Personality Cafe banner
1 - 20 of 35 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
15 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi All,

I am a male ENFJ with relatively strong scores for each attribute. That's all I have discovered about my (MB) personality type, so far.

As an ENFJ, I have always wondered what the best, as in, the most theoretically balanced / complimentary personality type is, for an ENFJ to have a sustainably happy relationship with a romantic counterpart.

There is no shortage of information when exploring every unique personality type and I have come across many explanations for the best fit. However, this ranges from logical, to very abstract and even personal preference. My understanding is, there are many mitigating circumstances that may impact someone's identity, but there should be a foundation of truth in their personal attributes that also impact their identity.

From this, I wanted to bring the topic to this community and open some discussion for truly building a solid understanding of this topic.

I ask this question for two reason's. Firstly, to figure out a little more about my own personality type, by understanding some complementary traits in others. Secondly, for the simple concept of exploring the theory behind successful relationships (romantic and plutonic), as human interaction is a puzzle that interest me quite a bit!

My question: What personality type best fits a male ENFJ, in a romantic relationship? ... I think it may be INFP.

Really looking forward to the thoughts of the forum!!:crazy:

Me
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,554 Posts
@person1

Socionics says ISTP is your ideal partner. ENFJ/ISTP are duals, they complement each other perfectly. Each ones strength is the other's weakness.

Here is a lengthy description taken from an another website (bear in mind that the Inspector is ISTP and the Mentor ENFJ):

The Inspector is good at scheduling arrangements and actions for the nearest future, thinking over the details in advance. Such a concrete program of actions is exactly what The Mentor needs, who is 'sinking in doubts'. The Inspector's strict logic of facts leaves no space for exaggerations and conjectures. His cold realism calms down his restless dual, who likes The Inspector's love for stability and order in everything. The Mentor finds him a helper, support and 'good haven' in his stormy emotional life. He easily allows his partner to guide him in practical issues, although he may be obstinate in ideas. In addition, he distracts The Inspector from being too scrupulous in the details, focusing him on general rules and the final objective.

The Inspector possesses well-developed will power. He is capable of overcoming any difficulties with enviable courage and stoicism. He is capable of 'holding in hands' his dual, never allowing him to lose his heart, to lose faith for success. He can mobilize himself and others in critical situations, but in everyday life he is enduring, can wait for natural upshot, without hurrying up events. He believes in educative meaning of personal experience.

The Inspector does not trust the feelings of the others. Trying not to show it, he is sometimes courteous and agreeable in communication. But he quickly gets tired of such efforts and needs solitude, switching his attention to work. He likes a partner like The Mentor, who is capable of ardent expression of his feelings. Such behavior leaves no space for doubts. In this case The Inspector has only to watch that these feelings remain stable, and to take care of the one whom needs him so much. Feeling coldness from the side of others, he shrinks into himself, becomes inaccessible and touchy. He can keep this pain inside for a long time, and this may even result in quarrels for nothing, for reasons seemingly quite irrelevant to the real problem. The Mentor also needs emotional discharging and is quite capable of provoking quarrels.

Another weak point of The Inspector is his inability to understand hidden motivations of people's behavior. This makes him mistrustful and reticent, and sometimes too suspicious. He may blame someone for things they've never done, and changing his mind may prove to be very difficult. On the other hand, The Inspector may underestimate a possible danger, may not mention either positive or negative perspectives of development of a situation. For this reason he may be blindly careless, hoping for victory of common sense. The Inspector has difficulties with due evaluation of people's potential capabilities, new ideas or non-traditional approaches. Others may see him as being too conservative or too dogmatic. The Mentor, who foresees all of this, gives advises at the right time, helps by deeds, takes preventive actions and explains the possible outcome of all undertakings.

The Mentor is capable of emotionally influencing people, of inspiring them with his ideas. He 'calculates' in advance all the options of exiting a critical situation. He is a person with a spiritual nature and he constantly strives for self-development. This in fact saves The Inspector from falling into a rut, which is characteristic of him because of his wish to put everything in order and then to change nothing. The Mentor likes great undertakings but does not evaluate his forces. He needs The Inspector's advice on taking business actions, on economy and rationality in spending money, on the use and quality of things. He needs a person, who will share with him responsibility and help in overcoming all the difficulties he has taken upon himself. Nobody can do it as efficiently as his dual.

