?