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I know I just joined about two seconds ago, but this was one of the reasons I had the major urge to join. Like why do we like them so much? Idk if this has been asked before, but I was really curious. :)

Like idk if I have met one before, because, well I'm in high school and thats like not something you go around being like I'm an ENFP what are you? Like it's you horoscope or something. But I do have a few hunches, and like have a certain feeling from reading up on the two compatibility wise. Like some stuff on here, other forums, and sites like personalitypage.com and stuff.

To me they are like the ultimate masculine(INTJ)/ feminine(ENFP) relationship. Even if the relationship would be ENFP guy and INTJ girl. I wouldn't know for sure about the ENFP guy/ INTJ girl since I'm gay, and definately feel like the more femme one, so I'm just assuming that in that dynamic is the INTJ is more masculine as well. I also think that it is the way that they think, like how it's so systematic and rigid almost, and ours is so much the opposite of that, or at least we almost have to rearrange our thoughts and put it on to paper to do so. And we have such interest in the way they think and how they put their mind together because I think for whatever reason, it's hard for us to read. So when they talk or tell us something or their reactions to us are unexpected we might tend to pursue them more, like maybe be like "Oh, why would they do that? Why would they respond to that in that way instead of doing this?" and so we become very curious about them. I'm almost getting like this puppy dog and their owner kind of vibe to it. Like we want to know more about them and their reasonings and them, and then they get a lot of enjoyment out of being with us and knowing us, learning more about our point of veiws, and from what else I've gathered, they very much like the way we say things, because we make it different, and, for me, usually funny. You know how we do. :)

I also wanted to ask this question because we have this crazy want to please/ know them, and they seem to not find us so interesting. But I also have a theory about this too, like we might tend to be quick to judge them and find them and their entity so amazing so quickly that they just find us annoying and maybe a little crazy. Like there are a bunch of threads about INTJs here and then I didn't see quite as many in their forum section. I know not all of us have this fascination with them, but I think, from what I've seen, a lot of us do and they don't. So I was wondering, what is exactly with that? Why do we and why don't they have as much enthusiasm for us as we do for them?

I know this might be all jumbled and hard to read, so sorry about that. <3
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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I haven't heard that they were not into us as I've had relationships with INTJs. They were attracted to me. Just don't expect them to express their interest the way an ENFP would.

And I agree with you. For me, INTJs are the ultimate definition of maleness. And I feel very much like a woman when I am with them.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
That definitely makes sense. :) But I'm also wondering why we find them so appealing? Is it only because of the masculine trait? Like what is the pull that just brings us to them?

Oh, found a good word, what makes us so infatuated?
 

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if you take your primary function and invert it (Ne -> Ni) someone with that function is supposed to be the most compatible possible, so Ne's get along best with Ni's, hence why we get along so well with INFJs also.

so for starters it's because after ENFPs and INFJs, INTJs would be the easiest type to communicate with.
 

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SORRY FOR THE LONG POST! (I don't know how to shut up, lol!)

I know when I started dating my INTJ, he was being surprisingly more extroverted, but I am sure that was because he was trying to make an effort to do so to make me comfortable (not sure?). It's a little hazy because I haven't been dwelling on the past as much as I used to with other relationships. We were hanging out in two groups that merged together, and because I am a borderline-introvert ENFP (back then was more related to issues like being emotionally abused by my ex, but I'm still generally quiet) I was feeling pretty left-out and he quietly and simply started asking me a couple of questions when he could tell that. I think what drew me to him was something different than the other guys I dated, who I am sure were both most likely extroverts. Sort of a calmness that the other two didn't have. All I know is that for the rest of the day, for reasons even unbeknown to myself, I felt like he was a light bulb and I was a moth. Luckily he was mutually interested and I was able to get his contact information.

A week later, although timidly, I had a chance to get him alone after the group was hanging out again (I wanted to show him how "nerdy" my dorm was) and after spending some time doing stuff on the computer, I gave him an extremely direct hint that I was romantically interested (just short of directly saying "I have an enormous crush on you") and he told me that he felt the same way. In fact, both of us had felt that the warm aura radiating from the other throughout the week had been the other just "being polite". Needless to say, we started dating and as time passed, he felt more comfortable reverting to his true ways, which honestly have been refreshing in comparison to what I have dealt with either in exes or even in friends in general. He has world views that just make so much sense, and doesn't focus on frivolous and superficial stuff (well, he is obsessed with collecting stuff, but I mean he doesn't take/start shit in the 'drama' department). Even though I think I still need to learn how to deal with my rampaging F, although I feel like being with him has helped me quite a bit with that, I think that the logic with which he deals with things and the warm fuzzy side deep down are what keep me drawn to him. Although it feels awkward to me, I feel we do have the mentor/student dynamic, but I know for certain that there is plenty of mutual love and care between both of us, despite the fact that my emotions try to get me to think otherwise (when he might not react in a way that pleases my emotional side) but that is a matter of reminding myself that people just express things differently. There have been a couple of occasions that have made it very clear to me, logically, that he loves me very much, and I am sure it is quite obvious to him that I am head-over-heels for him, even though it's been nearly two years (my mushy affection has not faltered after that long, although it has been adjusted to be in ways that he'd more appreciate).