The Mentor sometimes lacks will power and is undemanding of others concerning fulfillment of concrete work. He willingly gives people small errands, which many of them forget to fulfill – but not The Inspector! He is demanding of himself and others. He can organize the working process and achieve results. And The Mentor, getting thus inspired by him, can fulfill a huge volume of work in a short time, and so never disappoints his demanding partner.

The Mentor's weak point is his neglect in taking care of his own health and mental rest. He is afraid of being unaesthetic; discomfort in surrounding conditions or in his own appearance really unsettles him. The Inspector undertakes the issues of material security, creates comfort, advises concerning the partner's appearance, quality of foods etc. He is a good housemaster.

In general, what this dual pair is distinguished by is a certain 'aristocracy' and isolation from others, a complicated emotional life and fidelity to the sense of duty. One more mutual requirement of these types to each other: be prudent in your actions! For them 'imprudent' means 'not one of us', for they strive to avoid any uncertainty.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,228 Posts
Simple answer to a simple question. Any type can get with any type

The "perfect" match, in my opinion, for a Fe dom is another Fe dom or maybe Fe aux. Their cognition process is going to be similar enough to where the two would have a fundamental understanding of the other's cognition process and basically "get along" because their isn't likely to be much unnecessary conflict which is going to make the relationship overall easier for the ENFJ (Fe dom) who avoids/dislikes conflict.

People always say INFPs however there would be A LOT of work involved because Fi and Fe are SO different. Fe users may see the Fi user a selfish while the Fi user may see the Fe user as not genuine aka fake. SO many arguments will arise from that which is going to wear down the ENFJ overtime because the ENFJ loathes conflicts while the INFP will fight for it's deep held values just as naturally as Fe users empathize with people.

Humans tend to seek out those who are similar to them rather than those who are different. Under the proper circumstances any type can get with any type (Especially with Fe doms who accommodate to fit their partners needs) as far as "natural" chemistry having a Fe dom with another Fe dom/aux would probably yield the best results.

That's my $0.02
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Simple answer to a simple question. Any type can get with any type

The "perfect" match, in my opinion, for a Fe dom is another Fe dom or maybe Fe aux. Their cognition process is going to be similar enough to where the two would have a fundamental understanding of the other's cognition process and basically "get along" because their isn't likely to be much unnecessary conflict which is going to make the relationship overall easier for the ENFJ (Fe dom) who avoids/dislikes conflict.

People always say INFPs however there would be A LOT of work involved because Fi and Fe are SO different. Fe users may see the Fi user a selfish while the Fi user may see the Fe user as not genuine aka fake. SO many arguments will arise from that which is going to wear down the ENFJ overtime because the ENFJ loathes conflicts while the INFP will fight for it's deep held values just as naturally as Fe users empathize with people.

Humans tend to seek out those who are similar to them rather than those who are different. Under the proper circumstances any type can get with any type (Especially with Fe doms who accommodate to fit their partners needs) as far as "natural" chemistry having a Fe dom with another Fe dom/aux would probably yield the best results.

That's my $0.02
I'd say, more of a $2.00 answer. Very insightful. I keep seeing users build their logic around the Feeling attribute. Would you say this is the most impactful area between ENFJs and those we interact with?

Also, I know a little bit about the dominant, auxiliary, tertiary & inferior functions, but how would you describe the difference between an Fe and an Fi, @Robert2928?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
193 Posts
Simple answer to a simple question. Any type can get with any type

The "perfect" match, in my opinion, for a Fe dom is another Fe dom or maybe Fe aux. Their cognition process is going to be similar enough to where the two would have a fundamental understanding of the other's cognition process and basically "get along" because their isn't likely to be much unnecessary conflict which is going to make the relationship overall easier for the ENFJ (Fe dom) who avoids/dislikes conflict.

People always say INFPs however there would be A LOT of work involved because Fi and Fe are SO different. Fe users may see the Fi user a selfish while the Fi user may see the Fe user as not genuine aka fake. SO many arguments will arise from that which is going to wear down the ENFJ overtime because the ENFJ loathes conflicts while the INFP will fight for it's deep held values just as naturally as Fe users empathize with people.

Humans tend to seek out those who are similar to them rather than those who are different. Under the proper circumstances any type can get with any type (Especially with Fe doms who accommodate to fit their partners needs) as far as "natural" chemistry having a Fe dom with another Fe dom/aux would probably yield the best results.

