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This doesn't quite say what I've been wanting to put into words for a little while now, but maybe it's a start. I appreciate this thread opening space for a first attempt.

[HR][/HR]"What are you happy about?"

So four decades of our respective lives went by before I met my mate and for a while there it looked like maybe the damage of being apart for all that time and the self-protections we had each learned would make impossible to live in this world together as what we are to each other.

We loved each other – always love – but still for a long time we really didn't know if we would or could make it through. But we have. And here we are now, with the core connection underneath as it always has been, with that love that was always there, and now these other layers of understanding and beauty in how we move together in this world – this world that for so long seemed like an impossible place for us to be able to be who and what we are together.

To openly love the mate I didn't even know existed until I met her is a gift in my life, a gift beyond anything I can adequately describe in words. And yes, I do wish we had met at 15 before so much of the damage took hold. But failing that, to have found each other still, and come through this fire together, and be truly together on the other side feels so so good.

I'm so grateful that she exists and that our paths crossed and that we didn't give up.
 

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It seems small, but it isn't to me.

I am comfy with my loneliness, or rather, being alone. I have never felt that. I have pretty much been in a relationship with someone since the age of 13, with hardly a break between. And I've never even really been able to just be alone, and be me, and define that space around me, without having a partner trample all over it.

I came to that through buddhist meditation and acceptance self-therapy (still ongoing, of course). But it was only yesterday that I couldn't wait to jump into my huge bed *alone* with my book, and this is new :kitteh:

It feels good.
One of my really good friends is currently learning about how to be truly well with being alone - it's so good to see the clarity that can come with that experience.

Glad where you are feels good to you.
 
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