For tl;dr people: I am not quite sure what drew me to him and fascinated me about him when I first met him except that he just seemed so sweet, quiet, calm, and... different (among other things), and what kept me hooked was his refreshing maturity and logic, and his covert (well, compared to my direct emotional ways) ways of expressing his love, his wit and certainty of his opinions/stances, and just some weird natural connection I have felt to him ever since the moment I saw him. (I don't believe in "love at first sight", but there certainly was something that drew me to him and fascinated me and it only grew upward from that first moment we started talking because I fell hard)
 
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I'm not sure what draws me to them, but I get a serious thrill out of the evil-villian thing.
Hannibal Lector is an excellent example of this.
Feels a little weird to be attracted to that, especially when he's so much older than I am, but oh well.
C:

On another note, anyone know what Starling is?
I was thinking ISTJ or INTJ.
I say ISTJ because I don't think I'd get along well with her, and I get that feeling around ISTJs.
 

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I usually just get that feeling around S's in general...
yeh, same here.
:confused:
I've only got two in my family, though.
Sister and mother.
I've got four INTJs, one my female cousin around my age (we're best of friends)
Two INFJs
And two ENTJs.
 

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I usually just get that feeling around S's in general...
I never really have a problem with the N/S divide (except with INFJ's...). That could be because I have nearly equal Se and Ne (I don't get it either...).
 

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I'm not sure what draws me to them, but I get a serious thrill out of the evil-villian thing.
Hannibal Lector is an excellent example of this.
Feels a little weird to be attracted to that, especially when he's so much older than I am, but oh well.
C:

On another note, anyone know what Starling is?
I was thinking ISTJ or INTJ.
I say ISTJ because I don't think I'd get along well with her, and I get that feeling around ISTJs.
Starling is an INTJ as well I believe.
 

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Well, I think we "ground" you. My husband is an ENFP. We are opposites but it works. When we met we talked for hours. Seemed like love at first site. I considered myself lucky that he could handle my INTJ personality. Most can't. I call him on his BS...when others don't . Been together 15 years. It works......
 

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INTJs definitely do ground ENFPs well. I think it's a matter of language, because many people can try to keep me grounded, but not many people can actually ground me successfully lol
My sister has kept me grounded in many situations. My mom can't really do the same a lot of the time even though we're both NFs and, in theory, should be able to understand each other better.
 

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I'm not sure what draws me to them, but I get a serious thrill out of the evil-villian thing.
Hannibal Lector is an excellent example of this.
Feels a little weird to be attracted to that, especially when he's so much older than I am, but oh well.
C:

On another note, anyone know what Starling is?
I was thinking ISTJ or INTJ.
I say ISTJ because I don't think I'd get along well with her, and I get that feeling around ISTJs.
OMG, I love Hannibal Lecter! You are awesome, compadre.

Clarice Starling is an INTJ as well, trying very hard to appear ISTJ because her impression of her father's will is imprinted in her mind. In the book Hannibal, she learns to grow and escape the deadlock of her dead parents' value system.
 

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OMG, I love Hannibal Lecter! You are awesome, compadre.

Clarice Starling is an INTJ as well, trying very hard to appear ISTJ because her impression of her father's will is imprinted in her mind. In the book Hannibal, she learns to grow and escape the deadlock of her dead parents' value system.
Ahh.
I should get the book.
Sucks I saw the movie first.
:frustrating:

But yesh, interesting..
 

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I think it's an almost fascination thing... My boyfriend is INTJ and, even though my first impression of him was "idiot" (he sat next to me at a social thing and didn't say one word to me). Still something drew me to him... It's definitely a grounded thing as well, he's so firmly on the ground that he can catch me before I fly away. It's been 2 and a half years, my longest by about 2 years :blushed:

He, of course, thinks I'm completely off my rocker and I just tell him he's boring... Movies are difficult since I'm "OOH dragons! and Fairies! and Animation!" and he's "Dragons aren't real you know!"... But still we complement each other and challenge each other to try new things and new ways.

And the chemistry is great :laughing:
 
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