That's my $0.02
Couldn't agree more. I always knew I wanted to find more people like me, it's only recently I realized it's more about similar types rather than just a silly stereotyped feeling of mine. It will be easier and will last longer, probably. But anything can happen, so who knows?
 

·
MOTM Feb 2011
Joined
·
8,080 Posts
Not sure but my ENFJ brother is married to an INFP. He adores her. Though of course her lack of punctuality and slow pace of doing everything drives him crazy. I think an ENFP might also be a good match, just because too much J can't be a great thing. I'm married to an ISFJ. He's fantastic but for one thing; it is that when I am not well I wish he would do some 'acts of service' to take some burden off me until I am well again. He just doesn't think of this... maybe this is a guy thing... my brother isn't particularly helpful with his wife either. Mind you my ISTJ brother does a lot for his wife so maybe it requires a T to identify what needs to be done.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,228 Posts
@person1 Not sure what your first question was asking!!!XD Could you rephrase it by chance?

Difference between Fi and Fe? Simple. With it's roots in psychology you have the subject (inside the individual aka "introversion") and the object (outside the individual aka "extroversion") Feeling functions, contrary to popular belief, isn't about being "emotional" in fact it has nothing to do with emotions. "Feelings" is more so about values, beliefs, etc.

Introverted Feeling (Fi) or "subject based feeling" is focused more so on the individual's values, beliefs, etc. while ignoring the values, beliefs, etc. of the environment. As such a Fi user would prefer to be "genuine" or "true" to themselves by following their own values, beliefs, etc. opposed to accommodating to what others want. In layman's terms "Sensitive to their own needs."

Extroverted Feeling (Fe) or "object based feeling" is focused more so on the environment's values, beliefs, etc. while ignoring the values, beliefs, etc. of the individual. As such a Fe user would prefer to accommodate to what others want by following others values, beliefs, etc. opposed to being "genuine" or "true" to themselves by following their own values, beliefs, etc. In laymen's terms "Sensitive to the need of others"

ENFJ, INFJ, ISFJ, ESFJ, ISTP, ESTP, INTP, ENTP all have Extroverted Feeling (Fe) in their cognitive stack
ENFP, INFP, ISTJ, ESTJ, ISFP, ESFP, INTJ, ENTJ all have Introverted Feeling (Fi) in their cognitive stack

This is why when people say "one letter off" they don't understand that one letter can lead into a COMPLETELY different cognition process all together. A great example of this is INFP vs INFJ which is SO common!!!XD
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
25 Posts
@person1 Not sure what your first question was asking!!!XD Could you rephrase it by chance?

Difference between Fi and Fe? Simple. With it's roots in psychology you have the subject (inside the individual aka "introversion") and the object (outside the individual aka "extroversion") Feeling functions, contrary to popular belief, isn't about being "emotional" in fact it has nothing to do with emotions. "Feelings" is more so about values, beliefs, etc.

Introverted Feeling (Fi) or "subject based feeling" is focused more so on the individual's values, beliefs, etc. while ignoring the values, beliefs, etc. of the environment. As such a Fi user would prefer to be "genuine" or "true" to themselves by following their own values, beliefs, etc. opposed to accommodating to what others want. In layman's terms "Sensitive to their own needs."

Extroverted Feeling (Fe) or "object based feeling" is focused more so on the environment's values, beliefs, etc. while ignoring the values, beliefs, etc. of the individual. As such a Fe user would prefer to accommodate to what others want by following others values, beliefs, etc. opposed to being "genuine" or "true" to themselves by following their own values, beliefs, etc. In laymen's terms "Sensitive to the need of others"

ENFJ, INFJ, ISFJ, ESFJ, ISTP, ESTP, INTP, ENTP all have Extroverted Feeling (Fe) in their cognitive stack
ENFP, INFP, ISTJ, ESTJ, ISFP, ESFP, INTJ, ENTJ all have Introverted Feeling (Fi) in their cognitive stack

This is why when people say "one letter off" they don't understand that one letter can lead into a COMPLETELY different cognition process all together. A great example of this is INFP vs INFJ which is SO common!!!XD
This is partially true. Although, any NF also strives for "harmony" in exterior relationships and excel at "diplomacy" so that can be confusing. While the ENFJ are probably the best at showing this harmony and diplomacy outwardly (especially among large social settings) both harmony and diplomacy are definitely important to the INFP.

I think the term "sensitive to their own needs" could be a little misleading considering the INFP's that I know (including myself) that have been almost sacrificial within their relationships when it comes to their partners needs. A truly definitive and complex description of Fi and Fe isn't easy to come by.

(I'm going to try a little I guess...) Fi is concentrated and internal, or in the least has more intensitiy to give to fewer people, while Fe is external and able to lend wonderfully to all. Fi can have trouble communicating feelings, emotions, and the intensity of what it feels while Fe excels at it. This is why Fi and Fe couples can have a hard time--although once I know someone, especially in a romantic relationship, I have no problem telling them how I feel (especially in writing). On a day to day however, this difference between internal and external (or obvious) feels can be troublesome. Often problems can occur because the Fi wants love through a magnifying glass and the Fe wants the sunshine (if that makes any sense).

All that being said, Fe (or ENFJ in particular) often have a breaking point in giving themselves that can far exceed the INFP. Although you could easily describe this as fulfilling the ENFJ's need to be the sunshine. INFP's are more sensitive to a concentrated or less expansive form of feeling, and being introverted (or introspective in nature), their needs are different. Both excel at empathy as any NF does.

I could definitely see the day-to-day struggle in between these two types, especially if it isn't understood how to show the other person love (or meet their needs) in a language that is true to each type.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,106 Posts
A girl who has pizza in her hand is my perfect romantic fit.

Or I think an ESFJ would probably be for me personally since I'm so far in the middle on the continuum that I'm practically an AMbivert. I kind of like the idea of a girl trying to control me. That's probably a personal thing and not an ENFJ attribute though.

OR maybe it's co-dependency... I don't know.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
68 Posts
A girl who has pizza in her hand is my perfect romantic fit.

Or I think an ESFJ would probably be for me personally since I'm so far in the middle on the continuum that I'm practically an AMbivert. I kind of like the idea of a girl trying to control me. That's probably a personal thing and not an ENFJ attribute though.

OR maybe it's co-dependency... I don't know.
Why do you like being controlled?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
68 Posts
A girl who has pizza in her hand is my perfect romantic fit.

Or I think an ESFJ would probably be for me personally since I'm so far in the middle on the continuum that I'm practically an AMbivert. I kind of like the idea of a girl trying to control me. That's probably a personal thing and not an ENFJ attribute though.

OR maybe it's co-dependency... I don't know.
Why do you like being controlled?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
264 Posts
My best relationship so far has been with in INFP which ended because of her moving but i still am GREAT friends with her personally im not sure if im sub or dom it varys on my mood and the girl, im a tough cookie 2 please :3 anyways im not sure if i know any ENFJ girls but i wouldnt mind dating one :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,961 Posts
As an ENFJ, I have always wondered what the best, as in, the most theoretically balanced / complimentary personality type is, for an ENFJ to have a sustainably happy relationship with a romantic counterpart.
Within the bounds of Jungian theory, it is the type that is strong in all of your weak, valued functions. Those functions for ENFJs are Se and Ti. Thus any types that have these as their dominant or auxiliary functions are preferred matches for the ENFJs.

These types would be ISTP, ESTP, ESFP, ISFP, INTP and ENTP - ENFJ friendship & love types
A lot depends on the individual person, of course, but basing on functional theory these types are the better romantic matches for the ENFJ.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
68 Posts
Because it means they care enough to call me, ya know...
I do not know what you mean? I was controlling, but I realized that was due to my insecurities. I want to be in control of myself and actions, but I rather that a person could do the same. Or at least tried something similar.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,106 Posts
I do not know what you mean? I was controlling, but I realized that was due to my insecurities. I want to be in control of myself and actions, but I rather that a person could do the same. Or at least tried something similar.
Well, it's more like I since my language of love is quality time; to me being controlling is "wanting quality time with me."

It's a weird way to do it... I guess I'm not looking at controlling as in, "go apply for that job," or "go hunt 10 deer to give to my father so that you may ask for my hand in marriage after properly preparing it into a meal for him."

I dunno.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
68 Posts
Well, it's more like I since my language of love is quality time; to me being controlling is "wanting quality time with me."

It's a weird way to do it... I guess I'm not looking at controlling as in, "go apply for that job," or "go hunt 10 deer to give to my father so that you may ask for my hand in marriage after properly preparing it into a meal for him."

I dunno.
SO you want someone that is quite caring? I understand you.
 
1 - 20 of 35 Posts
Top